MIXED UP HOLIDAYS AND TASHLICH

Due to the fact that I didn't write anything about my experience on the high holidays, or anything at all, I decided to fill you on it starting with yom kippur because I cant remember rosh hashanah.

This Yom Kippur went pretty well, I liked it, smooth, a little hungry, and I was not like most people who are trying to cry at the end of Neila, I was sort of happy at the end, then I felt stupid for not pleading more with g-d. Now I really don't want to bore you with my whole Yom Kippur experience because I really just summarized it pretty well and anything I write about it will be just an elaboration of what I just wrote, so forget it (although this year I noticed that a lot of people were nodding there heads during the rabbis speech, were they trying to tell the rabbi hes doing a good job?). If you want a Yom Kippur post from me then you can read my last years post, which wasn't much of a yom kippur post either.


In other entertainment for tonight I have Tashlich memories. I went to tashlich right before yom kippur this year, was it a smart idea right before yom ha'din and all its rush, I don't think so. Where I normally do (the) tashlich is known as Cesar's bay, others may know it as "near toy's R us", and others as "The tashlich place". As I was reading away my sins my family and I realized we had no bread to throw, as one of us said, "Thats like doing bi'ur chametz without chametz" . I look around and realized that on the little ledge between me and the shore 7 feet below there was tons of bread that didn't make it into the sea, I could have used it but I didnt have rubber gloves to touch it with. Anyway, it was just standing there waiting to either rot or be eaten by pigeons, now I don't have the best arm in the world here, I do tend to air ball in basketball, but even I could throw the bread just a little further and get it into the sea. The weird fact is that bread is the most unlikely thing to make it into the water there; kippot, shopping carts, soda cans, barrels filled with radioactive stuff, and a streimel have made it more times into the ocean then bread during the tashlich season (the guy who lost his streimel climbed onto a rock sticking out of the ocean and got his streimel back).

To top all the festivities off we had simchas torah and this year was a let down, it just wasn't as fun as last year, I did the hakafos and all but it was more enjoyable last year. Many people have told me the same thing about this year.It seems as if this year I'm messed up, I enjoyed Yom kippur, and Simchas Torah wasn't so great, what happened! I seriously need to reorganize myself.

DANCING MOVES

You re at a wedding, or some other festive simchah, and you all get up to do the walk-around-in-a-circle-with-hands-together-and-stomping-your-feet-dance. There are always times when the person you are next to is; going too fast for you, is trying to go fast and ends up being wild, or the person put their hands out in a hard way to grab and it make your wrists hurt, so the best idea ever is to put you hands on their shoulders (if they are in front of you), your wrists cant get hurt.
The put your hand on their shoulder move can always work, you can even do the yawn trick and put the hands over the shoulder if you feel weird doing it normally. Its fool proof. What I really like about the shoulder move, is that it comes in handy when a guy has really sweaty hands, say goodbye to slimy and smelly hands thanks to the new move.

My favorite move for if someone is holding my hand from the back like an idiot is, to just let go and keep my hand free, it also protects from sweat and smell.

What are your favorite dancing moves?

P.S. The jumping up and down parts are a real help when your hand is on another guys shoulder, push yourself up from him to get a higher jump.

BLOGAVERSARY

Today is a milestone in my blogging career, its been a whole year. Time for a recap.

April 14 08: I wrote about the shidduch crisis, maybe I should have introduced myself. I took a trip before Pesach, and had pizza five nights in a row (yuck), this year I didnt have pizza five nights in a row.

May: This month I had some good posts. Yeshivah a sanitary environment one of my best posts to date. Hear I talk about Jewish geography our national pastime, beware of memory enhancing drugs.

June: This is a post I thought got very little publicity and its one of my better posts; Kiddush is being nice a good thing. Some of my favorite posts are from the label "You"; which basically puts you in as the main charachter. Also in this month, I discussed what Pomegranate is going to be, well now we know its a supermarket, but we didnt then.

July: I went to Israel, I posted the pictures recently.

August: I wrote about the series of Shul Politics. I also got my first Troll, he was spewing comments all over the place, but handyman moshe scared him off........ with an ip adresss blocker. Because of the troll I got my first over 100 comment post on a haveil haveilim (I shouldnt call those posts that).

September: I dont want to know what happens if the OU goes corrupt. Yeshivah high school drop outs, thats where Frum skeptic and Babysitter go at it on there perspective of a jewish life.

I did a whole review on sufaganiot from all around brooklyn. Me and Child Ish hit up 8 bakeries in boro park in this post. In this post I make a mock Frummie presidential debate, went really well.

November: Obama was elected and I wrote this. Parking in brooklyn Ah chutzpah was also a nice one about bad driving. November had a lot of good posts, I suggest you read them.

December was the month with the most posts. I wrote the next haveil havalim If they had a blog. Go green with chanukah was a good one. Never had any atheist comment on my blog till I wrote this "Why be an atheist", I was practicly asking for it.

In January I wrote about my annoying neighbors. Israel went to war with gaza. I hit 10,000 visitors on January 28th. Also wrote about what you do during chazaras hashatz.

February: Was a month were I had a recession, only 14 posts. Black history month was a post about the color black and how the jews love it. I believe that was my favorite of the month.

March was a pre purim and pesach month of posts. And then we hit today in april, one full year.Thanks you all for keeping this site great. Time for my confetti.
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TODAY

Today is 354 days since I started blogging, or one whole Jewish/lunar/muslim year, or 9Th of Nissan. Although the real celebration will be on Tuesday, the Gregorian year blogaversary, I have made it one whole year, which ever one it is. At first I didn't think I would make a 100 posts by the time I got o a year, but now I see Ive done so much more. By the way all my posts were in the name of humor, or crazy retarded things, just for peoples entertainment, that means you guys.

HAPPY PURIM!!!!!

To all have a happy, and sameach Purim. (Heres some shalcoh manot).

FROM MIKE IN MIDWOOD

PRE PURIM WEEK

Have you ever wondered what Mike from Midwood is going to write this, or any, week? Well there is no need to worry anymore (some cheers), because this whole week is going to a Purim themed week, with only Purim related posts (duh). So if you don't like Purim, how I don't know; then, you can skip this weeks worth of reading here. If you are like many others who like Purim; then, stay tuned for the Pre Purim Post Prep (that "post" does not mean after), with tips on how to make your Purim slightly better and with less vomit (I feel it coming already! :) ).

Upcoming posts (in no specific order; although, I would like to keep to it).

Purim themes, Purim costumes, You on Purim, I already told the Breslovs not to come! ( a collectors worst nightmare), Hey! did I miss a word? (megillah problems), and Sick to my kishkes. All in one week! All on one blog! not to mention its FREE!

This offer is not included any where else, all proceeds go to my ego, oh and of course your enjoyment, for more info take out a crystal ball, fine print fine print and more fine print.

A ROCKING SHALOM ZACHOR

I was at this sholom zachor a while back. I knew the guy somewhat, and I was in the area, so I went (sorry Moshe not referring to you). I went in, and heard loud, loud singing (off key of course), but they were awesome. They sang just about everything; I believe they were drunk. I said my mazal tov and stuck around a little bit, to marvel at the site.

I have been to many shalom zachor's, none of them had any singing going on like this, if any at all. The atmosphere was pretty light, not like those tense shalom zachors were everyone is afraid to eat anything unless the ba'al simcha forces it down their throat. No, this one was good, the food was almost gone when I came, except the mint chocolate tray.

Things I noticed about a shalom zachor, and at any sort of simcha but especially a shalom zachor, is that there are always the assortments of mint chocolate that no one really like to touch. Some of them are; the jelly ring covered in mint chocolate, the mint chocolate with a disgusting filling, next to that is, the mint chocolate (sort of like a chocolate chip) with the sprinkles on it; no one likes them at all, don't know why everyone buys them.

Also at any simcha you will have the old guy (they tend to be old) who is worried about the children near the drinks (alcohol). As some kid is trying to snatch a cup of Bartenura, or some bad dry wine from Baron Herzog, this guy will say "hey wheres your father, you cant have that" as he snatches the bottle or cup away from the kid. These guys never enjoy the simcha they are at.

Well this shalom zachor was different, none of those old guys (maybe that explains the wild kids), but the mints where there, and it definitely was one shalom zachor to remember.