Monday, August 31, 2009


Doesn't it seem a bit ridiculous that the famous Jewish company New Square (I guess that's what we will call it for now) decided to rename their milk product My Skware, but not their other products (?). Are there a bunch of tuna beigels running the company that think its kool to misspell words (probably learnt it from texting on their blackberrys)? and thought that kids will drink it if its misspelled (or do they really not know how to spell?) In any case they spelled it kind of weird and there was no reason to call it My Skware when New Square was just fine.

But just when you thought it was all over and the shenanigans were all solved, they decided to rename their milk "Best Square" (and their other products still haven't changed from New Square). I only have more and more questions, why cant they choose a name (for all their products) and stick to it, it really doesn't matter what the name is just keep to one so I can buy milk without going "uhhhhh..... hmmmmm........ ummmm..... Huh? (tilts head)".

If they need a name so badly then I got one for them "Doof Square", it describes them perfectly.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Good evening I am your host Mike In Midwood. In tonight's news the global chain store Gap has sold one of its top and most expensive branches, Banana Republic, to a Jewish organization made up of rabbis know as Agudath Yisroel. The offer was made by the rabbis after they noticed that there were many orthodox Jews who shopped there often, one anonymous rabbi was reported saying "Its ah shandah dat dey buy frum dis Banana Republic, bananas are meant for monkeys and dats for de shvartzes you see on de street". The new frum chain store, Rabbinical Republic, will sell only expensive black clothing (the picture shows the manikins). The designer of the new chain store told us in an exclusive interview, ".... There will be so many different styles of black it will blow your mind...". The new Frum store will be opening up worldwide next z'man.

In other news (straightens stack of papers), Kosher Innovations has made your commute to the city just a little more kosher. The idea came up as coworkers, at the KI main building on 13th ave. in Boro Park, were brainstorming as to what to do for all the people who don't drive to work, and therefore don't use a kosher GPS to guide them, how will they get to work kosherly? One of the coworkers told us how it went down, "We just couldn't figure out what other useless item we can innovate, then someone mentioned Kosher subway cars, and we all jumped over the idea". The new Kosher subway cars, much like the kosher GPS, will feature a male voice, instead of a woman's and a mashgiach to make sure the car stays kosher. The male voice will be used to tell you which stop is next and to stay clear of the closing doors (please). The idea is being tossed around the MTA as of now, and is said that if the new subway cars come in the fare will be hiked up another 25 cents.
That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.
This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

Sunday, August 16, 2009


Have you ever been to a wedding/bar\bat mitzvah/vort/shalom zachor/bris/or anything else you can think of that invites a lot of people to say mazel tov? If yes than you can honestly say that nobody likes cutting into the cakes. It can be the most delicious cake ever and nobody will touch it, then it all goes to waste because nobody wanted it, as my mother used to say, "They worked so hard to get it to where it is, the coco beans from Venezuela and this from here and yadda yadda yadda.... and you still wont eat it!". And the reason for nobody eating it is pretty simple, they don't want to make the first cut, and I don't understand why. Its not because its a beautiful cake, its just because nobody wants to be the first one to cut a slice for themselves. Why dont they make a preset cut, like they do to cheese, that way everyone wont feel guilty when they take a piece.

Also; if you have been to a either a wedding/bar\bat mitzvah/vort/shalom zachor/bris/ or anything else you can think of that invites a lot of people to say mazel tov, then what you will notice is that there are always the assortments of mint chocolate that no one really like to touch. Some of them are; the jelly ring covered in mint chocolate, the mint chocolate with a disgusting filling, next to that is, the mint chocolate (sort of like a chocolate chip) with the sprinkles on it; no one likes these at all, don't know why everyone buys them either.

Despite this people buy the cakes and assortments of mint chocolate, hoping that someone will finish it off, I dont understand why you would want to ruin your simchah with the fact that you have to throw good food out.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I recommend that everyone see the movie Defiance. It was by far the best movie Ive seen all year. If you didn't know, the movie is about 4 brothers, by the name of Bielski, who lead a group of Jews escaping from the Nazis. They create a whole community in the forest for refugees, and make a small army to protect themselves (by the way this is based on a true story). The movie was just amazing in every single way, and No! its not a waste of your time to see it.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Just the other day I was "attacked" by a Breslover "demanding" money from me. I gave the guy a dollar so he would go away, and he ended up giving me a Breslov pamphlet. Now in the past I would have thrown it right back, but the name of the book caught my eye, especially in these economic times.

The name of the book was called Easy Money. I almost jumped for joy, but I remembered I had some dignity, or I just didn't want to look like a fool. I gazed at the book and thought for a moment, "With this I wont ever have to work really hard, all I probably have to do is; say a few perakim of tehillim, hop on the next flight to uman and visit rav nachmans grave site, and then forty days later I'll be rich". I wondered if it was possible, and if it would be true I could change every ones lives.

So I decided to open it up and read its glory. I turned to any random page and started reading the first paragraph. The words read "Poverty is a state of mind". As I read those words my whole dream shattered, like a hard hit baseball punching its way through a stained glass window. I realized that the book was a scam to get the dollar out of me, and that I wont become rich saying a few pices of tehillim, But I also realized I can just sue Breslov for false advertising and then Ill accomplish the books title "Easy Money" anyway.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


Two people decided to tag me for this one, its called 7 things I like, where I get to tell you about 7 things I like. I'm just warning you before you read this, its not going to be that great. Better turn back now I am about to start. Ok this is your last chance......... fine ill start but youll regret it.

1) I like Mike. I personally like him for the fact that he gives into every will I want, you can say Mike is spoiling me.

2) I like not getting tagged to do meme's. I'd also like to know how to pronounce meme.

3) I like coming up with an awesome post that is so funny even I laugh while writing it.

4) I like reading the new series Chaim Snyder, did you know that he has a scar where he puts is tefilin shel rosh on, just like me?

5) I like smirking, and not giving a complete smile.

6) I like dunkin donuts coffee coolata, I dont like the fact that they upped the price more than a dollar.

7) Finally I'd like to never be tagged to do a meme ever again.

I will not tag anyone new so they wont have to suffer, but I'll retag the ones who tagged me because they made me do this, ha now you two have to make another. Babysitter and Frum single female.