EXPERIENCING JERUSALEM PART 1

You have finally made it to the Holy land, years of saving enough money have lead you here. You got off the plane and are looking for a sheirut (an israeli style taxi, not to be confused with sheirutim which means bathroom, you stupid American [did that joke come on too harsh?]) heading to Jerusalem. You aren't carrying as much luggage as you started with from America, due to a fight with another guy over who the suitcase belongs to, and you lost.

You tell the driver of the sheirut he must drive as quickly as possible, because you have no time to lose in your busy life. You then retract your statement because you notice, you don't want to lose your busy life. You are now shivering in your pants because the taxi driver was an authentic Israeli, and says he "knows" how to drive fast...... in bumper to bumper traffic. You finally make it out of the roller coaster, and truly believe the well known joke between a rabbi and taxi driver in heaven, whose punchline is: all Israeli taxi drivers go to heaven, because they make people pray to g-d.

You find hotel a to stop at and to unpack. You decide that since there is enough time in the day you will go to the Kotel and daven mincha. You take a #2 bus up to the WW (western wall) and you immediately rip your shirt upon seeing the holy site, you get looks from everyone around you, then you remember its not your minhag to rip your clothing when you see it; also, you ripped off all your buttons so your shirt doesn't close, exposing you tzitzis (Huh!), you feel stupid now. You pray your mincha, and are now heading back to the hotel while holding your shirt together with one clenched fist. Someone sticks out their hand, filled with some new Israeli shekalim, you look at your tattered shirt and then say to him "ani lo oni" (I am not poor) in your heavy American accent. The guy laughs at you and really wants you to take it from him, you walk on.

You get back on the #2 bus heading to the hotel. As you are about to sit down you are given a look from some guy in a black hat.... then a few people turn around. You wonder whats going on, while people begin to point at you, "Is it because I come from a country of cheesburgers and Im not fat?" you ponder, "or is it the ripped shirt?" as you begin to feel the affects of jet lag on yourself. You doze off and your shirt opens up once again, exposing your holy tzitzis. A Haredi Jew is heading towards you, loud whispers can be heard throughout the bus. Then he hits you squarely on the cheek, waking you up. As you are in a state of shock, he throws you from your seat. He screams at you in hebrew, "Why were you sleeping with your shirt opened, what chutzpah you have", then he says, "and you were sitting next to a women". You get up quickly, so as to not provoke any riots for these riot hungry people, and tell the guy who hit you "slichah" as any good American would do.

You decide on not continuing the ride, for fear that your kippah srugah wont protect you too much longer here. You look to your right and see white buildings built in stone, you look to your left and see the same thing, then you look up a street and then down one and its the same thing everywhere, all white buildings made out of stone, it occurs to you that YOUR LOST! You go trekking all over Jerusalem (little did you know you were doing some peoples favorite hobby, getting a good look at Jerusalem), and have no clue where you are or where to go , the idea that you could have just followed the bus #2 route and found your way flew right over you kippah srugah. You begin to use your half broken Hebrew and hand gestures to find your way, but to no avail.

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Hey fellow bloggers or blogneighbors, this is an ongoing story I hope to write and finish. This is only part one part, two will come in due time.

WE'RE #1

If you consider yourself a supporter of the state of Israel, then you have something to cheer about. If you aren't a supporter of Israel, then you can cry in the corner, or protest on the streets; because, Israel has become the number 1 in drone technology, 10 years more advanced then everyone else.

I once read an article that was supposed to show how great Israel is. Basically the article talked about all its technological achievements, and how they ranked up against the world. I didn't finish it because on every achievement they had they had ranked Israel #2 or #3. Can you guess who was #1 on almost every single one...... America, and number 2 sometimes was Canada (Canada and America share a lot of technology systems). I was wondering how this article could be so pro Israel, all it seemed like was it talked about the greatness of America ( Don't get me wrong, I like America, but the article was supposed to about Israel).

But now Israel is truly number 1 in one category (maybe it counts as a few), I better write a letter to that paper.

PURIM THEMES

What ever compelled people to have a theme for Purim? Purim is a time where themes were destroyed. V'nahapichu (vi-nuh-ha-pi-choo), meaning everything is turned upside down and all around; themes are the opposite of that, and no one cares, so lets move on.

Something you must know about a theme. It must have; objects relating to the theme (well duh!), shaloch manos in accordance to the theme, costumes have to be related, and cheesy greeting labels on the shaloch manos telling you who its from and some random thing about having a great Purim related to the theme (E.G. Your Purim theme is donuts, your greeting is "Do nuts on Purim" or "donut drink and drive on Purim if you had too much to know if you had too much"[this one is usually from the token hatzalah guy])

There is the clown theme. The clown theme is the most common theme for families; the father throws on a jester hat with bells, the kids all have the colorful hair and a big red nose, yellow polka dotted suits. The shaloch manos is not given out with some cheesy greeting (big exception), only a regular "Purim sameach from the somethingsteins" or "a freilichim Purim from the soandsomans". The shaloch manos is filled with anything that is remotely clownish, and there is no food that's remotely clownish, so they give a bottle of grape juice, animal crackers, chocolate and maybe a soda. The clown theme is not one of the best ones out there.

The Airplane theme. Better than the clown theme, the airplane theme has more variety and it practically writes itself. The kids can dress up as flight attendants or pilots. You know you are going to give airline food to everyone, with some complimentary peanuts. The cheesy greeting written can be "Hope you have sky high Purim feeling from the ........"

Then there is the I-just-knocked-off-a-famous-company-theme. Drunkin donuts, McDavid, Mendy's (wendys), Dairy Esther (dairy queen) etc.etc... these all are done in a stupid and yet clever way. The stupid, is the way they think of the names, and how the theme is just a non OUD kosher knock off of the real product. The clever, is how they present this too you; in a box or bag that is similar to the regular companies, but has there logo on it. The cheesy greetings have too many variables to write, but ill let you know something, they are all cheesy.

The Zionist theme: Cookies in a bag shaped like Israel with two big bites in them (resembling Gaza and west bank), with a note saying "Israel is like a cookie and everyone wants a bite out of it". Blue and white is the color used for the wrapping. The kids hold Israeli flags and have blue and white face paint. The greetings can have something like "may Israel triumph over its enemies as in the past" that's if they are really Zionist, or "With enough wine on Purim America can look like Israel too".

The recession theme: Has a bottle of wine stating "drown it out with this" and and some red hots with a label saying "Burn Bernie (Madoff) burn". The greeting goes like this "Madoff is the new haman". (I cant believe I even thought of this as a theme, its horrible).

The healthy food theme: Not much to explain, everyone dresses like vegetables, and no one wants their shaloch manot.

The color themes: The color theme is lame, even more so then the clown, but not as much as the healthy food one. My family did it 2 years in a row ( different colors). One year we did red and orange, everyone thought it was supposed to be fire, and the other year it was yellow, I was not to fond either one. The greeting can go like, depending on your color, "orange you glad its Purim" or "don't turn green this Purim" or "Esther was green shaded".

Then there is the I-Don't-have-a-theme-theme. Everyone dresses up as whatever they want, You give any normal wafers and grape juice out there. You write a poem or "chag sameach from us" and you're done.

Of course there are more themes out there, hospital, kitchen, just to mention a few, but you got the basic idea of themes. Personally I think themes stupid, I am more for the traditional give and get, not the I thought of something decent and, of course, cheesy. Hope this post has helped you think of a theme, or gave you ideas. P.S. The Zionist one was my idea, cookie and all, I wanted to use it this year, but you can use if you want.

ANOTHER GREAT STORY

After reading this wonderful story, about a Jew who was afraid of too many "Arab types" (whats their crime? too much clothes?) on his plane from Turkey to New York and delayed the flight for 2 hours while everyone was inspected (he got kicked off the flight), I was truly "inspired" by this idiot.

So what do you expect when you are flying from Turkey? for everyone to look like chassidim? of course their are going to be "Arab types". If this guy was so afraid of the arab types, then why is he in turkey in the first place? And stop hiding your real thoughts, we know you're afraid because you think they are going to blow up[the plane, say the truth. Then there is the question of Chilul Hashem, and the ever increasing anti-semitism, that this causes. The guys an idiot.

Imagine if you are on a plane flying from JFK to Tel Aviv, and there is this "arab type" on the plane. He complains about to many "Jewish type" people on board. He makes everyone get off, inspected, and 2 hours later you can fly. Would you not say "what kind of moron gets on a plane with jews, if he fears them? Is this jewish man on flight from turkey any different? No, and thats why he should...... I dont know what he should, but its stupid to do what he did.

My favorite part of this news article was the comments, people actually defended him. This is only possible on vos iz neias and YWN.

P.S. You can see I am running out of ideas to post Dont worry, I will get more ideas. For as long as the Jewish world gets more ideas, the more there is to post about, and they are due for another one right about now.

WHAT A BLAST

I enjoy watching this. Do you know how much accuracy had to go into this, and planning. Israel is doing a great job, and now they have a 48 hour break to see what hamas is going to do.

MIKE BACK IN MIDWOOD

The flight back was a long one, so I got enough sleep. Hopefully I am back on schedule and wont be tired mid-day.

The flight there was good. Even though it was night, you could still see rays of light from the other side of the world since we were flying so far north. That was nice. A few hours later we went south so the rays dissapeared but the light returned quickly by dawn. I really wish I had a camera too bad I put in my suitcase.

It was great and I got tons of new posts including one on Israeli driving. You seriously pray when your on the road. That reminds me do to recent attacks from bull dozers, I didnt like driving near or walking near construction sights.

I went to alot of places like the Kotel and dead sea. I worked on my Hebrew which ain't great but is not bad. I plan on going back some time next year. As for now I need to catch up on this blog.

MIKE IN ISRAEL

Summer Is a great time for vacations. So I am going to be in Israel for the month of July. I will not post or comment back for the month, but when I come back I will hopefully have a lot more for everyone to enjoy. I will most probably play Jewish Geography more than I usually do since I am going to be in Israel. The food will be great, can't wait for the rain free warm sunny weather. I do plan on climbing Masada which I hear they redid. I also will get to witness the Chareidim throwing rocks at cars on Shabbos.

The only part I hate is the plane ride. Well not the whole ride but the taking off part. I seriously do not like it. When I take off, I grab both arm rests and hold firm. My hand is sweating from all pressure I cause myself. Once were in the air I am okay unless we are going through turbulence. I am not one of those people that get up all the time and constantly annoy the person next to them by doing this. Nor am I the person who fears that a bird will fly into the engine. In fact I feel safer on a plane than I do in a car. (once the plane is in the air).

Getting back to the point. I will not be visiting this site in July unless a rare occasion pops up. You could visit and go over old stuff. See you all in late July. SHALOM.

P.S. I will post about shul politics after I come back.