CHAIM SNYDER

Ever since the creation of Harry Potter, the Jewish world has gone into a frenzy. This has happened for many reasons; some say that the book is inappropriate for Jewish minds, others say its because a non Jew wrote it, and some rabbis say that people might come to say accio TV remote, which would then be practicing kishuf (black magic), but the majority of rabbis agree that its because if you read the book you will then want to see the movie, and movies are assur. But what ever the reason is all, rabbis are against it and there seems like there is nothing they can do to stop the potter frenzy. That is until they decided to come out with their own book, or shall I say sefer, called Chaim Snyder.


The new series is about a boy by the name of Chaim Snyder, who was kidnapped by a bunch of christian priests and brought up christian (the priests killed his parents). When he becomes 13 years old he gets a visit from a rabbi, who was sent to find him before his bar mitzvah and tell him he was Jewish. Chaim then embraces Judaism and is sent to a top yeshivah in Israel where he is supposed to learn. Over there in Israel he makes new friends who are very into kabalah. He becomes very "good" (what ever that means) at kabalah and can perform unnatural things, or nisim. Just as he is having a great time in Israel, there rises a new pope who has the power of kishuf, the pope is also making a visit to Israel very soon. Chaim and his friends decide to stop this pope. On their way they have to fight through phony fortune tellers, and Israeli taxi drivers to stop the pope..... sorry I cant give the whole story away, but the new pope was the one who killed Chaims parents in the beginning.


This is the new sefer the rabbis hope is going to combat the awful harry potter series, also the rabbis wont allow it to be made into a movie. In my opinion the new book is only going to be a hit for those who didn't read harry potter, because it was assur.

AN ALMOST TRUE NEWS REPORT

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In recent news such sites like Vos iz neias and Yeshivah world, have been banned by local authorities. Until recently, reports were unclear as to why the sites were closed down, due to the fact that we get our news from these sites. But in an exclusive interview with an anonymous rabbi, we made the unclear, clear. "To have a yiddishe owned site is a chilul hashem, what will the goyim say if they found out we were using their Internet? nu? and all de machloikesim these sites create is anti yiddishkeit. They are constantly coming up with new halchos in their coffee rooms. I don't even understand how you can have a coffee room in the Internet? who supplies it?" said the anonymous rabbi.

Our very own David Spiegler, is out in the streets giving us live feed from everyday people. David: "Yes Mike, as you can tell this was a big shock to the local Jewish community. It seems to me that we have some very mixed opinions about this recent event. Everyday person: "Its about time they shut down some treife sites like these, anything we do to pure ourselves of sites like these is hashems will". "While another person, Mike, had some other ideas". Other person: "Why would the rabbonim ban such a site? I was commenting on YWN and preaching how we should listen to the rabbonim with no questions asked, but why did they close the site? it was kuloi toirah". (David asking other person) "Do you think that YWN created machloikisim between yidden?". Other person: "Of course it did, who did you think I was yelling at in the coffee room? only the non believers who believe its okay to be commenting on the Internet". David Spiegler: "As you can see some of the views of the people are confusing, as seen with the last one interviewed".

Thank you David. There is yet to be a comment made by the creaters of the sites There are a minority of Rabbis who suggest that they allow the sites to remain open, because they are afraid of the other places the people will get their news from.

I am Mike in M. and good night. dunt dunt dunt dunt dunnunununt (background music).

WHY BE AN ATHEIST

In the end, you will see why its mathematically stupid to be an atheist.

Step one: You cannot prove G-d doesn't exist. If you try to question why G-d did something, or why he created something. You can always say "G-d put it there as a test to see if you believe". Therefore you can not prove G-d does not exist. Also G-d is not physical so you cant prove that he doesn't exist with something physical. This also works the other way making it fifty fifty. So there is 50% chance that if you are an atheist you are wrong.

Step two: We all know that G-d spoke to the Jews at mount Sinai. All other religions they had one guy who heard G-d. No religion disputes that G-d spoke to the Jews. There were about 3,000,000 people at Mount Sinai when G-d spoke to them. So the only way for for you to prove that this didn't happen is for you to say that A) it was big hoax. Which is highly unlikely for 3,000,000 people with the rest of the world agreeing, to make a big hoax. B) It was Aliens making the big show at mount Sinai. Aliens were never proven to exist. Or C) time travelers went back and with loud speakers and special effects to make the big hoax. Going back in time was never a theory, it was only to go into the future, and time traveling never happened cant prove it exists. This brings us, with some kindness on the atheists part, to about 85% that G-d exists, and 15% G-d doesn't.

Step three: All the Miracles G-d did for the Jews are believed by all. Once again, the only way to disprove this is with the three answers before, which are highly unlikely. Pushing this, once again with kindness on the atheists part, to 92% G-d exists and 8% G-d doesn't. Now going with 8% is a big risk to take. You are going to burn for this, according to all religions. Does it make sense to go with an 8% chance you are wrong? obviously not.

This was invented by a 16Th century mathematician if I am not mistaken.

THE GAME OF CONVERSION

As I walked down a block on the hottest Shavous eveR. I couldn't understand two things. One how could these kids I see be plAying outside in this weather. Two they were playing the game of conversion! on Shavous the day we got the Torah. This game is also known as Galachim which means Christian priests.

The game is seTup by having two BaseS on two sides. Everyone is on the sIde except the "Galach" in the middle. The object is to run from one side to the other with out being tagged by the Galach, kind of like tag.(why anyone would run from base I don't know). If you are tagged by the priest then you are "converted" and are now the Galachs helper. The Galachs helpers job is to grab/jump on to people running from one base to the other. That usually ends up ripping peoples shirts due to the kid struggling to be break free. The Galach will come by and tap the kid and they also become "converted".

I remember playing this when I was younger, along with cops and robbers and freeze tag.(memory) Ahh (not ahhhh!! that would be a scream) such stupid times I had. Though the game doesnt have much to do with its name there is something not right about . Maybe we can have a more kosher named games then this. Got any Ideas?

A NORMAL CITYBUS RIDE (not so normal)

A city bus ride is an experience that you just cant find on a train. Yes the trains do have those black guys singing for money all day going from cart to cart but a city bus is got its style.It usually depends on what time of day your ride is that makes it an experience. If I go on at 9:oo AM it would usually be so crowded that I wouldn't have enough room to even fit on the bus. If I go at 12:oo PM it would be empty and the ride much quicker. The evening is where the fun is. The entertainment comes from the bus driver themselves. There are those bus drivers that don't care if the person has the money or not and lets them on. Then there are those that are new bus drivers, they have to say hi to everyone with a big smile on their face and wont move the bus until every single last person is behind the white line, cant come on the bus if you're 5 cents too short. It seems like they are taught before driving the bus that everyone has to be treated this way, and listen to the sign written on top of every bus, you know the ones that have the NO in big letters and say eating, drinking, music playing, standing in front of white line, etc.

They are the funniest when someone tries to sneak on through the back. I was once on a bus and there was a new driver meaning I was going to come home late. She listened to all the rules. She even made people get up for the elderly in seats not designated to get up for them. Then a kid tried sneaking on through the back. We waited twenty minutes (read very slowly) for the kid to come around put in the metro card get behind the white line on a crowded bus (you can stop reading slowly) Then she got up and screamed "people we are not moving this bus until everyone is behind the white line". A normal bus ride is between 15-20 minutes this one was a whopping 50 minute ride I could have walked faster...........why didn't I?

In the morning sometimes there is a preacher lady who tries to convert people I had her once or twice. She says "my rilligion is da best becawse my rilligion said so" I was going to scream out " hey I came on the city bus for a ride not a sermon" but my friend was there and I would really embarrass myself and I didn't want to argue with my stop coming up. She went on to say that Yeshka atoned for our sins and that it was the "ABC" of everything. Then she starts listing off from A-Z words that reflect him. I got off when she was in the middle, some were pretty funny how she connected it to him. It was a weired experience.

Many times I use the city bus to relax and look out the window unless I have something interesting to do or who to speak to. (I thought about this post on a city bus). The seating on the bus is a big deal. Many people wont sit next to someone instead they leave a seat in the middle open. Then there are those two seaters and they are hard to get out of when you are on the inside of one and you have to squish your way out and maybe your shoe comes off revealing you're socks or stockings. Soon someone will ban sitting in those seats because of that. Well those types of seats are how you define people. If someone Is alone in one of them and sits on the outer side that wont let anyone get in they are probably mean and you don't want to sit next to them unless they move over by them seeing that you want to sit, then go right ahead its okay.

When I sit in one I usually sit on the inner side and if anyone needs a place to sit next to someone I am usually first one they choose (see previous post for why) and the Black guys in the back usually never get sat next to. Story time again I was one the city bus about 3:00 and it was crowded. When its crowded you could assume that there is a gang in the back and no one wants to sit next to them this bus had one. A group of kids from a Yeshiva got on and sat pretty close to them (not to close) Then there was a fat lady next to them (I am guessing she came before). The gang said some racial comments to the kids and then the fat lady said shut up I have a headache. So now she was the target they started making fun of her that shes fat, and she says I lost 50 pounds so far. They laugh and say Imagine how fat you used to be and they start making sizes with their hands. The lady screams I have a black boyfriend I am not a racist (I don't know what made her say that) She takes her bottle she had and chucked it at them it ended up hitting one of the kids from yeshiva on the bus. The leader of the group gets up and punches her in the face. Then she starts cursing you little !@#!@@# and how dare you $%&$ blank @%$##. The bus driver calls 911 and now I have to get off the bus since the cops need to question the bus driver. The gang was arrested, the lady was telling the cops what happened and how she was innocent.

A city bus is a great experience (and a great post).