Monday, March 23, 2009

INCOMING!!!

Thank you for tuning into Mike Tonight, in news tonight.

A new ban is in motion. No one saw it coming, although you should have. The great Rabbonim of Brooklyn have decided to band together, to ban all unyeshivish kippot, in an attempt to stop yeshivah rebels from wearing downsized kippot.

"All religious stores are hereby ordered to rid the shelves of anything less than a size 5 yarmulke", it said on the rabbi signed document. It has been reported that a store in Brooklyn did not comply with the terms, and is being looted as we speak. Are very own David Spiegler is at the scene. "Hi Mike, behind me there is looting at this 18th avenue store. Broken glass, and fire, people have been taking all religious articles ranging from kiddush cups to kosher lamps from this store, all for not ridding itself of size four and down kippot. I spoke to the owner of the store he said he tried to reconsider before the looters took over, he said he will comply from now on". "Thank you David" One Rabbi was recorded saying "The smaller the kippah, the more they smoke; its better to have bigger kippot". We asked civilians on the streets what they think about this, one said "I agree 100%, I only hope it will be a kaporah for k'lal yisroels avonos".

But not everybody is so enthusiastic about this new ban. Some have been setting up a protest, set for next week, to stop this "tragedy", as they call it. One person said "The Rabbonim should be listened to, I believe in da'as torah, but sometimes they are wrong". Some people are afraid that if there aren't any size 2 and 1 kippot, then the yeshivah rebels might not wear any at all, causing them to never stop smoking.

That's it for tonight I'm Mike In Midwood. dunt dunt dunt dunt dunnunununt (backround music).

11 people gave their 2 cents:

Sally Hazel said...

Just realized that I have the honor to be one of your 'chasidim'...

Moshe said...

Will someone please think of the children!
No, really, what are they supposed to wear.

Talmudist said...

size 5? that's better than the size 6 version of the ban told to me.

frum single female said...

im so glad that the rabbanim have realized that the only reason yeshiva rebels do what they do is due to the size of their kippot!! wasnt that easy. now there wont be any more yeshiva rebels, or at least we wont be able to identify them. they wont be wearing kippot anymore.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Sally Hazel

A nice twist on the followers, dont you think.

Moshe

clothes, and on their heads either nothing or a size 5

Talmudist

You must be familiar with the Bnei B'rak Rabbonim; who, of course, are even more machmir.

Frum Single Female

I am supposed to be an unbiased reporter, so I cant agree or disagree with your statement.

Moshe said...

ok, is this for real or a joke?
Where the Elders of Zion it's kinda hard to tell the difference nowadays...

Mikeinmidwood said...

Moshe

I was just doing an onion type post, something I havent tried before, no need to worry. Wait, maybe you do need to worry, if you would actually believe this, its a sign of the times getting real bad.

Moshe said...

Think of all the new bans in the last 6 months, is someone would've told you about them 2 years ago, you'd think it was a joke.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Thats the scary part.

Honestly Frum said...

Can the lubobs still have designs on them?

Mikeinmidwood said...

Honestly Frum

I did not say the other parts of the document, one part said "Designs will be allowed on young childrens yarmulkehs and chabadnicks too".