Star Mangled BANner

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard the news, I was appalled and shocked, suddenly I was to treif for myself. Everyone was in turmoil, in fact you should leave right now if haven't already and head to a kosher country, that's right get off the Internet and pack you kosher innovated items and get moving.

I just stood there watching as everyone got up and left every pizza store, Judaica store, bakery, and business, even including B & H closed down. It was like an apocalypse before 2012, everything was barren and desolate. No it wasn't the snow that made it happen, it was The Ban. Rumors of The Ban were going around for a few months now but we all thought it was just a rumor, turns out we were wrong come that fateful day (you know how every special day has a name like D-day or kristillnacht, and for some reason the named days I chose have to do with WWII, but either way they are named) The Ban was "signed" by chareidi rabbis. Then as The Ban went into affect we all packed out.

Your probably wondering what was The Ban I speak of, if you don't know you must be living under a rock but Ill tell you anyway. The Ban was made in Israel by a bunch of people who have great influence on various powerful rabbonim. They banned America, maybe it was college's or is it because all maps show the states of America in different colors not just black, most probably because it has many parking lots that aren't protested in, I'm not sure why but they did Ban living in America. They said, just like my great great great great grandfather did in 1880 Dos iz a treife land (this is a treif land), and they banned living in America, that includes Lakewood ir hakodesh. And because of this everyone got up and left.

Being that you are now informed about The Ban I should let you know that there is a resistance of a few brave souls who decided its wrong for them in Israel to tell us where to live. The Askanim who made the ban, or should I say puppet masters, have sent a troop of home grown me'ah shearim bochurim to the states to riot and burn the rest of Jewish America and its resistance force.

(and the post takes an unexpected twist)

I am part of this resistance, I don't know how much longer we will last, these crazy bochurim never stop on the attack, we've been on the run from them for one month now ever since they overtook Teaneck (yeah, the one in new jersey). They seem to run on grease and chulent never sleeping, showering or using deodorant. As of now are primary weapon is the anti-ban, it can hold them for a while allowing us to have won only a few battles in the past, but were getting the hang of their tactics. Give us a few more months and were are planning an invasion of Israel, aided by nefesh B'nefesh, as a drastic move hopefully getting the bochur troops to flee back to Israel in hopes to save it from us. Maybe one day we will get back Jewish America and rid ourselves of the tyranny I hope so, Hashem Yirachem

OLD TIME RABBIS ON MODERN ORTHODOXY

I met an old Rabbi recently, a nice guy who taught in a yeshiva somewhere (I don't remember where) very friendly. We talked for a little after Maariv. He seemed to have a world of wisdom in the form of stories for just about every topic, as only an old timer could.

Somewhere along the conversation we hit the topic of orthodoxy/yeshivas. He told me that there is a difference between a good boy in a "yeshivishe" yeshiva and one in a modern orthodox one. He went onto explain that in a yeshivishe yeshiva a good boy is one that learns at any given moment he has and has respect for his elders. I was wondering exactly what he was going to say for a good modern orthodox boy, but I had no idea he was going to say what he said. He said that in a modern orthodox yeshiva a good boy is (take a sip of a drink near you and hold) one who doesn't watch TV on shabbos (now spit the drink out real quickly) .

I was taken aback for a minute, like I said last paragraph I wasnt ready for this kind of answer. I didnt know what to say, do I tell him youre wrong? do I bring honestly frum over? he obviously has the wrong perception about modern orthodox. Modern Orthodoxy is far from watching TV on shabbos, I dont know where he could have came to think this. I figured he just doesnt know what modern orthodox is, he probably meant reform (which wouldnt fit into a good reform kid not watching TV on shabbos because the "good" think its okay to a lot of things, but either way).

I am just posing a question out there, do you think all old rabbis think this way or its just a mistake or a fluke in this one rabbi? Comment what you think or we will never know.

NOT A WASTE OF TIME

I recommend that everyone see the movie Defiance. It was by far the best movie Ive seen all year. If you didn't know, the movie is about 4 brothers, by the name of Bielski, who lead a group of Jews escaping from the Nazis. They create a whole community in the forest for refugees, and make a small army to protect themselves (by the way this is based on a true story). The movie was just amazing in every single way, and No! its not a waste of your time to see it.

THE UMPIRE RABBI

Over this shabbos my friend was telling me about this shul he goes to. He said the rabbi there is like a referee. That includes the part where they scream at the referee. People have no respect for him and they expect him to be like a rabbi from old Europe where what he said went.

He gave me a few cases. One he said was recently. There where two guys (of course). The first guy lets call him "A" was taking over for the rabbi one shabbos including his speech. So this person felt like it was his time to shine. So he made a long Devaar torah. While everyone was snoozing "A" by mistake skipped a page. Then after Leining "A" realized he missed something and decided to say what he missed. So after davening people came over to him and start demanding answers why he did this. One man well call him "B" really got into it and then A and B got into a real big fight. Soon after, A and B forgot about it or didnt care. Then Yom kippur was rolled around and so B went over to A to ask forgiveness but A would give no such thing. So A then goes over to a person well call him Rabbi (he was the rabbi) and starts trying to make Rabbi get involved. So the rabbi goes over to A and asks forgiveness on B's part and once again A wont give. So the rabbi goes back to B and says A doesn't want to give. Then B gets mad and starts screaming at the Rabbi and how its all his fault. After B is done the gossip starts to spread about A and B.

After Yom Kippur.... So the Rabbi wasn't Successful and now B is once again rambling at the Rabbi and how he isn't a rabbi since he cant even resolve one conflict. So that's how the story went and how the Rabbi became a pinata. If you want to know the only way these two were able to make up and its kind of weird is. Both of these men's wives had problems one fell from a chair and ended up in the hospital and the other had a stroke and ended up in the hospital. Same one, same floor, same week. So they met each other in the hospital and they started arguing who's fault it is and ended making up with each other (and they lived happily ever after....... probably not).

As my friend went on he said that this is nothing new and that last story of screaming at the rabbi was just a little worse than most stories. Also a few weeks ago the rabbi said in his speech on the Parsha of Bereishis that the parsha concludes with the building of the tower of Bavel which is clearly in the weekly Torah portion of Noach. So the rabbi gets it over his head, while many complain of the need for a new Rabbi. As I was told, the Rabbi isn't going anywhere and its just the norm. I told my friend I would never want to go to his shul. He nodded in agreement.

The point of all this was to show people the real use (or abuse) of a rabbi as a pinata and a referee. Please treat your rabbi with respect.

THE RIGHT KOLLEL

I have heard from a respectful rabbi that Kollel system has its flaws. I was in a state of shock when I heard him say this. Could a real rabbi who learns in Kollel say there is something wrong with it? Well anyway he descibed these flaws. 1) Not everyone is meant for Kollel (many don't think that way). 2) You have to learn in Kollel (also many people don't think this way). 3) People use it as a way to fit in with the crowd and end up not learning for the sake of learning.

1) Yes not everyone is meant for Kollel. There are tons out there who would rather be working but they promised that they would sit and learn for X amount of years and X amount of children or they are placed under peer pressure and if they go against the system they face humiliation and children not being able to go to good schools. (kind of like that girl who was afraid to ask her teachers questions on Judaism).

2) You have to learn in kollel. For your average kollel guy its just a joke and every few minutes their out for a smoke or to talk and text on their phones. Maybe Schmoozing with a couple of guys but hardly ever learning. 3) they use it to fit in with the crowd as I mentioned before its peer pressure. Why do they learn (if they do) only to show off I learn or to not show off but prove they are meant for Kollel.

The rabbi obviously knew who/what he was talking to/about. I agree on all levels that he is right. He said that most should work instead of learn and waste their time. He said the System has changed from what it used to be 100 years ago. He explained that in the past you got married at 15 so by that time you had to set a life standard. They got married and if the man had leaned toward learning, he would be set off to learn and would be supported. If he leaned towards not learning he would set out to work. So now its a different system. If you are in a Yeshiva you must set off to learn in Kollel and expect to be supported. If you go to college you are set off to be single a loooong time.

The rabbi did say there are some Kollel's that the only way you can learn there is if someone promised to support you and that this is the right Kollel. Being that it was like Yissachar and Zevulin it is the ideal Kollel. May we all be Zocheh that we should live to see a time where all Kollels will be like this last one. Amen.