Its not Purim without my pressidor wafers

I thought I didn't leave anything for me to write about Purim this year after last year with my full week of Purim posts, turns out you never really know. I'm linking to last years posts if you missed it or want to remember it, yes Ive been around long enough to link to old posts.

Well I wrote about Purim themes and and costumes all very nice, but the truth is I don't like themes at all, too much effort has to go into it and I'm more of a traditional shaloch manot giver. I hate it when my family makes themes, for example: orange and red was one theme and everyone thought it was fire, or the time we went all natural and people were really confused. That's really why I don't like themes bad experiences with them and my liking of traditional ways intertwined. My idea of Shaloch manot is just giving a big box of Pressidors wafers and a bottle of grape juice, actually I'm craving some of that right now.

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the time and effort that's put into a theme, one guy gave me a stimulus package last year with a money sign on the front of the bag really funny. The best theme Ive ever seen was Drunkin Donuts the guy made a box that looked like a real dunkin donuts box and I think it cost a lot to make, still pretty impressive, and I made sure to aprreciate it in my spare time. Ill stick to my tradition which I'm very happy with, and who doesn't want a box of pressidor wafers, you cant say no it just not purim without pressidor wafers.

Its a large world out there

You know that saying "its a small world after all" well its wrong. The world is a large place full of things to do and people to meet, and I don't need some guy I just met to tell me its a small world after hearing we know the same people, dude its a small frummie world not a small everyone world..

Yes its a large world, and I was living it for the past week and a half, finding no time to blog at all. A lot has happened since I left, Tu b'shvat came and went, I was planning on writing about how no one really celebrates it and it gets lost in the sphere of influence the next two holidays have. One fact about Tu b'shvat while were in the subject, more people opted to plant a tree in the game of farmville in honor of tu b'shvat this year then really planting a tree.

Also there was an earthquake in Haiti which I did briefly write about, but what I failed to mention is that some Frum Jewish people (not the ones that went to help) are showing signs of joining the JKK or Jew Klux Klan. Its outright disgusting that some people are Happy, that's right, happy about the destruction and death of non Jews who have not wronged them in anyway. I was ready to blow up at some of these people, but its a useless argument they're never gonna get it straight, years of distortion have got them were they are and one rant isn't gonna change it.

Well now that Ive lived life for a week or so its time to hibernate and blog again till some warmer weather comes along, maybe I'll pick up jogging in the morning to keep me going or that groundhog better show up soon..... or not show up, does anybody know which one makes spring come earlier and when is groundhog day?

Another Edition of Mike Tonight

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In frum news, a new wave of people in Israel have been living by segulos for everything they need. They have been reported to "dial a Yeshua" for all their basic needs from the organization called Kupat Ha'ir, and have tried everything else to get help besides pray to g-d for it. As one "Segulaist" said, "Why pray when a rabbi can promise you anything, think of it as a genie with a beard".

Although not everybody is happy with this lack of faith in g-d. Many are disgusted that the more radical Segulaists don't even attend shul anymore. Others are more disgusted that people wont use shadchans anymore and rather rely on a segula to get married instead. One shadchan poured out her heart to us "(sob) its just.... its just that I love manipulating people into going out with each other (choke, sob) why wont they let me continue (sob) lets just ban segulos".

In a even more recent report, the Segulaists have pretty much broken off from mainstream orthodoxy, and even have cult like behaviors. Just this past motzei shabbos they had a gathering in the forest of Jerusalem behind yad v'shem. We had are very own David Spiegler there to report the story. David Spiegler: "Yes Mike, as you can see (no you cant this is bloggeradio) behind me there are havdalah candles lit all over and about 400 people dancing around making Indian noises and showering in the havdalah wine and some even going as far as to wash there clothing in it. To onlookers it seems like a cult ritual that includes immersing in wine, but we spoke to one of the group leaders who organized it and she had this to say".

Group leader Avigayil Sidorov (spoken with a heavy Israeli accent): "We are not a cult of any sort, although it might look like it due to the candles lit and the bathing in havdalah wine, but in actuality we are just performing the well known segula of taking the havdalah wine and putting it on your forehead. Its just that over time people put it on their eyes to purify them and in their pockets so they can get money for the coming week, so we decided to just dip our whole selves in it and we will cover everything, and we wash our clothing in it so we don't miss any pockets or any other segulos".

David Spiegler: Despite their intentions, Mike, it seems like a real cult. Back to you in Midwood I'm David Spiegler.

Me: Thank you David, in other frum news there was an earthquake in Haiti killing 200,000 and leaving many with out homes and others trapped under the rubble.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.
This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

Pizza Store Conversations

Some people go to a Starbucks to drink coffee and get wifi so they can keep up with every ones lives on twitter or facebook. Others get the coffee and wonder about what everyone else is thinking. I'm telling you that if you really want to know what others are thinking and/or want to get the latest buzz on someones life then walk into a Brooklyn pizza store, its as simple as that.

It just so happens to be that this very concept was rudely thrust into my face when I went for pizza the other day with an acquaintance. I sat down behind a guy, probably in his late 20's early thirties, talking to his mother. I didn't even have to turn around to try and figure out what he was talking about or check his status to find out whats the big issue in his life, he simply told me. Okay not really told me, but he said it loud enough for anyone to hear, so its as if he told me.

Me and my acquaintance didn't feel like hearing about his whole life, but this is how it went. He was arguing with his mother over his fathers estate, although it didn't sound like his father was dead yet. He went on to explain how his father treats him like dirt and doesn't invite him to football games. His mother tried telling him that that's not true, but he knew the truth. At one point they were talking about someone else who they knew and did not have a father, and somehow loud mouth in a pizza shop didn't want to "share" his own father with someone else. His mother tried to convince him that this guy needs a father, to which he persistently said " I have a father why should I give up mine to help him out just because he doesn't have one, its not my fault". At this point me and my acquaintance were scratching our heads, didn't he just say that his father treats him like dirt? It went on and on, constantly arguing back and forth on every single subject about family and money to doctors, lawyers and psychologists, and that wasn't the mother boasting about of her sons accomplishments. My acquaintance was speculating about telling them to just shut up because no one wants to hear it, I said I would take a video if he did for proof, it didn't happen in the end and we just left. We did try to make our own little argument to hint to them that arguing in public is rude, and that didn't work too well.

Ahem, right, so getting back to the point if you really want to do what it is i wrote in the opening paragraph, then a Brooklyn pizza store is the place. Do you have any stories of weird conversations you might have been forced to listen to? do tell.

Warning: long post for those of you who only like short

This past week I have been quite tough on my blog considering the usual. It just happened to be that I discovered that my mind went blank when I tried to think of a post. So I tried looking over old posts to maybe get a fresh look at something, but that didn't work. I read other peoples blogs for insight, but I only could think of a "Why be atheist" type post which didn't go well the first time I tried, so that didn't work. I tried thinking of the latest topic of the day and write whatever it is that comes to mind on it, but nothing new came up. I tried thinking of a theoretical post of what could possibly be with our community or with a certain company that we trust, but been there done that. Then after a week of thinking I realized I'm burnt out! there is nothing left to post about, at which point I looked at it again and said to myself "Wait I'm not burnt out yet, and there are current events to write about, like the dybbuk" which was staring in my face the whole week. And thus the blog was saved.

About that dybbuk. Did they finally get rid of it? I heard they tried skype and it didn't work, and then they had something last week in Israel were a real kabbalist came out to do his voodoo. I personally don't believe this dybbuk is real, its like the talking fish story everyone wants it to be real but the fish didnt talk. I think this guy being "posessed" is a great ventriloquist, or nuts. The only real way to tell is to get the guy drunk, if the dybbuk is really in then the dybbuk will talk, if not the drunk guys scheme will be unveiled because the "dybbuk" will have suddenly disappeared.

What I need to do is to find out about more about this. Maybe station myself in the nearest yeshiva coffee room and just listen, then ill get the latest "Hock" that's flying around, and probably all the nonsense too..

My New Years

Material Maidel had a post here, on the topic of celebrating "New Years". I began to think, is it right or is it not. I came to the conclusion I personally wouldn't feel right celebrating "New Years". Going to watch the ball drop in times square, getting mad drunk, watching all the ESPN top ten highlights for every sport this past year, are all things that would make me feel weird if I did them (okay the one about sports I wouldn't feel weird doing).

That weird feeling I would have I can only describe as me missing out on something from what is My usual New Years. For example: The taste of an apple dipped in honey or chalah, humming dip the apple in the honey while dipping it in the honey, eating a fishes eyes, trying all the simanim that I would never eat all year round anyway, sitting in shul for hours and knowing my fate is being determined that day, and so on. I wouldn't feel right celebrating "New Years" without that. The most I would do for "New years", and not feel like I'm missing something, is saying the year 2010 over 90 times so I feel comfortable saying it, like people would with V'sane Tal U'matar, but thats where it ends.

P.S. last year I wrote how everything has been down like the ball dropping including gas prices which were 1.83, well that went up another dollar in the past year.

THE SUFGANIOT RATER IS IN

Tomorrow marks the first day of Chanukah and I already jumped into the Hanukkah spirit (see that's 2 different spellings of the holiday, does it really matter how you spell it), with my first two Sufganiot. They were from Isaac's bake shop on Ave. J between east 14th and 15th, and it was much like last year, still a dollar fifty and still rated a 7 (out of ten) and the service was a little slow but friendly. The Sufgania had some good jelly a decent pocketful I might add, the dough was a little dry but for 1.50 it shouldn't have been. Over all its rated a six.

I originally didn't want to go there, I was heading for Ostrovitsky's on east 12th, but they were sold out! that's right sold out before the first night. Being that I liked them last year and wanted to check out their service which I never got to, and they were only a dollar 25 I assumed they would be my best bet. I was disappointed and instead I headed to Isaac's bake shop.

In front of Isaac's they had a sign "Home made donuts, sufganiot (in Hebrew), sold here". Two things wrong with that. One, sufganiot are correctly translated as Israeli styled jelly donuts not home made, and even according to most Sufganiot am ha'aratzim they call it jelly donuts nothing about home made. And two, how could it be home made if its in a bakery?! I got no answers to that.

Yes people just like last year I will test my stomach of steel, and to those who wish to come and join me on my trips to try all the bakeries, (ahem) G6 (cough) Sally hazel, just give me shout, Child ish you in for another round? As always if you have any specific suggestions for me do tell, because I'm here to pay the price so you get it right.

MIDWOOD AS ONLY AN INTERNET NEWSITE CAN PORTRAY

I found this on Vos iz neias, its a whole article on Midwood in Brooklyn. Read and then wonder why we have that brooklyn attitude.

Brooklyn, NY - Many blocks in Midwood, with its rows of orderly detached homes and private driveways, give the feeling of a carefully planned suburb - a serene surprise after turning off a thoroughfare like Coney Island Avenue or Ocean Parkway.

But closer inspection reveals that the landscape has, in fact, been altered: on virtually every block, at least one or two homes have been significantly expanded - built up, built out, even built down.

The larger homes blend in as best they can with their smaller neighbors, but their oversized shadows are hard to miss: they are evidence of the wealth and the larger families that a thriving Orthodox Jewish population has brought to Midwood in recent years.

"Midwood has always been Jewish, but it wasn't always Orthodox," said David Maryl, a broker at Jacob Gold Realty. "Now for every family that's moving out, it's an Orthodox family moving in."

Brooklyn's Community Board 14, which covers the eastern half of Midwood, fields several home expansion requests each month from the area, said Alvin M. Berk, the board's chairman.

He said the board first noted the steady trickle of requests about eight years ago and now handles about 30 a year. "This seems to be a fairly high rate of building expansion," he said. "But there's generally no opposition - maybe just some concerns about a proposed enlargement reducing a neighbor's light and air." But applicants often make concessions to ease those concerns, he added.

Rather than building a larger home, Bill and Diana Spiegel bought one. They've moved about a mile east. "We love the area," Mr. Spiegel said.

They walk more than a mile each way to attend the synagogue in their old area, because "we have a little separation anxiety," he said. But on their way, they probably pass more than a dozen synagogues; they will probably switch to one nearby once the weather turns cold. "It seems like there's a real sense of community here, and they welcome you," Mr. Spiegel said.

Brokers say that Orthodox families first moved into Midwood about 25 years ago as they were priced out of Borough Park, a better established Orthodox neighborhood to the west. Nowadays, Midwood is "very sought after, because people want to be near family and friends, a yeshiva or a synagogue affiliation," said Sora David, a broker with Eisberg Lenz Real Estate. Being within walking distance of a synagogue is critical for those who observe Orthodox Jewish laws forbidding driving and other activities on the Sabbath.

There are dozens of synagogues and many yeshivas scattered throughout Midwood. Some Hasidic synagogues, known as shtibls, are in single-family homes where the rabbi might live upstairs and the congregation might meet on the first floor.

Mr. Berk says synagogues are allowed as of right in any residential zone. But many of them have growing congregations that eventually require more space. He said that the community board had fielded and helped approve many applications for variances to turn houses into larger synagogues.

Midwood lies south of Flatbush and Brooklyn College, and north of Marine Park. Its eastern and western borders have expanded in recent years, pushing out to McDonald Avenue on the west and Flatbush Avenue on the east. "As people have moved in, they've expanded the boundaries," said Raizy Brisman, the owner of Brisman Realty.

Between Nostrand and Flatbush Avenues, younger Orthodox families first moved into the East 30s about five years ago; prices were lower there than in the East 20s and East 10s, she said. That area used to be considered part of Flatbush or East Flatbush, she said, "but it's all semantics. It's called Midwood now, because if you called it East Flatbush, the value for it would be less."

Most homes sit on 40-by-100-foot lots and were built in the early part of the 20th century. The vast majority are detached single-family homes, but there are some two-families, as well as some semiattached and attached houses. There are also some rental and co-op buildings along parts of Avenue K and Ocean Parkway.

Brokers refer to an exclusive pocket between East Seventh and East Ninth Streets, running from Avenue I to Avenue K, as Midwood Manor. Many of its homes are on larger lots, and "it's more manicured and very sought after," said Abraham Steinmetz, the owner of Steinmetz Real Estate. "But there's very little available there. You're lucky to see one or two houses available in a year."

The neighborhoods known as Midwood Park, West Midwood and South Midwood are all actually north of Midwood proper and were developed as parts of Victorian Flatbush.

During the recent building boom, developers tore down some single-family homes along Ocean Avenue and off Ocean Parkway and replaced them with six-unit condominiums. But brokers say that because the condos are primarily made up of one- and two-bedroom apartments, they do not appeal to large Orthodox families and have not sold well, although some units have sold to Russian immigrants.

The area is mostly residential, with a few commercial streets. Yeshivas and synagogues often blend right in - in unassuming converted office buildings or on strictly residential streets.

Brokers say that prices in Midwood have dropped 10 to 15 percent in the last year. Homes tend to sell by word of mouth, and at any given time, there are only about 40 homes on the market.

An attached home on a busy street can sell for $400,000 to $500,000, but detached homes start at $600,000 and run over $2 million, depending on its size. Most houses in the East 20s, considered the oldest part of Midwood, are detached, with three to five bedrooms and private driveways, and sell for over $1 million.

The larger homes in Midwood Manor start at about $2 million and run above $5 million.

Along Ocean Parkway, one-bedroom co-ops sell for less then $200,000, two-bedrooms for about $250,000. On Ocean Avenue, one-bedroom condos sell for about $275,000, two-bedrooms $400,000.

Most Orthodox children attend local yeshivas. The Yeshiva of Flatbush is perhaps the best known, with classes from preschool through high school.

Midwood's appeal is its quiet residential quality. On school days, yellow buses fill the streets, ferrying children to and from their different yeshivas. Traffic along the shopping strips on Avenues J and M can be downright dangerous, as drivers double-park to get their shopping done. But the streets grow quiet at sundown on Friday, with the start of the Sabbath, and most stores stay shuttered until Sunday.

Avenue J's commercial strip, between Coney Island Avenue and East 16th Street, is filled with kosher restaurants, delis and bakeries. Di Fara Pizza, at East 15th Street, harks back to Midwood's more Italian past. It's known for its $5 slice, handmade with imported ingredients by the pizzeria's septuagenarian founder, Domenico DeMarco. Avenue M's shops run from Ocean Avenue to Ocean Parkway. In addition to kosher pizzerias and kosher and Russian supermarkets, the street has discount stores and chains like Godiva.

Coney Island Avenue, a much wider thoroughfare, has a range from auto repair shops and carwashes to ladies' wig shops, Judaica stores and kosher restaurants. Among these are Schnitzi, a schnitzel bar; and Carlos and Gabby's, a Mexican grill. Food bloggers compare Pomegranate, a gleaming new kosher supermarket, to Whole Foods.

Hmmm it doesnt seem to end there but oh well.

I GOT NOTHING DONE

This past Friday was the infamous black Friday, I think it deserves its own holiday. The day were things are supposed to sell for pretty cheap and crazy sales that start at 5 in the morning. People line up for days before they open, camping in tents on frigid nights, all for a camera that's 75% off. The sales are amazing, one year they were selling flash drives for a dollar.

This year I really wanted to get in on the action, not just the pushing and shoving. I was trying to find a place were I don't have to wake up so early, and still get the sale. I thought about Best buy, then I heard they were sold out in 10 minutes or something like that, good thing I didn't waste my time there. I wanted to buy some good electronics and I couldn't find any place that would have any good sales by the time I got there. B and H in Manhattan wouldn't do, and staples was also a long shot by the time I would get there. I felt very disappointed that I walked away from black Friday with nothing new in my hands, I even put a post on facebook and I got no responses, saving the sales for yourself I guess.

But all is not lost, thank g-d for cyber Monday. Anybody got good sites I can buy from?

MIKE TONIGHT (cross out tonight, insert..) VIN

Recently I posted about Obama and the conspiracies that everyone had about him, and why its been a year since frummies have gone nuts and predicted Obama making another holocaust and how nothing has happened and there should be nothing to fear, remember?. Well when I wrote it I thought that it was just another post where I say whats in the minds of the people of our community, since I am from New York of course I don't mean the people "out of town" when I say community. What I didn't realize is that VIN, and other people, are examining my posts. Ill prove it.

Just today I found an article about how many people are afraid of Obama and have conspiracies about him, this is all over the country they say, little did they realize frum Jews live all around the country. Now I just said a paragraph before I wrote about this recently, now they copy my post and add the ADL (something I didn't do) to prove it true.

Second case. I wrote about making non Jewish books kosher, you know those books that don't were tzitzis on their four cornered plastic covers, yeah those non Jewish books. I had the idea to make a book called Chaim Snyder which would be the Jewish version of Harry Potter, with kabaalah and kishuf instead of magic and even the evil pope Vladimir. So later on I found out they were making a kosher version Sherlocke Holmes, someone obviously took my idea and used it.

(Paranoidly) Someone out there is observing my posts and putting it out there for real , its a conspiracy to get me...... and Obama.

IM STILL WAITING

Its been over a year now since Obama was elected, and all is fine, well almost. The world is still running, there is no universal wars, I can still live a normal life with the liberty to practice my religion. Who could have thought that we could go a whole year since he was elected without having one of these things, oh wait I thought so, but there were those who didnt.

Flashback to a year ago. Remember people were holding tehillim rallies so he wont be elected, others were fasting hoping hashem will rip up the bad decree. I remember people telling me a lot of things, many weird things, they are going to leave the country and move to monsey, or kiryas yoel was just one of them. Others predicted 2012 to happen early with proofs from prophecies of the neviim, Zohar, Chumash, Gemorrah, or any other sort of Jewish work, and it was quite funny to see how they would try to prove it. They would tell me "If you take this letter from here and add it to this one here multiplied by that it equals Obama". At first I would be perplexed as to why they chose such a random order to prove something when I could do that with anything, they should have used a system that at least had a pattern. Then I would ask "Okay you proved it says Obama somehow, now how does that prove he is the cause of the end of the world?" a smart person wouldn't answer, dumb ones said things along the lines of "Hitler had that whole youth program and Obama is working on one" (oh so that's why Obama wanted to speak to kids in school (sarcasm sarcasm)).

And yet it has been a year, Obama is president and Mashiach isn't here, nor are people running to different countries like they promised, and I'm still waiting for the testimonies of some to come true, who wants to wait with me.

NOACH WAS LAST WEEK

So this Friday I walked into my house like any other day. I immediately hear a loud shriek, it did not come from my downstairs neighbors which I found out are Armenian and very noisy, it came from my sister. I then interpret the shrieks to mean there is a squirrel in our house. My sister ran into a room and hid there, one of my brothers didn't want to come out of the bathroom, it was quite funny.

I was left alone to chase the squirrel out of my house and back into the trash cans searching for leftover pizza, yes I was fearless. I took a broom and looked in every closet and room, and under every bed and chair, but I could not find it anywhere. We left the door opened so it can leave by itself, so I thought it was gone. Some were skeptic about it leaving and my sister kept shrieking at everything that moved. After a while it reappeared and everyone was running again except for me. After a many attempts at hitting it with my weapon of choice (my broom), it scurried out of my house and into the concrete jungle, everyone was relieved.

Later a bird flew into my window, the window was closed, and it got hurt, I felt bad. Now just to repeat my title, I think the animals thought my home was the teivah and that this past weeks parsha was Noach, why else would they come.

KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE

Things here on M in M haven't been so stable, I'm on and I'm off, I'm hot and I'm cold, I'm in and I'm out, and I cant get that song out of my head. Anyway, I promised a few things and I didn't keep up with them, I promised to finish that experiencing Jerusalem post, which never really began if you ask me, and I said I was back and I wasn't, I said I'd update that Jewish Sherlocke Holmes thing and I didn't, what can I say....... ummmm nothing comes to mind on that what can I say, because usually people say after they use the what can I say phrase something like I'm lazy or you did a terrific job or i couldn't have done better myself, but I actually had nothing to say for it.

Anyway, again, I'm going to keep you up to date like the title says, so I am not going to continue the experiencing Jerusalem post because it was going nowhere, and instead I'm going to write a frum love story because that has to be funny. Also, I am going to stay blogging even if I am slowing down at times, and for that kosher Sherlocke Holmes book I googled it in a sec so I don't see why you cant, what can i say I'm lazy, see that time I had something to show for it.

Well I hope you like being kept up to date, I felt I owed it to you guys.

MIXED UP HOLIDAYS AND TASHLICH

Due to the fact that I didn't write anything about my experience on the high holidays, or anything at all, I decided to fill you on it starting with yom kippur because I cant remember rosh hashanah.

This Yom Kippur went pretty well, I liked it, smooth, a little hungry, and I was not like most people who are trying to cry at the end of Neila, I was sort of happy at the end, then I felt stupid for not pleading more with g-d. Now I really don't want to bore you with my whole Yom Kippur experience because I really just summarized it pretty well and anything I write about it will be just an elaboration of what I just wrote, so forget it (although this year I noticed that a lot of people were nodding there heads during the rabbis speech, were they trying to tell the rabbi hes doing a good job?). If you want a Yom Kippur post from me then you can read my last years post, which wasn't much of a yom kippur post either.


In other entertainment for tonight I have Tashlich memories. I went to tashlich right before yom kippur this year, was it a smart idea right before yom ha'din and all its rush, I don't think so. Where I normally do (the) tashlich is known as Cesar's bay, others may know it as "near toy's R us", and others as "The tashlich place". As I was reading away my sins my family and I realized we had no bread to throw, as one of us said, "Thats like doing bi'ur chametz without chametz" . I look around and realized that on the little ledge between me and the shore 7 feet below there was tons of bread that didn't make it into the sea, I could have used it but I didnt have rubber gloves to touch it with. Anyway, it was just standing there waiting to either rot or be eaten by pigeons, now I don't have the best arm in the world here, I do tend to air ball in basketball, but even I could throw the bread just a little further and get it into the sea. The weird fact is that bread is the most unlikely thing to make it into the water there; kippot, shopping carts, soda cans, barrels filled with radioactive stuff, and a streimel have made it more times into the ocean then bread during the tashlich season (the guy who lost his streimel climbed onto a rock sticking out of the ocean and got his streimel back).

To top all the festivities off we had simchas torah and this year was a let down, it just wasn't as fun as last year, I did the hakafos and all but it was more enjoyable last year. Many people have told me the same thing about this year.It seems as if this year I'm messed up, I enjoyed Yom kippur, and Simchas Torah wasn't so great, what happened! I seriously need to reorganize myself.

INTERESTING NEWS

Good evening I am your host Mike In Midwood. In tonight's news the global chain store Gap has sold one of its top and most expensive branches, Banana Republic, to a Jewish organization made up of rabbis know as Agudath Yisroel. The offer was made by the rabbis after they noticed that there were many orthodox Jews who shopped there often, one anonymous rabbi was reported saying "Its ah shandah dat dey buy frum dis Banana Republic, bananas are meant for monkeys and dats for de shvartzes you see on de street". The new frum chain store, Rabbinical Republic, will sell only expensive black clothing (the picture shows the manikins). The designer of the new chain store told us in an exclusive interview, ".... There will be so many different styles of black it will blow your mind...". The new Frum store will be opening up worldwide next z'man.

In other news (straightens stack of papers), Kosher Innovations has made your commute to the city just a little more kosher. The idea came up as coworkers, at the KI main building on 13th ave. in Boro Park, were brainstorming as to what to do for all the people who don't drive to work, and therefore don't use a kosher GPS to guide them, how will they get to work kosherly? One of the coworkers told us how it went down, "We just couldn't figure out what other useless item we can innovate, then someone mentioned Kosher subway cars, and we all jumped over the idea". The new Kosher subway cars, much like the kosher GPS, will feature a male voice, instead of a woman's and a mashgiach to make sure the car stays kosher. The male voice will be used to tell you which stop is next and to stay clear of the closing doors (please). The idea is being tossed around the MTA as of now, and is said that if the new subway cars come in the fare will be hiked up another 25 cents.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.

This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

THE BRESLOV WAY

Just the other day I was "attacked" by a Breslover "demanding" money from me. I gave the guy a dollar so he would go away, and he ended up giving me a Breslov pamphlet. Now in the past I would have thrown it right back, but the name of the book caught my eye, especially in these economic times.

The name of the book was called Easy Money. I almost jumped for joy, but I remembered I had some dignity, or I just didn't want to look like a fool. I gazed at the book and thought for a moment, "With this I wont ever have to work really hard, all I probably have to do is; say a few perakim of tehillim, hop on the next flight to uman and visit rav nachmans grave site, and then forty days later I'll be rich". I wondered if it was possible, and if it would be true I could change every ones lives.

So I decided to open it up and read its glory. I turned to any random page and started reading the first paragraph. The words read "Poverty is a state of mind". As I read those words my whole dream shattered, like a hard hit baseball punching its way through a stained glass window. I realized that the book was a scam to get the dollar out of me, and that I wont become rich saying a few pices of tehillim, But I also realized I can just sue Breslov for false advertising and then Ill accomplish the books title "Easy Money" anyway.

YAY ANOTHER MEME

Two people decided to tag me for this one, its called 7 things I like, where I get to tell you about 7 things I like. I'm just warning you before you read this, its not going to be that great. Better turn back now I am about to start. Ok this is your last chance......... fine ill start but youll regret it.

1) I like Mike. I personally like him for the fact that he gives into every will I want, you can say Mike is spoiling me.

2) I like not getting tagged to do meme's. I'd also like to know how to pronounce meme.

3) I like coming up with an awesome post that is so funny even I laugh while writing it.

4) I like reading the new series Chaim Snyder, did you know that he has a scar where he puts is tefilin shel rosh on, just like me?

5) I like smirking, and not giving a complete smile.

6) I like dunkin donuts coffee coolata, I dont like the fact that they upped the price more than a dollar.

7) Finally I'd like to never be tagged to do a meme ever again.

I will not tag anyone new so they wont have to suffer, but I'll retag the ones who tagged me because they made me do this, ha now you two have to make another. Babysitter and Frum single female.

Things that pissed me off last week.

You may not know it but there were a few things that pissed me off last week, and probably you too. I'm not talking about simple things like, why I cant find a parking spot within a one block radius, or why you cut me off, or even why my thumb cant fit into a normal sized bowling ball, I'm talking about bigger things that haven't only affected me.

I got pissed off last week when I heard that a bunch of Jews decided to do some stealing and tax evasion. Ive been saying it for a long time, the last thing we need is a chilul hashem and yet there they go. "But wait you're allowed to steal to support Torah, right? so they did nothing wrong" said a commenter of yeshiva world news, but the answer is no you are not allowed to steal for torah, its a mitzvah that came through an aveirah (which is an aveirah if you didn't know). And you know what I think? I think that they should all go to jail and serve their sentence because they deserve it, and I wont be like another commenter that said they should have their trial in the month of adar and not av, because av is a bad month for Jews and having the trial now will cause them to lose the trial. So why did it piss me off? it didn't affect me? Ill answer that with a question, "did you get pissed of at madoff and his scandal?" the answer is yes, same here.

Another thing that pissed me off this week was a letter printed in the mishpachah magazine. It was condemning Reb Elyashiv for praying for gilad shalit. I know this is hard to hear for all of you that joined groups on Facebook and twitter in support of gilad but the person writing it said that he thinks it's wrong to pray for him to be released, because Israel will give up many captured terrorists in exchange for him. For the person who decided to write that letter to mishpachah I have two things to say; one is, if you were gilad you wouldn't be thinking that way, and two is that one Jewish life is priceless and it doesn't matter how many terrorists you give up (although we try to lessen the amount).

Yeah those were the things that pissed me off last week, cant see who it wouldn't. On a side note have an easy and meaningful fast.

BLOGCATION

I think I need a blogcation. Like a vacation, a blogcation is a time to relax and harness a lot more posting material. So I'm off (to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of blog, because because because because.......) on my blogcation. Enjoy my archives, and I'll hopefully be back in a week, till then this is what ill be doing.
Yeah, just picture me in there.

DO YOU HAVE SHEMA OCD?

There I was in a shul, ma'ariv had approached and we had started shema. I said it as any normal person would say it. The guy a few seats next to me was a different story; he was going at the shema for approximately 10 minutes, as the books title, he was praying with fire. I was in middle of ending my shemonah esray, when this guy finished his shema. I didn't need to be a doctor to diagnose this guy, he has Shema OCD. He didn't just need to say every word once, but 7 or 8 times. I don't understand why one would have such a behavior? Does this guy know some sort of kabbalistic segulah, or something, that says to repeat every word of shema till you've had enough? Do you have any clue what it is, or is it just the symptoms of Shema OCD? I know I have been going on and on about OCD and Jews, but maybe its really true.