Another Edition of Mike Tonight

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In frum news, a new wave of people in Israel have been living by segulos for everything they need. They have been reported to "dial a Yeshua" for all their basic needs from the organization called Kupat Ha'ir, and have tried everything else to get help besides pray to g-d for it. As one "Segulaist" said, "Why pray when a rabbi can promise you anything, think of it as a genie with a beard".

Although not everybody is happy with this lack of faith in g-d. Many are disgusted that the more radical Segulaists don't even attend shul anymore. Others are more disgusted that people wont use shadchans anymore and rather rely on a segula to get married instead. One shadchan poured out her heart to us "(sob) its just.... its just that I love manipulating people into going out with each other (choke, sob) why wont they let me continue (sob) lets just ban segulos".

In a even more recent report, the Segulaists have pretty much broken off from mainstream orthodoxy, and even have cult like behaviors. Just this past motzei shabbos they had a gathering in the forest of Jerusalem behind yad v'shem. We had are very own David Spiegler there to report the story. David Spiegler: "Yes Mike, as you can see (no you cant this is bloggeradio) behind me there are havdalah candles lit all over and about 400 people dancing around making Indian noises and showering in the havdalah wine and some even going as far as to wash there clothing in it. To onlookers it seems like a cult ritual that includes immersing in wine, but we spoke to one of the group leaders who organized it and she had this to say".

Group leader Avigayil Sidorov (spoken with a heavy Israeli accent): "We are not a cult of any sort, although it might look like it due to the candles lit and the bathing in havdalah wine, but in actuality we are just performing the well known segula of taking the havdalah wine and putting it on your forehead. Its just that over time people put it on their eyes to purify them and in their pockets so they can get money for the coming week, so we decided to just dip our whole selves in it and we will cover everything, and we wash our clothing in it so we don't miss any pockets or any other segulos".

David Spiegler: Despite their intentions, Mike, it seems like a real cult. Back to you in Midwood I'm David Spiegler.

Me: Thank you David, in other frum news there was an earthquake in Haiti killing 200,000 and leaving many with out homes and others trapped under the rubble.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.
This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

Pizza Store Conversations

Some people go to a Starbucks to drink coffee and get wifi so they can keep up with every ones lives on twitter or facebook. Others get the coffee and wonder about what everyone else is thinking. I'm telling you that if you really want to know what others are thinking and/or want to get the latest buzz on someones life then walk into a Brooklyn pizza store, its as simple as that.

It just so happens to be that this very concept was rudely thrust into my face when I went for pizza the other day with an acquaintance. I sat down behind a guy, probably in his late 20's early thirties, talking to his mother. I didn't even have to turn around to try and figure out what he was talking about or check his status to find out whats the big issue in his life, he simply told me. Okay not really told me, but he said it loud enough for anyone to hear, so its as if he told me.

Me and my acquaintance didn't feel like hearing about his whole life, but this is how it went. He was arguing with his mother over his fathers estate, although it didn't sound like his father was dead yet. He went on to explain how his father treats him like dirt and doesn't invite him to football games. His mother tried telling him that that's not true, but he knew the truth. At one point they were talking about someone else who they knew and did not have a father, and somehow loud mouth in a pizza shop didn't want to "share" his own father with someone else. His mother tried to convince him that this guy needs a father, to which he persistently said " I have a father why should I give up mine to help him out just because he doesn't have one, its not my fault". At this point me and my acquaintance were scratching our heads, didn't he just say that his father treats him like dirt? It went on and on, constantly arguing back and forth on every single subject about family and money to doctors, lawyers and psychologists, and that wasn't the mother boasting about of her sons accomplishments. My acquaintance was speculating about telling them to just shut up because no one wants to hear it, I said I would take a video if he did for proof, it didn't happen in the end and we just left. We did try to make our own little argument to hint to them that arguing in public is rude, and that didn't work too well.

Ahem, right, so getting back to the point if you really want to do what it is i wrote in the opening paragraph, then a Brooklyn pizza store is the place. Do you have any stories of weird conversations you might have been forced to listen to? do tell.

Star Mangled BANner

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard the news, I was appalled and shocked, suddenly I was to treif for myself. Everyone was in turmoil, in fact you should leave right now if haven't already and head to a kosher country, that's right get off the Internet and pack you kosher innovated items and get moving.

I just stood there watching as everyone got up and left every pizza store, Judaica store, bakery, and business, even including B & H closed down. It was like an apocalypse before 2012, everything was barren and desolate. No it wasn't the snow that made it happen, it was The Ban. Rumors of The Ban were going around for a few months now but we all thought it was just a rumor, turns out we were wrong come that fateful day (you know how every special day has a name like D-day or kristillnacht, and for some reason the named days I chose have to do with WWII, but either way they are named) The Ban was "signed" by chareidi rabbis. Then as The Ban went into affect we all packed out.

Your probably wondering what was The Ban I speak of, if you don't know you must be living under a rock but Ill tell you anyway. The Ban was made in Israel by a bunch of people who have great influence on various powerful rabbonim. They banned America, maybe it was college's or is it because all maps show the states of America in different colors not just black, most probably because it has many parking lots that aren't protested in, I'm not sure why but they did Ban living in America. They said, just like my great great great great grandfather did in 1880 Dos iz a treife land (this is a treif land), and they banned living in America, that includes Lakewood ir hakodesh. And because of this everyone got up and left.

Being that you are now informed about The Ban I should let you know that there is a resistance of a few brave souls who decided its wrong for them in Israel to tell us where to live. The Askanim who made the ban, or should I say puppet masters, have sent a troop of home grown me'ah shearim bochurim to the states to riot and burn the rest of Jewish America and its resistance force.

(and the post takes an unexpected twist)

I am part of this resistance, I don't know how much longer we will last, these crazy bochurim never stop on the attack, we've been on the run from them for one month now ever since they overtook Teaneck (yeah, the one in new jersey). They seem to run on grease and chulent never sleeping, showering or using deodorant. As of now are primary weapon is the anti-ban, it can hold them for a while allowing us to have won only a few battles in the past, but were getting the hang of their tactics. Give us a few more months and were are planning an invasion of Israel, aided by nefesh B'nefesh, as a drastic move hopefully getting the bochur troops to flee back to Israel in hopes to save it from us. Maybe one day we will get back Jewish America and rid ourselves of the tyranny I hope so, Hashem Yirachem

OLD TIME RABBIS ON MODERN ORTHODOXY

I met an old Rabbi recently, a nice guy who taught in a yeshiva somewhere (I don't remember where) very friendly. We talked for a little after Maariv. He seemed to have a world of wisdom in the form of stories for just about every topic, as only an old timer could.

Somewhere along the conversation we hit the topic of orthodoxy/yeshivas. He told me that there is a difference between a good boy in a "yeshivishe" yeshiva and one in a modern orthodox one. He went onto explain that in a yeshivishe yeshiva a good boy is one that learns at any given moment he has and has respect for his elders. I was wondering exactly what he was going to say for a good modern orthodox boy, but I had no idea he was going to say what he said. He said that in a modern orthodox yeshiva a good boy is (take a sip of a drink near you and hold) one who doesn't watch TV on shabbos (now spit the drink out real quickly) .

I was taken aback for a minute, like I said last paragraph I wasnt ready for this kind of answer. I didnt know what to say, do I tell him youre wrong? do I bring honestly frum over? he obviously has the wrong perception about modern orthodox. Modern Orthodoxy is far from watching TV on shabbos, I dont know where he could have came to think this. I figured he just doesnt know what modern orthodox is, he probably meant reform (which wouldnt fit into a good reform kid not watching TV on shabbos because the "good" think its okay to a lot of things, but either way).

I am just posing a question out there, do you think all old rabbis think this way or its just a mistake or a fluke in this one rabbi? Comment what you think or we will never know.

IM STILL WAITING

Its been over a year now since Obama was elected, and all is fine, well almost. The world is still running, there is no universal wars, I can still live a normal life with the liberty to practice my religion. Who could have thought that we could go a whole year since he was elected without having one of these things, oh wait I thought so, but there were those who didnt.

Flashback to a year ago. Remember people were holding tehillim rallies so he wont be elected, others were fasting hoping hashem will rip up the bad decree. I remember people telling me a lot of things, many weird things, they are going to leave the country and move to monsey, or kiryas yoel was just one of them. Others predicted 2012 to happen early with proofs from prophecies of the neviim, Zohar, Chumash, Gemorrah, or any other sort of Jewish work, and it was quite funny to see how they would try to prove it. They would tell me "If you take this letter from here and add it to this one here multiplied by that it equals Obama". At first I would be perplexed as to why they chose such a random order to prove something when I could do that with anything, they should have used a system that at least had a pattern. Then I would ask "Okay you proved it says Obama somehow, now how does that prove he is the cause of the end of the world?" a smart person wouldn't answer, dumb ones said things along the lines of "Hitler had that whole youth program and Obama is working on one" (oh so that's why Obama wanted to speak to kids in school (sarcasm sarcasm)).

And yet it has been a year, Obama is president and Mashiach isn't here, nor are people running to different countries like they promised, and I'm still waiting for the testimonies of some to come true, who wants to wait with me.

NOACH WAS LAST WEEK

So this Friday I walked into my house like any other day. I immediately hear a loud shriek, it did not come from my downstairs neighbors which I found out are Armenian and very noisy, it came from my sister. I then interpret the shrieks to mean there is a squirrel in our house. My sister ran into a room and hid there, one of my brothers didn't want to come out of the bathroom, it was quite funny.

I was left alone to chase the squirrel out of my house and back into the trash cans searching for leftover pizza, yes I was fearless. I took a broom and looked in every closet and room, and under every bed and chair, but I could not find it anywhere. We left the door opened so it can leave by itself, so I thought it was gone. Some were skeptic about it leaving and my sister kept shrieking at everything that moved. After a while it reappeared and everyone was running again except for me. After a many attempts at hitting it with my weapon of choice (my broom), it scurried out of my house and into the concrete jungle, everyone was relieved.

Later a bird flew into my window, the window was closed, and it got hurt, I felt bad. Now just to repeat my title, I think the animals thought my home was the teivah and that this past weeks parsha was Noach, why else would they come.

Studies on YWN and VIN commenters

VIN and YWN have been the source of ridicule amongst the Jewish websites. It seems that if anyone is poking fun of any site its usually one of these two. It has come into question as to why people cant help but laugh at whats written in their comment sections, and post them up on blogs and Facebook profiles.

A recent study done by the National Committee for Spotting Stupidity (NCSS) came to prove the theory that the commentators on YWN and VIN are completely blind sighted when it comes to reading the news. Their lack of respect for fellow commentators has been shocking, at any given point in a day there is hate, and coffee, being spilled in their coffee rooms. Many have come to call other commentators such terms as, Shygetz, Anti-semite, Goy, Nazi, Mashiach stopper, and Shygetze mashiach stopping goy, and many more such terms. But the hate is not the only thing bringing people from all walks of Judaism to laugh at these sites, The NCSS has taken a poll that has shown that the average VIN commenter has a stupidity rating of 67% that is light years above the stupidity of the national commenting average which stands at 38%. But what is even more shocking about the NCSS's study is that the average YWN commenter is 12 points ahead in stupidity compared to a VIN commenter, YWN stands at a whopping 79% in stupidity, an earth shattering point.

After hearing these latest announcements from the NCSS a YWN commenter had this to say "What can we do? we Frum Jews are removed from society, its the non frum Jews who should have better morals" and when asked what happened to being a light onto nations he responded with "Its all because we done have a strict enough tznius level, if only we were to wear cardboard boxes we would be passed this nisayon, hashem yirachem. I better give two dollars to kupat ha'ir so this halachah can be passed and our yeshua can come".

With the mystery out of the way we can only look to the future to tell us if they will be stupid and keep to what they are doing, or they will find a more civilized and less foolish way to comment, being that they have such high stupidity rate their chances look bleak.

THIS IS DIFFERENT

This ad is ludicrous, its advertising a pretend tatty kit with talis and tefillin. Who...... what..... why....... how come..... I'm at a loss of words here. Ill just explain what they're trying to do and you can comment (hint hint) on how you feel about this. Basically its selling you 40 bucks worth of fake talis and tefillin so your child can play pretend tatty, includes embroidered talis and tefillin bag and tefillin boxes. I think its a nice way to scam people of their money because Ive never seen any boy playing house, girls yes boys no, so why would they want to play pretend tatty, does it include pretend tatty hat and jacket? I surely don't like this idea but tell me otherwise if you think so.

GOOSEBUMPS: MY BAR MITZVAH IN PRISON

Yes, we all remember the hit book series I never read, Goosebumps. Goosebumps was a supposed to be a very scary book, but it basically was freaky stories about weird washing machine monsters and changing bodies with a killer santa (okay I read 2). Why do I bring this old book into topic? because it must be a nightmare for the kid whose Bar mitzvah was in a prison, just like the book would write it out. Imagine what the kid is going to remember, a Bar mitzvah in jail with a bunch of convicts waiting next door, all because his father was arrested (who knows why he was arrested), and then your bar mitzvah is published about in the New York times, oh! and Yakkov shwekey famous Jewish singer sang for you (not the bad part). That's a horrible Bar mitzvah ain't it? unless you wanted it to be memorable.

Now there are hilachic issues that come with making a bar mitzvah in jail, and they don't only pertain to chilul hashem. One is the halachah of bringing a Sefer Torah to people in jail, you aren't allowed to even for Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, the reason being that its a disgrace for the Torah to come to you and you not go to it. This can be applied to a Bar mitzvah, the Bar mitzvah shouldn't be brought to someone in jail along with 60 other people, its not respectful. And if that ain't enough, than at the bar mitzvah the one who is being honored (bar mitzvah boy) usually says a D'var Torah which should not be brought to the jail for one person but; rather, the one person should be brought to it. And if for some reason you don't agree with this past paragraph, that I put so much effort into writing (shame on you), then you can always resort to chilul hashem, and it will still be deemed halachicly wrong. This seems like a good question for the rabbi who allowed this, why did you allow it?

Theres your lesson people, don't make a bar mitzvah in jail or you will bashed for every reason possible. People will be calling it despicable, and posts will line every blog about why you aren't you ashamed. And what a nightmare it will be for your son, like straight out of a goosebumps book.

DO YOU 613?

Me: "...whats you email address"
Them: "blahblahblah613@yahoo.com"

Why is it that frummies always put in a 613, representing all the commandments, into their email address or IM account? I'm sure you know someone with a 613 at the end of their address. It could be the most random things stuck together with a 613, for example; doughnuts613@gmail.com or a name, Jack613@yahoo.com, or a personality, aidel613 (for an IM account), or even a JewsforJesus613@yahoo.com. I don't know why people pick 613 out of all the special numbers that there are, why not 7 for shabbos, or 8 for a bris, or 3 and 4 for the matriarchs and patriarchs, (yes, I got all the special numbers from the famous passover song).

Do they do it as a heter to be on the Internet? As long as they are reminded of the 613 mitzvos then they can be on the Internet all they want, and the Rabbonim will be so proud of them. Or is it for potential shidduchim? "Hey Chaim, scroll down a little, look a something@613, she has to be in your shidduch range".

Its gotten so far that you can find it in Jewish children's books, where a girl went off the "D" and now has a Gmail account with a 613 at the end (just goes to show you how off the "D" she really was), and then she gets some kiruv from her friends and everyone lives heimishly ever after.

I myself am thinking about changing my email address to mikeinmidwood613@yahoo.com, anyone else want to join?

A FRUM GUIDE TO CHULENT EATING

Do you want to be a more heimishe yid? Well to do that you must know that, heimish means self service, dim lighting and a badly kept beard. But there is one more way to become heimish if you don't grow a beard and own a store in boro park, that secret is CHULENT.

There are five times a week a heimishe yid eats chulent (write this down); Thursday night, Friday day, Friday night, shabbos and Sunday. Thursday is a big night for chulent. In Monsey they have something called "Chulent stations", every chassid goes to the gas station and eats chulent there. Why do they sell chulent at a gas station? In Brooklyn we have Deli 52 with their chulent special, Lipa hangs out there. There are many other places that line 13 to 18 avenue that sell chulent, and the opened a Chulent station somewhere in boro park, all this on Thursday.

On Friday a heimishe yid eats chulent while going to the mikvah before shabbos, just a bunch of people sitting around with a bowl of chulent, no wonder you women have a more sanitary mikvohs. On Friday night its shabbos already, so chulent is a given. On a shabbos day a real yid can have chulent up to 3 times and more; once for kiddush after shul, another for the meal, and once again after waking up from his shabbos nap. Then comes the last time during the week, Sunday, where you eat all the leftovers of shabbos.

So if you want to be heimish, go ahead, stuff your face, eat till your sick, add all the kishkeh you can, chulent is your answer; unless you rather buy a store in Borough park and go for the self service and dim lighting.

POP GOES THE FRUMMIE

Is it just me, or did most frum girls decide to place a bump in their hair? I don't get it why would someone want to place a bump in their hair? I can see wanting to make your hair long, curly, straight, short, tie it up in a knot, use a clip, shave your head bald, but a bump is just weird. Besides the fact that it doesn't look good to begin with, what made frum girls decide to bump up their hair. Is there a ban on hair longer than 2 feet and they just bunch it up instead? or (chas v'shalom) its a real style? Can someone please explain.

DO YOU HAVE SHEMA OCD?

There I was in a shul, ma'ariv had approached and we had started shema. I said it as any normal person would say it. The guy a few seats next to me was a different story; he was going at the shema for approximately 10 minutes, as the books title, he was praying with fire. I was in middle of ending my shemonah esray, when this guy finished his shema. I didn't need to be a doctor to diagnose this guy, he has Shema OCD. He didn't just need to say every word once, but 7 or 8 times. I don't understand why one would have such a behavior? Does this guy know some sort of kabbalistic segulah, or something, that says to repeat every word of shema till you've had enough? Do you have any clue what it is, or is it just the symptoms of Shema OCD? I know I have been going on and on about OCD and Jews, but maybe its really true.

AN ALMOST TRUE NEWS REPORT

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In recent news such sites like Vos iz neias and Yeshivah world, have been banned by local authorities. Until recently, reports were unclear as to why the sites were closed down, due to the fact that we get our news from these sites. But in an exclusive interview with an anonymous rabbi, we made the unclear, clear. "To have a yiddishe owned site is a chilul hashem, what will the goyim say if they found out we were using their Internet? nu? and all de machloikesim these sites create is anti yiddishkeit. They are constantly coming up with new halchos in their coffee rooms. I don't even understand how you can have a coffee room in the Internet? who supplies it?" said the anonymous rabbi.

Our very own David Spiegler, is out in the streets giving us live feed from everyday people. David: "Yes Mike, as you can tell this was a big shock to the local Jewish community. It seems to me that we have some very mixed opinions about this recent event. Everyday person: "Its about time they shut down some treife sites like these, anything we do to pure ourselves of sites like these is hashems will". "While another person, Mike, had some other ideas". Other person: "Why would the rabbonim ban such a site? I was commenting on YWN and preaching how we should listen to the rabbonim with no questions asked, but why did they close the site? it was kuloi toirah". (David asking other person) "Do you think that YWN created machloikisim between yidden?". Other person: "Of course it did, who did you think I was yelling at in the coffee room? only the non believers who believe its okay to be commenting on the Internet". David Spiegler: "As you can see some of the views of the people are confusing, as seen with the last one interviewed".

Thank you David. There is yet to be a comment made by the creaters of the sites There are a minority of Rabbis who suggest that they allow the sites to remain open, because they are afraid of the other places the people will get their news from.

I am Mike in M. and good night. dunt dunt dunt dunt dunnunununt (background music).

YOUR COUNTING ON IT

It was the second night of Pesach when you decided to embark on this mission. You thought to yourself, "This year is going to be the one, I'm going to make it all the way, I am going to count sefirah all 49 days". So the first night you are as pumped as people are for megillah leining. You make that brachah loud and clear so that everyone, within a 3 mile radius, should hear. You felt so great that you counted with such a geshmak that night, you wished you can count every night.

From then on you made sure to keep with every halachah and minhug that their was. You made sure that if someone asked what day it was, you can answer with "last night was this and this". Every time they told you to daven for the amud, you jumped at the chance for everyone to hear your brachah. You would go with a fire, and scream "Baruch....... Hayom yom..... Ba'omer!!!!", you didn't care whether anyone was shouting at you that you said Ba'omer and not La'omer, or that the brachah took 12 minutes altogether, you went on.

But it came the closing days of sefirah, and you were wondering what would happen if you said it everyday, with a brachah. You asked your local rabbi about what would happen. He told you that you just were mikaim a mitzvah, and then its over. That night you were thinking about it "I am counting for something, right? then the counting must end, soon. The rabbi is right it will be over. No more counting till next year!?!". But you loved counting so much, you could have been hired by sesame street to be the count, that this hurt you. Instant fear gripped your mind. You run out of shul screaming in the street "yidden yidden!!! you cant count sefirah in a few days, these are precious times don't waste them!!!". You go over to one fellow and say "Tonight is the 46th night, don't forget that and don't stop counting!!!". You leave the fellow thinking your crazy, then you realize you just said sefirah one night without a brachah (saying tonight is whatever, is considered counting and you cant make the brachah that night).

If you thought you lost it before, now you really did, you missed a night with a brachah!!!! Your heart begins to pound, you start sweating, as if someone is about to kill you. Your panicking, what will you do? "All is lost" you think to yourself "All those nights I kept up with it and now I missed it, everything sucks!". You pass out from all the tension you have caused yourself.

You find yourself days later in a hospital, hooked up to an IV. You ask the first Jewish person you see what day it is, they tell two days after Shavous. "AFTER SHAVOUS" you say, "But that means I completely missed 3 whole days of counting!!". You take a few short breaths, the pressure of not counting now plus missing counting before, creates the flat line sound of your cardiac monitor (in other words, your'e dead).

MUM

After realizing that there wasn't enough labels for people, they decided to come up with a new one, Modern Unorthodox Machmir. These people are not like the modern orthodox machmir, like anyone really knows what that is to begin with, or like regular unorthodox. They are a group of people that decided that they are unorthodox, but are machmir in some cases, making them the new, or modern, unorthodox and machmir.

Well not anyone can just be Modern Unorthodox Machmir, you have to keep to a set of rules from that are derabanan and ignore the rest of which are deoraisah. For example; they will drive to shul on shabbos, they only eat the shmurah matzoh, but dip their McDonalds french fries in saltwater, they eat only chulent that was heated on the blech, but yet turn on and off lights on shabbos.

But they aren't just machmir on the derabanans like saying sefirah, they are also machmir on environmental issues as well. They are warned about the 11th commandment "though shall not have a massive carbon footprint". Weekly sermons from Rabbi Rebecca, and her husband Reverend Davis, at the local shul, are constantly reminding the kehillah about the need to keep the planet clean, and are putting bans on new products that falsely claim to save the environment, every day. Therefore the community of MUM's will only have one child, use recycled paper and strap themselves to trees all over the world.

The life of an MUM is a tough one, only the most Machmir of Jews are zocheh to enter their sect of Judaism.

SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE, I CANT SOLVE THAT PHRASE

We are warned about the shidduch crisis, and all it creates, everyday; whether it be from the yated or mishpachah, the Jewish press, or even our very own Frum Single Female. How many people think they have an answer to it? raise you hands (or press shift on your keyboard 5 times). Well if you are raising your hand or pressed shift 5 times, you made a big mistake (raising your hand is stupid because no one can see through your computer screen, and pressing you shift key that many times will show a sign on your monitor asking you if you want sticky keys).

Reason number one why you made a mistake: The shidduch crisis is based on people. People are human if you didn't know, and humans make mistakes. People make mistakes thinking that, someone who thinks slightly different then them is completely out of the question, and not even worth checking out to see if its a potential marriage. Of course this, as any other human perspective, evolved, it grew from the fact that shadchanim exist. Shadchanim are simply people who tried to fit everyone in a box, if you don't fit into the box you are outside the box, and not worthy enough to be set up with people on the inside of it, simple enough. But the idea expanded, not only did they just make a box, they made it really hard to get into, the slightest of "deficiencies" is going to get you kicked out; if you were once a yeshivah rebel, or you wear blue shirts, or maybe you work, or you have plastic at the shabbos table, if you're a girl you may be to smart, whatever the case maybe your out. Then the idea grew so big it became a crisis within itself, like an epidemic that started out as a flu vaccination, it wasn't originally meant to harm, now everyone is judging who's in this box and in one of three other boxes with every glance, its not just shadchanim. How do you stop an evolving crisis that cant be killed from its source a.k.a. the shadchan, I don't know.

Answer number 2 why you made a mistake: who wants sticky keys anyway? I like mine nice and clean. You shouldnt have pressed shift 5 times just because I said so, I wouldnt have known if you did either way, but if you really think you do have an answer you can leave a comment with your idea.

So the answer is, SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE is not possible, its to complicated and is therefore unsolvable, because if it were to be solved it wouldnt be unsolvable.

WERE GOING OVERBOARD.

This product claims to make things chametz free, because that's its name "chametz free". It uses plastic covers for door handles, faucets, cabinets, and anything else that has handles. As you can see on your picture to the right on the bottom, there is a doorknob with a cover on it, as I said before it claims to make things chametz free. Now why would you need to have your doorknobs chametz free?!!!!!!........ ! Your cabinets I can barely understand, and thats if they are in the kitchen. Faucets I don't understand, at all, because you can kosher a metal faucet, and its normal to do so. So why do you need them? the answer is, you don't, that's right you don't. Its all a conspiracy to get people to buy these stupid products, and this wasn't even made by Kosher Innovations. And that's bad, because now you will have two stupid companies fighting to come up with even stupider inventions, and us, the people will have to buy them because we may not be frum enough with out it. And it will all end up with a shadchan asking if you put covers on your doorknobs for Pesach, to determine if you are holy enough to be dealt with.

Yes we are going overboard, and somebody save us.

IS IT TRUE

Does anyone believe that story of the talking fish in new square? You know the one that happened quite a few years ago and everyone was going crazy about. I think too many parables about talking fish have gotten to their heads, dontcha think? If I am not mistaken the fish talked about Messiah (of course). I don't see how the story could have gotten that big, if I told that over to someone, they would think I'm joking or think I'm crazy. Well, do you believe this story or not, and would you eat this fish if you saw it talking?

THE REAL YESHIVISH LOOK

Although Yeshivos have been around for quite a long time, the style for one who goes there has has hit rock bottom only now, and in a culture full of fashion. Why did that happen? If it would have been 200 years ago where no one had enough money, I would understand why, but for it to happen now, that's ridiculous. I guess you could say that a yeshiva is a place for people to be different then the culture around them, so they must have a horrible style in an age of fashion.

What makes a yeshiva bochur, look like a real yeshiva bochur? and I'm not talking about the ones who must have 100$ shirts.

Your white shirt can only be white for, the first hour you wear it coming out of the dryer, and no it doesn't get ironed so its all wrinkly. After a full days work, your white shirt should be either gray, or stained with coffee or an assortment of liquidy foods, for example: chulent. Your shirt must be tucked half in to your pants, all the time. Sleeves are never buttoned, or cuffed, or even rolled up, especially when eating.

Your Tzitzis are the whitest part of your attire, chas v'shalom you have gray ones, otherwise your a goy, because everyone knows only goyim have gray tzitzis. You must have the thick woolen tzitzis, with it always hanging out. It depends on who if the tzitzis are out neatly or not. The neat way is with it hanging out from the belt, which is the only part of you're attire that looks superb, and the not neat way is for it too be very loose, and you can see the actual tzitzis garment hanging out.

Shoes cant have any laces, if they do you are wasting time from learning by tying them. Black shoes are the only type allowed in yeshivos, and no sneakers (sneakers need laces, see lace rule).

Your pants have to be either too long or too short, and the they wouldn't stay on you if it weren't for the belt.

I seem to think that with out The Belt, a yeshivah bochur cant make it with this look ( or get to the verrazano bridge), it helps the tzitzit, and it keeps the pants on. And when he is older and has a cell phone it could clip right on, that way he'll be able to text when ever he has a seder. I think it should be called the multi utility belt, like batman has. Batman also has the black color to his suit, like a yeshivah bochur (is batman a yeshivah bochur?).

The Jacket: One of these things should last on a bochur for almost for ever, and it will always be small on you. This jacket was an old shabbos suit jacket, and now has become the yeshiva jacket, because of a new shabbos jacket that came in because the one you were wearing (which is your new yeshivah jacket) was too small for shabbos, hence it will always be too small. This will, and should, never be taken off you, whether it be in the bathroom, or hot as hell outside, the jacket stays on. You are required by no law to wear it all the time, but you do anyway, also it has to have some stains, and its never washed.

Your hat for yeshiva cant be of any sale value, in other words, it has to be junk. The characteristics they must have is, the ability to be smashed, mailed in an envelope, then pressed by a very dusty rock, and all it needs is one bang and a punch, and its as good as it was before you did this process. Usually worn upward because if it to be worn with the brim down, it would look like the junk that it is.

This is the real yeshivish look, but you cant just look the look to be a yeshiva bochur, although you can fool many, but you still have to talk the talk, and walk the walk of a real yeshiva bochur to be one.