Sunday, January 17, 2010

Another Edition of Mike Tonight

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In frum news, a new wave of people in Israel have been living by segulos for everything they need. They have been reported to "dial a Yeshua" for all their basic needs from the organization called Kupat Ha'ir, and have tried everything else to get help besides pray to g-d for it. As one "Segulaist" said, "Why pray when a rabbi can promise you anything, think of it as a genie with a beard".

Although not everybody is happy with this lack of faith in g-d. Many are disgusted that the more radical Segulaists don't even attend shul anymore. Others are more disgusted that people wont use shadchans anymore and rather rely on a segula to get married instead. One shadchan poured out her heart to us "(sob) its just.... its just that I love manipulating people into going out with each other (choke, sob) why wont they let me continue (sob) lets just ban segulos".

In a even more recent report, the Segulaists have pretty much broken off from mainstream orthodoxy, and even have cult like behaviors. Just this past motzei shabbos they had a gathering in the forest of Jerusalem behind yad v'shem. We had are very own David Spiegler there to report the story. David Spiegler: "Yes Mike, as you can see (no you cant this is bloggeradio) behind me there are havdalah candles lit all over and about 400 people dancing around making Indian noises and showering in the havdalah wine and some even going as far as to wash there clothing in it. To onlookers it seems like a cult ritual that includes immersing in wine, but we spoke to one of the group leaders who organized it and she had this to say".

Group leader Avigayil Sidorov (spoken with a heavy Israeli accent): "We are not a cult of any sort, although it might look like it due to the candles lit and the bathing in havdalah wine, but in actuality we are just performing the well known segula of taking the havdalah wine and putting it on your forehead. Its just that over time people put it on their eyes to purify them and in their pockets so they can get money for the coming week, so we decided to just dip our whole selves in it and we will cover everything, and we wash our clothing in it so we don't miss any pockets or any other segulos".

David Spiegler: Despite their intentions, Mike, it seems like a real cult. Back to you in Midwood I'm David Spiegler.

Me: Thank you David, in other frum news there was an earthquake in Haiti killing 200,000 and leaving many with out homes and others trapped under the rubble.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.
This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pizza Store Conversations

Some people go to a Starbucks to drink coffee and get wifi so they can keep up with every ones lives on twitter or facebook. Others get the coffee and wonder about what everyone else is thinking. I'm telling you that if you really want to know what others are thinking and/or want to get the latest buzz on someones life then walk into a Brooklyn pizza store, its as simple as that.

It just so happens to be that this very concept was rudely thrust into my face when I went for pizza the other day with an acquaintance. I sat down behind a guy, probably in his late 20's early thirties, talking to his mother. I didn't even have to turn around to try and figure out what he was talking about or check his status to find out whats the big issue in his life, he simply told me. Okay not really told me, but he said it loud enough for anyone to hear, so its as if he told me.

Me and my acquaintance didn't feel like hearing about his whole life, but this is how it went. He was arguing with his mother over his fathers estate, although it didn't sound like his father was dead yet. He went on to explain how his father treats him like dirt and doesn't invite him to football games. His mother tried telling him that that's not true, but he knew the truth. At one point they were talking about someone else who they knew and did not have a father, and somehow loud mouth in a pizza shop didn't want to "share" his own father with someone else. His mother tried to convince him that this guy needs a father, to which he persistently said " I have a father why should I give up mine to help him out just because he doesn't have one, its not my fault". At this point me and my acquaintance were scratching our heads, didn't he just say that his father treats him like dirt? It went on and on, constantly arguing back and forth on every single subject about family and money to doctors, lawyers and psychologists, and that wasn't the mother boasting about of her sons accomplishments. My acquaintance was speculating about telling them to just shut up because no one wants to hear it, I said I would take a video if he did for proof, it didn't happen in the end and we just left. We did try to make our own little argument to hint to them that arguing in public is rude, and that didn't work too well.

Ahem, right, so getting back to the point if you really want to do what it is i wrote in the opening paragraph, then a Brooklyn pizza store is the place. Do you have any stories of weird conversations you might have been forced to listen to? do tell.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

a proposed theory to the fish story.

You were the happiest child around; your face was gleaming with pride. You were the luckiest something and 3 quarters year old there ever was. You just won your first ever goldfish at the local carnival in some dudes backyard. You drank that cup of punch faster than anyone else, making you the winner of the goldfish. It could have been a stupid prize, but you didn't care because it was your stupid prize pet with a 3 second memory.

You came home found the nearest bowl dumped Duggy (the name you gave it) in it and watched it float around for a while. You took breadcrumbs and fed it to Duggy, he was your best friend. You would run home to him after school everyday and then tell him about your problems. The only problem was that he gave you a blank stare back with almost no reaction.

One day you came to find that Duggy was pacing his bowl back and forth as if he was debating something. You ask "whatsa matter Duggy?". And then the unexpected happens, Duggy says back "Don't you get it, this whole world is only worth wherever I can travel and that isn't too far!". You look at the Goldfish and say "You can talk?" to which Duggy replies "Of course I could but I don't do it often because its hard to talk when you underwater", you nod your head in acknowledgement remembering the time you stuck your head underwater and tried to talk. You ask "But I didn't know fish could talk? wouldn't somebody have found out by now that fish could talk?", to which Duggy replies, "People have tried to tell others we talk but nobody believes them, who would, I wouldn't even believe it" you make a confused expression to duggy's statement. Just then your fish floats to the top and turns over. You promise yourself that one day people will know that fish talk, and that its just hard for them to do so, your story is going to be believed.

Sometime within that year the talking fish story came out and made headlines on every Jewish websites... soon after it even got its on tehillim group to pray that duggy's neshama gets an aliyah.

Warning: long post for those of you who only like short

This past week I have been quite tough on my blog considering the usual. It just happened to be that I discovered that my mind went blank when I tried to think of a post. So I tried looking over old posts to maybe get a fresh look at something, but that didn't work. I read other peoples blogs for insight, but I only could think of a "Why be atheist" type post which didn't go well the first time I tried, so that didn't work. I tried thinking of the latest topic of the day and write whatever it is that comes to mind on it, but nothing new came up. I tried thinking of a theoretical post of what could possibly be with our community or with a certain company that we trust, but been there done that. Then after a week of thinking I realized I'm burnt out! there is nothing left to post about, at which point I looked at it again and said to myself "Wait I'm not burnt out yet, and there are current events to write about, like the dybbuk" which was staring in my face the whole week. And thus the blog was saved.

About that dybbuk. Did they finally get rid of it? I heard they tried skype and it didn't work, and then they had something last week in Israel were a real kabbalist came out to do his voodoo. I personally don't believe this dybbuk is real, its like the talking fish story everyone wants it to be real but the fish didnt talk. I think this guy being "posessed" is a great ventriloquist, or nuts. The only real way to tell is to get the guy drunk, if the dybbuk is really in then the dybbuk will talk, if not the drunk guys scheme will be unveiled because the "dybbuk" will have suddenly disappeared.

What I need to do is to find out about more about this. Maybe station myself in the nearest yeshiva coffee room and just listen, then ill get the latest "Hock" that's flying around, and probably all the nonsense too..

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Just A Few Thoughts

Don't you find it funny that there are all these little things in life that contradict each other, isn't it funnier when its the big things in life.

YU had a whole convention for the coming out of the closet gay frum Jews. Then every single chareidi rabbi condemns it and there are a bunch of words like abomination going around. YU is targeted and called a Toeivah institution, this causes more hate on it from the frummie community. Here's the funny part, Yeshiva University only had a conference about gay Jews, but yet when the Frum Community is faced with actual acts of sexual abuse they cover it up and hide it for fear that the yeshivos will close down or that chas v'shalom a family name should be ruined. It sickens me that there are people out there that can ruin a persons life mentally, completely destroying it and having the victims lose their sense of self, feeling isolated, and having to undergo years of therapy just to get back to normal, and yet the Jewish community hardly gives a damn. When it comes to a discussion on Toeivah they scream and riot and whatever. Tell me whats the real abomination here it doesnt take a genius.