AN UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE

I hope everyone liked the superpower meme, it seems like everyone is enjoying it.... oh you did like it, well you're welcome or uhh... thank you.

Now to the post.

It was not too long ago that I stepped into the source of judaica (a judaica store) and I had a very unpleasant experience. I decided I needed a new pair of tzitzis and a new kippah in honor of rosh hashanah, being that I was going anyway I was asked to get some for by brother too. So I went to the nearest judaica store. As I was searching for a kippah that fit, trying many on to see if I want with a rim, no rim, 6 part, or 4 part, one of the guys from register came over to me and asked me, wait scratch that, told me "You're done, come and you'll pay for it". Now this wasn't at anytime near when they close so I have no clue why he was rushing me, but anyhow I looked at him and said, "Actually I'm not done, so I'm not going to pay yet" he seemed a little annoyed. Then I called my brother to ask what type of kippah he would like, the guy at the register (he walked back) was eyeing me for some stupid reason, maybe he thought I was going to pocket a kippah and not pay for it.

After I got my kippot, I went to look for some tzitzit, now this time as I was walking past him he said "okay lets pay for what you've got" and once again I said "Actually I'm still not done yet" and then he sighed, who in the world does that in front of a customer. I looked for some tzitzit, I tried some on and chose what I wanted, then I decided to take my sweet time getting to the register, just to annoy him.

Now this is some service that I didn't like, why was he rushing me? why was he giving the evil eye to me? why did he want to have me pay for things when I could buy more?

Now I am not someone to leave you with a bad story, so I would like to tell you that I walked into the 7-11, that has shown racism, the one on avenue M, and I actually came out with a smile this time all because of the service. So you see people, especially now that rosh hashanah is coming, you should give everybody a smile and treat them nicely because it can leave an impression on them, and if you don't then they might not go back to your store.

INTERESTING NEWS

Good evening I am your host Mike In Midwood. In tonight's news the global chain store Gap has sold one of its top and most expensive branches, Banana Republic, to a Jewish organization made up of rabbis know as Agudath Yisroel. The offer was made by the rabbis after they noticed that there were many orthodox Jews who shopped there often, one anonymous rabbi was reported saying "Its ah shandah dat dey buy frum dis Banana Republic, bananas are meant for monkeys and dats for de shvartzes you see on de street". The new frum chain store, Rabbinical Republic, will sell only expensive black clothing (the picture shows the manikins). The designer of the new chain store told us in an exclusive interview, ".... There will be so many different styles of black it will blow your mind...". The new Frum store will be opening up worldwide next z'man.

In other news (straightens stack of papers), Kosher Innovations has made your commute to the city just a little more kosher. The idea came up as coworkers, at the KI main building on 13th ave. in Boro Park, were brainstorming as to what to do for all the people who don't drive to work, and therefore don't use a kosher GPS to guide them, how will they get to work kosherly? One of the coworkers told us how it went down, "We just couldn't figure out what other useless item we can innovate, then someone mentioned Kosher subway cars, and we all jumped over the idea". The new Kosher subway cars, much like the kosher GPS, will feature a male voice, instead of a woman's and a mashgiach to make sure the car stays kosher. The male voice will be used to tell you which stop is next and to stay clear of the closing doors (please). The idea is being tossed around the MTA as of now, and is said that if the new subway cars come in the fare will be hiked up another 25 cents.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.

This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

TREKKING UP TO THE MOUNTAINS

Almost everybody on the block rented a u-haul, stuffed it up, and then traveled to the mountains this week. It was a site to see, parents calling out kids names to see if they left anything behind, trying to figure out how to squish in another suitcase and sheitel, O' it was a blast. Don't think that was the only reason I liked this week. In addition to watching them pack up I also saw them pack out of Brooklyn, which means MORE PARKING!!! spaces! LESS CROWDED SUPERMARKETS!!!

Why am I celebrating so hard? well have you ever tried looking for parking for 45 minutes? or was pissed off that someone took up two spots instead of one? or have someone blocking your driveway for a "minute"? Do you like the double parking on Coney Island ave.? my answer is no, and that is why I am so happy.

Have you ever walked into Moishe's discount supermarket with a pushcart, and tried to maneuver yourself out of one jam only to move into another, its just too crowded there (that's why I like Pomegranate better, but I don't go there often, its expensive). And forget about Thursday nights, its complete havoc in there. What I hate most are the spaced out bluetooth wearers, they just yap away about whatever and it can take a while before they realize they are in your way. Ooh and some are so stuck up, looking to see which is a better tomato sauce, pick one already and stop blocking the aisle.

But that is all over, those extra crowded supermarkets are gonna be upstate where I ain't, and parking will be a breeze, thank g-d for this wonderful idea of a summer retreat.

STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF PEOPLE WILL THINK YOURE ON BLUETOOTH

The one thing I never want to be called is, a person who shops while on a bluetooth or a cellphone. I find these people to be the ones who forgot the list of items to buy, and therefore have to phone home to get it. I don't want to be named the list forgetter. This is why I don't want to use a cellphone while shopping. So then why not use bluetooth? no one will see or notice it, and that, I answer, is precisely the problem, as seen in this example:

You are looking for a certain type of tomato sauce while talking to your spouse, there is a person right next to you who is also looking for tomato sauce, but without a wireless device. You then proceed to say to your spouse, "What you want isn't here", the person next to you asks while wondering why you said that "how do you know?" You then say to your spouse "Honey are you sure they had it last time?", the person next to you responds "Well yes, and why did you call me honey?", You then say to your spouse "Its not here now, they must have run out", and then the person next to you is bewildered. "Excuse me" they say "that makes no sense, because they had it last time, they must have ran out of it this time? you don't even know what I am looking for!". You then move to another isle, and the person you left behind, who was next to you, thinks your crazy. I don't want to be thought of as crazy.

There is another way people used to think you were crazy, and that would be if you talked to yourself. If people don't see the small bluetooth, they will think you are talking to yourself and you are deemed crazy. But now that people will think you are on bluetooth, because its common, they will know you aren't crazy. Which brings me to the title of this post "Stop talking to yourself people will think you're on bluetooth". As I mentioned above, I don't want to be deemed a list forgetter, and if I talk to myself people will think I am on bluetooth, which means I forgot the list of items to buy, I dont want people to think that of me.

So people, don't talk to yourself while shopping, you might be called a list forgetter. See what a twisted world we live in.

THE CHALLAH THIEF

It was in a unmentionable place where it happened. The scene: My mother buying challah, a cart that cant fit through all the aisles and the challah thief.

It was today, a Friday, that it happened. My mother was out buying challah in Mountain fruit, she doesn't like water challah only egg and round, She picks up the last two chalot of that kind. As she was going around another aisle, with her cart unattended (something that should never be done in Jewish stores) due to small aisles, a person went to her cart took out one of her good challos and put in a lesser quality challah instead. My mother only noticed that she now had the wrong type of challah when she came to the register.

This person had the chutzpah to take out something from another cart, and not only that, but to switch it with another one, that's absurd. I understand if you by mistake added something to someone elses cart, you get confused it happens, but this person is just wrong. Something tells me that its not the first time they did it.

So watch out all you unmentional place goers, there is a challah thief (I will find out who you are). If you have any information at all (not giving you the name of the store so I am making it kind of hard), don't keep it to yourself, contact us with a comment below, you can keep yourself anonymous if you'd like.

MANY THINGS ON THE HIGH HOLIDAYS

First up is the shopping. Its dangerous out there watch your back. If you have ever seen the pre x-mas shopping or the piling up on supplies for an expected snowstorm (which are shockingly crazy) it is those two combined. People screaming and running, stealing, pushing (this ain't helping you for the new year), children, guys on bluetooth, its all that in a crowded little spot with carts that don't fit the isles. People getting stepped on a tug-a-war for a little jar of honey or sugar, children crying for their mommies and men asking for the whole holiday list (which they forgot) on a cellphone. For a real good explanation on what happens checkout Frumcolleggirl she experienced the worst.

Then comes the Shuls. Over at Frumsatire he questions whether you should pay for seats if you are already a member. I don't know why and I think I agree that you shouldn't have to pay if you are already a member of the shul. Since I live in a community which really doesn't care about being a member to a certain shul, their is no doubt that you you pay for a seat. Then comes the aliyahs which are sold through a bidding. What happens if no one wants to buy an aliyah do they give em out for free?

I have heard that many shuls want an attraction to the shul for the High holidays. So they get a very good chazzan. My opinion on the chazzan is the better he is at chazzonus means the slower we go, now that's a big turn off for me. Dont know what the shuls are thinking. A good Shofar blower now that's an attraction the longer the Tekiah the better. I think it should be a halacha that you can only have a good shofar blower. If hes bad people will say loshon hara about him and that will ruin the chances of getting written in the good book.

After the holiday is over you have a new holiday to prepare for and only four days to do it. Sukkos. And you'll have fun finding the kosher esrog which maybe a little hard this year due to shmittah and building a temporary dwelling for yourself. Well to all have a happy healthy pre new year and (post) new year.