AN UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE

I hope everyone liked the superpower meme, it seems like everyone is enjoying it.... oh you did like it, well you're welcome or uhh... thank you.

Now to the post.

It was not too long ago that I stepped into the source of judaica (a judaica store) and I had a very unpleasant experience. I decided I needed a new pair of tzitzis and a new kippah in honor of rosh hashanah, being that I was going anyway I was asked to get some for by brother too. So I went to the nearest judaica store. As I was searching for a kippah that fit, trying many on to see if I want with a rim, no rim, 6 part, or 4 part, one of the guys from register came over to me and asked me, wait scratch that, told me "You're done, come and you'll pay for it". Now this wasn't at anytime near when they close so I have no clue why he was rushing me, but anyhow I looked at him and said, "Actually I'm not done, so I'm not going to pay yet" he seemed a little annoyed. Then I called my brother to ask what type of kippah he would like, the guy at the register (he walked back) was eyeing me for some stupid reason, maybe he thought I was going to pocket a kippah and not pay for it.

After I got my kippot, I went to look for some tzitzit, now this time as I was walking past him he said "okay lets pay for what you've got" and once again I said "Actually I'm still not done yet" and then he sighed, who in the world does that in front of a customer. I looked for some tzitzit, I tried some on and chose what I wanted, then I decided to take my sweet time getting to the register, just to annoy him.

Now this is some service that I didn't like, why was he rushing me? why was he giving the evil eye to me? why did he want to have me pay for things when I could buy more?

Now I am not someone to leave you with a bad story, so I would like to tell you that I walked into the 7-11, that has shown racism, the one on avenue M, and I actually came out with a smile this time all because of the service. So you see people, especially now that rosh hashanah is coming, you should give everybody a smile and treat them nicely because it can leave an impression on them, and if you don't then they might not go back to your store.

A CHABAD POST

I am no chabadnick, but I know few things (Fabrengin, see I know something) when it comes to the lubavs. I know that they are the source of the Elders of Zion, going around converting everyone (I know they don't convert people). I know that they wont go day without a cup of vodka. I know they daven real late, 10:00 is the early minyan.

Somethings I love about 770, yeah I've been there, is that, you will never have a permanent seat. First try getting a seat, each one is taken and not given up easily, the place is always packed. Once you get one, don't stand for shemona esray, it will surely be taken. You could do the siddur on the table in front of you trick, to save your seat, your siddur will be taken away. You could even put it on your seat, to try and save it, but when you return to your seat it will be replaced with someone elses hat.

I love kri'yas hatorah, every single aliyah is given to someone getting married that week, which means that after every aliyah candy is thrown for the soon to be chosson. You could have 3 separate minyanim in 770 at one time, for ever chosson to get an aliyah; because, they come from around the globe just to get an aliyah at 770.

But recently after session of throwing candy, one of the candies hit the gabbai in his eye, he is partially blind in it right now, hopefully he will get better soon. He spoke about this to whoever is the head of 770, and they seem to want to get rid of the candy throwing business. I don't think that they need to stop it, how many years is it going on that no one got hurt, one incident is rare, I say don't stop it. But it seems like its going to stop, and one of my favorite lubav past times will drift away.

So what do you say to my first chabad post?

SO YOU WANT TO START A KOSHER BUSINESS

So you have came up with your new "best idea ever". Your "new best idea ever" is to start a kosher business. Your reasons: 1) Prove everyone it is the "best idea ever". 2) to prove it to yourself. 3) To make some money.

You start out looking for a lone from a bank. You get a generous offer and will pay back in 10 years. You look for a place in the back country to open up the factory. You find a nice place in the Midwest. You start out with hiring. You pick up some good workers and offer them a nice pay, teach them the safety rules, and move on with your "best idea ever".

Year 1. You are just starting out. The other companies are just to good. You have ideas to catch up with them. Overall things are going well. Mid. first year. You are getting noticed by the New York area. Other companies are thinking of you as a threat.

Year 2. The competition is still out there. All you need to do is just have an edge. A strike of brilliance has occurred. You could lower your prices, make it better or, have some useless toy to go with. You decide to go with the cheapening of the prices and the junk toy to go with the candy (Hey, I haven't even mentioned what your company does till here). But how to cheapen the prices? Another stroke of genius. You decide to look in "Jewish business for Am ha'aratzem (dummies)". You decide to hire underage workers. You allow the minors to enter the workforce, for a lower than minimum wage; then you will be able to sell for less, and have the edge you need. Instantly your company has succeeded. You give thanks to "Jewish business for Am ha'aratzem".

Year 3,4,5. Now you are able to brag to you friends and family that, your best idea ever was the "best idea ever". they don't agree, and say "It was your best idea ever not the best idea ever". You don't care, you have sole power of the kosher candy kingdom. You admire the fact, that all the candy men of every shul need to buy from you. You are asked to give a sizable amount of money to charities, such as; Lev La'achim, Chai lifeline and many more such. No one knows that that, was all ma'aser money. You are part of the elite Jewish monopoly owners, such as; Artscroll, Rubashkins and many more such. You have gained respect. You have paid back the bank loan early.

Year 6,7,8. You look at your vast Kosher candy empire and see it as too small. You decide to go worldwide. You wish to take a big loan from the bank. They are reluctant to give that big of an amount. You show them false records indicating an able payback. You are sure you can payback. You have now run in with a problem, countries you want to sell it to have tariffs. So to keep up with those companies you decide, to do what you did last time, to lower prices. You need a foolproof method. The same stroke of brilliance or, was it genius, has come around again. You hire a bunch of Mexicans, almost 400 undocumented workers, to help out. You fire most of the staff who earns more then minimum wage. You don't teach the undocumented workers any safety, since who cares if they lose an arm they cant sue, or they risk being deported. Now you can compete with foreign candy companies.

Year 9. After many years of the health department keeping you in business; for some odd reason they started checking up on you more closely. Reports of beaten workers came across the board. you deny it, and then beat the workers for squealing. kidding. You give them lower wages. PETA is now onto you, why, you do not know. Is it because of the animal crackers? Then the FBI is seriously checking up on you. Next days headlines show " a meth lab in (insert your company name here)" You had absolutely no clue, or did you ( suspicious).

You are going out of your mind. Soon all your workers are being deported. The bank is demanding its money, and bringing the fake documents you used to prove you will be able to pay, and comparing it to your real ones. Your "best idea ever" is about to turn to worst. With no other choice you deny everything. Your family and friends take away your bragging rights you had in year 3,4,5. The respect you had in those years are all gone. Some are still rooting for you and claiming its all antisemitism. You are doomed hopefully you get 50 years in jail.

Year 1-50 in jail. You look back and think "maybe I should have read more from Jewish business for Am ha'aratzem". Too bad, to late.

If you didn't get the story yet, its a spoof on Agri processors. Hope you enjoyed, because everything got erased halfway through and now I am happy I finished.

SHUL POLITICS: THE CANDY MAN

I missed one important person who is a big part of every shul where children go. That man is THE CANDY MAN. He's every child's favorite person (of course he bribes them), giving them lollis, bazooka bubble gum, anything made by Leibers or Bloomie's and Laffy taffy. (of course there is much more, I'm just not gonna write it all out).

When I was younger I would go over to the candy man in the shul I went to, countless times always asking for more junk so my teeth can rot. I wasnt the only one who did this. So I am wondering how can a candy man daven and hand out to children countless items of tastiness. What happens in middle of Shmona Esray with tons of kids asking for candy and tugging at his pants? Maybe that's why he gives them the lollis so they keep it in their mouths and it acts as a passifier.

We interrupt this important post with breaking news: We are outside live in front of a famous shuls rabbis house. there seems to be a protest by many people who want a Kugel man in shul for all the older people. They appear to be reasoning they will keep quiet in shul if there plan goes through also the kugel will be sponsored by the new Kugel man. We now return to our interrupted post.

The candy man has one of the most "important" jobs in the whole shul (keeping the kid community in a none whiny state) and its one of the more favorite jobs. This wasn't in my shul but I have heard that every year there is (in certain shuls) an election for who gets to be the famed candy man. In some shuls they have a room designated for all the nosh kids like. Where I went it wasn't as high tech as I described a sentence before. It was this one guy who had some candy in his tails bag which he kept in shul.

Ill end this post with a question. What happens if there happens to be two candy men in one shul. As said by some famous blogger "Ill leave the rest to the comments".