KOLLEL-OPOLY

From the makers of the hit game Jewish Geography, comes the new game of Kollel-opoly. PB (Pollack Brothers) have come out with numerous games that represent the Jewish lifestyle, the game of life being one of them (includes the shidduch crisis and all). The Pollack Brothers were thought to have made a knock off of the original game monopoly, but they specifically said kollel-opoly had nothing to do with it.

How to play: There are up to 8 players, and 8 pieces; A black hat, a jacket, a no lace shoe, a white shirt, a yeshivishe car, one female (modestly dressed) and other such characters. Each player starts off at NU MOVE IT ALREADY (GO), where each player, as they go around the board, will collect their 200$ kollel paycheck for the month. Each player spins the dice, and whatever number it says on the dice, that's how many spaces you move. Don't worry, there is a mechitzah that lines the board to accommodate the one female player, so as to coincide with halachah.

Buying Yeshivos: To buy Yeshivos, for example: the highest priced yeshivah is Beis Medrash Gevoah or BMG (the equivalent to boardwalk) is priced at 400$. If you have a set of yeshivos in one area you can make the tuition higher for the yeshivos, just simply buy coffee rooms (houses), if you have bought 5 coffee rooms, you exchange it for a Dormitory (hotel), this increases the price of tuition in your yeshivos.

Kollel, Free parking, and go to kollel: Kollel (equivalent to Jail) you can make transactions through kollel (remember you have bluetooth and a blackberry). To get out of Kollel (chas v'shalom) you must pay a minimum fee of 50$ kinas, you may then leave next turn, you can stay in kollel up to three turns (you have to go home to your wife sometime, although not recommended). Free parking; lucky you, you don't live in Brooklyn, you cheap Jew always looking to find free parking. Go to Kollel; when you land on this space you must go directly to kollel and do not collect 200$ monthly kollel paycheck.

Children's tuition (equivalent to income tax): When you land on this space, you can either pay 200$ or you can pay 10% of your money to the yeshiva (of course you cant pay all the tuition, you're in kollel)

Wife Expenses (equivalent to luxury tax): When landing on this space you pay 75$ automatic to the bank.

Mazal and communities chest (that's right, take all the community funds for your kollel lifestyle): If you land on one of these spaces you pick up a card. Some may tell you "the community put pressure on you to learn and not work, go directly to kollel do not collect 200$ kollel paycheck" or "shvigger dies you inherit 100$" or "section 8 govt fund didn't come this month, pay for each yeshiva 100$ (remember yeshivos are in basements)" or "Rav gives you brachah you had children, pay 100$ hospital fee" or "tzedakah collector comes by and gives you sob story, pay 15$ (poor tax)".

Coffee works, Electric company, and Cities (equivalent to railroads): The cities are Kiryas yoel, Williamsburg, Lakewood and Bnei brak. The cities combine to make a big impact when together, same for coffee works ( to run your coffee rooms, obviously) and electric company (you aint paying the bill).

The object of the game is to live in a kollel lifestyle, and yet still manage to own the whole board. Have fun playing.

If you have any questions, any suggestions for a future game, or in need of more information visit us at PBJews.com

WHEN JEWISH GEOGRAPHY GOES TO FAR

Your life has sucked for just too long. All your friends just run away. Its time to get back at them. What will you do? You can, either: A) ditch them for new ones B) get a semi automatic gun, throw a huge party inviting all of them, and then mow them down with your new murder weapon, or C) Be so attached to them, they will go nuts. You speculate that B) may result in someone pressing charges, leading to life in prison (only to make new friends there), and C) will annoy the heck out of you. You remembered that; you took a course on how to play game shows and when two out of the three don't fit, it must be the third, so you go with A).

Now you are wondering, how do I make friends the Jewish way. You think for a bit then exclaim "JEWISH GEOGRAPHY!!!" (as the light bulb bursts from on top of your head). So you run into the nearest yeshivah, looking for your first victim. You spot a guy wearing a; white shirt, black hat, dark colored jacket and dark pants. You run to him and ask "where do you learn?" The guy looks at you for a moment, then he overcomes the shock, and says "right here". You say "Oh really... how nice" as you realize that he obviously learns here. You quickly run away thinking, "Hes just an unfriendly fellow".

You find another dude in a white shirt hat and jacket with black pants. You ask him "So where you from?" He says "Who wants to know". You say "I do, so.... do you know so and so, because he was just so weird I had to"..... Yeshivish guy cuts you off and says "I think you are looking for the guy over there". You say "You're a good friend, what do you want to do tomorrow. Should we go out for pizza, or....." The yeshivish looks up from his sefer and says "I seriously think that guy over there is calling you". You are still ignorant to the fact that he wants you to go away, so you continue " I guess will talk it out later, see ya". You then walk over to the guy he said was calling, lo and behold he actually wasn't, you are suprised.

You then walk out of the yeshivah, thinking "Wow I just made a new friend (the guy who told you to walk over to the other guy), and it wasn't that hard". You decide to make another one. You quickly run to the nearest grocery store and stand in the longest line there. You happen to stand next to a woman (its okay). You are about to ask her something but she goes first "Where do you learn, by what Rav". You say "Whats it your business, why do you feel like you have to know what everyone is doing?! sheesh get a life, are you so deprived of people to talk to you run everywhere just to make a friend and ask them stupid questions. I would never want to be you". she says back "well that's not someone I would like to be friends with (okay I'm a little far fetched with that word"friend" but who cares)". You then ask the nearest person where they live.

The story may be weird, but today I was in a bagel store and the guy standing in front of me, who I don't know, says "Hi, hello, how are you doing. So where do you learn? I spill out a "Hi" not knowing what else to say, since he just shot it out so quickly and so out of term. He asks again "where do you learn?". I look at him as if he fell from G-d knows where. I decided to get back at him for saying something so utterly stupid and annoying, "Do you want the truth or a lie" I don't know why I said that. So he says "Oh I understand you don't want to talk". At least he understood. ( you may wonder why I actually felt this to be weird, the answer is the guy came on too strong) A few minutes later he asks "So whats your name" So I say "Dude its enough already, I don't know what you are trying to do but stop!" When he got his stuff and left he looked at me and waved, I nodded my head for some unknown reason. the guy was obviously suffering from lack of friends, and this results in Jewish geography going to far. Don't let this happen to you.