Rating The Midwood Bakeries Again

I came back to write this post since I assumed you all loved reading my adventures from bakery to bakery enjoy the post.

Yes once again I'm rating the bakeries of Midwood (see how I just rephrased the title). I pay the price so you don't get it wrong when it comes to your big event, and the only job you had to do was bring the Sufganiot (Israeli styled jelly doughnuts). This year has been a little tough on my taste buds with two place that Ive never tried both being disappointments.

Rose Bakery on kingshighway and east 7Th (not to be confused with the kingshighway bakery on kingshighway and east 4Th which is heavenly) was one of those disappointments. At a dollar a piece this sufgania had a bland tasting dough, with literally a teaspoon of jelly in the middle. The official rating from 1 out of 10 is a four (that's right my ratings are copyright).

The next failure was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to finish the sufgania. Now I have been from Boro Park to the deepest parts of Midwood and there hasn't been one place that I couldn't finish the jelly filled delicacy, but VENETIAN KOSHER SWEETS on the corner of N and Coney Island avenue, you took that away from me today. It was simply so bad that my whole family left it in disgust. The jelly tasted like some weird thick concoction and the dough itself was bland. At a dollar fifty a piece this place makes Rose Bakery look great. The official rating is 1 don't go near this, you've been warned.

Happy Hanuka to all, now I'm going to scrape the taste off my tongue with some home made latkes.

Its not Purim without my pressidor wafers

I thought I didn't leave anything for me to write about Purim this year after last year with my full week of Purim posts, turns out you never really know. I'm linking to last years posts if you missed it or want to remember it, yes Ive been around long enough to link to old posts.

Well I wrote about Purim themes and and costumes all very nice, but the truth is I don't like themes at all, too much effort has to go into it and I'm more of a traditional shaloch manot giver. I hate it when my family makes themes, for example: orange and red was one theme and everyone thought it was fire, or the time we went all natural and people were really confused. That's really why I don't like themes bad experiences with them and my liking of traditional ways intertwined. My idea of Shaloch manot is just giving a big box of Pressidors wafers and a bottle of grape juice, actually I'm craving some of that right now.

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the time and effort that's put into a theme, one guy gave me a stimulus package last year with a money sign on the front of the bag really funny. The best theme Ive ever seen was Drunkin Donuts the guy made a box that looked like a real dunkin donuts box and I think it cost a lot to make, still pretty impressive, and I made sure to aprreciate it in my spare time. Ill stick to my tradition which I'm very happy with, and who doesn't want a box of pressidor wafers, you cant say no it just not purim without pressidor wafers.

Rating The Midwood Bakeries: Part IV

Yesterday I went to the ever so awesome Pita Sababa on kings highway and east 3rd, and just like last year I'm rating their sufganiot a complete ten. There wasn't a lack of jelly, a deep pocket full of it. The jelly wasn't clumped like some other places I went to last night, it was smooth and very tasty. The dough was also very well made. At 1.50 a piece its well worth it.

Pressers on M and east 17, The jelly was clumped, the dough was too chalk like of a texture, a normal amount of jelly considering its small size and only a dollar. I'm rating it a 6 in taste and over all also 6 being that their service was okay and the price of it was fair enough for its size.

Kaffs bakery on East 18 and ave. M. I actually had a nice conversation with the guy at the counter so he gets some points on customer service. It was self service so he gets heimish points too, but that's were it ended. The dough was actually worse then Pressers and the jelly was clumped and not a flowing so well, the pocket was deep enough for me, even if its a smaller sufgania its has to have more jelly, and it was 25 cents more than pressers so they only lose here. I rate it in taste a low five and overall a 6, remember they got extra points back there (well i cant say.

Porges on K and Coney island Avenue. It was self service so yes they also get heimish points, but it was a woman behind the counter so they are losing those points. The jelly was also clumpy, I dont get it, why did these last three places have clumpy jelly its just not good! The dough was average, also at a 1.25. The pocket of jelly was average too. This one gets a taste of 6 and over all a 6.

Im planning on going to a few more places soon, if your favorite bakery hasnt gotten an official rating by me and you wish it would, just click on # people gave their 2 cents below and drop a comment. Till then Wishing you all a Happy Hanuka

THE SUFGANIOT RATER IS IN

Tomorrow marks the first day of Chanukah and I already jumped into the Hanukkah spirit (see that's 2 different spellings of the holiday, does it really matter how you spell it), with my first two Sufganiot. They were from Isaac's bake shop on Ave. J between east 14th and 15th, and it was much like last year, still a dollar fifty and still rated a 7 (out of ten) and the service was a little slow but friendly. The Sufgania had some good jelly a decent pocketful I might add, the dough was a little dry but for 1.50 it shouldn't have been. Over all its rated a six.

I originally didn't want to go there, I was heading for Ostrovitsky's on east 12th, but they were sold out! that's right sold out before the first night. Being that I liked them last year and wanted to check out their service which I never got to, and they were only a dollar 25 I assumed they would be my best bet. I was disappointed and instead I headed to Isaac's bake shop.

In front of Isaac's they had a sign "Home made donuts, sufganiot (in Hebrew), sold here". Two things wrong with that. One, sufganiot are correctly translated as Israeli styled jelly donuts not home made, and even according to most Sufganiot am ha'aratzim they call it jelly donuts nothing about home made. And two, how could it be home made if its in a bakery?! I got no answers to that.

Yes people just like last year I will test my stomach of steel, and to those who wish to come and join me on my trips to try all the bakeries, (ahem) G6 (cough) Sally hazel, just give me shout, Child ish you in for another round? As always if you have any specific suggestions for me do tell, because I'm here to pay the price so you get it right.

THE DREIDEL WORLD TOUR

After 2000 years from its invention, the dreidel is going worldwide in its first ever Dreidel World Tour. People from all around the world have fallen in love with the dreidel games, "Its so easy to win" said a random dreidel player. The dreidel game has been around for a while now, its a mystery why the dreidel has only now started to take the stage. We had a chance to talk to the man behind the WDT games, Gimpel Dreidelovitz. We asked him why he felt the need for the Jewish pastime to become such a popular game that it even has its own app on the IPhone? He answered "Ever since I was young the four cornered top amazed me with its history, I felt a connection towards it and wanted the world to have a share in it. So I went to the Polak Brothers, the makers of other household games such as Kollel-oply and Guess Jew, and here it is the fastest growing game in the world".

As of now there are over 40 casinos in America that have this game available, and many more in other countries around the world. People are supposed to pile into Israel this Chanukah for the World Dreidel Tour held in Jerusalem. Anyone can apply as long as you know how to spin a dreidel. Real ethnic Sufganiot will be available to those who attend the games. There are two types of Dreidel games played, the Israeli version with the P'oh and the chutz la'aretz version of Sham, they will be playing the first version though many find it hard to switch once they learned to play a certain way. People have become obsessed with the game, some wear sunglasses or baseball caps, some have have ear phones in their ears but nothings playing, and some dress up as Y'vanim or Maccabees, all to confuse another player. They have coined a term Dreidel Face, and then a shiksah singer made it a name of her song (Dreidel face knock off of poker face).One guy even put out a book on how to even the odds at dreidel, called eight rules to win eight nights.
The dreidel was once played by young kinderlach pretending to not be learning Torah, and now its played by people from all walks of life. I for one love to play dreidel, so I even got this little clip for you, enjoy.
World Dreidel Tour

DOOF SQUARE

Doesn't it seem a bit ridiculous that the famous Jewish company New Square (I guess that's what we will call it for now) decided to rename their milk product My Skware, but not their other products (?). Are there a bunch of tuna beigels running the company that think its kool to misspell words (probably learnt it from texting on their blackberrys)? and thought that kids will drink it if its misspelled (or do they really not know how to spell?) In any case they spelled it kind of weird and there was no reason to call it My Skware when New Square was just fine.

But just when you thought it was all over and the shenanigans were all solved, they decided to rename their milk "Best Square" (and their other products still haven't changed from New Square). I only have more and more questions, why cant they choose a name (for all their products) and stick to it, it really doesn't matter what the name is just keep to one so I can buy milk without going "uhhhhh..... hmmmmm........ ummmm..... Huh? (tilts head)".

If they need a name so badly then I got one for them "Doof Square", it describes them perfectly.

NO ONE CUTS AND NO ONE TAKES

Have you ever been to a wedding/bar\bat mitzvah/vort/shalom zachor/bris/or anything else you can think of that invites a lot of people to say mazel tov? If yes than you can honestly say that nobody likes cutting into the cakes. It can be the most delicious cake ever and nobody will touch it, then it all goes to waste because nobody wanted it, as my mother used to say, "They worked so hard to get it to where it is, the coco beans from Venezuela and this from here and yadda yadda yadda.... and you still wont eat it!". And the reason for nobody eating it is pretty simple, they don't want to make the first cut, and I don't understand why. Its not because its a beautiful cake, its just because nobody wants to be the first one to cut a slice for themselves. Why dont they make a preset cut, like they do to cheese, that way everyone wont feel guilty when they take a piece.

Also; if you have been to a either a wedding/bar\bat mitzvah/vort/shalom zachor/bris/ or anything else you can think of that invites a lot of people to say mazel tov, then what you will notice is that there are always the assortments of mint chocolate that no one really like to touch. Some of them are; the jelly ring covered in mint chocolate, the mint chocolate with a disgusting filling, next to that is, the mint chocolate (sort of like a chocolate chip) with the sprinkles on it; no one likes these at all, don't know why everyone buys them either.

Despite this people buy the cakes and assortments of mint chocolate, hoping that someone will finish it off, I dont understand why you would want to ruin your simchah with the fact that you have to throw good food out.

A FRUM GUIDE TO CHULENT EATING

Do you want to be a more heimishe yid? Well to do that you must know that, heimish means self service, dim lighting and a badly kept beard. But there is one more way to become heimish if you don't grow a beard and own a store in boro park, that secret is CHULENT.

There are five times a week a heimishe yid eats chulent (write this down); Thursday night, Friday day, Friday night, shabbos and Sunday. Thursday is a big night for chulent. In Monsey they have something called "Chulent stations", every chassid goes to the gas station and eats chulent there. Why do they sell chulent at a gas station? In Brooklyn we have Deli 52 with their chulent special, Lipa hangs out there. There are many other places that line 13 to 18 avenue that sell chulent, and the opened a Chulent station somewhere in boro park, all this on Thursday.

On Friday a heimishe yid eats chulent while going to the mikvah before shabbos, just a bunch of people sitting around with a bowl of chulent, no wonder you women have a more sanitary mikvohs. On Friday night its shabbos already, so chulent is a given. On a shabbos day a real yid can have chulent up to 3 times and more; once for kiddush after shul, another for the meal, and once again after waking up from his shabbos nap. Then comes the last time during the week, Sunday, where you eat all the leftovers of shabbos.

So if you want to be heimish, go ahead, stuff your face, eat till your sick, add all the kishkeh you can, chulent is your answer; unless you rather buy a store in Borough park and go for the self service and dim lighting.

DID YOU FINISH YOUR DIET

Pesach was a long time ago, giving you enough time to diet. Back when I was in kindergarten they made us make charts, with 49 day on it and every 7 days was a different color, I can only think that it was a healthy chart, or a diet one, where every color reprsented a fruit. The end of the chart was on top of a mountain, of which i can only think represented success, and there was a figure that had two sides and a round top on it, that must have been the award for losing the weight.

Recently it has become a new phenomenon, everybody is counting these 49 days, every day losing another pound. There are a few people I know who got out and didn't count anymore, obviously they couldn't take the 49 day diet. I can see why people would go on a diet; its after pesach where you ate tons of matzoh, you have some healthy foods at the seder (maror, karpas), but the rest is loaded with calories , so you go on a diet for 49 days. That's besides the fact its right before the summer.

After you finish the diet you can relax and enjoy yourself, with some mouth watering cheesecake, that with every bite you take into it you can feel your blood clotting and your stomach widen, and you can put cherries or any other type of sugary filling on it so you don't feel guilty eating it. Enjoy your Shavous.

PESACH IS HERE

Pesach is here folks, more than a week with out anything that tastes good. Everyone probably stocked up on those Haggadah (name of company) treats. They are mad expensive, 6 bucks for a one of them, ripoffs, and that's besides the fact that they don't taste good. Don't forget the Bulk/Lady/baby/plain old fingers, got to have tons of those. After Pesach well all run to the nearest pizza store for some good ol' chametz (does anyone know how much pizza time is selling the first slice?). And then its over, all the chaos, all the cleaning, all for 8 day, and it goes just like that (snap).

Wishing everyone a Happy and Easy (you know how people say have an easy fast, well Pesach isn't any easier) Pesach.

YOUR PESACH CLEANING

Ever since Chanukah you haven't stopped scrubbing. You started with your attic, and then went straight towards the basement. By Purim you already had matzoh ready to give to shaloch manot, because you were afraid to have chametz. You also made sure not to accept any shaloch manot, for fear of any chametz residue. Now with a few days left to Pesach, you cant seem to find anything else to clean, but you keep going around searching with a spoon a feather and a candle..... that runs on a extremely powerful battery to produce a very strong light, every single day, who cares if everyone else only does that the night before.

Today, you have cleaned everything in you house, and yesterday...... and the day before. You have been so far removed from the purpose of getting rid of chametz; that you are getting rid of anything that will remotely make a mess, even the matzoh meal you have is to be taken with caution. You have become one with OCD, or a smaller version of Pesach syndrome (Pesach syndrome also involves crazy shopping attitudes, and weird minhagim like not eating anything that touched anything that was once a liquid for fear of it making your food gebrukts [which is only a fear of it having some flour not baked that you still have to wait 18 minutes for it to become chametz]).

You have cleaned, you have finished, nothing got in your way, and there is still a few hours now till Pesach. Wait, go back a few words "nothing got in your way", now how did that happen? you think to yourself. You then remember, YOU HAVE KIDS!!! You didn't prepare for this.

1,2,3,4 kids step into your house running amok, nope, now 5,6,7 and their all yours. They are spreading dirt all over the place, with their muddy shoes, or was it dog doo? You start going crazy, not knowing where to start to stop this. You try getting hold of all the kids, you line up which ever ones you can catch. You count ".....3,4,5 wheres 6 and 7?" you say. You turn around and 6 and 7 are assembling a chametz bomb. "Oh no" you scream. "Don't set that off...... how did you get that? what does it do?" you say. They reply "its a chametz bomb we leftover from Purim and we need to get rid of it before Pesach". "No way" you say "I cleaned the whole house for months now, don't make it all go to waste with a few hours to Pesach". Boom!! you are okay, but the chametz bomb did some serious damage to your house leaving pieces of bread, and leavened dough, stuck everywhere in your house. 6 and 7 are covered in chametz.

You quickly gather everyone in your family, as a stroke of genius falls upon you. You are going to sell the house to a goy and go somewhere for Pesach, in the few short hours you have left, just so you can avoid all the cleaning (how convenient). You, the seven children and spouse, are going to have a worry free Pesach after all, which begs the question, why not do this in the first place?

KEEPING UP WITH THE MACHMIRS

You live in an area that's very competitive. Most people call it keeping up with the Steins, you call it keeping up with the Machmirs, your next door neighbor (their name means stringent). For some reason you are always one step behind them. For example, they don't eat strawberries, then when you decide to stop also, they go ahead and deem raisins also bad, you used to drink regular water till they only drank filtered, and now you're filter needs filtered water. Everything you do is not good enough.

So last week you decided that you are going to be ahead of the game, you are going to find out first, and they are going to have to copy you, only then will you keep up with the Machmirs. You go to YWN, nope, nothing new (of course you had your non machmir friend print it out for you). Vos iz neias isn't going to have anything more than the the yeshiva's coffee room, so you don't have your friend, whos non machmir, print it out. Finally you spot something, from somewhere else, "Women shouldn't visit the dead, should be quiet and not cry during a eulogy". You say that's perfect for you, but you think its not enough, you have to find more.

So you continue your quest for the most restricted life possible. On your way you over hear a conversation "Did you find that blue blackberry?" one guy says (it was actually you from the post before being spoken to, remember?) "Yes" the other guy says (you from last post). "Well, its mine, it has my name on the bottom of it, so and sostein". The guy who found it wasn't sure if he should give it back. You then thought to yourself that that's an awesome chumrah, and that the Machmirs could never do better than this, you wont give back lost texting machines (yay!). In fact through this you can learn another halachah, you shouldn't have blue blackberries (red ones are learned out from the fact that you cant wear red, so certainly your should not have a red phone, which is worn on your belt).

You run home from your shortened quest to find the most restricted life. You believe Machmir will never beat you, you are so overjoyed. NEXT WEEK (this week): Mr. Machmir comes home with a bottle of four hashgachah milk. Not only that, but it says on it, "Anachnu Machmirim, Machmirim bnei Machmirim (we are stringent, stringent the sons of stringent), this only proceeds to make you feel like he put a knife in you (of course kosher for shechitah) and twisted it (which hurts more).

Moral: Looks like you'll never keep up with the Machmirs.

PURIM IS ONE HECTIC NIGHT

Purim has arrived, as you celebrate the breaking of the fast of Esther. You bite into a piece of sponge cake and drink some orange juice. Then you hear everyone quiet down (is that even possible), the rabbi says a brachah and then everyone eats. "Oh shoots" you say" I ate before the rabbi, eh who cares" as you shrug it off.

You come home and decide to do some last minute preperation for shaloch manot. You are trying to think of what else you can put in, or what else you can put it in. You decide that the idea you had, of using a bag to keep the shaloch manot in, is okay. There you are (waving to us in the camera) stuffing in shaloch manot, twist tying it, and labeling it with your cheesy greeting card/label. You are finally done. You look at all of the bags you packed and set in rows against the wall. You say "They are all so nice, I picked a good bag, I even like the air holes at the bottom of every bag" you think for a moment, then.... "Hey, there aren't supposed to be any air holes, how did they get there? Oh shoots!". Turns out your bags were pierced by the sharp edges of your wafer boxes, as everything begins to spill out. All your work is ruined as you are wondering why you didn't go with the nice looking baskets like everyone else will, cheap isn't smart you say.

All of a (the) sudden, you hear the door bell ring, you open the door only to find people in costumes, and a limo in front of your house. You live in a very Jewish neighborhood, all are Jewish except your non-Jewish next door neighbor, so you expected this. The guys in costumes all start singing Chayiv inish libsumim (and smoke), as they dance there way in a circle into your house. You wait till they quiet down and ask what they want from you, they answer with, money. You ask what are you collecting for, they say "oh we are for a heiligeh tzedakah that if you give to it, all blessing shall be upon you". So you give 18$, one guy mutters "I thought this guy was rich?" You answer "you're right cheap isn't smart here's more" you give 50$ more. They leave and say thank you.

As you turn from your door it rings again, only to find another group waiting at it. They come in a circle dancing into your house singing Mishehnichnis adar marbim bisimchah. These guys just don't know when to end. You hear the door ring again, you assume its another group with a limo outside, and you are right. The new group starts singing Mishehnichnas adar marbim bisimchah, but a different tune. So now both groups have joined together, singing different tunes to the same song. You then say "Alright guys time to get what you came for". They instantly stop. The first group begins to say "We are collecting for...." they are cut off by the second group saying "helping children with difficulties is..." and they too are cut off. Now both groups are fighting, one says "we were here first" the other says "vinahapichu", you think they are both valid statements. You say to them "I have an idea here's 50$ to both of you guys and now it settled".

This goes on another 5 or 6 times, to each a fifty or more, and its getting annoying. You decide to take out a bottle of wine to drown this all out, you just cant take it any more. Another ring is at your door, this time its a drunk group of guys stumbling in you say "guys keep it down", turns out they cant. Singing off key is the game and staying in a straight line is a challenge for them. One guy starts stepping on your already ruined shaloch manot, You scream "Hey off my air-holed shaloch manot!!" the guy jumps off them after jumping on one more. Then there is this one guy who proceeds to vomit on your sofa, you scream "Oh shoots! Clean that right now you drunk bum!!" he just sits in it. Another ring at your door, and then another, and another, and another. "AAAHHHH!!!!" you yell "GET OUT, GET OUT GET OUT, AND YOU STOP SITTING IN YOUR VOMIT!!!!!!!!". You threaten to call the cops, you threaten to use a baseball bat, they aren't afraid, as they overtake your house. You take out your bat and are ready to swing. You hear a knock at the door. You open it ready to swing, you see two cops.

"Hey sir don't swing", the cops say, you drop the bat in utter astonishment. The cops say "sir we have got an anonymous tip from a neighbor of yours" the goy next door you believe, "that its loud and you are giving booze to minors. You say "I ain't loud officers and I ain't giving booze". The cops look at the guy sitting in his throw up, and then at the bottle of wine you used to drown it all out with. Instant panic comes to your mind, Oh shoots I'm going to the slammer, you think.

You are deciding to make a daring move to save yourself. Oops too late, looks like you already decided as you jump on one of the cops to cover his eyes as to not let him see everything wrong in your house. Instant uproar has set in; the cops are trying to get you off, a cherry bomb just exploded, you think it was a gun shot, all the drunkards are hurrying/stumbling out, you are being banged in to every wall as the cops are trying to knock you off. Finally they get you off, Oh shoots you think, now my plan has failed.

The cops say "Sir we have reason to believe you have been selling illegal fireworks to minors too, you are so busted". "YOU SCREAM NOT TRUE NOT TRUE, YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST!!!!". The cops manage to get a hold of your struggling body, pretty easily. As they drag you to the police car you scream "YOU'RE ALL DEAD, ALL YOU COLLECTORS EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!! AND YOU TWO COPS YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!!!!! YOU HEAR ME!!! YOU HEAR MEEEEE!!!!! as they stuff you into the car.

Now you are in jail, you cant even make your phone call because you weren't cheap, and gave all your money to the tzedakos. You thought to yourself "it wasn't good to be cheap because of your air holed shaloch manot and you should have been cheap because now you cant pay for the phone call, you are so confused. You also tried to get out of this whole mess with pleading "vinahapichu", it didn't work. Your last thoughts before we finish this posts is "Why isn't Madoff getting at least half the bad treatment you are", and to that we will never know.

PURIM THEMES

What ever compelled people to have a theme for Purim? Purim is a time where themes were destroyed. V'nahapichu (vi-nuh-ha-pi-choo), meaning everything is turned upside down and all around; themes are the opposite of that, and no one cares, so lets move on.

Something you must know about a theme. It must have; objects relating to the theme (well duh!), shaloch manos in accordance to the theme, costumes have to be related, and cheesy greeting labels on the shaloch manos telling you who its from and some random thing about having a great Purim related to the theme (E.G. Your Purim theme is donuts, your greeting is "Do nuts on Purim" or "donut drink and drive on Purim if you had too much to know if you had too much"[this one is usually from the token hatzalah guy])

There is the clown theme. The clown theme is the most common theme for families; the father throws on a jester hat with bells, the kids all have the colorful hair and a big red nose, yellow polka dotted suits. The shaloch manos is not given out with some cheesy greeting (big exception), only a regular "Purim sameach from the somethingsteins" or "a freilichim Purim from the soandsomans". The shaloch manos is filled with anything that is remotely clownish, and there is no food that's remotely clownish, so they give a bottle of grape juice, animal crackers, chocolate and maybe a soda. The clown theme is not one of the best ones out there.

The Airplane theme. Better than the clown theme, the airplane theme has more variety and it practically writes itself. The kids can dress up as flight attendants or pilots. You know you are going to give airline food to everyone, with some complimentary peanuts. The cheesy greeting written can be "Hope you have sky high Purim feeling from the ........"

Then there is the I-just-knocked-off-a-famous-company-theme. Drunkin donuts, McDavid, Mendy's (wendys), Dairy Esther (dairy queen) etc.etc... these all are done in a stupid and yet clever way. The stupid, is the way they think of the names, and how the theme is just a non OUD kosher knock off of the real product. The clever, is how they present this too you; in a box or bag that is similar to the regular companies, but has there logo on it. The cheesy greetings have too many variables to write, but ill let you know something, they are all cheesy.

The Zionist theme: Cookies in a bag shaped like Israel with two big bites in them (resembling Gaza and west bank), with a note saying "Israel is like a cookie and everyone wants a bite out of it". Blue and white is the color used for the wrapping. The kids hold Israeli flags and have blue and white face paint. The greetings can have something like "may Israel triumph over its enemies as in the past" that's if they are really Zionist, or "With enough wine on Purim America can look like Israel too".

The recession theme: Has a bottle of wine stating "drown it out with this" and and some red hots with a label saying "Burn Bernie (Madoff) burn". The greeting goes like this "Madoff is the new haman". (I cant believe I even thought of this as a theme, its horrible).

The healthy food theme: Not much to explain, everyone dresses like vegetables, and no one wants their shaloch manot.

The color themes: The color theme is lame, even more so then the clown, but not as much as the healthy food one. My family did it 2 years in a row ( different colors). One year we did red and orange, everyone thought it was supposed to be fire, and the other year it was yellow, I was not to fond either one. The greeting can go like, depending on your color, "orange you glad its Purim" or "don't turn green this Purim" or "Esther was green shaded".

Then there is the I-Don't-have-a-theme-theme. Everyone dresses up as whatever they want, You give any normal wafers and grape juice out there. You write a poem or "chag sameach from us" and you're done.

Of course there are more themes out there, hospital, kitchen, just to mention a few, but you got the basic idea of themes. Personally I think themes stupid, I am more for the traditional give and get, not the I thought of something decent and, of course, cheesy. Hope this post has helped you think of a theme, or gave you ideas. P.S. The Zionist one was my idea, cookie and all, I wanted to use it this year, but you can use if you want.

THE CHALLAH THIEF

It was in a unmentionable place where it happened. The scene: My mother buying challah, a cart that cant fit through all the aisles and the challah thief.

It was today, a Friday, that it happened. My mother was out buying challah in Mountain fruit, she doesn't like water challah only egg and round, She picks up the last two chalot of that kind. As she was going around another aisle, with her cart unattended (something that should never be done in Jewish stores) due to small aisles, a person went to her cart took out one of her good challos and put in a lesser quality challah instead. My mother only noticed that she now had the wrong type of challah when she came to the register.

This person had the chutzpah to take out something from another cart, and not only that, but to switch it with another one, that's absurd. I understand if you by mistake added something to someone elses cart, you get confused it happens, but this person is just wrong. Something tells me that its not the first time they did it.

So watch out all you unmentional place goers, there is a challah thief (I will find out who you are). If you have any information at all (not giving you the name of the store so I am making it kind of hard), don't keep it to yourself, contact us with a comment below, you can keep yourself anonymous if you'd like.

BREAKFAST IN YESHIVAH

Unlike normal food, a Yeshivahs food is meant to make you lose your appetite. Whether there were ants in the oatmeal, or pizza with green cheese, it always managed to gross you out. I remember our famous joke, that was always used till it became lame; "Stand up for the food, its older than you".

We got our food from City harvest and other companies of that sort. There were times that they delivered soda that would have expired that day, and instead of my yeshivah giving it too us then, it got stored in a hot room for 8 months, only to be served flat, expired, and with a pinch of salmonella.


For breakfast we would have; corn flakes or rice krispies(oops, I mean krisp rice, the kemach version), orange juice that no one dared touch, tea from already used tea bags, eggs , oatmeal that if you ate it, you would have transgressed on the sin of don't eat insects, bread, milk that was questionable, peanut butter, butter, margarine, and sugar, our sugar was magnetic (it stuck to the cups through static electricity, does that not make it magnetic?) . Sometimes we would have Chocolate milk, and french toast. If we were lucky, they would give out coco krispies, or what ever the kemach version of it was. The milk was always being passed around to smell, till one guy decided to taste it, you could never trust it. The eggs were usually good. Now the oatmeal was a problem. Here's a story to explain why.

My friend was about to take a spoonful of oatmeal, and he noticed black dots in it. He looked a little closer, and saw it was fried ants (or boiled ones, grossing you out yet?). So he goes over to the cook and says "you've got ants in this" so the cook looks and says "No! its dots". So my friend saw a Rabbi, who was about to have some, and said there are ants in it. The Rabbi looks and shows it to the cook, only then did the cook throw it out. Ever since that event I didn't take oatmeal.

The Chocolate milk was not at all Chocolate milk, it was in fact leftover cocoa from the night before, and the cocoa was made out of all the expired milk they had. So basically, if you wanted your stomach to twinge for a few hours you had some "chocolate milk".

The French toast they gave was good, if you didn't get a whole wheat slice. They had some sort of imitation of maple syrup, that needed a lot of magnetic sugar added.

What I normally had for breakfast was; a bowl of cornflakes, or krisp rice, with sugar. It tasted nasty without sugar; and at the end of your bowl was all the sugar residue laying at the bottom. The smartest thing to do was to bring your own cereal, then you have it all set out besides the milk.

During breakfast we would all put our theories together on how to stay healthy while still eating the Yeshivas food, that consisted of what to eat and what not to. An occasional egg fight would break out, or who bet someone they cant eat some concoction without vomiting the whole day.

Breakfast is supposed to be the main meal of your day, we on the other hand had it lacking. Share some of your yeshiva food theories or experiences, I don't know how it is in girl schools.

RATING THE BORO PARK BAKERIES part 3

After meeting up with Child Ish, we decided to (okay we planned it) hit some bakeries in boro park, to check out the sufganiot.

Korns bakery on 16th avenue: The price 1.20. I took a bite into it, hoping for something good, the taste was bland. The dough just didn't cut it, and the jelly was okay but too little of it. Service was okay. Taste is 3, and over all its a 4. Child Ish mistakenly bought a plain one, he was thinking of suing for his 1.20 back.

Schikks bakery also on 16th avenue: Price was 1.50. Very good, the jelly tasted like it was from apricots, very good. The dough was smooth and full of life. Can't remember if it was self service. Taste was an 8 and over all its got an 8.

Something (cant remember the name) Heimishe on 16th avenue: Price was 85 cents. They were pretty small, but packed with a lot of filling. It was self service. Taste was a 7, and over all was an 8.
Me and Child Ish questioned their Heimishness, basing it on Frum Punks old post about What Does Heimish Mean? In short Heimish means beards, and since there were only women behind the counter, It wasn't that heimish. Unless you say "because it was self service than the men with beards can get all their heimishness on it", and by heimish we mean dandruff from the beards, which is also known as confection sugar.

Then we went to Yossis on 15th avenue: We agreed this place was the most heimish. We also came to the conclusion heimish also means self service. At 1.50 a sufgania it seemed worth it; the guy behind the counter promised us it was the best. We tried, and found his words to be almost true. It had tons of confection sugar, very little jelly, although it was good jelly. Taste was an 8, all over a 9.

At this point in time I had 4 and Child Ish had 5, he bought two at something heimishe.

We went to Schreibers on either 14th or 15th avenue: Price was 1.00 and an okay size. There was self service. Pretty tasteless, and there was almost no jelly. Taste was a 4 and over all 3.

Then we slugged are way to the donut man on 13th avenue: Price was a dollar. We were skeptical about the taste. Turns out our assumptions were right; it tasted like a pancake with a little jelly in side. taste is a 2 and over all a 4.

Then we Davened mincha at Shomer Shabbos. We were bombarded with people asking for tzedakah this one guy came back 3 times asking for money. We shook all the fat away while we davened. After the afternoon services we set out again.

Strauss's bakery on 13th avenue: We were most satisfied with this bakery. 85 cents for a huge sufgania. The place did not have self service, we don't think its heimish. The dough was great, moist from all the oil, and jelly just came pouring out. It was definitely worth its price. Taste is a 9 and over all a 10.

Weiss's bakery on 13th avenue: 1.50 a piece. The outside was hard, once you got in it was okay. There was no self service. The jelly was good, but after a whole 2 hours of stuffing my face, I just couldn't finish. Taste was a 6 and over all a 7.

After this event, I cant eat another for a few years. G6 was right, I do have a stomach of steel, but child Ish has topped me; I had 7 and a half, and he had 9, so he gets the title of stomach of steel. As we were eating, I felt the fat tacking onto me. Our coats had tons of confection sugar, a badge of no worth, yet it showed us our skills. If eating sufganiot was a halacha, then we committed the sin of ba'al tosef (don't add to the torah).

That wraps up the the taste testing for good, and also marks the end of Chanukah. Hope you enjoyed it.

RATING THE MIDWOOD BAKERIES part 2

Korns Bakery on Coney and Avenue N. The price was 1.20 (if I'm not mistaken). Taste was a 6 (out of 10). Service wasn't bad. Over all a 6. I didn't hate it, the taste of the dough was not as oily as I wanted, the confection sugar put a cover on that, but pretty good. It was the jelly that really ticked me off. I searched and searched, but all I could find was just a little jelly that wasn't enough to satisfy one mouth, but only through a miracle could it satisfy 8. Seriously be generous on the jelly.

Pressers on M between east 17th and east 18th. Frumskeptic I have to disagree. The way you judged them, made them seem as if they stunk beyond belief. Well they weren't bad. The dough was was good, and the jelly was okay it felt just a little clumped or congealed. the price was good at 1.10, even the service was good. Everything was good but not great. Taste is a high 6 ( I need more numbers), overall an 8.

Weiss's Bakery on M and 13th (corner). Price 1.25 a sufgania. The taste was great, I had myself licking my fingers. Tons of jelly, the dough was soft and moist. Service was nice. Taste was an 8 overall a 9. I liked it, hat tip to Sally Hazel.

Isaac's Bake Shop on J and East 14th between east 15th. A Nice place. the service was friendly, The taste was good; It wasn't that small nor that big. Jelly was tasty, At 1.50 I believe, I don't think it was worth it, or I was just full. Taste was 7, overall 6 0r 7 (depending if you count my being full).

A bakery (i think its called elis muffins) on the corner of 14th and J. The service was bad, I kept seeing looks of impatience, I asked for a jelly donut (person looked Asian, didn't think they would know hat a sufganiot is) and made a hand gesture (like most jews). She said its not going to be that small. Hey, I asked for something, I didn't want to know how big it was. I guess she probably thought I was pointing to something, it was pretty big. Cost 1.25. Jelly was congealed (I like it flowing). At first I thought it was okay, then dough was too dry, seemed like it was fried in glue. Taste was a 4. over all a 3.

Ostrovitsky's bakery on the corner of 12th and J. I didn't go in, so I don't know about the service. 1.25 it was. The jelly poured out, I bit into the wrong side and dropped some. I still had enough to fill my desire. Dough was moist, and a deep pocket of jelly. Taste was a 9, over all yet to be determined( and probably never will be).

Next Time, I'm off to Boro Park and all their bakeries, any special requests will be included. Ah freilichin Chanukah.

RATING THE MIDWOOD BAKERIES part 1

Its Chanukah. So its time to eat all the sufganiot you can. Instead of wasting your money on places that have low class sufganiot, I did that for you.

Famous Pita on Coney Island Avenue: they go for 1.50 a piece. They are stingy on the jelly, pretty small pocket. Service seems good, although I went when nobody was around. The taste was a 5 (out of 10), and over all I rate it with a 4.

Pita Sababa(h) on kings highway and east 4th: 1.25 a piece. They have tons of filling, a big pocket full of it, best jelly, are hot, steamy,and pretty big. Service was quick. Taste was a 10. Over all a 10. If you are going to only one place, you go here.

J2 on M and east 15th: It went for 1.25. the jelly was smeared on (something I dont know what, maybe a bagel), not injectd, absolutely no pocket. It opened like a bagle. they had to heat it up before giving me it. taste was a 4 and over all, the rate is a 2.

Schreibers on M and east 31st: Pretty small, only a dollar. The jelly was good, not a big pocket. Service was good. Taste was a 6. over all the rate is a 7.

When I was at Schreibers, there was this one guy who was ordering. He was talking on his phone, trying to get down the order. Every few seconds, he would be changing the order around. Dude, how a bout getting your order together before you go in. Lucky for me, the guy behind the counter knew how to run things wel,l and got it all together. Right before this guy is about to leave he says, "Wait, none of those had powder". He was literally about to make the guy repack everything, after how hard he worked. In the end he didn't, and just left, allowing yours truly, to order.

Maybe Ill check out Boro Park too.

GO GREEN WITH CHANUKAH

We all know the Neis of Chanukah. That one little pitcher of oil, that could only last one day, lasted 8. The weak triumphed over the great. As a result of all this, we light the Menorah 8 days, adding one each day. (as if you needed to know all this, its just an introduction).

Global warming is upon us, and we are letting out more CO2 emissions than ever. Its time to Go Green With Chanukah. The whole miracle of Chanukah was about conserving energy. G-d was going green, making one little jar of oil last eight days. Even though there are many ways of proving how it lasted eight days, the point is it was conserved.

This Chanukah, tell your children about ways to conserve energy, in the memory of this great miracle. Instead of lighting 36 cups of oil or candles; get an electric menorah, and turn it on with florescent light bulbs. Like all the Jew friendly banks do. If you do not own an electric menorah, please only use one candle all eight nights. It may not be a big difference for just one person, but if everyone does it, imagine how much CO2 won't be polluting our air. Remember, would G-d light all eight nights, with all that oil. He seemed to have used only enough for one night.

We know, we Jews use an extreme amount of oil, especially in our food. Do us a favor, don't have bubby use all that oil for a latke. We are only supporting the middle eastern countries, through using their oil; and we know how much the Jews love to give a helping hand to Iran, and Saudia Arabia. Yes we know you use olive oil, but its all oil.

Don't commit any of those environmental sins. As a great Rabbi of the Reform temple, named Sally Hershberg, said " The 11Th commandment from G-d was, keep the planet clean". So this time, find an "alternative way" to celebrate Chanukah.

Instead of singing Mah Os Tzor, sing a song that will instill, into the minds of the children, to save the environment. A song like this will do, to the tune of "oh Chanukah"

Oh Chanukah Oh Chanukah come turn on (light switch) that menorah.
With no CO2 emissions, now that's keeping the Torah. (11Th commandment)
Gather round the table Ill tell you a story
Where we all listen to Ex vice president Al Gory

And while the candles are not on very bright (its an electric menorah and on dim)
One on each night to conserve all the light (keeping Halacha here)
to remind us of the days long ago (the miracle of 1 for eight days)

One on each night with a florescent light (more energy efficient ways)
to remind us of the days long agoooo.

To all, have a happy and Green Chanukah.