KEEPING UP WITH THE MACHMIRS

You live in an area that's very competitive. Most people call it keeping up with the Steins, you call it keeping up with the Machmirs, your next door neighbor (their name means stringent). For some reason you are always one step behind them. For example, they don't eat strawberries, then when you decide to stop also, they go ahead and deem raisins also bad, you used to drink regular water till they only drank filtered, and now you're filter needs filtered water. Everything you do is not good enough.

So last week you decided that you are going to be ahead of the game, you are going to find out first, and they are going to have to copy you, only then will you keep up with the Machmirs. You go to YWN, nope, nothing new (of course you had your non machmir friend print it out for you). Vos iz neias isn't going to have anything more than the the yeshiva's coffee room, so you don't have your friend, whos non machmir, print it out. Finally you spot something, from somewhere else, "Women shouldn't visit the dead, should be quiet and not cry during a eulogy". You say that's perfect for you, but you think its not enough, you have to find more.

So you continue your quest for the most restricted life possible. On your way you over hear a conversation "Did you find that blue blackberry?" one guy says (it was actually you from the post before being spoken to, remember?) "Yes" the other guy says (you from last post). "Well, its mine, it has my name on the bottom of it, so and sostein". The guy who found it wasn't sure if he should give it back. You then thought to yourself that that's an awesome chumrah, and that the Machmirs could never do better than this, you wont give back lost texting machines (yay!). In fact through this you can learn another halachah, you shouldn't have blue blackberries (red ones are learned out from the fact that you cant wear red, so certainly your should not have a red phone, which is worn on your belt).

You run home from your shortened quest to find the most restricted life. You believe Machmir will never beat you, you are so overjoyed. NEXT WEEK (this week): Mr. Machmir comes home with a bottle of four hashgachah milk. Not only that, but it says on it, "Anachnu Machmirim, Machmirim bnei Machmirim (we are stringent, stringent the sons of stringent), this only proceeds to make you feel like he put a knife in you (of course kosher for shechitah) and twisted it (which hurts more).

Moral: Looks like you'll never keep up with the Machmirs.