The Shidduch Crisis

This is an email forwarded to me, it may be a little over the top but enjoy.

Ich zug dir, I'm really suffering from the shidduch crisis. Finding one's
bashert in today's society is just SO hard! I make hundreds of phone calls
to shadchanim, begging everyone not to forget about me - but so many of them
tend to brush me off with silly excuses like they have no time for me, they
can't think of anyone for me, they're too busy with other things Even when
they do find a few free moments to 'red' me a shidduch, they just never come
up with anything decent! It's a shanda, I tell you.

No, don't be ridiculous - of course I'm not a 19-year-old girl!

I'm not a 24-year-old bochur, either.

I'm the MOTHER of a shidduch-age yingel - and he's the best boy in the
yeshiva!

Oy, I hate krechtzing in public, but the truth is, it's a shrekliche matziv
out there for us future mother in laws.

I asked my son a few months ago what kind of girl he's looking for. You know
what he answered me? He said, "Ma, I just want a good girl." Ha! What does
he know? So I'm making it my business to find him what I know he really
needs. In fact, a shadchan called me just last week:

"Hello, Mrs. Vichtigmacher? I have a great girl for your son."

"You do? Terrific. What size is she?"

"Huh?"

"I asked, what size is she? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone bigger
than a 2. A size nothing - an absolute 0 - would be perfect."

"Oh, well I don't know "

"And how tall is she?"

"Oh, she's average hei-"

"What do you mean by 'average?' My son doesn't want to go out with anyone
shorter than 5'3, but of course he won't consider anyone taller than 5'5.
She might make him look small and stumpy, especially if she wears heels. So
this girl needs to fall within a three-inch radius for her to be
acceptable."

"Ok. I just-"

"What does she look like?"

"What? Oh, she' a really nice looking girl."

"Nice looking? That's it? A new pair of shoes is 'nice looking.' A matching
pocketbook is 'nice looking.' A good haircut is 'nice looking.' The girl my
son is going to marry has to be more than just 'nice looking!'"

"This girl is pretty."

"Pretty - but not beautiful or stunning or gorgeous or extraordinary?"

"Yes, she's very-"

"How old is she? Anyone under age 19 is most likely too immature for my
Gemarakup. Marrying someone that young would almost be like cradle
snatching! 20 is just right. In my opinion - and I'm right about just about
everything - any girl over 21 is already too settled in her ways to make a
good spouse. My son won't be able to mould her personality anymore. He won't
be able to properly train her to have a five course supper ready on the
table by 5pm, or else. Or to iron and starch and fold his cashmere socks
into perfect little 4-inch squares. You understand?"

"No, I'm not sure I-"

"And how many years can this girl's parents support my boy in kollel? My son
doesn't want to go out with anyone who can't support him for at least the
first decade. I mean, after all, a boy who sits and shvitzes and hureves in
kollel deserves to get everything he wants, doesn't he? My son simply
refuses to go out with anyone who doesn't come along with a house. And he's
partial to BMW's."

"Oh. I didn't-"

"How many kids are in the family? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone
who's the oldest in a large family, because then the girl is already burned
out and overstressed by the time she gets married. The youngest in a large
family is usually way too spoiled, so forget about that. And a middle child,
nebach, a middle child is usually neglected. On the other hand, an ONLY
child never learns to share with others or build sibling relationships, so
my son would never consider that either. If this girl is, say, the third
child in a family of 12 - that would be perfect."

"Actually, she's-"

"Oh. Very important. What does her father do for a living? My son would
never go out with a girl whose father or grandfather, up to four generations
back, worked in a butcher shop or a fish store. Anyone who can stand to
witness the sight of that much blood obviously has no midas harachamim. And
we won't take any truck drivers or used car salesmen either."

"Mrs. Vichtigmacher, I think-"

"Now hold on, I know exactly what you're going to say."

"You do?"

"Uh huh. You're going to tell me that this girl is everything I could
possibly hope for in a girl. And that may be true. But I'm not finished
getting information from you yet. I forgot to ask: On Shabbos, does her
family eat on fine China or on paper plates?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Well, it's obvious. If they eat on fine China, they're probably
feinshmekkers. On the other hand, if they eat on paper plates, they're
probably practical people, down to earth, but they don't respect the kedusha
of Shabbos as much as they should."

"Well then, what should they eat on?"

"Good question. And there's something else I need to know. Is the girl
quiet, or is she loud?"

"She's not too quiet"

"Aha! She's not too quiet, you say! I know your shadchan euphemisms. That's
a very subtle way of saying she has no eidelkeit. She's brash, loud, and way
out of control, right? Her teachers probably couldn't handle her all
throughout her 12 years of school. Her parents are probably desperate to get
her married, just so she can settle down, right? Tell me the truth."

"No! The truth is that she's really pretty quiet, but-"

"She's quiet? You mean she's timid, shy, tzurikgeshtannen? Doesn't she have
any friends? What are you redding my son, a mouse?!"

"Of course not, she's-"

"What will she wear on her head?"

"Excuse me?"

"On her head. A snood, a pony sheitel, a fall, a custom, a hat, a shpitzel?
Which is it?"

"Um. I assume she'll just wear a regular-"

"Regular? There's no such thing as 'regular.' What a woman wears on her head
tells a lot about what's going on INSIDE her head. Is she 'modern,'
'yeshivish,' litvish,' 'chassidish' or 'Meah Shearimdig?' Is she a rebel or
a rebbetzin?"

"She's a frum, wonderful, tzniusdige young lady! A really great baalas
middos tovos, with a kind heart and derech eretz! Mrs. Vichtigmacher, she's
just a good gir-"

"Did she go to camp?"

"Huh? Yes. She went to camp for a few summers, and some summers she stayed
home."

"She stayed home? Why? Are her parents too poor to afford camp? Is she too
attached to her mommy to leave home for a couple of weeks? Does she have
some embarrassing problem that she doesn't want her bunkmates or counsellors
to know? Does she snore or drool in her sleep? My son will never go out with
a girl who hasn't been to camp."

"I told you. She went to camp. Just not every sum-"

"Did she go to seminary in Israel? You know, girls just don't come out right
these days unless they go to seminary in Israel. My son won't go out with
any girl who hasn't been to-"

"I get the point. You know what? I don't think this shidduch is going to
work out after all. I don't have the time for you, I can't think o f anyone
for you, and I'm too busy with other things. Good luck marrying off your
son."

Oy, it's a shanda, I tell you. Vey iz mir! How I suffer from the shidduch
crisis!

JUDAISMS NEXT TOP MAIDEL

A new reality TV series on the all Jewish network Shidduch Central, has become all the rave among orthodox TV watchers, much like the hot game show Magen David. Judaisms Next Top Maidel is an intense show that features 12 Jewish girls who are competing to become Judaisms most talked about single. The girls go through a series of competitions that requires them to look their best in black and without any makeup. They are rated by a panel of rabbis who wont look at them, to determine who will be the next top maidel.

There are some who object to this show, too much gossip is emanating from it. Last week we left off with 5 contestants, when Batsheva was eliminated she had this to say "(Sobbing with tears coming down her eyes) I... I... I tried my hardest (sob) and I just didn't make the cut, I guess next time I need to have more bitachon in hashem. Baruch Hashem at least now I'll be able to see my family again (sob)." This lead to many blogs and the Jew S Weekly to promote gossip about her, saying that Batsheva had went into a serious depression and was now outside the box for potential shidduch matches, this only enraged those who dslike the show.

The show still seems to be a big hit among many despite the objection by some. It just seems to have everything, drama, like when Sarah got into a big fight with Esther because they both wore the same shade of black, and of course it has the private interviews with people getting really emotional for no reason. All this adds up to the most watched show on Shidduch Central.

Judaism Next Top Maidel airs Wednsdays at 8:00 O'clock eastern time right after the eveniing news with YWN.

A frummie love story part 1: Waiting for something that couldnt be

Oh shoots, its November 3rd and I haven't even started my novel for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). If you ask me I really don't expect to finish this novel in a month, but give me sometime and I might be able to get in by next years NaNoWriMo, you wont tell anybody I started a year earlier right? what you will!... fine be that way. Okay enough of that here it goes.

WAITING FOR SOMETHING THAT COULDN'T BE

Chana had been in shidduchim for a while, with little success. She had been through countless men who seemed to fit out on paper, Black hat, in yeshiva, will learn in kollel, but it never went passed date 2. She had been to many shadchanim of every type, but to no avail, something just made her turn them down. Chana's mother Penina, a very worrisome person like most Jewish mothers, had all sorts of suspicions as to why nothing was working out. Everything from looks and Ayin Har'a to maybe her daughter is an atheist went through her head. But in reality Chana knew the real reason why it wasn't working out.


It wasn't that Chana didn't like anyone she was setup with she was okay with everyone, but they were missing something she was looking for. Chana had a vision that wasn't from g-d, of the perfect bochurel for her. She had envisioned a man, a bochur in hat and shining (dimming) jacket who will come out of his Yeshivish car (off his horse) and read Shir hashiurim to her, or any other sort of Jewish poetry, while she was on her porch leaning over listening intently to the words to come out of his mouth. He would be the kindest boy out there, anyone who met him would become friends with him instantly, he'd be sweet and as romantic as frummies can get. To most this would be all but a dream, a fantasy that would never come true, but to Chana it was a reality something she hoped and longed for.

But this "reality" had a time limit, Chana was nearing the ripe old age of 22, a time were most girls were already celebrating their sons upsherin, Chana was feeling left behind and needed to do something fast. Shadchanim had told her that she sets the bar to high, that she had to lower her expectations from whatever it is she wanted, or she will never get married. This hurt Chana, having to deal with the fact that she might never have that angel of a chosson. Her FFB BFF (Frum From Birth Best friend 4ever) Rivky, the only one who knew about Chana's fantasy, was half heartedly supporting her dream. On one hand the dream was great, but on the other it was unrealistic and wont ever happen.

There were countless nights Chana went to sleep crying, hoping, praying and waiting, and every morning she would wake up with a wet pillow and a broken heart still yearning for that for her other half. Yet, somehow she would have this feeling of "its gonna happen soon don't worry", run through her, giving her an emotional boost, and she would function like a normal person for another day till the cycle repaeats itself.

Part 2: OBSTACLES TO PASS

DO YOU 613?

Me: "...whats you email address"
Them: "blahblahblah613@yahoo.com"

Why is it that frummies always put in a 613, representing all the commandments, into their email address or IM account? I'm sure you know someone with a 613 at the end of their address. It could be the most random things stuck together with a 613, for example; doughnuts613@gmail.com or a name, Jack613@yahoo.com, or a personality, aidel613 (for an IM account), or even a JewsforJesus613@yahoo.com. I don't know why people pick 613 out of all the special numbers that there are, why not 7 for shabbos, or 8 for a bris, or 3 and 4 for the matriarchs and patriarchs, (yes, I got all the special numbers from the famous passover song).

Do they do it as a heter to be on the Internet? As long as they are reminded of the 613 mitzvos then they can be on the Internet all they want, and the Rabbonim will be so proud of them. Or is it for potential shidduchim? "Hey Chaim, scroll down a little, look a something@613, she has to be in your shidduch range".

Its gotten so far that you can find it in Jewish children's books, where a girl went off the "D" and now has a Gmail account with a 613 at the end (just goes to show you how off the "D" she really was), and then she gets some kiruv from her friends and everyone lives heimishly ever after.

I myself am thinking about changing my email address to mikeinmidwood613@yahoo.com, anyone else want to join?

SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE, I CANT SOLVE THAT PHRASE

We are warned about the shidduch crisis, and all it creates, everyday; whether it be from the yated or mishpachah, the Jewish press, or even our very own Frum Single Female. How many people think they have an answer to it? raise you hands (or press shift on your keyboard 5 times). Well if you are raising your hand or pressed shift 5 times, you made a big mistake (raising your hand is stupid because no one can see through your computer screen, and pressing you shift key that many times will show a sign on your monitor asking you if you want sticky keys).

Reason number one why you made a mistake: The shidduch crisis is based on people. People are human if you didn't know, and humans make mistakes. People make mistakes thinking that, someone who thinks slightly different then them is completely out of the question, and not even worth checking out to see if its a potential marriage. Of course this, as any other human perspective, evolved, it grew from the fact that shadchanim exist. Shadchanim are simply people who tried to fit everyone in a box, if you don't fit into the box you are outside the box, and not worthy enough to be set up with people on the inside of it, simple enough. But the idea expanded, not only did they just make a box, they made it really hard to get into, the slightest of "deficiencies" is going to get you kicked out; if you were once a yeshivah rebel, or you wear blue shirts, or maybe you work, or you have plastic at the shabbos table, if you're a girl you may be to smart, whatever the case maybe your out. Then the idea grew so big it became a crisis within itself, like an epidemic that started out as a flu vaccination, it wasn't originally meant to harm, now everyone is judging who's in this box and in one of three other boxes with every glance, its not just shadchanim. How do you stop an evolving crisis that cant be killed from its source a.k.a. the shadchan, I don't know.

Answer number 2 why you made a mistake: who wants sticky keys anyway? I like mine nice and clean. You shouldnt have pressed shift 5 times just because I said so, I wouldnt have known if you did either way, but if you really think you do have an answer you can leave a comment with your idea.

So the answer is, SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE is not possible, its to complicated and is therefore unsolvable, because if it were to be solved it wouldnt be unsolvable.

WERE GOING OVERBOARD.

This product claims to make things chametz free, because that's its name "chametz free". It uses plastic covers for door handles, faucets, cabinets, and anything else that has handles. As you can see on your picture to the right on the bottom, there is a doorknob with a cover on it, as I said before it claims to make things chametz free. Now why would you need to have your doorknobs chametz free?!!!!!!........ ! Your cabinets I can barely understand, and thats if they are in the kitchen. Faucets I don't understand, at all, because you can kosher a metal faucet, and its normal to do so. So why do you need them? the answer is, you don't, that's right you don't. Its all a conspiracy to get people to buy these stupid products, and this wasn't even made by Kosher Innovations. And that's bad, because now you will have two stupid companies fighting to come up with even stupider inventions, and us, the people will have to buy them because we may not be frum enough with out it. And it will all end up with a shadchan asking if you put covers on your doorknobs for Pesach, to determine if you are holy enough to be dealt with.

Yes we are going overboard, and somebody save us.

AL SHADCHAN

The crowd quiets down, the MC(master of ceremonies) comes up to the microphone, as the lights dim on the crowd. "Tonight" he says "we are going to have a guest speaker. He is known throughout all the world. He is extremely nosy, and takes everything very personally. He is known to make speeches all the time, on every little thing that the community has problems with. Tonight he is speaking on the shidduch crisis. Introducing Al Shadchan!" (spoof on Al Sharpton).


Al takes to the podium. "Ahem, many things wrong with this community, people aren't going on shidduch dates. By all means, we should be trying to do everything we can possible to put an end to this crisis.... or it will be an unstoppable crisis. I believe that everyone has to do their part. Everyone should be calling friends and family to make things progress. To defeat a crisis, we must act against the crisis, by all means necessary..........."


1 hour later, and Al is still going on. The crowd seems to be wary of his speech.

"I believe that many people are affected by outside forces, which are known as goyim too many of you. They get married at 25, and think its okay. Now Is not saying that they are wrong, only that they have no concept of what they should do. Many of you have been influenced by the scum Ive said before. You think that looks and dress are what makes a person, or the fact that they are "outside the box" makes them not acceptable enough to go out with. But I say you are wrong, be ashamed. I have a dream ( I know that's MLKJ's line, but did you notice that Sharpton copies him tremendously?) that Bochurim and fresh from seminary girls, will go out on a shidduch just because they are who they are, let the segregation end..... once they reach the parshah. Ive dealt with many who, as they say, aren't sure about things. I say to that, if they have asked all the questions to me and to your parents, and they have white (yes, Al shadchan is white) tablecloth, there is no reason not see the other side".


One more hour later and he is still going, the crowd seems to be hearing the same thing over and over. Some even think he said this same speech, just changed the subject, to Dov Israelish (the Jewish equivalent to Don Imus).


And last, I think that we should all stand together, and fight for our community when eva' a crisis hits. We are the chosen nation, we will come forth, B'ezras Hashem".


The crowd cheers at the end, because its the end. MC talking now "That will be it for tonight, as we would have had 3 more speakers (sigh), but due to the time we just cant. Thank you and good night".

ITS KOSHER ALL DAY LONG

Being that we live in a society that is advancing in the most treife ways, the only thing that can possibly save us from this is, new ways to put hechshers on every item (Yay!). Its the only possible way to save us from any sort of treif out in the world. I will now predict the future of us as Jews:


The First thing to come out of the newly installed kosher market will be, people Hechshers; because many times you talk to people, and you just cant seem to tell who is up to your standards at that moment, maybe they are hiding something, and do you want to be influenced by someone treif, especially on a shidduch date? obviously not. So how can we possibly find a person who is kosher enough; therefore, we are going to introduce the human hechsher. At first there will only be Kosher and non kosher people, but somewhere along the way more hechsheirm will come through. Some people will have FFBTD (Frum From Birth Till Death) status, like OU parve, while others will will have a FFBBL (Frum From Birth But Lacking), sort of like OUDe (dairy equipment). Then others will be labeled with OTDCBAHS ( Off The Derech Coming Back on After High School) that's an OUD. Now its easier to keep yourself kosher with labels on everybody, you wont come in contact with someone you don't want to. Of course there will be mashgichim going all around checking up on people. This is an attempt to "fix" the shidduch crisis.


Everyone will be so into hechsherim, that every school will also have to have a hechsher on it. Schools will either be marked with Treif, Ba'adatz, or Kaf K. Treif being; anything that has a secular department. Ba'adatz being; learning non-stop to kollel, and Kaf K will be somewhere in between but frowned upon. If you send your children to the wrong yeshivah then you will be second class citizen.


The next thing to be hit, will be the communities themselves. Williamsburg is going to the dogs, to hipsters and bicycle lanes, this placed is deemed too treif, and that means anyone who lives there is not kosher enough. This doesn't say much for places out of the tristate area, they are for sure not kosher. Boro park and Midwood is borderline kosher, why you might ask? well its obvious, they don't have separate sides to walk on for men and women. Lakewood eer hakodesh and Bnei brak are kosher. New square, kiriyas Yoel, meah shearim, and any other sorts of towns like that are the kosherist (meah shearim is its own town, if kiriyas yoel is its own country) . Of course if you live in the wrong community you are an out cast and not Jewish.

I'll end it with this: I always thought the caste system in India was exaggerated, but now my thoughts are changing.

MAGEN DAVID (spoof on pyramid)

Welcome to Magen David, the show where we evaluate shidduchim. Yeshivah bochur walks in. "Heeeeeres your host... Random Shadchan" Says the announcer. Rabbi guest walks in. Random Shadchan tells us what the winner will get "The winner of this; gets a shidduch date, with a girl who calls herself, not your typical bais yaakov girl". The crowd cheers. Yeshivah Bochur sits down in his seat, rabbi sits across from him. "Remember the rules" the shadchan says "There are five questions, rabbi you cant tell the bochur the actual answer, only hints. When you get it correct, you will hear a Ding! sound, okay.

You have 20 seconds on the clock. The topic is Life. start now! Rabbi doesn't understand how to work the computer. Bochur tells him "just read whats there". Rabbi understand now. 12 seconds left. Rabbi hints "Where you go after you are married". Bochur "Kollel!". Ding! Random Shadchan says "good job, you are now one step closer to the prize". We stop for commercial break, on the all Jewish network Shidduch Central.

Host Random Shadchan welcomes us back "Welcome back, and as you were gone, Yeshiva Bochur has passed to the third round. He answered a tough question, on the topic of yeshiva, with "White shirts only". Once again 20 seconds on the clock, Topic for this is, Not So Bad, and start". Rabbi to Bochur "I tell you something" Bochur to Rabbi "I listen, speak, daven? Rabbi back to bochur "A rosh yeshiva says don't do something for no apparent reason". 8 seconds left. Bochur back to rabbi "Listen no matter what" Ding! "Well done" Random Shadchan says "all you have to do is get these two questions left on the Magen david, correct, and you are an okay shidduch match". Crowd cheers.

"Okay 4rth round, Yichus is the topic, the clock begins now". Rabbi "Personal questions". Bochur "my childhood, my hashkafa, My mother learns, my looks?" Rabbi "heritage". Bochur " Yichus, My yichus?". 6 seconds left. Rabbi " to some is embarrassing but to you okay" Bochur " Your great uncle wasn't frum mine was!". Ding! Host " very close but you got through". All you have to do is answer this last question, and you have passed, this harsh shadchan question course".

"Last question, don't let the pressure get to you" Shadchan says "one last time 20 seconds, the topic is Useless questions from shadchanim, and here we go" Bochur looks nervous. Rabbi begins to stutter, thinking of what to say. "uh uh uh, You use it on shabbos." Bochur "shabbos coat, shabbos hat, shabbos lamp.... shabbos toilet paper?" 10 seconds left on the clock. Rabbi "Shabbos table, kiddush, stains". 5 seconds left. Bochur "Plastic table cloth?" 2 seconds left " uh uh uh uh". BZZZZT. "Times up" the host says "sorry, the answer was white shabbos table cloth, not to be confused with, the modern orthodox plastic table cloth. Don't worry for a backup prize, we give you the "out of the box" YU girl".

Thanks for joining us on this wonderful show. All guests will receive a 10$ gift certificate to Eichlers (fine print: 10$ in Eichlers cant buy you anything). See you next time on Magen David.

SHABBOS SHUVA DRASHA (a little late review)

It came shabbos shuva and I had absolutely no idea where I would go or even if I would go to a drasha. Then it came around 4:30 and and after much thought, I decided to go to R'Goldwasser's Shiur. I got in and then they started saying tehillim, which I thought was a great idea catching everyone at the moment. He had a great Shmooz he even cracked a few good jokes. He went from the topic of forgiving people (obviously) to we have to help everyone in the community to everyone should be a shadchan in these hard times. In fact it was a great Shmooz I didn't tune out for a second. There was only one subject I didn't agree on. Texting.

Yes he went on about texting well not just texting all electronic items and how you should be less dependent on them since they bring in the yetzer hara (which I agree on). But he mainly stuck to texting. He brought a point the Babysitter had said "People feel like they aren't talking to someone so they also feel they can say/write whatever they want". He gave proof to this with an example of someone texting one hundred texts on Shabbos. I don't agree to this since sending letters or emails is exactly the same. Wait, on emails he did say there was a problem. Even without the point of emails writing in general takes the cake. So sorry R'goldwasser cant say I agree.

I still liked the shiur and it left me on a higher note than when I came in. For all you who didn't go to his Drasha you missed something good. Next year I may choose him again.

ANOTHER GOOD REASON

Last week me and my sister (My sister and I if you prefer) were talking. Somehow or another came up about a certain individual. This person was an idea for a match with another some one we know that came from the same background as this person.

Then came the part were I noticed something. My sister said that "it wont work out dont even try". At first I asked why. She gave me a weird answer of they dont have the same personality. I quickly retorted and said "What you wont even let it have a shot". (this is were I notice). I then said you (and people like her) are the reason why there is a crisis. You never give anything a shot if it doesnt work out on paper it means it would never work. She then dissagreed and defended herself.

All I am saying is that you cant say nothing is going to work because you think so. How many shidduchim could have been made if people would try it out and how many werent because no one thought they can pair up. This is the reason for the crisis (one of them).

YOUR A BT GET LOST

I have read on Frum Skeptic's site that BT'S have second class citizen standard when it comes to shidduchim. Its as bad as a working guy. Its worse than the those who "learn" all day (which they arent and are really smoking and on their cellphones the whole time). Nothing more on this topic needs to be said besides why. 'this is not the main thing the real stuff is over at frum skeptics which I linked above.

THE SHADCHANS FAULT (update on last post)

It seems that many people have caught on that you can learn and work. Which until recently didn't exist in peoples minds. I have read in the Jewish press (GASP!) that people want an LE ("learner earner"). Now its all the shadchunim's fault they didn't exist. They are telling the guys who want to be an LE that no girl would want them. Then they go to a girl looking to purchase an LE and say there is no such kind of person in stock.

In the article IM YIRTZEH HASHEM (by you) There is a person there looking for an LE. The Shadchun tells her "There is no such thing "either go find a Kollel boy (who only learns does no work) or go settle for a modern boy" ( who doesnt learn and only works or doesn't even work). Why is it that marrying someone who wants to learn and work is impossible to find?

I guess its a conspiracy of the shadchun. When someone becomes a shadchun you have to sign a contract that the only people you work with are the ones that learn and have nothing to do with being able to live with the money they make. Also this person has to have support from there parents otherwise they are disqualified. Going to college is another thing that disqualifies you. So in the end the only way to get a shidduch is to be the perfect person with no variety of different people. Its like you try one and you tried em' all.

It happens to be that in another article in the Jewish Press also talks about the same concept. The REBBETZINS VIEWPOINT had someone write that no "good girl" wants to marry him and he is an LE. I don't know where this person got his perspective but I have a clue. (see upper portion). The Rebbetzin wrote back that there are many "good girls" that want an LE and that she knows them and they want to contact this person. I can see it now the Shadchuns plot of a shidduch crisis is now collapsing.

I conclude that the Shidduch crisis was (I say "was" since it should end now) all the shadchuns fault. We just have to realize that there are people out there that can fit the "new" category of "learner earner" and I promote this new category. A shadchan should allow people to be an LE not against it. Why they are someone please explain. :)

COLLEGE IS ASSUR

I have never seen a problem with going to college. And yet so many people say that if you go to college you not religious. You have to stay and learn otherwise your life is ruined. I don't see whats wrong with getting ready to make a living. Its better than learning and having absolutely no money to make ends meet.

The shadchunim are the worst "So are you going to learn or work?" If you work you have a great chance of the shadchun not considering you to anyone. Also you have a good chance of waiting till 25 to get married. So instead of having a shadchun you go on JDate or frumster which really doesn't help much.

They say there is really something wrong with not learning and recently I heard that becoming a rebbi is not considered learning either. Who made up this crazy rule book!! where everything has to be perfect and money is over flowing like a very hot pot with water in it and steam (being money) coming out. This just doesn't happen. In the end you are going to have to work anyway since you cant learn forever. Someone who wants to learn after they are done working like in the evening isn't good enough.

Its funny how everything must be perfect. Even people are now perfect. You hear someone say "I went out with a typical BY girl/Yeshiva bochur" and they say it not only about one person but many. It doesn't stop there, no way. They say they went out with 3 people they all had the same idea of where they are headed in life and came from the same background. This perfect world is not perfect and everyone is the same.

So about college being assur. I am not criticizing anyone for not going but rather the reason they aren't. Some don't go because they have life set out for them and what they are going for doesn't need college (a shochet,Rabbi,Teacher,Social worker) so I am not out to get you here. There are others that say "College is for goyim" (in a derogatory way THEY say goyim) and are trying to fit into this category of typical Yeshiva bochur/BY girl, it is also a form of peer pressure.

In a good many years from now our Jewish economy will collapse because fewer and fewer people are getting jobs (REAL JOBS) and we wont be able to support those who learn. Yeah I am bringing out the Yissachar and Zevulun point. There are people that are meant to support those who learn. That's the reason why people have to go to college to learn some sort of profession and get a good job. OH! I forgot something really important. There are many non workers who call those who do work... NOT FRUM!!! WHY is all I'm asking why are they not frum. is it because they are actually doing there part in life? Besides just saying they are not frum they are disrespecting those who are donating money to a Kollel so you can sit and learn. And that goes back to the Yisachar Zevulun thing. I think I end it here before I give myself a heart attack. (Deep breath... just take deep breaths).

THE "CRISIS" CRISIS

An all to common word used by us Jews to describe anything gone just a little out of balance and make it blown up into one of the worst things so you think all is lost. That word (as stated above) is "CRISIS". Yes CRISIS is a crisis and one day it will consume just about everything we say.

I call it the "CRISIS CRISIS". (which is extremely hard to say 10 times fast)...(did you try it now?) We have too many things with "CRISIS" THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS, THE BUGS IN WATER CRISIS, STRAWBERRY CRISIS, INTERMARRIAGE CRISIS,even a YESHIVA CRISIS,and one day maybe a genetic pig CRISIS(see frum skeptic for details). (please forgive me if I forgot any of these extremely important CRISIS'S). Cant we find a better word for it than CRISIS. A "difficulty" would be nice to have, then maybe we can find a solution for it or a "problem" that is better than having a "crisis".

THE YESHIVAH CRISIS is not one at all. The most it could be is that some people cant afford tuition and get a break of some sort. The crisis business starts from one person writing about it in the newspaper so word gets out and then everyone thinks its the worst thing ever in Jewish history. I think I will try my hand at this Crisis stuff. (watch out it could become a real CRISIS).

THE HEAT WAVE CRISIS: too many heat waves are causing us to use more energy and pay more on the electric bill, how will we afford the GAS CRISIS which is a real crisis. Someone start a tzedakah for this.
As I stated before the CRISIS CRISIS: The word crisis is used to describe disastrous things. Websters dictionary or some other, defines crisis as "a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change".That is not what we call a crisis. Our definition is used for any minor thing and yet it has the same meaning and power of the normal crisis definition. Someone please explain.

We have used it too much and now have worn out the word it . I myself have used it a numerous amount of times through out this post. Its time to give it a rest and bury the word for it has served its purpose and went way beyond the call of duty or definition.

IS HOW YOU LOOK WHO YOU ARE?

Judging people by the way they look is something people do everywhere and at every time. If I am on a city bus people will base me on the fact that I am Jewish that my nose is shaped in a weird way even if it isn't (by the way the basis for the whole Jewish nose is on a Gemara that says that the nose is what makes up the face. Meaning with out a nose we would almost all look the same.) and that I would take any penny I see laying around. It also means people will feel more comfortable sitting next to me then sitting next to the guy with the bushy mustache or the black kid with the rag (dew rag) on his head. I guess people think that the black kid is wild and the bushy guy needs his room or smells and I'm Jewish so I am more polite.

I cant say I don't judge people and its the way you get around in life but like they say you cant judge a book by its cover. A person who is not white and doesn't have regular eyes or is in a different group, that group is considered that they all act the same. That is not true we all have a brain that works differently than the next person and how one thinks is not how another thinks. And yet we still group people into upper classes and lower classes.

I'm not asking that we have a world where people are all equal and no one is better than another including the animals. The fact is that just because someone looks a certain way doesn't mean they are an outcast. This problem you could find in the shidduch world. That person wears a jacket instead of a Bekeshe (includes skirts and pants) so I wont even date that person when really this person is a perfect match. Why is it a match because its how they think not how they look that makes a person.

I was once by some Rebbes tisch in Boro/Borough (which ever way you spell it) park. And I start being shoved away from the Rebbe who I finally gotten close enough to, to see what he was doing. (I am judging people here) This is by most Chassidim they think that since I were a hat instead of a streimel I should be the last on line to about anything they are doing. Maybe they are taught that everyone else doesn't deserve to be in their group because otherwise you would be in their group, but them I'm not sure about that one. For some reason I never hear an "excuse me" or "coming through" its just shove them out of the way or squeeze in between and step on there feet. What happened to being an Aidel Yid. (someone who is a mensch)

Another stereotype of Chassidim is they don't know anything. (I don't know where I am going with this) Well if you never had a real English class that taught some science or history and math you wouldn't either. I was once in this pizza place in the mountains and this Chassidish lady goes to the counter and says "I dont want de curly fries they hurt my stomach can I have straight ones". The guy at the counter says "yeah but it will cost more" I almost laughed my head off.

Listen I dont think they need all that education anyway. If you think for a moment you'll come to understand they dont need it. They have a business called supermarkets. They open them everywhere and you dont need to much knowledge to know you need to make some money and call up Liebers for some candy, or to hire some mexicans for some cheap labor. ( I am not referring to Rubashkins).

Back to the point of this article you cant judge people by the way they look even though I just contradicted myself the last few paragraphs, its just wrong to do that. (When I am around Chassidim I dont look at them as a group but as an individual person but when I think of them as a group I think of them differently). I guess I mean when you see someone you should try to think of them seperate from the group that they come from, even though there group may act a certain way a person by themselves may not be like that group.

THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS

A great factor in the shidduch crisis is what I call the "system". The system is orchestrated by everyone besides those actually dating so everyone is made out (by others looking out for them) to seem as perfect as possible, allowing perfection to be seen as the norm.

The ideal girl is labeled a Bais Yaakov-type girl. It seems a shame that if you're not a "Bais Yaakov-type girl" you're considered not good enough and thus less desirable picking. Then there is seminary- another must. Forget about skipping straight to college- that'll surely make you second-class-citizen material. If a girl want to marry someone who will learn for a while, yet the girl can't jump into college, finding that above-minimum-wage- side job while in school is going to be pretty difficult...the husband might even have to look for a job...but you wanted to marry a learner...

The system conveniently allows the seminary year to be one of the biggest dating fodder. You would think that this wouuld solve all the problems about shidduchim, having oodles of fresh from sem girls. Well unfortunately, that's not enough to meet the criteria. There are some who do get married right out of seminary but there are those who are simply not ready.

Then there's actually going to the right seminary- otherwise you're flying under the radar. So even if you can successfully say you went to seminary you're asked which one and then it all comes right back to whether you're a "Bais Yaakov type girl." And again, even having gone to seminary, you might as well have gone to college since you're still second-class-citizen material . And hey, this is all information collected before date number one so uh...good luck to you once you've scored one.

That completes one portion of the "system". So I reiterate, not so hard to figure out why there is this crisis. My conclusion- go out with someone without so much critiquing. It's not like you're forced to sign a marriage contract after of one date.

So this people is our shidduch crisis.

THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS once again...

This crisis talk is really getting on my nerves. Everywhere you look you come across the topic. I think the only reason there is a crisis to begin with is because when people go out and meet a nice person all these different "questions" have to be so focused on. Like where do you learn ...(Okay I guess that one is normal.) But why should college equal outcast? If you go to uh..."Fakewood" and say thats what you're doing forget it they'll chase you out of town.

Then if you get passed stage one with the going out, it's on to what are you going to do for parnasa. So a guy has to wonder, if I go learn I won't have much money but if I say I'll work this pairing is out the window because everyone needs a masmid (learner). And the learning is often expected to go on for at least two or three years minimum or until you have a kid or two.

If you really want to learn you better hope this girl's father is supporting you, otherwise you have to find some shnooky work to keep you afloat. However, then ya got in-laws who will say maybe he wasn't right for her... (behind your back of course). Plus after asking you all the "questions," they'll just go ahead and re-ask the shadchan. And they'll ask just everything- height, weight, family "diseases..." ("Did you have the chickenpox yet?")
Well there's your explanation for this crisis...with a shebang like this how can there not be one.