INSANE, RETARDED, STUPID....PATERSON

This nudnick is giving me a hard time. First he doesn't want me to get fat, then he wants me to use "Eco-friendly" bags, WHATS NEXT?!! I'll tell you whats next, he is making ME (and you) pay for paying taxes.

Who the Heck does this guy think he is? He is in office for less than a year, he got lucky the guy before him was a dope. He is blind in two ways; one he cant really see, and he cant tell where he is leading us. Doesnt he know the worst thing to do right now is take more money out of peoples pockets, we don't feel like spending any more because we have so little. I don't even know why he isn't just taxing obese people if he didn't want people to become fat, don't tax someone who just wants to treat themselves to a little snack!!

Well now he wants people to be taxed for the paper they use, TO PAY THEIR TAXES!! all because they could have used a computer, and even that he is taxing 4 CENTS!!. Who did he hire to think of all theses stupid, yet very inventive, ideas. I don't care about four cents, BUT WHY SHOULD HE!!!?!!! Does anyone else here think that's absurd? I am kind enough to pay my taxes, any you go ahead and tax me for paying it, OXYMORON!! STOP TRYING TO NICKEL AND DIME THE ECONOMY SO YOU CAN GIVE A 17% RAISE TO YOUR STAFF. AAAHHHH!!! CRAZY!!!!

So he thinks he is trying save the economy with his "Eco-friendly" projects, taxing paper or plastic bags for groceries, or taxing using paper to pay taxes; either way that is not being "economically-friendly". One reason why is; all the paper work it will take to pass the law is killing so many precious trees, and second, to document all the taxes it will kill more trees than it saves. Besides, you aren't being "economically friendly" to the economy which just about sucks right now. How about stop taxing everything we buy, and use to buy things with, and people will start buying a little more

He's insane, he's retarded, he's stupid, he's Paterson, and we have to deal with him for a little more.

PESACH AND OCD

We know that many Jews have OCD. Pesach time, is the only time for them to feel normal. Everyone is going crazy to have every book in the house clean, wiping each and every page. The floors are washed and washed again. The carpet is vacuumed by the maid, then the wife, and then a child. The cabinets are sealed because of impurity, with a sign on it saying not to touch it. Some things are sold because you are too afraid to even have it in your possession. Everything you do to clean for Pesach is very OCD friendly, you cant even tell the difference between a normal person and one with OCD. You can say "When it comes to celebrating Pesach everyone does it the same (this is also meant for people not religious)" .

But Pesach may be a reason why people become OCD in the first place. Besides for the fact that Jewish life itself may cause people to become OCD; through, going to mikvos which aren't clean, or because you don't go to mikvos every second it makes you feel unclean, or because Jewish law requires washing and cleansing yourself from the evil spirit (its phrased as evil spirit, though its really just an impurity on your hands) that rests upon you many times (before you eat you waah, when you wake up, etc.etc.etc.).

Well, Pesach requires even more cleaning, and getting rid of impurities, more than any other holiday in the Jewish Calendar. Chametz is referred to as a the evil inclination, which is not allowed to be eaten on Passover. Chametz is found in almost any food, syrup, drink there is. Not only that; but, you must check that you don't have any chametz in your house on Pesach, not even crumbs, in the smallest of corners. Will this not make anyone go crazy cleaning for Passover? it can inject such a fear of this sin; that, people will gain an OCD behavior from this. They will scrub and check countless times, just to make sure they wont have any chametz over passover. They will be very afraid of what they eat during Pesach, for fear that the one who supervises, to make sure its kosher l'pesach, didn't do a good enough job.

Pesach is a rough time of year, but don't let it make you crazy (do a lot of destressers, as told by the Mishpacha magazine ).

KEEPING UP WITH THE MACHMIRS

You live in an area that's very competitive. Most people call it keeping up with the Steins, you call it keeping up with the Machmirs, your next door neighbor (their name means stringent). For some reason you are always one step behind them. For example, they don't eat strawberries, then when you decide to stop also, they go ahead and deem raisins also bad, you used to drink regular water till they only drank filtered, and now you're filter needs filtered water. Everything you do is not good enough.

So last week you decided that you are going to be ahead of the game, you are going to find out first, and they are going to have to copy you, only then will you keep up with the Machmirs. You go to YWN, nope, nothing new (of course you had your non machmir friend print it out for you). Vos iz neias isn't going to have anything more than the the yeshiva's coffee room, so you don't have your friend, whos non machmir, print it out. Finally you spot something, from somewhere else, "Women shouldn't visit the dead, should be quiet and not cry during a eulogy". You say that's perfect for you, but you think its not enough, you have to find more.

So you continue your quest for the most restricted life possible. On your way you over hear a conversation "Did you find that blue blackberry?" one guy says (it was actually you from the post before being spoken to, remember?) "Yes" the other guy says (you from last post). "Well, its mine, it has my name on the bottom of it, so and sostein". The guy who found it wasn't sure if he should give it back. You then thought to yourself that that's an awesome chumrah, and that the Machmirs could never do better than this, you wont give back lost texting machines (yay!). In fact through this you can learn another halachah, you shouldn't have blue blackberries (red ones are learned out from the fact that you cant wear red, so certainly your should not have a red phone, which is worn on your belt).

You run home from your shortened quest to find the most restricted life. You believe Machmir will never beat you, you are so overjoyed. NEXT WEEK (this week): Mr. Machmir comes home with a bottle of four hashgachah milk. Not only that, but it says on it, "Anachnu Machmirim, Machmirim bnei Machmirim (we are stringent, stringent the sons of stringent), this only proceeds to make you feel like he put a knife in you (of course kosher for shechitah) and twisted it (which hurts more).

Moral: Looks like you'll never keep up with the Machmirs.

ANOTHER RANDOM COLLABORATION

Random thought #1.
According to the halachah that you don't have to return lost texting machines, what happens if: You are walking down the street, all of a sudden you see a nice blue blackberry, on the floor. You pick it up remember the halachah and are not going to return it. The someone comes by and asks, "did you find a black blueberry?" you answer "no", he moves on. Then someone comes over and asks, "did you find a blue blackberry?" you say "yes". The guy says "Well I lost it, it has my name on the back, see it says so and sostein (his name)". So the question is, do you not give it back, or do you chas v'shalom (g-d forbid) give back the tumah (impure) machine?

Rabbi Mike will now try to answer: Well in essence you are doing a mitzvah of hashavos aveidah, plus you might be in sakanos nefoshot ( threat of your life) if you dont. On the other hand, the mitzvah of hashavos aveidah maybe a mitzvah that comes through the aveirah of giving it back (it is wrong to do a mitzvah through an aveirah); also it might be worse to give it back, since he will surely kill himself by using the texting machine. Rabbi Mikes psak is a taiku (will find out when elijah the prophet comes).

Random thought #2.
Another useless invention invented by Kosher Innovations. The Machshavah shocker. Have you ever been sitting kollel, (not learning) or were in the outside world not protected by our inner sphere of influence, and have come across thinking of things not in Torah standards (e.g. buying a non-kosher cell phone). Now there is no need to worry, with the Machshavah shocker, if you think outside of Torah standards you will be immediately shocked with over 500 volts of electricity, enough to stop your heart............. from thinking of all these bad things !!!! fits under your hat. Order today! now with a 3 day guarantee, no refunds

Other posts related to this inventive topic: More great inventions, Introducing the latest in technology.

PESACH CRAZINESS

After seeing this on A mother in Israel, I have decided to post it up, it is found in the Mishpacha magazine. Can you guess how many mistakes, or crazy ideas are in this article?

Sunday. Closets and drawers should be done by now. Focus on the living area. Today, strip beds, vacuum mattresses, wash linens and dust ruffles. Next, vacuum and clean under beds. Daily De-Stressor: Weather permitting, take a ten-minute walk around the block. Breathe in the fresh air. If weather doesn't permit, exercise and energize yourself indoors.

Monday. Window day. Clean all windows and sills thoroughly. If windows have alarms, disconnect the system while cleaning. Take down blinds soak in tub, then rehang. Wash all curtain, shades and window dressings thoroughly. Warning: Don’t take apart window treatments unless you’re sure you can rehang them properly. Daily De-Stressor: A cup of your favorite herbal tea. Inhale the aroma and take your time enjoying every sip. Use this downtime to call a friend, but keep your eyes on the clock.

Tuesday. Now’s the time to wrap up all areas in house aside from the kitchen, living room and dining area. If you have a den, home office, family room, laundry area, guest room, or playroom, clean thoroughly. Daily De-Stressor: Do something that makes you feel good. A bath, a nap, a massage, a sheitel cut. Put on a pretty sweater or enjoy a scoop of your favorite ice cream.

Wednesday. Catch-up day. If you haven’t been able to complete the chores of Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, here’s your second chance. Daily De-Stressor: For some it’s Lipa, for others Beethoven. Take a break during your cleaning to listen to a favorite, or keep the CD player on while you work. What a difference it will make!

Thursday. Before Shabbos cooking, take inventory of everything in the cabinets, fridge and freezer. It’s time to use it up. Most of us have extra soups, cakes, desserts, pastas, cereals, mixes, sauces, and all kinds of chometzdike products. Work these into your Shabbos menu. When you finally tackle the kitchen, you’ll be glad you did. Daily De-Stressor: Reading’s the all-time Great Escape. By now, you have probably received next week’s issue of Mishpacha. Put your feet up and enjoy your favorite column.

Congratulate yourself. You’ve accomplished a great deal this week. Finish your Shabbos prep and air out the house. After a week of cleaning, it’s time to let in some fresh air. Daily De-Stressor: Go out. A short visit to a local park, a lake, a favorite bookstore, will do wonders.

If you spotted zero, you are just as crazy as the person who wrote this.
If you spotted 1-3, obviously you werent paying attention when you read it.
If you found 4-6, youre doing okay, but reread it again, its already too many, right?
if you found 7-10, you found a lot, but missing one that I found.
If you got found 11+, you know this persons crazy, if you found more than 11 please tell us what they were.

WHAT AM I? CHAMETZ!

Although the phrase is "what am I? chopped liver", but in the spirit of Pesach we can make some changes. So What am I? chametz! it seems like it from the Mishpacha magazine.

The articles in the Mishpacha, a very frum magazine, this past week have talked about Pesach cleaning. Each and every one of theses articles, from what I've heard, spoke about how the mother/wife of the family has to start picking up the pace to be ready for Pesach. They even gave all sorts of tips or de-stressers, to cope with the cleaning for Pesach. This leads me to believe that Mishapcha magazine is extremely frum.

How come they didn't say anything about the father/husband of the family helping out? I know that today I was scrubbing walls and floors, shaking everything to rid them of chametz. I worked hard, and no! I didn't need any "de-stressers". Does the Mishpacha magazine think that the male of the house doesn't help out? In fact the whole cleaning task is primarily on the male of the house, according to the Jewish law. Great rabbis of the past have done the cleaning without their wives help, for fear of them not doing a good enough job. This allows me to conclude that the Mishpacha magazine is really frum, because they think that they know better than rabbis from 2000 years ago who can bring back the dead. They must know that the husband is in kollel learning and too busy to help out; therefore, they only write the articles for the wife.

If you read Mishpacha (I dont), and you are wondering like me why they only talk about the wife, then you are not frum enough to read the Mishpacha. So yes I conclude, I am "chametz" according to the Mishpacha magazine.

ITS BEEN A WHILE

I cant remember what the last ban/chumrah that came out was. Was it the strawberries, or was it the bike lanes in Williamsburg? either way its been a while since the last one. The new one is a chumrah; any phone that isn't me'usher from va'ad harobanim, is now not obligated to be returned if lost, lest the owner use it to text his chavrusah.

I find this rather funny, unlike most people, who find it to be outrageous. I remember learning from Uncle Moishy, returning something that you found is a mitzvah. Now I am not someone to argue between the gadlus of Uncle Moishy and a rabbi from Israel, but I do know there is a mitzvah of Hashovos aveidah (returning something that's lost) written somewhere in the Torah, in fact there is a whole Chapter in Bava Metziah about when to return whats lost. I know that the Rabbi from Israel is only trying to teach us true Torah values, and I know Uncle Moishy is only trying to teach kids (and the parents who are forced to listen to it), but the fact remains there is a major machloiket going on here, and I dont think we can answer it yet.

Sadly, boys and girls, now its time to say shalom, Uncle Moishy and this rabbi are going home, but they will be back again, arguing what are the mitzvos of hashem. la la la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaah.....