BUT ITS KOSHER

We all know to keep ourselves clean, and to protect ourselves from catching this virus called the swine flu. Even though this is a major problem and concern for everyone, a member of the knesset, who was chareidi, decided to first let you know that you shouldn't call it "swine flu" because swine means pig and pigs aren't kosher, before he said what we should do to protect ourselves; and instead let everyone know he decided to call it the Mexico flu, because that's so much better.

This so called problem of naming something after something that's not kosher, is just too weird, so its not kosher, but its not like we are eating the non kosher item by calling it that name, nor will we be tempted to eat non-kosher just because it has the same name. This problem does not only exist in this case, there has been times where I heard people complaining about animal crackers. Yes, animal crackers that are shaped as horses, or rabbits, maybe a lion and a bear, were scrutinized for being non kosher animals, even though the product was kosher. These people were afraid that we are teaching kids to eat non kosher animals, I think Peta has a better claim than them, teaching kids to kill animals through biting off their limbs, there is more of a chance of that than eating real non-kosher animals.

Ill end this with one question for those people out there who are afraid to name things after non kosher items, "Weren't the shivatim compared to lions, wolves, snakes, donkeys, and those aren't kosher animals?". I seem to think the question answers are problem, and there is no need to be afraid, for whatever reason. So instead, get up there and tell us how to protect ourselves, not how to be more stringent.

SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE, I CANT SOLVE THAT PHRASE

We are warned about the shidduch crisis, and all it creates, everyday; whether it be from the yated or mishpachah, the Jewish press, or even our very own Frum Single Female. How many people think they have an answer to it? raise you hands (or press shift on your keyboard 5 times). Well if you are raising your hand or pressed shift 5 times, you made a big mistake (raising your hand is stupid because no one can see through your computer screen, and pressing you shift key that many times will show a sign on your monitor asking you if you want sticky keys).

Reason number one why you made a mistake: The shidduch crisis is based on people. People are human if you didn't know, and humans make mistakes. People make mistakes thinking that, someone who thinks slightly different then them is completely out of the question, and not even worth checking out to see if its a potential marriage. Of course this, as any other human perspective, evolved, it grew from the fact that shadchanim exist. Shadchanim are simply people who tried to fit everyone in a box, if you don't fit into the box you are outside the box, and not worthy enough to be set up with people on the inside of it, simple enough. But the idea expanded, not only did they just make a box, they made it really hard to get into, the slightest of "deficiencies" is going to get you kicked out; if you were once a yeshivah rebel, or you wear blue shirts, or maybe you work, or you have plastic at the shabbos table, if you're a girl you may be to smart, whatever the case maybe your out. Then the idea grew so big it became a crisis within itself, like an epidemic that started out as a flu vaccination, it wasn't originally meant to harm, now everyone is judging who's in this box and in one of three other boxes with every glance, its not just shadchanim. How do you stop an evolving crisis that cant be killed from its source a.k.a. the shadchan, I don't know.

Answer number 2 why you made a mistake: who wants sticky keys anyway? I like mine nice and clean. You shouldnt have pressed shift 5 times just because I said so, I wouldnt have known if you did either way, but if you really think you do have an answer you can leave a comment with your idea.

So the answer is, SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE is not possible, its to complicated and is therefore unsolvable, because if it were to be solved it wouldnt be unsolvable.

KOSHER SITE?

Have you noticed the ads on Vos Iz Neias? lets just say they are getting worse. First it was anti-Zionism and now its pritzus (see where anti-Zionism leads you?). Do you know how many frum Jews visit vos iz neias just to get their news? and they don't want pritzus; that's one reason why they read that site. They don't want to hear 1010 wins, that's not Jewish, and they don't want to read Yeshivah world, because they have biased opinions (that's right it ain't news, its opinions). These people are being exposing others to what they really wanted to filter out, that's hypocritical, they aren't even doing anything about it. I wonder if koshernet will allow you to go to the site now?

I think that their will be an outburst, and a ban on VIN; this will then push frummies to say, "If a kosher site had pritzus, than any can" and that will be it for every kosher site (how will frummies get their news?). I believe this ban will happen in a few months, so watch out.

WERE SO BAD WE MADE THE NEWS

Okay maybe not international news, or even national news, but since most Jews live in the tri-state area, we made it there; because vos iz neias wrote about it and Jews read vos iz neias (yes we only made vos iz neias that's how bad we are, its still news). You do know that in Brooklyn its almost impossible to park, we as Brooklynites will fight tooth and nail for our spots. Many a times we have to fend off bad neighbors who try to save spots, or take up two spaces with one car, either way its a nightmare here in Brooklyn. Well you can congratulate yourselves now that we finally made the news with this daily occurrence, a guy fought (with hands and feet, not tooth and nail like the rest of us) for a parking space and then was arrested for it. Some will say "hey it was bound to happen sooner or later", others will say "Why fight over a parking spot, I just double park". But do you really want to be known as the borough of bad parking? then we got to get our act together and be more considerate of others.

It may seem from the last few sentences that I am calling on everyone to make a difference in Brooklyn, but I know better than that, people will never be more considerate just because I am calling for it, especially in Brooklyn.

A.K.A. PELLA

I was passing a car stopped at a red light. The windows were rolled down on this SUV, and Jewish music was blasting from its black exterior. I noticed a Jew in the front seat (seems obvious). Then I thought "hey its sefira he shouldn't be playing that". I could have thought he holds of the second half, but instead I didn't. I tried to think of how this could tie into a post; why is he breaking sefira with Jewish music? if you really were going that far, listen to non-Jewish, or worse Lipa (you don't hear them banning non-Jewish concerts).

After a while (or 3 hours), I was in my friends car blasting music down the road, to one of the A.K.A PELLA CDs. Then I understood what that first guy was listening to, and dropped the post. I must admit they do a great job with their music, it sounds really good, and perfect for sefirah. They have some of your favorite knock offs, Lecha was done well. Its a Sefira CD for people who don't like Sefira, so go and buy it.

STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF PEOPLE WILL THINK YOURE ON BLUETOOTH

The one thing I never want to be called is, a person who shops while on a bluetooth or a cellphone. I find these people to be the ones who forgot the list of items to buy, and therefore have to phone home to get it. I don't want to be named the list forgetter. This is why I don't want to use a cellphone while shopping. So then why not use bluetooth? no one will see or notice it, and that, I answer, is precisely the problem, as seen in this example:

You are looking for a certain type of tomato sauce while talking to your spouse, there is a person right next to you who is also looking for tomato sauce, but without a wireless device. You then proceed to say to your spouse, "What you want isn't here", the person next to you asks while wondering why you said that "how do you know?" You then say to your spouse "Honey are you sure they had it last time?", the person next to you responds "Well yes, and why did you call me honey?", You then say to your spouse "Its not here now, they must have run out", and then the person next to you is bewildered. "Excuse me" they say "that makes no sense, because they had it last time, they must have ran out of it this time? you don't even know what I am looking for!". You then move to another isle, and the person you left behind, who was next to you, thinks your crazy. I don't want to be thought of as crazy.

There is another way people used to think you were crazy, and that would be if you talked to yourself. If people don't see the small bluetooth, they will think you are talking to yourself and you are deemed crazy. But now that people will think you are on bluetooth, because its common, they will know you aren't crazy. Which brings me to the title of this post "Stop talking to yourself people will think you're on bluetooth". As I mentioned above, I don't want to be deemed a list forgetter, and if I talk to myself people will think I am on bluetooth, which means I forgot the list of items to buy, I dont want people to think that of me.

So people, don't talk to yourself while shopping, you might be called a list forgetter. See what a twisted world we live in.

KADDISH RACES

Have you ever been in shul, and heard the kaddish after aleinu (some places before aleinu)? Have you ever heard women saying kaddish (I did)? These are just quetions, heres the post on kaddish.

Some places you have only one guy who is saying kaddish, very easy to follow the guy. Only problems that might occur are; him going really really slowly, which is always annoying because you want to get out of there quickly.

Then there are a few people saying kaddish, most of the time its synchronized, and they do it well; this usually happens in younger, more yeshivish type, minyanim. If you ever go to a young Israel type shul, especially ones with a lot of old people, there will be many people saying kaddish and at different paces. One guy is the speedster, before you say your first amen he is at "yihei shemei rabah". The next guy is average. Then there is the guy who cant seem to go any slower; for some reason these guys like to say it real low to themselves. With all the kaddish readers going at different paces, you tend to lose what amen your holding on, because the guy next to you is saying amen, the other is saying "brich hu" and another is already leaving shul. Then this always happens; everyone is about to leave, thinking everyone is done, and then pipe up the few people able to hear the slow guy, calling everyone back.

Kaddish many times becomes a race to see who can go the fastest. Trying to go really fast brings the stuttering, skipping of words or just mumbling it through. One time I heard a real funny kaddish, it was as if the guy was talking to everyone, and we so to say were nodding our heads at him with an amen at whatever he said.

Tell us your kaddish experiences, we would love to hear.