HE REALLY WASNT LIKED BY THAT MANY

When I saw the news of Mike Jackson's death I was shocked, and in fact I was just like the rest of the world that decided to stop hating him and mourn the worlds new loss. NO! I'm sorry but if I were to write that it would be a lie, I for one will not fall into the traps of the media, which is trying to portray him as some sort of G-d or king (on a side note, one left wing reporter literally said "Obama is g-d", and like any other left wing reporter, hes nuts). A handful of people on this world hated him and accused him of many wrongdoings, but once he died it was like he went to church, confessed, and all his sins magically evaporated and then condensed into the tears everyone now sheds over him ( yeah, that was the water cycle used in a simile with a priest).

I don't care where I was when I found out about it, or what I was doing at the time, my emotions did not change one bit when I heard about his "tragic" death. I may feel bad for the people who bought tickets to his upcoming concerts, but you can all go buy a ticket to his funeral if you'd really like (now that's one crazy idea). Very few cared about him in this world, other hated him, and now they are together in unison, forgetting what he did to some and remembering that he introduced the moonwalk to us.

But who cares anymore about what he recently has done, every newspaper had to have him on the front cover, I bet you if they cut of his hair and sell it, it would sell for 500 times as much as it would if he did himself when he was alive. The world just doesnt get it, he was a bad man stop crying!

Now I know some of you are big time fans of his, how youy still are I do not know, but the least you can do is not start a facebook club to say kaddish for him, he isn't worth it, for what hes done no kaddish is moving him to heaven.

Whew (wipes sweat off forehead) what a rant, I'm done for tonight.

THE FOURTH OF JULY

I really wish that Americas independence day came on Sunday this year and not shabbos, all the things I normally do on a 4Th of July could be done without having to break shabbos...... actually if I think about it there is nothing I do special on independence day. I don't invite my whole family and make a BBQ, I don't sing the national anthem or go to a Nathans hot dog contest, I really don't celebrate the biggest day in our nations history. I guess I have the frummie mentality of "we don't celebrate goyish holidays and yom ha'atzmut".

But im not lost yet there is one thing I did that I have always liked, the fireworks shows. I used to go near the toys R us spot, where most people do tashlich, less commonly known as Caesar's bay, but they stopped showing it there. Then I heard that the boardwalk at coney island had some, but they too stopped, the last place around is the Macy's fireworks show, and that's on the east river too far for me on a motzei shabbos.

If anybody does know a place where they celebrate our country by blowing a piece of it up, please tell me, or I wont be doing anything special for our country.

EXPERIENCING JERUSALEM PART 1

You have finally made it to the Holy land, years of saving enough money have lead you here. You got off the plane and are looking for a sheirut (an israeli style taxi, not to be confused with sheirutim which means bathroom, you stupid American [did that joke come on too harsh?]) heading to Jerusalem. You aren't carrying as much luggage as you started with from America, due to a fight with another guy over who the suitcase belongs to, and you lost.

You tell the driver of the sheirut he must drive as quickly as possible, because you have no time to lose in your busy life. You then retract your statement because you notice, you don't want to lose your busy life. You are now shivering in your pants because the taxi driver was an authentic Israeli, and says he "knows" how to drive fast...... in bumper to bumper traffic. You finally make it out of the roller coaster, and truly believe the well known joke between a rabbi and taxi driver in heaven, whose punchline is: all Israeli taxi drivers go to heaven, because they make people pray to g-d.

You find hotel a to stop at and to unpack. You decide that since there is enough time in the day you will go to the Kotel and daven mincha. You take a #2 bus up to the WW (western wall) and you immediately rip your shirt upon seeing the holy site, you get looks from everyone around you, then you remember its not your minhag to rip your clothing when you see it; also, you ripped off all your buttons so your shirt doesn't close, exposing you tzitzis (Huh!), you feel stupid now. You pray your mincha, and are now heading back to the hotel while holding your shirt together with one clenched fist. Someone sticks out their hand, filled with some new Israeli shekalim, you look at your tattered shirt and then say to him "ani lo oni" (I am not poor) in your heavy American accent. The guy laughs at you and really wants you to take it from him, you walk on.

You get back on the #2 bus heading to the hotel. As you are about to sit down you are given a look from some guy in a black hat.... then a few people turn around. You wonder whats going on, while people begin to point at you, "Is it because I come from a country of cheesburgers and Im not fat?" you ponder, "or is it the ripped shirt?" as you begin to feel the affects of jet lag on yourself. You doze off and your shirt opens up once again, exposing your holy tzitzis. A Haredi Jew is heading towards you, loud whispers can be heard throughout the bus. Then he hits you squarely on the cheek, waking you up. As you are in a state of shock, he throws you from your seat. He screams at you in hebrew, "Why were you sleeping with your shirt opened, what chutzpah you have", then he says, "and you were sitting next to a women". You get up quickly, so as to not provoke any riots for these riot hungry people, and tell the guy who hit you "slichah" as any good American would do.

You decide on not continuing the ride, for fear that your kippah srugah wont protect you too much longer here. You look to your right and see white buildings built in stone, you look to your left and see the same thing, then you look up a street and then down one and its the same thing everywhere, all white buildings made out of stone, it occurs to you that YOUR LOST! You go trekking all over Jerusalem (little did you know you were doing some peoples favorite hobby, getting a good look at Jerusalem), and have no clue where you are or where to go , the idea that you could have just followed the bus #2 route and found your way flew right over you kippah srugah. You begin to use your half broken Hebrew and hand gestures to find your way, but to no avail.

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Hey fellow bloggers or blogneighbors, this is an ongoing story I hope to write and finish. This is only part one part, two will come in due time.

TREKKING UP TO THE MOUNTAINS

Almost everybody on the block rented a u-haul, stuffed it up, and then traveled to the mountains this week. It was a site to see, parents calling out kids names to see if they left anything behind, trying to figure out how to squish in another suitcase and sheitel, O' it was a blast. Don't think that was the only reason I liked this week. In addition to watching them pack up I also saw them pack out of Brooklyn, which means MORE PARKING!!! spaces! LESS CROWDED SUPERMARKETS!!!

Why am I celebrating so hard? well have you ever tried looking for parking for 45 minutes? or was pissed off that someone took up two spots instead of one? or have someone blocking your driveway for a "minute"? Do you like the double parking on Coney Island ave.? my answer is no, and that is why I am so happy.

Have you ever walked into Moishe's discount supermarket with a pushcart, and tried to maneuver yourself out of one jam only to move into another, its just too crowded there (that's why I like Pomegranate better, but I don't go there often, its expensive). And forget about Thursday nights, its complete havoc in there. What I hate most are the spaced out bluetooth wearers, they just yap away about whatever and it can take a while before they realize they are in your way. Ooh and some are so stuck up, looking to see which is a better tomato sauce, pick one already and stop blocking the aisle.

But that is all over, those extra crowded supermarkets are gonna be upstate where I ain't, and parking will be a breeze, thank g-d for this wonderful idea of a summer retreat.

A NEW BREED ARISES (evolution?)

The creature named Shul Shusher (or in Latin Synagogue Shushisis) is a staple in every shul, from big ones in Manhattan to the small basement shtiebel in Monsey. The shusher doesn't always accomplish their self imposed job, hence they keep on shushing. The life of a shusher is not a fun one, everyone hates you till you let them talk, even the kids hate you (just let them run in the halls will you), plus you seem to spit to often. But in some shuls there is a new type of shusher arising.

This new type of shusher, a more rowdy type, one that is more inclined throw a punch or two just to get you to shut up, is what we are dealing with. They are called the SHHHH I'm Trying To Talk To Someone Shusher, or SITTTTSS for short (the Latin name hasn't come in yet). These creatures love talking so much they make others quiet down so they can hear who they are talking to, just goes to show what kind of shuls they live in.

I myself have abandoned a few shuls due to the infestation, animal control isnt helping and Peta wont let me call the exterminator. But there is hope, they are searching for a species that will counteract the new breed and contain it.

Most experts believe the evolution of this once simple shushing creature is due to a mass of talkers concentrated in one area of a shul, thus drowning out any other noise and sometimes their own. This then irritates the talkers causing them to become more violent and turning them into SITTTTSS's. Others argue and claim they are of a totally different breed. A more recent study done by the "professors" at VIN teamed up with "scientists" from YWN , have attributed this new breed to the lack of tznius in the communities. Although there is no evidence to support their claims, VIN and YWN hold to it strongly.

Whatever the cause maybe, I really don't like being threatened by shushers and rather have them just say SHHHHH and spit on themselves while doing it.

YAY HE CAME BACK!! AND NOT JUST TO GET HIS BAGS

I know that many bloggers, after going on vacation, decide to slack off and not write anything else, and then their blogs have a virtual death, but this blogger ain't gonna let that happen! lets all give a big hand to M in M!!!...... anybody?.....anybody? okay fine forget it.... sheesh. I now will be on top of schedule, and I will be visiting your blogs again.

My vacation was great, did you see the place I picked every vacationers dream, total relaxation. I really went on one because I felt burnt out, everything I was writing felt like I had used that style too many times. I also needed more posting material, the bad news is I only thought of 4 posts including this one.

Well its good to be back, and on a side note: two people found my face book account, which I myself forgot existed, I don't like the fact that it keeps telling me I only have two friends so friend me, and I wont feel so pointless.

BLOGCATION

I think I need a blogcation. Like a vacation, a blogcation is a time to relax and harness a lot more posting material. So I'm off (to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of blog, because because because because.......) on my blogcation. Enjoy my archives, and I'll hopefully be back in a week, till then this is what ill be doing.
Yeah, just picture me in there.