Thursday, December 31, 2009

Top Eleven post of 2009

Eleven because everyone else did 10 and I didn't want to copy them. All these posts where written in the name of Humor.

The first post is a You type post, the kind where I put you as the character and tell you what you think, on the topic of Jewish Geography.

The second post is on the topic of kashruth gone wild where everything gets labeled.

The third post is on February being black history month and I explain why black is such an important color that it gets its own month.

The fourth post(oh, by the way these are in order of the months not which is best) is on the topic of four hashgacha milk, also a you.

The fifth post, unlike the first post which question what is yeshivish, this one delves into how to look yeshivish which is a completely different topic.

The sixth post is a post on frum version of monopoly called kollel-opoly, hey you cant work to win right? so instead you open up yeshivos and kollels.

The seventh post is on the the habit of people writing the number 613 at the end of their e-mail address.

The eighth post is a parody on the famous book Harry Potter called Chaim Snyder, coming to an Eichlers near you.

Tisha Mi Yode'ah, Tisha Ani Yo'dea, Tisha is the ninth post on how to work out the frum way, I even got a link from Heshy Fried for this one.

The tenth post(s) is the series of Frummie Love Story, full edition.

Finally, the Eleventh post I have to say was Merry Nittel Nacht, a fake on a Christmas Carrol written by Charles Dickens.

Enjoy all the posts on 09, and many more to come.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Frummie Love Story Part VIII: The Making Of A Shadchan

Okay, before I write the 8Th part to this wonderfully long story which has seen its fair share of emotions and Shadchan detectives, I have to wish a great big Mazel Tov to two bloggers who are now engaged to each other, Mak and Child Ish. You might go as far as to call it a real frummie love story in the making and may they build a bayis ne'aman b'yisroel. Aymen, or uhmane, or Ahmen, or even Ooomine if your chassidish.

Shabbos once again came and this time with the amazing feeling of unity that Chana was feeling within herself. She felt that Yitzchak Pomerantz was going to be part of her life, read her Jewish poetry and charm her, and it would be bliss. Just there was one little problem, she still had to go out with him and she didn't feel right asking him directly without a shadchan, and she couldn't use a shadchan because they don't treat Chana as shidduch material (see big problem).

This was all it came to, all her work was stuck at one little road block. She remembered reading somewhere that love conquers all, she thought about the line trying to give it a religious perspective so she would believe in it. Something like if you want something enough hashem will help you, came to her mind.So she had to make a plan that would work, like her somewhat successful plan to help her find out Yitzchoks name. She discussed it with Rifky. They thought about pickup lines, but saying "Wow your hat is just so shtark wanna talk about it over some chalav yisroel coffee" wouldn't work for two reasons. The first being that he would probably be scared off by it, and two its really not the greatest pickup line in the world, sorry to all the frum people who wanted to use it, I suggest not to it wont get you far.

Chana and Rifky decided to say tehillim and hopefully hashem will grant them the idea they need. After two hours and the whole tehillim, they came up with a brilliant plan. They will turn Rifky into a shadchan and she will set them up, thereby nullifying any sort of complication possible, including shidduch resumes with stupid questions.

At the end of the day Chana knew that she was on the right track. But different feelings of doubt arose, "Will he like me?" was her question, "Will he be a nut on dates like some of those freaky stories they sometimes have in the shidduch newspaper articles that's meant for only people in the parsha to read but are really read by everyone?" was another. These thoughts flashed through her mind, and there was a constant battle between what could possibly happen and what she wanted to happen with each side bringing different reasons and logic. For now we leave her in a state of confusion.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My New Years

Material Maidel had a post here, on the topic of celebrating "New Years". I began to think, is it right or is it not. I came to the conclusion I personally wouldn't feel right celebrating "New Years". Going to watch the ball drop in times square, getting mad drunk, watching all the ESPN top ten highlights for every sport this past year, are all things that would make me feel weird if I did them (okay the one about sports I wouldn't feel weird doing).

That weird feeling I would have I can only describe as me missing out on something from what is My usual New Years. For example: The taste of an apple dipped in honey or chalah, humming dip the apple in the honey while dipping it in the honey, eating a fishes eyes, trying all the simanim that I would never eat all year round anyway, sitting in shul for hours and knowing my fate is being determined that day, and so on. I wouldn't feel right celebrating "New Years" without that. The most I would do for "New years", and not feel like I'm missing something, is saying the year 2010 over 90 times so I feel comfortable saying it, like people would with V'sane Tal U'matar, but thats where it ends.
P.S. last year I wrote how everything has been down like the ball dropping including gas prices which were 1.83, well that went up another dollar in the past year.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Nittel Nacht

Warning: very stereotypical, well the beginning at least.

Tonight is the night that people don't learn but cut up toilet paper, eat Chinese food and watch all the new movies before the Christians can. Its Nittel Nacht, and to go with it a story.

Once upon a time there was an old Jew with a very Jewish nose, reaching about four inches off his face. He was extremely ungenerous to all the Christians who would ask him for charity upon the coming of Nittel Nacht. When he wouldn't give them they would ask "Where is your Nittel Nacht spirit?" which he would answer "Bah, Hanukkah" in a grumpy old voice.

It twas the night of Nittel, and all were not touching the Talmud or any other source of Judaic learning, including the old Jew, Ben Ezra Gold, when came upon the door was Eliyahu Hanavi. The old Jew asked "Who is it that disrupts me while I chop up toilet paper, better not be those stupid carolers. Bah, Hanukkah". Eliyahu answered "It is I the prophet". Eliyahu came to the old Jew to tell him you will be visited by three malachim (angels) tonight. One would be the Malach of what already happened, the next would be the malach of Achshav (hebrew for now), and the next would be the Malach of what will be. The old Jew said to Eliyahu Hanavi "What have I done to deserve such holy treatment?" to which Eliyahu Hanavi answered "Well if you think its holy treatment then I guess they wouldn't be of help too you either way".

So Eliyahu the prophet left the old Jew Ben Ezra Gold, and called off the three malachim, and there never was a whole long journey where he finds out about himself and changes his ways like all the good Nittel Nacht Carols do. Life moved on and the old Jew ate the Chinese food in peace, and stayed grumpy to all the gentile children, and he knew how to keep Nittel Nacht well if any man alive possessed the knowledge to do so for all the years to come.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Kosher Innovations That Didnt Make It

Over the years KI has made inventions that have astounded the Jewish world. The most famous being the kosher lamp and toilet paper. Some less famous ones include the mitzvah muzzle and lashon hara gag. But there were some ideas that were rejected or just never caught on.

Tznius leg warmers were one of the items that never made it. Being that regular leg warmers resemble pants they decided to make it a one piece that wrapped around both legs instead of two separate ones for two separate feet. It never caught on due to the inability to walk in them.

Purple Ketchup. Who remembers purple ketchup? Yes the KI institution of frumology came up with this one. We know that red is an immodest color. If you like being bleached then hop on over to meah she'arim wearing red, they will be more than happy to shower you in bleach. So instead of the usual immodest ketchup they turned it purple. The purple Ketchup hit its climax when it made its way into McDonald's happy meals. That's when Kosher Innovations decided their product is to kosher to make it to a non-kosher place, and they pulled it from the shelves never to be seen again.

The Umbrella Hat. The hat that could be used for davening and acts as an umbrella when you cant carry one on shabbos. This too never caught on for various reasons that included it looking ridiculous.

The Talis Kattan Bag. "We all know you have a Tallis bag. Introducing the Talis Kattan Bag. Store your tzitzis, in this useless item over night. Available with name tags (this is from last years post)". Well as much as they thought it would catch on like the talis bag, it didn't and they aborted this one too.

There are probably many more of inventions like these that I don't know of. They feel rejected and hurt because no one wants them. I'm just voicing them to others out there, because maybe they too will one day become like their role model inventions such as the Kosher Phone, Kosher lamp, Tefillin sweater and others.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Star Mangled BANner

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard the news, I was appalled and shocked, suddenly I was to treif for myself. Everyone was in turmoil, in fact you should leave right now if haven't already and head to a kosher country, that's right get off the Internet and pack you kosher innovated items and get moving.

I just stood there watching as everyone got up and left every pizza store, Judaica store, bakery, and business, even including B & H closed down. It was like an apocalypse before 2012, everything was barren and desolate. No it wasn't the snow that made it happen, it was The Ban. Rumors of The Ban were going around for a few months now but we all thought it was just a rumor, turns out we were wrong come that fateful day (you know how every special day has a name like D-day or kristillnacht, and for some reason the named days I chose have to do with WWII, but either way they are named) The Ban was "signed" by chareidi rabbis. Then as The Ban went into affect we all packed out.

Your probably wondering what was The Ban I speak of, if you don't know you must be living under a rock but Ill tell you anyway. The Ban was made in Israel by a bunch of people who have great influence on various powerful rabbonim. They banned America, maybe it was college's or is it because all maps show the states of America in different colors not just black, most probably because it has many parking lots that aren't protested in, I'm not sure why but they did Ban living in America. They said, just like my great great great great grandfather did in 1880 Dos iz a treife land (this is a treif land), and they banned living in America, that includes Lakewood ir hakodesh. And because of this everyone got up and left.

Being that you are now informed about The Ban I should let you know that there is a resistance of a few brave souls who decided its wrong for them in Israel to tell us where to live. The Askanim who made the ban, or should I say puppet masters, have sent a troop of home grown me'ah shearim bochurim to the states to riot and burn the rest of Jewish America and its resistance force.

(and the post takes an unexpected twist)

I am part of this resistance, I don't know how much longer we will last, these crazy bochurim never stop on the attack, we've been on the run from them for one month now ever since they overtook Teaneck (yeah, the one in new jersey). They seem to run on grease and chulent never sleeping, showering or using deodorant. As of now are primary weapon is the anti-ban, it can hold them for a while allowing us to have won only a few battles in the past, but were getting the hang of their tactics. Give us a few more months and were are planning an invasion of Israel, aided by nefesh B'nefesh, as a drastic move hopefully getting the bochur troops to flee back to Israel in hopes to save it from us. Maybe one day we will get back Jewish America and rid ourselves of the tyranny I hope so, Hashem Yirachem

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Rating The Midwood Bakeries: Part IV

Yesterday I went to the ever so awesome Pita Sababa on kings highway and east 3rd, and just like last year I'm rating their sufganiot a complete ten. There wasn't a lack of jelly, a deep pocket full of it. The jelly wasn't clumped like some other places I went to last night, it was smooth and very tasty. The dough was also very well made. At 1.50 a piece its well worth it.

Pressers on M and east 17, The jelly was clumped, the dough was too chalk like of a texture, a normal amount of jelly considering its small size and only a dollar. I'm rating it a 6 in taste and over all also 6 being that their service was okay and the price of it was fair enough for its size.

Kaffs bakery on East 18 and ave. M. I actually had a nice conversation with the guy at the counter so he gets some points on customer service. It was self service so he gets heimish points too, but that's were it ended. The dough was actually worse then Pressers and the jelly was clumped and not a flowing so well, the pocket was deep enough for me, even if its a smaller sufgania its has to have more jelly, and it was 25 cents more than pressers so they only lose here. I rate it in taste a low five and overall a 6, remember they got extra points back there (well i cant say.

Porges on K and Coney island Avenue. It was self service so yes they also get heimish points, but it was a woman behind the counter so they are losing those points. The jelly was also clumpy, I dont get it, why did these last three places have clumpy jelly its just not good! The dough was average, also at a 1.25. The pocket of jelly was average too. This one gets a taste of 6 and over all a 6.

Im planning on going to a few more places soon, if your favorite bakery hasnt gotten an official rating by me and you wish it would, just click on # people gave their 2 cents below and drop a comment. Till then Wishing you all a Happy Hanuka

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Tomorrow marks the first day of Chanukah and I already jumped into the Hanukkah spirit (see that's 2 different spellings of the holiday, does it really matter how you spell it), with my first two Sufganiot. They were from Isaac's bake shop on Ave. J between east 14th and 15th, and it was much like last year, still a dollar fifty and still rated a 7 (out of ten) and the service was a little slow but friendly. The Sufgania had some good jelly a decent pocketful I might add, the dough was a little dry but for 1.50 it shouldn't have been. Over all its rated a six.

I originally didn't want to go there, I was heading for Ostrovitsky's on east 12th, but they were sold out! that's right sold out before the first night. Being that I liked them last year and wanted to check out their service which I never got to, and they were only a dollar 25 I assumed they would be my best bet. I was disappointed and instead I headed to Isaac's bake shop.

In front of Isaac's they had a sign "Home made donuts, sufganiot (in Hebrew), sold here". Two things wrong with that. One, sufganiot are correctly translated as Israeli styled jelly donuts not home made, and even according to most Sufganiot am ha'aratzim they call it jelly donuts nothing about home made. And two, how could it be home made if its in a bakery?! I got no answers to that.

Yes people just like last year I will test my stomach of steel, and to those who wish to come and join me on my trips to try all the bakeries, (ahem) G6 (cough) Sally hazel, just give me shout, Child ish you in for another round? As always if you have any specific suggestions for me do tell, because I'm here to pay the price so you get it right.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Frummie Love Story Part VII: Dumping the shadchan

As the name came out of the Chaveirim guys mouth Chana felt an excitement with visions flashing before her eyes about all the different circumstances her and the bochur, Yitzchak Pomerantz, will encounter together. She had too many questions as to why he knew his license plate number to begin with, she was left in mystery and excitement, two emotions that when mixed lead to one curious energetic person.

The whole ride home in the repaired car Chana was trying to figure out the reason she found out in the most obscure way. After much thought and talking it out with Rifky, they decided it was hashgacha pratis in the making, it could only be the hand of g-d. This made Chana feel even closer to hashem, just the feeling of hashem guiding you in what you do is an amazing feeling. But of course this wasn't IT, IT was actually going on a romantic date with him and marrying while the sun is setting, then living the rest of their romantic lives together, that was IT and not just knowing he existed and his name.

Chana started to inquire about him without a shadchan, a big no no, what kind of girl would do this without a shadchan? surely one that's off the derech. Well our Chana was not off the D, but she was afraid that the shadchan would ruin her chances of marrying him because they want him for "better" girls. She was not considered the best girl out on the market, she was closing in her 22nd birthday, and being that she turned down other boys she was considered picky.

So she found herself in the lead role of detective. She found out which yeshiva he goes to, only by using her shadchan detective skills was she able to master this one, even she was surprised by how she found out. He went to a well known yeshiva located right in the heart of Midwood, one that actually had a good reputation for quality bochurim when it came to shalom bayis. Many other things were found out from constant spying on him and inquiring about him, including his amazing personality and how understanding he was of everyone.

All was perfect by the time the day of rest, shabbos, came about. Chana had fulfilled almost everything she needed to know about him before she could go on a date with him. As shabbos came with its sanctity and purity Chana felt as though her other part was coming into her to make her complete. A unity within herself, truly one of the best feelings out there.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I found this on Vos iz neias, its a whole article on Midwood in Brooklyn. Read and then wonder why we have that brooklyn attitude.

Brooklyn, NY - Many blocks in Midwood, with its rows of orderly detached homes and private driveways, give the feeling of a carefully planned suburb - a serene surprise after turning off a thoroughfare like Coney Island Avenue or Ocean Parkway.

But closer inspection reveals that the landscape has, in fact, been altered: on virtually every block, at least one or two homes have been significantly expanded - built up, built out, even built down.

The larger homes blend in as best they can with their smaller neighbors, but their oversized shadows are hard to miss: they are evidence of the wealth and the larger families that a thriving Orthodox Jewish population has brought to Midwood in recent years.

"Midwood has always been Jewish, but it wasn't always Orthodox," said David Maryl, a broker at Jacob Gold Realty. "Now for every family that's moving out, it's an Orthodox family moving in."

Brooklyn's Community Board 14, which covers the eastern half of Midwood, fields several home expansion requests each month from the area, said Alvin M. Berk, the board's chairman.

He said the board first noted the steady trickle of requests about eight years ago and now handles about 30 a year. "This seems to be a fairly high rate of building expansion," he said. "But there's generally no opposition - maybe just some concerns about a proposed enlargement reducing a neighbor's light and air." But applicants often make concessions to ease those concerns, he added.

Rather than building a larger home, Bill and Diana Spiegel bought one. They've moved about a mile east. "We love the area," Mr. Spiegel said.

They walk more than a mile each way to attend the synagogue in their old area, because "we have a little separation anxiety," he said. But on their way, they probably pass more than a dozen synagogues; they will probably switch to one nearby once the weather turns cold. "It seems like there's a real sense of community here, and they welcome you," Mr. Spiegel said.

Brokers say that Orthodox families first moved into Midwood about 25 years ago as they were priced out of Borough Park, a better established Orthodox neighborhood to the west. Nowadays, Midwood is "very sought after, because people want to be near family and friends, a yeshiva or a synagogue affiliation," said Sora David, a broker with Eisberg Lenz Real Estate. Being within walking distance of a synagogue is critical for those who observe Orthodox Jewish laws forbidding driving and other activities on the Sabbath.

There are dozens of synagogues and many yeshivas scattered throughout Midwood. Some Hasidic synagogues, known as shtibls, are in single-family homes where the rabbi might live upstairs and the congregation might meet on the first floor.

Mr. Berk says synagogues are allowed as of right in any residential zone. But many of them have growing congregations that eventually require more space. He said that the community board had fielded and helped approve many applications for variances to turn houses into larger synagogues.

Midwood lies south of Flatbush and Brooklyn College, and north of Marine Park. Its eastern and western borders have expanded in recent years, pushing out to McDonald Avenue on the west and Flatbush Avenue on the east. "As people have moved in, they've expanded the boundaries," said Raizy Brisman, the owner of Brisman Realty.

Between Nostrand and Flatbush Avenues, younger Orthodox families first moved into the East 30s about five years ago; prices were lower there than in the East 20s and East 10s, she said. That area used to be considered part of Flatbush or East Flatbush, she said, "but it's all semantics. It's called Midwood now, because if you called it East Flatbush, the value for it would be less."

Most homes sit on 40-by-100-foot lots and were built in the early part of the 20th century. The vast majority are detached single-family homes, but there are some two-families, as well as some semiattached and attached houses. There are also some rental and co-op buildings along parts of Avenue K and Ocean Parkway.

Brokers refer to an exclusive pocket between East Seventh and East Ninth Streets, running from Avenue I to Avenue K, as Midwood Manor. Many of its homes are on larger lots, and "it's more manicured and very sought after," said Abraham Steinmetz, the owner of Steinmetz Real Estate. "But there's very little available there. You're lucky to see one or two houses available in a year."

The neighborhoods known as Midwood Park, West Midwood and South Midwood are all actually north of Midwood proper and were developed as parts of Victorian Flatbush.

During the recent building boom, developers tore down some single-family homes along Ocean Avenue and off Ocean Parkway and replaced them with six-unit condominiums. But brokers say that because the condos are primarily made up of one- and two-bedroom apartments, they do not appeal to large Orthodox families and have not sold well, although some units have sold to Russian immigrants.

The area is mostly residential, with a few commercial streets. Yeshivas and synagogues often blend right in - in unassuming converted office buildings or on strictly residential streets.

Brokers say that prices in Midwood have dropped 10 to 15 percent in the last year. Homes tend to sell by word of mouth, and at any given time, there are only about 40 homes on the market.

An attached home on a busy street can sell for $400,000 to $500,000, but detached homes start at $600,000 and run over $2 million, depending on its size. Most houses in the East 20s, considered the oldest part of Midwood, are detached, with three to five bedrooms and private driveways, and sell for over $1 million.

The larger homes in Midwood Manor start at about $2 million and run above $5 million.

Along Ocean Parkway, one-bedroom co-ops sell for less then $200,000, two-bedrooms for about $250,000. On Ocean Avenue, one-bedroom condos sell for about $275,000, two-bedrooms $400,000.

Most Orthodox children attend local yeshivas. The Yeshiva of Flatbush is perhaps the best known, with classes from preschool through high school.

Midwood's appeal is its quiet residential quality. On school days, yellow buses fill the streets, ferrying children to and from their different yeshivas. Traffic along the shopping strips on Avenues J and M can be downright dangerous, as drivers double-park to get their shopping done. But the streets grow quiet at sundown on Friday, with the start of the Sabbath, and most stores stay shuttered until Sunday.

Avenue J's commercial strip, between Coney Island Avenue and East 16th Street, is filled with kosher restaurants, delis and bakeries. Di Fara Pizza, at East 15th Street, harks back to Midwood's more Italian past. It's known for its $5 slice, handmade with imported ingredients by the pizzeria's septuagenarian founder, Domenico DeMarco. Avenue M's shops run from Ocean Avenue to Ocean Parkway. In addition to kosher pizzerias and kosher and Russian supermarkets, the street has discount stores and chains like Godiva.

Coney Island Avenue, a much wider thoroughfare, has a range from auto repair shops and carwashes to ladies' wig shops, Judaica stores and kosher restaurants. Among these are Schnitzi, a schnitzel bar; and Carlos and Gabby's, a Mexican grill. Food bloggers compare Pomegranate, a gleaming new kosher supermarket, to Whole Foods.

Hmmm it doesnt seem to end there but oh well.

Monday, December 7, 2009


After 2000 years from its invention, the dreidel is going worldwide in its first ever Dreidel World Tour. People from all around the world have fallen in love with the dreidel games, "Its so easy to win" said a random dreidel player. The dreidel game has been around for a while now, its a mystery why the dreidel has only now started to take the stage. We had a chance to talk to the man behind the WDT games, Gimpel Dreidelovitz. We asked him why he felt the need for the Jewish pastime to become such a popular game that it even has its own app on the IPhone? He answered "Ever since I was young the four cornered top amazed me with its history, I felt a connection towards it and wanted the world to have a share in it. So I went to the Polak Brothers, the makers of other household games such as Kollel-oply and Guess Jew, and here it is the fastest growing game in the world".

As of now there are over 40 casinos in America that have this game available, and many more in other countries around the world. People are supposed to pile into Israel this Chanukah for the World Dreidel Tour held in Jerusalem. Anyone can apply as long as you know how to spin a dreidel. Real ethnic Sufganiot will be available to those who attend the games. There are two types of Dreidel games played, the Israeli version with the P'oh and the chutz la'aretz version of Sham, they will be playing the first version though many find it hard to switch once they learned to play a certain way. People have become obsessed with the game, some wear sunglasses or baseball caps, some have have ear phones in their ears but nothings playing, and some dress up as Y'vanim or Maccabees, all to confuse another player. They have coined a term Dreidel Face, and then a shiksah singer made it a name of her song (Dreidel face knock off of poker face).One guy even put out a book on how to even the odds at dreidel, called eight rules to win eight nights.
The dreidel was once played by young kinderlach pretending to not be learning Torah, and now its played by people from all walks of life. I for one love to play dreidel, so I even got this little clip for you, enjoy.
World Dreidel Tour

Friday, December 4, 2009


Of course there is a world of Torah on this parsha but if you need a quick one, here are some.

Over at Geshmack Torah he has a great little piece on why Rashi has two interpretations as to what the word V'yavek means. A real great piece of Torah and insight, it is a must say at the shabbos table.

Not to be outdone Garnel Ironheart wrote a whole d'vaar Torah on why Yaakov said Garti and all its hidden meanings.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Frummie Love Story Part VI: A Name

Shabbos had passed and the feelings Chana had were still strong. She saw her mothers face over shabbos, but it didn't matter to her what her mother thought anymore, she knew what was meant to be will happen.

During her sleep motzei shabbos she had a nightmare. She dreamt her mother saw her with the bochur and forbid Chana from marrying him, and was being dragged away from him only to see him get smaller and smaller in the distance. Chana woke up in a sweat at 4 in the morning, worrying that what she dreamt might happen caused her to have a sleepless night. She needed to remember/ relive what happened with her and the bochur in the dream before her mother saw because that was a great feeling, and when she did that, her mind would go into a state of black with images that could hardly be described or interpreted.

That Sunday morning she was tired, she gulped down some pure black coffee which she didn't like, and was off to find who that license plate number belonged to. She met up with her BFF Rifky, they planned to go to the nearest police station and have them check it out. When they got there they felt a little nervous. "Who goes to a police station to figure out license plate numbers", said Chana "I'm not liking this". "And wouldn't they ask us questions as to why we would want to know?" replied Rifky "I don't think we should do this". So they chickened out.

When they got back to the car the found out they had a flat tire, "Oh baruch hashem I knew I shouldn't have parked in the Ill slash your tires zone" said Rifky. They were stranded in front of a police station with no way to get back, what were they to do? (Join us next week when Frummy love Story continues.... Not!, no seriously join us next week anyway). They decided to call chaveirim.

Within moments the chaveirim were there ready to change the tires. While one of the guys was changing it they started some Jewish geography with him. Chana and Rifky looked at each other then nodded, they decided to ask him about the license plate number, maybe he know? When asked the helpful chaveirim guy looked at them in astonishment, he couldn't believe they knew the license plate of his wife's second cousins mechutans daughters 11Th grade teachers 1st cousin once removeds son!... ! Chana was ready to jump for joy but didn't want to jump in front of a man because that's not tznius. They asked for a name, Chana kept trying to guess what it will be in her mind before it came out of his mouth. Yitzchak Pomerantz the "mechanic" said.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I wanted to finish my Frummie Love story in one month but it wasn't going to happen, I knew so from the start. Guess I'm gonna be finished by next year at the pace I'm going.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Fe Fi Fo Frum

Imagine a world two thousand years ago, people running up to the beis hamikdash for the shalosh regalim, getting a glimpse of the holy of holies. Every single Jew is in Jerusalem for the holiday including friends and family. All the leading rabbonim are there and the big kahuna in his many garments too. Everyone is amazed at the beauty of the holy temple with its sea like look made out of different shades of marble. The amazing miracles that occur there everyday, you feel attached to g-d as if everything is right.

Wait, whats this? They are repainting the Holy temple Black! why? who? what is going on? The Beis hamikdash just got a frummie makeover! You run to the nearest figurehead and ask him why they painted such a beautiful building a dull color like black. He answers you "Recently the rabbonim figured out that colors are immodest and decided that this building either has to go or be painted, if you ask me we should stop wearing robes because women wear them on shabbos". You are in shock, but I loved the holy temple before it was painted, it inspired me you thought, whats next to go the kohen gadols fancy clothing? All of a sudden there is a big commotion going on. You run to find out whats going on. As you jump to get your head above the crowd you see that a small army is ushering out all the women who came to the temple mount, this is outrageous you say, they came to bask in g-ds glory why else do we have an ezras nashim? It seems that everything that went on in this place for the past hundred years is now against the Torah....

This would be the scenario of the shalosh regalim if it were to happen nowadays. I find it sad that such a beautiful time of year in those days would be considered a shandah if it happened today, not to mention the women who danced around on Tu b'av would also be.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


I met an old Rabbi recently, a nice guy who taught in a yeshiva somewhere (I don't remember where) very friendly. We talked for a little after Maariv. He seemed to have a world of wisdom in the form of stories for just about every topic, as only an old timer could.

Somewhere along the conversation we hit the topic of orthodoxy/yeshivas. He told me that there is a difference between a good boy in a "yeshivishe" yeshiva and one in a modern orthodox one. He went onto explain that in a yeshivishe yeshiva a good boy is one that learns at any given moment he has and has respect for his elders. I was wondering exactly what he was going to say for a good modern orthodox boy, but I had no idea he was going to say what he said. He said that in a modern orthodox yeshiva a good boy is (take a sip of a drink near you and hold) one who doesn't watch TV on shabbos (now spit the drink out real quickly) .

I was taken aback for a minute, like I said last paragraph I wasnt ready for this kind of answer. I didnt know what to say, do I tell him youre wrong? do I bring honestly frum over? he obviously has the wrong perception about modern orthodox. Modern Orthodoxy is far from watching TV on shabbos, I dont know where he could have came to think this. I figured he just doesnt know what modern orthodox is, he probably meant reform (which wouldnt fit into a good reform kid not watching TV on shabbos because the "good" think its okay to a lot of things, but either way).

I am just posing a question out there, do you think all old rabbis think this way or its just a mistake or a fluke in this one rabbi? Comment what you think or we will never know.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


This past Friday was the infamous black Friday, I think it deserves its own holiday. The day were things are supposed to sell for pretty cheap and crazy sales that start at 5 in the morning. People line up for days before they open, camping in tents on frigid nights, all for a camera that's 75% off. The sales are amazing, one year they were selling flash drives for a dollar.

This year I really wanted to get in on the action, not just the pushing and shoving. I was trying to find a place were I don't have to wake up so early, and still get the sale. I thought about Best buy, then I heard they were sold out in 10 minutes or something like that, good thing I didn't waste my time there. I wanted to buy some good electronics and I couldn't find any place that would have any good sales by the time I got there. B and H in Manhattan wouldn't do, and staples was also a long shot by the time I would get there. I felt very disappointed that I walked away from black Friday with nothing new in my hands, I even put a post on facebook and I got no responses, saving the sales for yourself I guess.

But all is not lost, thank g-d for cyber Monday. Anybody got good sites I can buy from?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Frummie Love Story part V: Shadchan Detective

The time Chana needed to get over her mothers harmful words had hardly passed. The pain was there, but she decided that it wasn worth it if she let that get in her way of meeting this bochur, she had to move on though it still hurt her. What if her mother was right and she would become a spinster ran across her mind, flashing every time the subject would come up. Nevertheless she stuffed that thought in the corner. She realized what she had to do find a way to get that bochur into her life.

She talked it out with her BFF Rifky, they came up with a plan that will enable them to find out where he at least lives and then a chance at getting a name. Chana prayed for it to work, she even gave some money to kupat ha'ir and read the whole tehillim. Everything she had wished and believed in were on this last attempt including proving her mother wrong in a sense. If this didn't work she might not be able to emotionally handle the consequences it would come with, so it had to go through.

That Friday Chana went back to the same overgrown mini market at the same time she did last week, everything had to be the same for this to work. Unlike last time where she was daydreaming through the aisles, this time she's keeping her eyes peeled, although she couldn't remember his face, she would know its him from the jolt of life she would get when she sees him. Her friend Rifky waited in a car for the text message from Chana and things would go into place.

Chana saw someone with a hat and jacket turning a corner, her heart skipped a beat she felt a step closer to "it". She quickly went around the other way dodging carts and old women with baskets, she realized she isn't the typical Bais Yaakov girl now. As she turned on the other side her balloon of excitement deflated it wasn't him, she made a 180 and was about to start moving when in front of her was THE BOCHUR.

She could have fainted if she wasn't so embarrassed to, she said her sorry though she felt like saying thank you. The bochur on the other hand had a sweet smile on his face and said "isn't this the second time? I beginning to enjoy these occurrences" as Chana blushed. Instantly a big smile jumped on her face, it was him, somehow they met again, and he didn't seem afraid of weird occurrences he was able to keep his cool. Chana was just ecstatic. She waited around till she saw he would leave, then she texted Rifky when he did. Rifky who was waiting in the car, saw him and followed him from there till he went into a car, she took down the license plate number and texted chana it was done. Soon they were going to find out who owned this car and with that a name and everything else that come with it.

That shabbos Chana had a new feeling besides that awesome one she had last week, she felt accomplishment, this would override the bad feeling her mother gave her, who Chana tried to avoid now. At this rate who knows maybe in a week she might actually go out on a date with him.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Thanksgiving is a holiday that everyone in America is proud to celebrate. They share it with family, with friends, it's a very joyous time of year and marks the beginning of the crazy shopping season. Movies and TV shows all depict this time of year as the one were we gather together.

Everything is perfect for anyone in America around this time of year, except for us frum folk. Nope, we have something against weird little poems about pilgrims coming across the pond and eating turkey with Indians. We have a problem with celebrating the giving of thanks on a special day for some reason, some of us say "Why should I make a holiday to give thanks when I give thanks all the time", believe me the ones saying this don't give thanks all the time. Others say that we shouldn't celebrate it because its a goyish holiday, which it isn't its American, and you are allowed to add holidays to the Jewish calendar for those of you who think we can't. Many of us decide that we don't want any of that warm family and friendly feeling on the last Thursday of November, we don't want to realize all that we have around us to be thankful for, that we live in a country were we are free to practice are religion, free to have Israeli day parades, to have protection for us on our high holidays (that's right cops do protect us) and all other littler reasons that pertain to each of us.

Last year I put out 10 things I am thankful for, maybe if frum Jews would write a list they would have more appreciation for thanksgiving, instead of just shrugging it off as another goyish holiday.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Frummie Love Story part IV: Mother Trouble

Warning: if you are an older single be prepared to cry.

Chana could hardly believe that she couldn't find this bochur despite all the shadchanim she went through, even though she could hardly give a description. The odds were against her, he might not even be the one she was looking for, and yet she still hung on to the thinnest of threads just to make it happen, she had this women's intuition that told her to keep pushing for it. Chana decided that she is going to find this bochur and track him down, she will learn everything about him, from where he learns to how many hours of sleep he gets in a week, it will all be known.

Meanwhile, Chana's mother Penina was very worried, her daughters 22nd birthday was in a few weeks and she didn't see any new prospects for her daughter in the forecast. She decided to have a talk with her daughter, maybe she could convince her daughter, somehow, to find a match already. As Penina walked into Chana's room, she found Chana in serious thought, which she normally didn't see on her face. Penina wasn't the best at convincing anyone, so the conversation turned into more of a misunderstood one with her daughter.

Penina: "Chana I think that you... are..... waiting to long for you to settle down with someone, I mean you don't want to live all alone when you're older, right? you want to give me grandchildren, right?", Chana upon hearing this instantly was taken aback, why was her mother not supporting her and what is she thinking of me, went through her mind. She didn't want to say the truth that she was scouting out a boy, because no aidel maidel does that. So instead our Chana replied "I don't want to stay alone my whole life, I'm just.... (looking for something to say) different", she then regretted saying that because her mothers expression was not one thats desired to see. Penina was worried, what did her daughter mean by different? Penina answered back feeling even worse than before "Is that why the boys don't like you, you're different?" as Chana rolls her eyes "If that's the problem then our neighbors the Silberbergs have a wonderful boy who would be perfect for you (Chana never liked the Silberbergs boy, he was a little weird) he's nice, he's a torah observant Jew and he has much in common with-". Chana: "-stop stop", in a sudden outburst "you don't understand!......... just let me breathe right now!".

Penina walked out seeing she didn't really help. Chana was left there tear filled eyes and all. She knew her mother was right which was hard to swallow because she really didn't want her to be, she didn't want to be set up with this Silberberg boy, she just wanted her mother to either understand her or better yet, just leave her alone and not send her on this guilt trip and making obscure assumptions about her. Chana felt as miserable now as she felt joyous on the shabbos before, she felt that at this moment only time can heal the pain and time wasn't moving fast enough. All she could do for now is let her pillow soak up the tears streaming down her soft face.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Frummie Love Story part III: On The Move

Chana came home after her erev shabbos shopping with the biggest smile ever, ear to ear. She was lost in the most amazing feeling you can think of. Not only did she think her dream of that special bochur could come true, but the fact that she met that potential one made her heart give this weird turned on its side sensation that could only be expressed with a smile. It was a smile that could not be broken no matter what happened, because one way or another she would find whatever it was to be good in some way, even when she burned her hand while making chulent she couldn't resist smiling.

That shabbos was to her what a shabbos should be, but as great as it was she knew it was missing exactly what was making her happy, this potential bochur she met that Friday. She had to do something to make it true, to make it happen. That Sunday she went to the shadchan searching for this boy, being that she didn't have anything to submit to the shadchan about him, i.e. name, yeshiva, where he lives. So she basically described to the shadchan what she thinks the boy's personality was, and how he looked, which was hard to do because she couldn't visualize his facial features all she could say is he had a hat and jacket, and since many boys have hats and jackets its hard to find one specific bochur.

All week attempt after attempt failed and she desperately wanted to get somewhere and maybe go out on a shidduch date to see if he was perfect. It looked like the conventional way wasn't gonna do it, detective shadchan is in the house.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

MIKE TONIGHT (cross out tonight, insert..) VIN

Recently I posted about Obama and the conspiracies that everyone had about him, and why its been a year since frummies have gone nuts and predicted Obama making another holocaust and how nothing has happened and there should be nothing to fear, remember?. Well when I wrote it I thought that it was just another post where I say whats in the minds of the people of our community, since I am from New York of course I don't mean the people "out of town" when I say community. What I didn't realize is that VIN, and other people, are examining my posts. Ill prove it.

Just today I found an article about how many people are afraid of Obama and have conspiracies about him, this is all over the country they say, little did they realize frum Jews live all around the country. Now I just said a paragraph before I wrote about this recently, now they copy my post and add the ADL (something I didn't do) to prove it true.

Second case. I wrote about making non Jewish books kosher, you know those books that don't were tzitzis on their four cornered plastic covers, yeah those non Jewish books. I had the idea to make a book called Chaim Snyder which would be the Jewish version of Harry Potter, with kabaalah and kishuf instead of magic and even the evil pope Vladimir. So later on I found out they were making a kosher version Sherlocke Holmes, someone obviously took my idea and used it.

(Paranoidly) Someone out there is observing my posts and putting it out there for real , its a conspiracy to get me...... and Obama.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Frummie Love Story part II: Obstacles to pass

One day our Chana was strolling through the aisles at the local over grown mini market (think mountain fruit). She was doing some erev shabbos shopping through the crowded store. Unlike most people there on their bluetooths and cell phones trying to figure out what was on the list they forgot, Chana was in a sort of dream state as she randomly picked up items only to put them back after she noticed they weren't kosher enough. She was trotting through one aisle with her cart which had the one bad wheel, when there was a young man with another cart wearing a hat and jacket coming in the opposite direction. Chana instantly pops out of her fantasy and notices this handsome bochur. Being that the aisles are too small to fit two carts at once this then happens.

"Oh sorry about that, baruch hashem, I'll just try to move to the right, sorry" Chana said in a nervous tone. "No its okay, I shouldn't have come down this aisle if I saw you were there" said Bochur. It takes a few turns from one side to the other and the cracking of held back smiles till the episode passed.

Something about this boy struck a chord in Chana's head, she replayed the whole scenario over and over again in her head. When that wasn't enough she would imagine different conversations in different instances and how it would play out. She quickly texted her loyal friend Rivky about what had just occurred, the texts looked much like this. Omg no way, ahhhhhh! lol. Yes and it was amazing lol ahhhhh! omg omg. No way, could it be aaahhhh aaaahhhhhh aaaaaaaahhhh! it may come true (shriek). Hashem has baruch hashem answered my tefillos ahhhh!.

After awhile Chana realized that it was just one time, she may never see him again, and who said he was actually what she was looking for, she was determined to find out everything, sort of like a nosy shadchan who has to know everything, and a lot like a detective who doesn't just ask the person directly, she was her own personal detective shadchan. Thankfully Chana read all those Nachman Seltzer books, and when she was younger, the forbidden detective series gemarakup which had gemara in it so girls couldn't read it (The books Nachman seltzer wrote have to do with finding out how to stop the ninth reich, and his other books stopping the eighth, and the sixth reich from forming, the seventh was never written because it didn't have a good plot to it).

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


People need to exercise its a known fact, it helps you move, lose weight, helps cardiovascular system, and does many other things to help maintain a healthy state. Many people exercise, including Frum and goyim alike.

The way to jog, goyim: Jogging is one such way is to exercise. You can see throughout the early hours people jogging just about anywhere. On street corners they will be bouncing around on their expensive sneakers waiting for the light to change and start moving somewhere again. They get out there sweat bands and sweat jackets with their Poland spring "to go bottles" to keep themselves fit.

The way to jog, frummie (woman): They don't actually jog because that's not tznius so they power walk. Unlike the jogger who goes alone, the frummie woman power walk in groups that take up the whole sidewalk while catching up on the latest gossip, or while setting up shidduchim. They don't have special clothes, no sweat bands, no sweaters, just tichel or turban with cheap white sneakers, its always done in the morning. Very common on ocean parkway.

Lifting weights, Goyim: Usually done by guys with massive muscles, either they bench press the weights or they lift it from the ground above their heads, simple.

Lifting weights, Frummie: Usually done by a guy in a talis who everyone thinks has to be really strong just to do hagba. That's right, Hagba is considered this great big thing almost impossible task and only Shimshon like people could possibly manage to lift a scroll into the air, and it gets worse on simchas torah with the whole flipping idea.
Then there is the lifting of people by weddings, bar mitzvahs don't count because the kid is too lightweight. Mainly done as a group workout, but occasionally done by one specific person who puts them on his shoulders.

This is the difference between Jews working out and goyim, some say its a great thing that we are distancing ourselves from the goyim, others don't believe half of this counts as workouts. If you have any ideas to put, we are open to hear them in the comments section, titled "# agave their 2 cents", which now has word verification to prove you are human due to spam comments.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Tonight I went to shul for ma'ariv. It started out slow and then kept dragging on and on. I normally don't want a long ma'ariv but I wont complain about it either, but that's usually, tonight was different. From the beginning of Ve'hu rachum till the end of Aleinu was pure agony.

I usually take a little bit longer than the chazan when it comes to saying shema as so with most of the prayers, I always wonder does the chazan say every word? or does he mumbles through it. Tonight, like I said, was different not only did I finish before the chazan but I was waiting for the chazan to say hashem aleikechem emes. I had this big urge to whistle real loud (the one with your fingers in your mouth, not that I can do it) and shout "get moving already", I held myself back. Oh I didn't tell you the chazan was finished and I had no clue what he was waiting for, the messiah? maybe. In the end I made it through and I was okay.

I find it interesting that there could be shuls which stress the slow ma'ariv, and yet in the morning they have what I call "speedy ganshachris (gonzalez) minyanim" or Matzah Minyans (because they have to end in 18 minutes). I like my shuls consistent, either they have long everything (not that i'd go to this shul) or fast everything, you have to choose.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Its been over a year now since Obama was elected, and all is fine, well almost. The world is still running, there is no universal wars, I can still live a normal life with the liberty to practice my religion. Who could have thought that we could go a whole year since he was elected without having one of these things, oh wait I thought so, but there were those who didnt.

Flashback to a year ago. Remember people were holding tehillim rallies so he wont be elected, others were fasting hoping hashem will rip up the bad decree. I remember people telling me a lot of things, many weird things, they are going to leave the country and move to monsey, or kiryas yoel was just one of them. Others predicted 2012 to happen early with proofs from prophecies of the neviim, Zohar, Chumash, Gemorrah, or any other sort of Jewish work, and it was quite funny to see how they would try to prove it. They would tell me "If you take this letter from here and add it to this one here multiplied by that it equals Obama". At first I would be perplexed as to why they chose such a random order to prove something when I could do that with anything, they should have used a system that at least had a pattern. Then I would ask "Okay you proved it says Obama somehow, now how does that prove he is the cause of the end of the world?" a smart person wouldn't answer, dumb ones said things along the lines of "Hitler had that whole youth program and Obama is working on one" (oh so that's why Obama wanted to speak to kids in school (sarcasm sarcasm)).

And yet it has been a year, Obama is president and Mashiach isn't here, nor are people running to different countries like they promised, and I'm still waiting for the testimonies of some to come true, who wants to wait with me.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


A new reality TV series on the all Jewish network Shidduch Central, has become all the rave among orthodox TV watchers, much like the hot game show Magen David. Judaisms Next Top Maidel is an intense show that features 12 Jewish girls who are competing to become Judaisms most talked about single. The girls go through a series of competitions that requires them to look their best in black and without any makeup. They are rated by a panel of rabbis who wont look at them, to determine who will be the next top maidel.

There are some who object to this show, too much gossip is emanating from it. Last week we left off with 5 contestants, when Batsheva was eliminated she had this to say "(Sobbing with tears coming down her eyes) I... I... I tried my hardest (sob) and I just didn't make the cut, I guess next time I need to have more bitachon in hashem. Baruch Hashem at least now I'll be able to see my family again (sob)." This lead to many blogs and the Jew S Weekly to promote gossip about her, saying that Batsheva had went into a serious depression and was now outside the box for potential shidduch matches, this only enraged those who dslike the show.

The show still seems to be a big hit among many despite the objection by some. It just seems to have everything, drama, like when Sarah got into a big fight with Esther because they both wore the same shade of black, and of course it has the private interviews with people getting really emotional for no reason. All this adds up to the most watched show on Shidduch Central.

Judaism Next Top Maidel airs Wednsdays at 8:00 O'clock eastern time right after the eveniing news with YWN.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Throughout the whole campaign for mayor I did not hear one good thing about Thompson. Whether I was listening to the radio, saw an ad in the Jewish press, or saw one on TV, I didn't hear anything for Thompson. All I knew of was from the Bloomberg for mayor ads, it told me Thompson wants to raise taxes, give money to people who are supporting him and something to do with contracts, but never did I hear something good about Thompson.

May be there was nothing good about him? maybe he really did all those bad things and would do them again so he felt too ashamed to even mention his name anywhere? But then why did Thompson even run if he didn't plan on getting the word out to me, or anyone else that he can do something with this state?

I just don't understand this Thompson dude, whether Obama would support him or not, like he did with Corzine in new jersey which corzine lost anyway, how would it have helped if he never said he could do anything for us! Did he really campaign and I just missed it somewhere or am I really right.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A frummie love story part 1: Waiting for something that couldnt be

Oh shoots, its November 3rd and I haven't even started my novel for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). If you ask me I really don't expect to finish this novel in a month, but give me sometime and I might be able to get in by next years NaNoWriMo, you wont tell anybody I started a year earlier right? what you will!... fine be that way. Okay enough of that here it goes.


Chana had been in shidduchim for a while, with little success. She had been through countless men who seemed to fit out on paper, Black hat, in yeshiva, will learn in kollel, but it never went passed date 2. She had been to many shadchanim of every type, but to no avail, something just made her turn them down. Chana's mother Penina, a very worrisome person like most Jewish mothers, had all sorts of suspicions as to why nothing was working out. Everything from looks and Ayin Har'a to maybe her daughter is an atheist went through her head. But in reality Chana knew the real reason why it wasn't working out.

It wasn't that Chana didn't like anyone she was setup with she was okay with everyone, but they were missing something she was looking for. Chana had a vision that wasn't from g-d, of the perfect bochurel for her. She had envisioned a man, a bochur in hat and shining (dimming) jacket who will come out of his Yeshivish car (off his horse) and read Shir hashiurim to her, or any other sort of Jewish poetry, while she was on her porch leaning over listening intently to the words to come out of his mouth. He would be the kindest boy out there, anyone who met him would become friends with him instantly, he'd be sweet and as romantic as frummies can get. To most this would be all but a dream, a fantasy that would never come true, but to Chana it was a reality something she hoped and longed for.

But this "reality" had a time limit, Chana was nearing the ripe old age of 22, a time were most girls were already celebrating their sons upsherin, Chana was feeling left behind and needed to do something fast. Shadchanim had told her that she sets the bar to high, that she had to lower her expectations from whatever it is she wanted, or she will never get married. This hurt Chana, having to deal with the fact that she might never have that angel of a chosson. Her FFB BFF (Frum From Birth Best friend 4ever) Rivky, the only one who knew about Chana's fantasy, was half heartedly supporting her dream. On one hand the dream was great, but on the other it was unrealistic and wont ever happen.

There were countless nights Chana went to sleep crying, hoping, praying and waiting, and every morning she would wake up with a wet pillow and a broken heart still yearning for that for her other half. Yet, somehow she would have this feeling of "its gonna happen soon don't worry", run through her, giving her an emotional boost, and she would function like a normal person for another day till the cycle repaeats itself.


Sunday, November 1, 2009


So this Friday I walked into my house like any other day. I immediately hear a loud shriek, it did not come from my downstairs neighbors which I found out are Armenian and very noisy, it came from my sister. I then interpret the shrieks to mean there is a squirrel in our house. My sister ran into a room and hid there, one of my brothers didn't want to come out of the bathroom, it was quite funny.

I was left alone to chase the squirrel out of my house and back into the trash cans searching for leftover pizza, yes I was fearless. I took a broom and looked in every closet and room, and under every bed and chair, but I could not find it anywhere. We left the door opened so it can leave by itself, so I thought it was gone. Some were skeptic about it leaving and my sister kept shrieking at everything that moved. After a while it reappeared and everyone was running again except for me. After a many attempts at hitting it with my weapon of choice (my broom), it scurried out of my house and into the concrete jungle, everyone was relieved.

Later a bird flew into my window, the window was closed, and it got hurt, I felt bad. Now just to repeat my title, I think the animals thought my home was the teivah and that this past weeks parsha was Noach, why else would they come.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Studies on YWN and VIN commenters

VIN and YWN have been the source of ridicule amongst the Jewish websites. It seems that if anyone is poking fun of any site its usually one of these two. It has come into question as to why people cant help but laugh at whats written in their comment sections, and post them up on blogs and Facebook profiles.

A recent study done by the National Committee for Spotting Stupidity (NCSS) came to prove the theory that the commentators on YWN and VIN are completely blind sighted when it comes to reading the news. Their lack of respect for fellow commentators has been shocking, at any given point in a day there is hate, and coffee, being spilled in their coffee rooms. Many have come to call other commentators such terms as, Shygetz, Anti-semite, Goy, Nazi, Mashiach stopper, and Shygetze mashiach stopping goy, and many more such terms. But the hate is not the only thing bringing people from all walks of Judaism to laugh at these sites, The NCSS has taken a poll that has shown that the average VIN commenter has a stupidity rating of 67% that is light years above the stupidity of the national commenting average which stands at 38%. But what is even more shocking about the NCSS's study is that the average YWN commenter is 12 points ahead in stupidity compared to a VIN commenter, YWN stands at a whopping 79% in stupidity, an earth shattering point.

After hearing these latest announcements from the NCSS a YWN commenter had this to say "What can we do? we Frum Jews are removed from society, its the non frum Jews who should have better morals" and when asked what happened to being a light onto nations he responded with "Its all because we done have a strict enough tznius level, if only we were to wear cardboard boxes we would be passed this nisayon, hashem yirachem. I better give two dollars to kupat ha'ir so this halachah can be passed and our yeshua can come".

With the mystery out of the way we can only look to the future to tell us if they will be stupid and keep to what they are doing, or they will find a more civilized and less foolish way to comment, being that they have such high stupidity rate their chances look bleak.

Monday, October 26, 2009


I don't care if BOSD enjoyed the Yankees loss with her sister the other day, because today they washed that away with a win against the angels, moving them to the world series v.s. Philly, the defending world champs.

It was like watching the Yankees of old, approximately 10 years ago, you had Andy Petitte pitching, Derek Jeter, Posada with Mariano closing it out. When that last pitch came and you held your breath, waiting for the outcome which takes .5 seconds which in ended in a strikeout, a few thing ran through your head, "That's a strike, its a strikeout, its three outs, its game over, its series over, the Yankees are going back to the world series which they left in '03, its been so long", as tears stream down your eyes.

To begin the game Petitte pitched great but the angels scratched a run anyway, it looked like it might end in a one nothing win for the angels because the Yankees kept putting runners on and never actually scored them in. But that all changed when Damon hit a two run single, that set the tone for the game. There were many great defensive plays for the Yankees, one from the outfield to double up Guerrero on first, and Cano who made his way to the hole and threw to first for the out and held the runner on second base, but some of the most significant help came from the angels themselves, they forfitted the game on purpose..... I'm only kidding, the angels commited a few key errors which helped the yankee's enhance their lead.

When Mariano Rivera came out it was like the fat lady singing, you knew it was over, two strong innings of support and that propelled the Yankee's to extend their post season stay another few games, which I predict they win in 5.

If you are a fan then you understand why its a big deal, and if you're not then start figuring it out so you can party with the rest of us when the Yankees go for number 27.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Recently our beloved "left moderate" president was asked by a fourth grader "Why does everybody hate you?". A funny question you might ask a president, ain't it? I am wondering how the kid found the courage to ask him altogether. Of course Obama gave him a bogus answer along the lines of "People like me because I was voted in, but they blame the president because its a bad economy not that its his fault". Despite Obamas answer, the nation does seem to hate him, his approval ratings have been moving just like the stock market, down. From last weeks ratings he only has 52% of the country approving of what he's done, that's down from 67 percent on his inauguration day, it never went higher.

It happens to be that I have Obama's book, the biography, I don't know why he has a biography already if he isn't near old age, wouldn't you want to get his life into the book, its a biography, half his life isn't even over. I didn't want to read it from the start it looked boring, maybe he is boring too. His book may have been a bestseller but three anti-Obama books have also made it to the tops, just goes to show what the people really favor.

Recently my friend and I were in a library when we saw a movie about Obama, I asked my friend if he wanted to see it, to which he replied "No way man I don't want to waste my time" and could you believe my friend declined when we saw it was a two disc special! I couldn't believe he turned it down. I can only conclude that people don't care about Obama and they despise his presence in the white house. Besides that, you know how many racists there are out there that just don't like him because hes black? I know a few (I'm still waiting for the 7 pesukim in neviim that have obamas name in it to bring mashiach).

Although Obama does have a point, people did vote for him so some must like him. To this we can say, when people voted for him he was portrayed as a moderate left winger who had ideas about bringing two parties together and finding solutions that were a little lefty, and he said that Israel has a right to defend itself (then he went to the Arabs and said they should have Jerusalem), but that person wasn't voted into office, what made its way into office was a socialist who blamed America for everything and denied Israel its right to building in its own infrastructure, that is not who people voted for. Now you can say that people don't like Obama even though they voted for him, because he wasn't voted in for what he holds but for what we thought he holds.

Here's what should have been answered to the kid in fourth grade "yes you're right, people don't like me, I have done little to nothing to help our economy and my ideas are too socialist for this country. There are people out there that like me from other countries, but they like me only because I trashed America, our country. So the answer to your question boy is they don't like me because I don't fit with this special country, if I was leader for a different country they would love me because thats were I fit, But not here".