Monday, January 26, 2009

WHEN JEWISH GEOGRAPHY GOES TO FAR

Your life has sucked for just too long. All your friends just run away. Its time to get back at them. What will you do? You can, either: A) ditch them for new ones B) get a semi automatic gun, throw a huge party inviting all of them, and then mow them down with your new murder weapon, or C) Be so attached to them, they will go nuts. You speculate that B) may result in someone pressing charges, leading to life in prison (only to make new friends there), and C) will annoy the heck out of you. You remembered that; you took a course on how to play game shows and when two out of the three don't fit, it must be the third, so you go with A).

Now you are wondering, how do I make friends the Jewish way. You think for a bit then exclaim "JEWISH GEOGRAPHY!!!" (as the light bulb bursts from on top of your head). So you run into the nearest yeshivah, looking for your first victim. You spot a guy wearing a; white shirt, black hat, dark colored jacket and dark pants. You run to him and ask "where do you learn?" The guy looks at you for a moment, then he overcomes the shock, and says "right here". You say "Oh really... how nice" as you realize that he obviously learns here. You quickly run away thinking, "Hes just an unfriendly fellow".

You find another dude in a white shirt hat and jacket with black pants. You ask him "So where you from?" He says "Who wants to know". You say "I do, so.... do you know so and so, because he was just so weird I had to"..... Yeshivish guy cuts you off and says "I think you are looking for the guy over there". You say "You're a good friend, what do you want to do tomorrow. Should we go out for pizza, or....." The yeshivish looks up from his sefer and says "I seriously think that guy over there is calling you". You are still ignorant to the fact that he wants you to go away, so you continue " I guess will talk it out later, see ya". You then walk over to the guy he said was calling, lo and behold he actually wasn't, you are suprised.

You then walk out of the yeshivah, thinking "Wow I just made a new friend (the guy who told you to walk over to the other guy), and it wasn't that hard". You decide to make another one. You quickly run to the nearest grocery store and stand in the longest line there. You happen to stand next to a woman (its okay). You are about to ask her something but she goes first "Where do you learn, by what Rav". You say "Whats it your business, why do you feel like you have to know what everyone is doing?! sheesh get a life, are you so deprived of people to talk to you run everywhere just to make a friend and ask them stupid questions. I would never want to be you". she says back "well that's not someone I would like to be friends with (okay I'm a little far fetched with that word"friend" but who cares)". You then ask the nearest person where they live.

The story may be weird, but today I was in a bagel store and the guy standing in front of me, who I don't know, says "Hi, hello, how are you doing. So where do you learn? I spill out a "Hi" not knowing what else to say, since he just shot it out so quickly and so out of term. He asks again "where do you learn?". I look at him as if he fell from G-d knows where. I decided to get back at him for saying something so utterly stupid and annoying, "Do you want the truth or a lie" I don't know why I said that. So he says "Oh I understand you don't want to talk". At least he understood. ( you may wonder why I actually felt this to be weird, the answer is the guy came on too strong) A few minutes later he asks "So whats your name" So I say "Dude its enough already, I don't know what you are trying to do but stop!" When he got his stuff and left he looked at me and waved, I nodded my head for some unknown reason. the guy was obviously suffering from lack of friends, and this results in Jewish geography going to far. Don't let this happen to you.

7 people gave their 2 cents:

Moshe said...

If a woman asks you where you learn, it's only polite to ask her in return which mikva she goes to. ;-)

Sally Hazel said...

We get offended when people aren't friendly and scared when they try to be friendly. It's a tough world we live in...
Btw, is it supposed to be 'too' far?

Mikeinmidwood said...

Moshe

lol. thats obvious.

Sally Hazel

Very tough, especially when someone forces two people to become friends forever (E.G. shadchan and couples).

Yes it supposed to be "too"

EndOfWorld said...

Hey, just letting you know that even if I'm not commenting on all your posts, I'm enjoying them :) This one was really funny. I think I like the semi automatic idea....

Mikeinmidwood said...

End O World

Thanks, and we all miss you.

Honestly Frum said...

My favorite is Jewish Geography at chassidish weddings when I am really out of place. "You learned in YU, a guy I know also went there, you know him", "You live in New Jersey; do you know XXXX he also lives there". I've never been accosted in the Bagel Store but that's because I will not longer go to a bagel stores when I am in Brooklyn (they charge to cut the bagel in half).

Mikeinmidwood said...

At weddings its more formal than at a bagel store.