Wednesday, January 7, 2009

MY DOOR BELL, MY LIFE, LEAVE ME ALONE

Its a Thursday night. You sit back on your couch, hoping to not be disturbed. You feel so relaxed, the week is over, shabbos is coming, and you've done all the shopping needed. Ding-Dong.... knock knock knock. You get up from your position to open the door. Lo and behold its a Meshulach.

You feel like closing the door on him. He immediately gives you a sob story, about how his wife is a widow, and his children are starving, they don't even have a house. You feel bad for the guy. You think "I just went shopping, I don't have a lot of money on me; ill give a dollar". So you stick your hand in your pocket, and pull out a five and a one. You hand the guy the one. He says "can I have the other one too?" You close the door on him. You say to yourself "What chutzpah this guy has, I was trying to be nice and he gets all greedy. It didn't even look like he needed so much money by the way he was dressed" You decide to forget about it.

You get back on your couch and fall into a comfortable position. Once again the door rings. You open the door to find this guy who, unexpectedly, comes into your house. He pulls up a chair by himself, regardless of the fact that its your house. Besides for the fact that he has no manners, he says you are a friend of his. You say to yourself "no he isn't, who is he, and where did he come from, and why is he so rude?" He then says to get him a drink, because hes been on his feet all day. You think, and know, " This guy has probably done this to numerous houses today, you feel disgusted". You say to him " how much money do you want?" He says "Money who needs money? not me....... but there is this one family who cant afford to pay the bills, and the financial crisis hit them hard". You say "here's a dollar, get lost, and don't come back!!!". As you are trying to push the guy out the door, he says "a dollar isn't enough, and where is my water"? You scream back "I don't know you, get out of my house!!!" The Meshulach says "last week you gave me more (which is a lie), where is your rachmonos for yidden?" You finally get the guy out and slam the door. You think to yourself "where do I find these people?"

You sit back down, only to be called back to the door. You open up with a look of depression on your face, and see another collector. He mumbles something in yiddish to you, and says "money", the only clear word you heard from him. You reach back into your pocket and pull out 50 cents. The guy says "tizkeh li'mitzvos", shoves a book in your hand, and leaves. You say "how nice a free book, wait.... I give tzedakah for a mitzvah, not for this". You then run out of your house, look both ways. You spot the Meshulach. You start chasing after him with the sefer in your hand, waving it like a hatchet. He starts running away with his pile of sefarim. You scream "Yoily, come back!! I want you to take this back!! He continues to run away, then his pile falls over. You catch up, stuff the sefer in his hands and say "don't you dare do this to me again"

You are just so mad, you cant relax now. They have ruined you spirit, you vow revenge, shaking your clenched fist. You will never open the door for any meshulach, ever again. Especially on Thursdays, their favorite day to hit houses. You disable you door bell, after being so mad that it didn't serve you like you wanted it to. Next week a guy with a check for a million dollars rings your disabled door bell, you don't answer and miss your chance, but your happy and relaxed, thinking you dodged another meshulach.

13 people gave their 2 cents:

citizen of brooklyn north said...

the problem is you are allowing yourself to get upset by this. I think you actually feel guilty. Some of these guys are charlatans, but some are really nebbuch cases- who wants a career of asking for handouts?

Moshe said...

Nobody visits me, I feel left out. :-(

Who wants a career of asking for handouts?! Dude! You know how much they make per day?! They just have no shame and know that people will generally give them money to get rid of them.

frumhouse said...

I love the line about the guy saying his wife is widow!

Although your post is an exaggertation, lately we have been getting doorbell rings well into the evening when we are already in pajamas!

A few weeks ago, a meshulach was sitting in our house and a neighbor called to complain that his car was blocking their driveway and they couldn't get out.

The revolving stream does get aggravating after awhile, but then you feel guilty for being aggravated. Ahh...jewish guilt...

Moshe said...

What was he collecting for? Money for gas?

"Here's a dollar."
"What?! That only covers gas! Give me more!"

Honestly Frum said...

Try living outside of Brooklyn where you can't give just $1

Mikeinmidwood said...

Citizen O Brooklyn North

People who have no shame do it.

Moshe

Its a good thing to be left out.

Frum House

A little jewish guilt never hurt, a lot did (E.G. the post).

Honestly Frum

But you get them less often.

DavenedByDeKoisel said...

Did you wake up in a cold sweat? ;-)

Mikeinmidwood said...

Davened By De Koisel

Yes, and then I heard the door ring.

DavenedByDeKoisel said...

Mike: Almost as bad as dreaming you are being chased by Shamu in the pool ;-)

Mikeinmidwood said...

Davened By De koisel

Shamu?

DavenedByDeKoisel said...

Shamu the whale.

Mikeinmidwood said...

not knowing where Shamu comes from, so yeah I guess as bad.

DavenedByDeKoisel said...

Mike: Comes from Sea World. It's the size wer'e reffering to, as in HUGE, in a dream it's scary.....