Monday, January 19, 2009

MAKE MONEY FAST SCHEMES

In this tough economy, people need ways to make money. Here are some ways to get back into the middle class fast.

Scheme #1: Design your own kashrus. Who doesn't want another hechsher on their overpriced food? Now you can help people get what they want. Tips include: oval or round shaped insignias with Hebrew words that can fool any American Jew. Hire a mashgiach from another company; he does the same job for the other guys, for you, at the same time. Charge a minimum fee, and make things that aren't kosher, become "kosher".

Scheme #2: A Ponzi scheme. Tips include: don't get caught!

Scheme #3: Join a Kollel ( meant fore the non kollel participant ). Tips include: Wearing a white shirt, hat and jacket, and anything else that seems religious, except Magen David, Hamsa, a cross, or any necklace.

Scheme #4: Start your own Kollel, for yourself, and collect tons of money. Tips include: Fake documents with Rabbi signatures, saying to give to you, and your Kollel.

Scheme #5: A little like #4, but you collect with no reason. Tips Include:Observing and taking notes on all the others who already do this. Since it seems popular among most people, it might not be a great idea.

Scheme #6: Design a useless product aimed at helping the Jewish community. Tips include: adding the word kosher in front of it.

Scheme #7: Tell People if they invest in you, you will become frum. Tips Include: Acting off the "D", and preying on the dumb.

Scheme #8: Create and sell a scheme list. Tips include: Listing the ones I mentioned above.

If you have any other things to add please do so, the list can only get better.

10 people gave their 2 cents:

Moshe said...

PPBBAR in a circle. Stands for: Pork Products Blessed By A Rabbi.

Sit in front of a store and collect tzedokah. Earn a minum of $100/day, tax free. Having no taxable income you'll also qualify for foodstamps, medicaid, welfare and section 8. Now you'll be able to live in style and go on week long vacations at least once a year.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Moshe

Let me guess, you do this for a living,and if not, you better change jobs.

Moshe said...

Nah, dunno if people gonna give me money if I'm gonna sit with a laptop.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Youll be to busy blessing things

nameless, faceless said...

You didn't even hit what would be the most lucrative one in the bunch - all the frustrated frummy men that hit me up looking for dirty talk. At $2.95 USD a minute, I could have been a millionaire by now.

Moshe said...

$2.95?! That's it?! I say $5 minimum.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Nameless faceless

That was quick, thought it would take at least a day till you commented here. Well now that you did, I offer you a choice of 2 answers.

1) I only put out ideas that are able to fit all people. Not everyone has that talent you have

2) I didnt think of it.

Your choice (okay there isnt any real choice, its obviously 2).

Moshe

If it were me I raise to 10, and add on another 5 for every passing minute.

comfortablynumb said...

how can you forget good old insurance fraud?

Mikeinmidwood said...

Comfortably Numb

The people this is meant for, dont have enough money for insurance.

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