THE IRONY OF THINGS

Throughout my time in the blogging velt, I have been complimented and criticized. Some people say some great things and then, well.... their actions say differently. One person commented

"I luv you, mike. Don't take me too seriously, i'm an youngish thinking and looking grandmother. i love your blogs. you hit the nail on the head. you should write in a newspaper. It will probably be banned by the frummies for telling the truth. They can't stand the truth."

Then, that person never showed up again. also a person named Ahuva K said

"just found your blog.
Love the "Midwood is what everyone calls Flatbush" - that irks me as well :)"

That person didn't last long either.

Then I had a Troll, who handed me a post with 112 comments, he liked making fun of everyone, and hating everything. He did end up saying, he liked my blog better than Moshe's, but that's only because Moshe blocked him. I didn't think the post with the most comments, will come from someone, who I didn't want on my site. I also ended up blocking him. If you would like to read those comments here is the link

I liked the troll better, than the ones who complimented. The troll gave me a good laugh. So to sum up "Compliments aren't any good, and the criticism could be better".

NO WORDS TO EXPLAIN THE PAIN

Thats right. Everything I could write or feel, was already written, and it would only be, a copy of another persons post. Instead I link these; that, I feel have expressed it the best.

Chil Ish

Jacob Da Jew

Torat Ezra

I encourage you to read them.

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR BLACK FRIDAY

Black Friday the day of mourning, comes after the day of giving thanks. Black Friday's origins are dated back to 1621. After the pilgrims ate all that stuffed turkey, they sat on the john for quite a while. It lasted a whole day, and that day was a Friday, it then became known as Black
Friday.

Till this day we celebrate Black Friday. We throw big Sales to make everyone a little happier on this sad day. Some people go to the extreme lengths, just to mourn on this day. They prepare for this day, through eating tons the day before, so they can last the next day without breakfast, running through aisles and dumping everything in their carts. As it says "whoever eats the day before, it is as if they actually mourned on the actual day". They then prepare for a night outside, in the cold and wind. Sleeping in tents outside stores, just to wait on line, and to reenact what the pilgrims did that day; wait on line for the bathroom. They act as beggars on the floor, to show how horrible a day it was, in our nations history.

Others decide, that it would be best to celebrate this day, by making others unhappy. These people run through the store, and trample anyone in their way. They wont say sorry, for that may make you not as annoyed. Instead they will throw you to the ground and hurdle nasty comments. After the day is over, you can look back and see how much you have accomplished. All those new items you have bought, how miserable you made yourself, or others.

Tomorrow when you go out to celebrate Black Friday, remember why you are doing this and what it resembles. Have a crappy Black Friday.

I AM SO THANKFUL

There are 10 things I am thankful for, and there isn't a better day to give thanks; than, Thanks Giving.

1) I am thankful for not making up the name Thanks Giving, for it is the source of ridicule. Who doesn't think its a stupid name. How about Give Thanks that sounds better.

2) The fact that I am living a very happy life.

3) I am an active person, so I am thankful I never broke or sprained a bone in my body.

4) For my Family (of course).

5) Friends.

6) That I live in Midwood, where a Kosher turkey is easy to find. (regardless of the prices)

7) This blog which is running over a half a year (yay! halfaversary.)

8) All you wonderful commenter's .

9) That I am not being held hostage in India. G-d Help.

10) That I have a day to get all my thoughts straight, on what to be thankful for.

11)What I am not thankful for: The old lady downstairs playing really bad Arabic music really loud.

THE HEAVY WEIGHT TITLE A.K.A HAGBA

The time has come. The leining is over, and now its just you, and the guy doing Gelila. YAMOD HAMAGBIAH VEHAGOLEL!(ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!), the bell has rung. You get up from your seat, face your challenger (guy doing Gelila), and head up onto the ring (bima). You reach for the Torah, and thrust it up into the air. With full pride, you wave your belt (the Torah) around, showing it to all sides. You are forcefully sat down. Its a race between you and the Gelila guy, who is going to wrap this up first. (well not really, but you get the point).

Ooh! it seems as if its a tie (you both rolled it up), you both make it to the second round. Your plan is to let him throw himself out, trying to fix that buckle around the Torah. You utter comments at him, like "go faster", "its upside down", "not below the (belt) upper third portion of the Klaf". Gelila guy is worried, and is trying to hurry things up. He throws a right hook, but he cant get it around. Then a left, but to no avail. You are winning. He tries a stupid move, putting both hands around at the same time. It somehow works on you, only because it was so stupid. The "Ref's" then break up the illegal formation. He barely makes it out of the second round.

3rd round. Your plan seemed to work before, you try it again. You let him "throw" over the Torah cover. He gives it a nice tug, nothing pops out. You then start shaking it up, he cant find any holes (Gelila guy is trying to get the Torah cover over the handles). The crowd (Minyan) is starting to get impatient. Finally Gelila guy gets the hole he needs, and sticks on the Yad , in an attempt to come up with some points.

Too late for the Gelila guy, its over. You pick up the Torah once again, in triumph, and then proceed to shake everyone's hand. They all congratulate you on the big "win". One guy slaps you on the back, as a friendly gesture. You look over at the Gelila guy, he is only getting small handshakes. End Of Story.

Hagba is not all that its cracked up to be. Many Jews have decided, that they need something they can call on their "strong men" for. Everyone is afraid of dropping the Torah, so it became the ideal thing to need, a strong man for. Then, when there is someone not so strong, doing Hagba, they feel the need to explain to them, how to do it. "You got to lift it from the bottom, go down with it, then up". Its really not that hard. Then there are those guys, who brag about their friends being so strong. "My friend Beryl is so strong, he picked it up with closed eyes". Other guy, "Oh no. You have never seen my cousin Yanky, what he can do with the Torah is a whole nother story".

The worst is when its Simchas Torah. All are looking for that lone sober guy to do the job. He cant just be sober, he has to have the muscle and skill, to twist the Torah around. Regardless of whether the guy has control or not, anyone near him will lunge forward, grab on to any part of the Torah to secure it.

Hagba isn't that hard, get over it, there is no Jewish practice that proves, that one is extremely strong. Hagba is not all that its cracked up to be, and you can't brag about it.

WELL EVERYONE ELSE HAS

Yes, everyone has basically tried the test. I am just another one, who was intrigued to do this. Here it is. ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

When I am blogging, its only the second part thats correct. When in person, I am the exact opposite, I am an INTJ.

A CLEAN JEW I BE

It is a known fact that many Jews have OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder). They are constantly cleaning themselves from germs, and bacteria. Why is it that these people, have been mentally convinced, they are in the danger of being infected. Lets look into the many reasons.

A common Jewish ritual is, to cleanse oneself in a pool of water, that so many others have cleansed themselves in already. (hey! whats the worst thing in a mikveh?..... Traffic). This practice is known as "going to the Mikveh". One of the more dreaded Mitzvahs, for those who don't normally go. There are two ways of looking at this. One is; since, many have the Minhag of dipping everyday, they are always feeling unclean, during the rest of the day. The other is; that, they feel contaminated after diving into a pool, where "uncleanlies" (sometimes really are) have gone to; therefore, they feel the need to keep hand sanitizers with them.

There are other places that may cause you to go into an OCD type syndrome. A Yeshiva is among the worst. I did a post on that a while back (link here). Basically, you can go crazy over, the filth that practically grows there. From the food to the rooms, its all disgusting. Then there is the restaurants/pizza stores; which have so many health code violations, (link here) I am amazed that I havent gone OCD.

Going back to the first reason. We are supposed to wash our hands: When we wake up, after we
go to the bathroom (hope everyone does anyway), Before you eat bread, and some, after you eat bread, after coming from a funeral, or just visiting a cemetery; all because of the Ruach Ra (evil spirit) that rests upon you. That is a good reason why Jews have OCD, it seems like you always have to be clean. It doesn't take a genius to figure out, why so many Jews have OCD.

OBSERVATIONS AND THOUGHTS

I have been writing a few things, I have been noticing around the Jewish world. Maybe this will become a friday theme? Hopefully not. Here are the thing I have been noticing.

1) The Skvere (square) Rebbe, has visited the city of Flatbush. They actually think that Flatbush is a city, that's what it says on those bags he gave out. How long could it take to check up, if Flatbush is a city? Its like the five boroughs being; Williamsburg, Borough park, Monsey, New square, and Flatbush, sad. Also, why is it that the Rebbe gave out blessed quarters? Did they not used to give out dollars? Better yet, he should have gave out a pack of "blessed Kleenex" to everyone; then when you sneeze, and no ones around to say bless you, you are automatically blessed.

2) Pizza should come with nutrition facts. Why is it, that they don't show what its made out of? I would like to see the exact ingredients. How much of my daily fat it contains, based on 2000 calorie diet. It should say: X amount of Flour, X amount of Tomato sauce, X amount of Mozzarella cheese, 1 roach, 0% vitamin A,B,C,D. 3% iron etc. etc. They should have no problem of where to put it, it could be baked into the back of the pizza. I would really like to know which store is ripping you off, on the cheese and sticking in more sauce, or vice-a-verse. Does the pizza store Mendelsohns beat Pizza time, even though both prices are highway robbery?

3) On any store which sells food; there should be a sign, showing all of there health code violations, especially in Midwood. Because the amount of violations allowed are 24, and some have 22, sickening. A good store has only 12, less sickening, still pretty bad.

4) LOL's (Little Old Ladies) have no manners. Parents should be more afraid of them than molesters. Hers why. When I was about 7 years old, I was waiting by my bus stop, ever so innocently, as an LOL walked up to me. The temperature outside must have been 40 something. I was wearing my coat with it unzipped. The LOL then had the nerve to come over to me, and I don't know exactly how, but she forcefully zipped up my coat, against my will. My little brother, also unzipped, was laughing his head off, She did not get him.

Another story of an LOL "caring": I was in a pizza store, and a kid not more than 12, was sitting alone. There were no open seats available when a (you guessed it) LOL walks in. She ends up sitting next to the kid (He is Jewish). As politely as the kid was, he could not have escaped what was about to happen. The LOL is talking about her life, and somewher in the middle she says "you are such a nice young man for speaking with an old lady like me" (something of that sort). She seemed to want notify everyone around her, of that fact. Then the kid wished to leave, for fear of more an embarrasment. She say this next line twice, once louder than the other, so the whole store can hear. She says to him " You can tell your mother, you were speaking with a girl..... whose old enough to be you grandmother" (read once again, just louder). The kid got really red. LOL's are just something you need to keep children away from.

You have everyright to dissagree with some of my thoughts, I am just throwing them out there (I might argue back).

A RANDOMNESS COLLABORATION

1) The great rabbis of our time, who put out letters against lipa and others, have decided to put out a letter against racist comments on Obama and others (did I just compare Lipa to Obama?). Obviously its getting way out of hand.

2) Why is that most rabbis are fat? I just noticed, that for some reason they just are. I find it funnier, when they preach about over indulging, when it comes to food. "don't eat that extra piece/slice of kugel, kukish cake, pizza". Gets me thinking "what have they been doing?"

3) I have seen Kosher soap pads. Who needs for the pad to be kosher? I understand soap but whats a soap pad going to be made out of? Synthetics. Oh no! maybe the steel wool grew on a non kosher animal; that's why you need an certified OU (others hechsheirim also included) on it. here is a picture.

Got any other randomness out there.

KILL THE RABBI AND ANYONE WHO DEFENDS HIM

I have read this post recently and I am mortified by our community. At first Dov Hikind came out with it. Then he hired Rabbi Twerski, who resigned due to threats on his family. Another rabbi went as far as to make a hot line for people. He got treated with threatening phone calls and a paper, signed by a rabbinical authority, telling people to call him a liar.

The proof is there, people will do these intolerable acts. Why dont people want to destroy their names? look at what they are doing. Its all because people say "he comes from such a choshov family you cant do that to him". I am pissed off that people can be so stupid. What happens if the person comes after your child next? what would you do then?

Im done steaming off, few things get me as frustrated.

WHY SO MEAN?!

Today I was running a little late. I rushed out of the building as fast as I could. I went to the spot, where I would wait for my ride. I looked around and noticed it had left. Shoots!. So I go back to the building, hoping a nice frum Jew will gladly take me to my destination. I see a guy come out and I ask him if he is going to flatbush (Midwood). He tells me "no". This goes on for quite a while. One guy said "no but its on my way", and then didn't let me hop on in. Chutzpah.

After, a nice frum Jew I knew let me in; I came to the realization that, Frummies are not nice people. I had known this beforehand, but now it has became an instinct. I have written about frummies saying derogatory slurs against other races, but now its even their own race (not the derogatory slurs). I am lost upon all this confusion, whether to trust frummies, or not to. To think like how I grew up, or to except the recent events as normal. Some guidance could do.

SO YOU WANT TO START A KOSHER BUSINESS

So you have came up with your new "best idea ever". Your "new best idea ever" is to start a kosher business. Your reasons: 1) Prove everyone it is the "best idea ever". 2) to prove it to yourself. 3) To make some money.

You start out looking for a lone from a bank. You get a generous offer and will pay back in 10 years. You look for a place in the back country to open up the factory. You find a nice place in the Midwest. You start out with hiring. You pick up some good workers and offer them a nice pay, teach them the safety rules, and move on with your "best idea ever".

Year 1. You are just starting out. The other companies are just to good. You have ideas to catch up with them. Overall things are going well. Mid. first year. You are getting noticed by the New York area. Other companies are thinking of you as a threat.

Year 2. The competition is still out there. All you need to do is just have an edge. A strike of brilliance has occurred. You could lower your prices, make it better or, have some useless toy to go with. You decide to go with the cheapening of the prices and the junk toy to go with the candy (Hey, I haven't even mentioned what your company does till here). But how to cheapen the prices? Another stroke of genius. You decide to look in "Jewish business for Am ha'aratzem (dummies)". You decide to hire underage workers. You allow the minors to enter the workforce, for a lower than minimum wage; then you will be able to sell for less, and have the edge you need. Instantly your company has succeeded. You give thanks to "Jewish business for Am ha'aratzem".

Year 3,4,5. Now you are able to brag to you friends and family that, your best idea ever was the "best idea ever". they don't agree, and say "It was your best idea ever not the best idea ever". You don't care, you have sole power of the kosher candy kingdom. You admire the fact, that all the candy men of every shul need to buy from you. You are asked to give a sizable amount of money to charities, such as; Lev La'achim, Chai lifeline and many more such. No one knows that that, was all ma'aser money. You are part of the elite Jewish monopoly owners, such as; Artscroll, Rubashkins and many more such. You have gained respect. You have paid back the bank loan early.

Year 6,7,8. You look at your vast Kosher candy empire and see it as too small. You decide to go worldwide. You wish to take a big loan from the bank. They are reluctant to give that big of an amount. You show them false records indicating an able payback. You are sure you can payback. You have now run in with a problem, countries you want to sell it to have tariffs. So to keep up with those companies you decide, to do what you did last time, to lower prices. You need a foolproof method. The same stroke of brilliance or, was it genius, has come around again. You hire a bunch of Mexicans, almost 400 undocumented workers, to help out. You fire most of the staff who earns more then minimum wage. You don't teach the undocumented workers any safety, since who cares if they lose an arm they cant sue, or they risk being deported. Now you can compete with foreign candy companies.

Year 9. After many years of the health department keeping you in business; for some odd reason they started checking up on you more closely. Reports of beaten workers came across the board. you deny it, and then beat the workers for squealing. kidding. You give them lower wages. PETA is now onto you, why, you do not know. Is it because of the animal crackers? Then the FBI is seriously checking up on you. Next days headlines show " a meth lab in (insert your company name here)" You had absolutely no clue, or did you ( suspicious).

You are going out of your mind. Soon all your workers are being deported. The bank is demanding its money, and bringing the fake documents you used to prove you will be able to pay, and comparing it to your real ones. Your "best idea ever" is about to turn to worst. With no other choice you deny everything. Your family and friends take away your bragging rights you had in year 3,4,5. The respect you had in those years are all gone. Some are still rooting for you and claiming its all antisemitism. You are doomed hopefully you get 50 years in jail.

Year 1-50 in jail. You look back and think "maybe I should have read more from Jewish business for Am ha'aratzem". Too bad, to late.

If you didn't get the story yet, its a spoof on Agri processors. Hope you enjoyed, because everything got erased halfway through and now I am happy I finished.

THE PRAYER BOOTH

The Prayer booth is a new concept for the non Jewish world. It started as just an idea by one guy and now has been installed in New York City. At first I thought it was a joke. Then I saw the pictures and was shocked to see it even had a pull out kneeler. For us Jews this is a pointless invention. In fact we really started this idea going way back to the creation of phone booths and davening mincha in them. The only way this could ever beat the modern day phone booth is for it to have a pull out shtender or maybe a spare hat and jacket.

You probably wont even be able to use it because the Muslims will be in it 5 times a day. If you were Christian could you use it as a way to get out of church? Halachicly will you be able to use it? Do you need to put in 50 cents? If you are taking a long Shmona Esray will it tell you to deposit 25 cents for another 2 minutes? One last thing. Imagine your walking and you notice a Muslim walk into one and start kneeling down. Would you not think he is weird to be just kneeling in public? I don't think this concept will catch on and its going to become a spot for the homless to sleep (with the kneeler as a bed). Here is some pictures.

ARE YOU A PROUD RACIST?

Hopefully you are not a racist and especially not a proud racist. If you are one at least try to hide it. There are so many frum Jews that tell me straight out "I am a racist and I am proud of it". Their reasons are of course related to our president elect Barack Obama. I was sickened to hear that some people can actually just start using the N**** word so loosely. People who would be disgusted with being called a K***, couldn't care less of discriminating another race. The same people who are being discriminated every day and are hated by all. Can they actually feel the right to do the same to others?

I always knew us Jews as whole respected all colors of people except just a few of us. Now my vision has changed. It is now "us Jews as a whole are proud racists except a few". One proud racist told me "I guess you are against most Jews because most are racist". I asked the proud racist "don't you know that everyone has a Tzelem Elokim. How could you discriminate them?" (reflection of g-d) to which he had answered "G-d isn't black"

I hate racist Jews and especially the one who is proud of his sick ways. I am disgusted.

PARKING IN BROOKLYN. AH CHUTZPA.

Do not attempt. Trying to park in Brooklyn (mainly the Jewish areas Midwood, Borough Park) is a painful experience. There is only one worse than trying to find parking on a regular day and that is trying to find parking on a Friday.

You try finding parking on "J" in Midwood. Highly unlikely unless you come between the hours of 3-6 AM. Not only you cant find parking but you can hardly drive through "J". With the B11 and B6 coming through all the time and the usual double parked Coca Cola or Pepsi truck it makes it a really hard avenue. So in the case you see a spot across the street open up, you aren't going to get it. Oh and none of the stores on "J" have Valet Parking.

Ave. "M" is not as bad as "J". Especially now that Glatt Mart has gotten Valet Parking. But as G-d giveth G-d taketh so now Mountain fruit which had a parking lot, lost its privilege. A funny thing about Mountain fruit is that they also had valet parking. Now that they don't have the parking lot, all the Mexicans who parked the cars previously, are now are just sitting around and be paid for it (very little of course). So all of ave. "M" is really crowded and there is hardly any place to park.

If I do find a place to park I keep to it and wont move until I am done shopping on that avenue. Many times I have to put bags into the car and everyone thinks I am getting out of the spot. So I have to tell them "I am not getting out just putting some groceries in the car". They then look at me as if I am doing something illegal and they move on. If you do see a spot open in back of you, hurry in reverse to get to the spot. I almost ran over a lady like this (sorry).

My block is also the worst thing to try to park on. I have to go around the block 5 times at least before a spot opens up. I also have people who take up two spots instead of being considerate and parking like humans. Its horrible out there. You want to hear some real Chutzpa, take this story.

I was on Coney Island avenue and was trying to get into the Buzz. So I see a car pulling out and I move ahead to do some parallel parking. The spot behind this car pulling out was a pump. So I am about to back in when a Chossid in a minivan zooms into my spot through the empty pump area. I was about to get out of my car and give this guy a handful. Then a spot in front the Chossid opens. So I say "well at least there is another spot, forget the Chossid". You will never believe what he does next. After I moved up to do the parallel parking (again) he drives into the spot I was going to go in. So he cuts me twice. Now I was ready to give it to him. So I pull into the spot he just left open between the pump and him. So I get out of my car and I say "what was that for?!!!" (here is the punchline) He tells me as his excuse "My wife just had a baby". WTF!!! so your wife just had a baby. What am I supposed to say Mazal Tov why did you cut me off? Talk about Chutzpa.

Like I said before. Do not attempt parking in Brooklyn. Take mass transit.

SHABBOS GREETING ETIQUETTE

A common Jewish practice is to say good Shabbos to someone who is also Jewish as they pass by. Many adhere to this idea while others do not. You may think this is as easy as pie. All you have to do is say "good Shabbos". Right?. Well its not. To be of Shabbos greeting etiquette, you should be within 2 street boxes away from the person coming towards you. If not it seems as if you're jumping out ahead and acting as if you know the guy. You only jump out ahead and act like you know the guy, if you really know the guy. For example, you scream across the street to someone "GOOD SHABBOS" and then cross to speak with them. In that case you can break the 2 box rule. Cases where you don't say good Shabbos are. When the persons head is turned the other way. If you do try you will be ignored. Saying good Shabbos to someone who is too close or passed you already is another thing you don't do. In most cases you do say good Shabbos so try to keep it simple and smooth don't rush it. There are times people don't say it back so don't be alarmed.

Some things you should know about the Shabbos greeting etiquette. When there are two people talking to each other don't interfere. If they are just walking together and not saying anything it is okay to do so. Many people are skeptical about saying it to a woman if they are a man or vice-a-verse. I do not have a problem and say good Shabbos to all. Now Saying good Shabbos to someone in Midwood should come with a warning label. Every other person doesn't have the decency to wish you a good Shabbos back. Once in a while will someone say it clearly enough to be heard while all the other times its just a murmur or nothing at all. One week I was in the country and so I was shocked to actually hear friendliness in everyone's voices.

Another category is Yom Tov. Do you say "gut yuntif" or "Chag Sameach" or even good Yom Tov? Personally I don't say good Yom Tov (who does?). I will say "gut yuntif" to a Jew with a black hat or streimel. To those that wear kippah sruga or are tzioni/Israeli its a Chag Sameach.

Now that you are a expert in Shabbos greeting etiquette. You can brag to your friends about all that you know and how low class they are or you can test it out on people. I'd go with the bragging.

WHAT FRUMMIES THINK TODAY

Today was a normal day in the frum community. Obama was elected to become president by our nation. The first thing I heard today was from a Jewish lady. She came out of her house asking "who won?" and I said "Obama did". She gives me a look and says "Hashem would never do such a thing". I held myself back from laughing in her face. Next I heard a guy singing G-d save America (parody of G-d bless America). So I asked him why do you sing this song of depression. He says "Obama won yesterday why shouldn't I be singing this". I gave him a piece of my mind. "Why do you think Obama is bad. Is it because he is black" I ask. He says "yes". I say you're a racist. He agreed. I say your an idiot (he doesn't agree). He says "no its bad for all Jews, since Obama is black and all the black people will start doing whatever they want since Obama will pardon them. I said "You re an idiot" again and left.

Then I got the person who felt like he wanted to leave America. I ask "where are you going to go?" He said "anywhere Obama wont create another Holocaust". I didn't want to deal with this guy. I also bumped into a person who believes Moshiach will come because of Obama. I asked him "Why" figuring I would get to add another dumb answer to my list of why Moshiach and Obama go hand in hand.

Here is my list. Moshiach will come when Obama becomes president because: When Muslims will rule the world Moshiach will come and Obama is a Muslim even though he goes to church every Sunday. 2) in Tanach it talks about Gog And Magog and if you take enough letters and pick and choose the right words in no specific order it says Obama is the ultimate cause of moshiach. 3) Because of some famous Mekubal who no one is able to remember his name said that Obama is the reason moshiach will come because he (and this a mix of two answers) is black and a black cant rule a country and if he does it means Moshiach. even though most African countries for the past 3000 years and more have had black rulers. 4) because a huge war is supposed to happen throughout the whole world and Obama is planning this war. 5) because Obama wants to create another Holocaust and we say never again so it must be Moshiach is coming. 6) This is the one I heard today. It says in Navi if someone who wants to distribute the wealth (of course it doesn't say this straight out you have do Gematrias) and he is black and Muslim, Moshiach is going to destroy him. (By the way all these answers were truly said). So to all those who said Obama is bringing moshiach I asked "than why don't you want Obama to win? don't you want Moshiach?" and to this they were all stunned, all except one who said that this is not the way Moshiach should come.

This is what frummies think today. I am more scared with their answers than Obama with a shotgun.

YEP ITS OBAMA

At 11:02 PM I heard that Obama had won the elections. The whole day I promised myself I wouldn't write a post on the elections but here it is. So now that Obama is President elect for the last two minutes what promises he made do you think he wont keep? How many Jews will flee America? And who did you think would win early '07 when the races started?

Now I will be first to predict he doesn't get elected in 2012 because he wont live up to what he portrays himself to be. Any other predictions for the next 4 years?

FAST BEFORE THE ELECTIONS!!

There are some fellow Jews who obviously know nothing about the elections and have decided to fast today and hold tehillim rallies so that Hashem can make their votes count and then they can say they did their part to vote. oops!. No, if you thought they were doing this to make their votes count you are dead wrong. Its actually so that Hashem wont let Obama become president of the United states. Why are these people actually going into mourning over these elections? Well its obvious that these people think that Obama is going to destroy the world or kick out all the Jews from America. I have heard that if Obama is elected guys from Chabad are going to rip their shirts another sign of mourning.

I on the other hand I don't want Obama to win since I prefer McCain but if Obama is president its not so bad. Do you think people should go so far to fast and hold tehillim rallies over the fact that Barack Obama might be elected? There was a guy from Chicago who said that if Obama becomes president he is moving out of the united states and into Monsey (joke). Seriously are people that crazy?

THE UMPIRE RABBI

Over this shabbos my friend was telling me about this shul he goes to. He said the rabbi there is like a referee. That includes the part where they scream at the referee. People have no respect for him and they expect him to be like a rabbi from old Europe where what he said went.

He gave me a few cases. One he said was recently. There where two guys (of course). The first guy lets call him "A" was taking over for the rabbi one shabbos including his speech. So this person felt like it was his time to shine. So he made a long Devaar torah. While everyone was snoozing "A" by mistake skipped a page. Then after Leining "A" realized he missed something and decided to say what he missed. So after davening people came over to him and start demanding answers why he did this. One man well call him "B" really got into it and then A and B got into a real big fight. Soon after, A and B forgot about it or didnt care. Then Yom kippur was rolled around and so B went over to A to ask forgiveness but A would give no such thing. So A then goes over to a person well call him Rabbi (he was the rabbi) and starts trying to make Rabbi get involved. So the rabbi goes over to A and asks forgiveness on B's part and once again A wont give. So the rabbi goes back to B and says A doesn't want to give. Then B gets mad and starts screaming at the Rabbi and how its all his fault. After B is done the gossip starts to spread about A and B.

After Yom Kippur.... So the Rabbi wasn't Successful and now B is once again rambling at the Rabbi and how he isn't a rabbi since he cant even resolve one conflict. So that's how the story went and how the Rabbi became a pinata. If you want to know the only way these two were able to make up and its kind of weird is. Both of these men's wives had problems one fell from a chair and ended up in the hospital and the other had a stroke and ended up in the hospital. Same one, same floor, same week. So they met each other in the hospital and they started arguing who's fault it is and ended making up with each other (and they lived happily ever after....... probably not).

As my friend went on he said that this is nothing new and that last story of screaming at the rabbi was just a little worse than most stories. Also a few weeks ago the rabbi said in his speech on the Parsha of Bereishis that the parsha concludes with the building of the tower of Bavel which is clearly in the weekly Torah portion of Noach. So the rabbi gets it over his head, while many complain of the need for a new Rabbi. As I was told, the Rabbi isn't going anywhere and its just the norm. I told my friend I would never want to go to his shul. He nodded in agreement.

The point of all this was to show people the real use (or abuse) of a rabbi as a pinata and a referee. Please treat your rabbi with respect.