Wednesday, November 26, 2008


The time has come. The leining is over, and now its just you, and the guy doing Gelila. YAMOD HAMAGBIAH VEHAGOLEL!(ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!), the bell has rung. You get up from your seat, face your challenger (guy doing Gelila), and head up onto the ring (bima). You reach for the Torah, and thrust it up into the air. With full pride, you wave your belt (the Torah) around, showing it to all sides. You are forcefully sat down. Its a race between you and the Gelila guy, who is going to wrap this up first. (well not really, but you get the point).

Ooh! it seems as if its a tie (you both rolled it up), you both make it to the second round. Your plan is to let him throw himself out, trying to fix that buckle around the Torah. You utter comments at him, like "go faster", "its upside down", "not below the (belt) upper third portion of the Klaf". Gelila guy is worried, and is trying to hurry things up. He throws a right hook, but he cant get it around. Then a left, but to no avail. You are winning. He tries a stupid move, putting both hands around at the same time. It somehow works on you, only because it was so stupid. The "Ref's" then break up the illegal formation. He barely makes it out of the second round.

3rd round. Your plan seemed to work before, you try it again. You let him "throw" over the Torah cover. He gives it a nice tug, nothing pops out. You then start shaking it up, he cant find any holes (Gelila guy is trying to get the Torah cover over the handles). The crowd (Minyan) is starting to get impatient. Finally Gelila guy gets the hole he needs, and sticks on the Yad , in an attempt to come up with some points.

Too late for the Gelila guy, its over. You pick up the Torah once again, in triumph, and then proceed to shake everyone's hand. They all congratulate you on the big "win". One guy slaps you on the back, as a friendly gesture. You look over at the Gelila guy, he is only getting small handshakes. End Of Story.

Hagba is not all that its cracked up to be. Many Jews have decided, that they need something they can call on their "strong men" for. Everyone is afraid of dropping the Torah, so it became the ideal thing to need, a strong man for. Then, when there is someone not so strong, doing Hagba, they feel the need to explain to them, how to do it. "You got to lift it from the bottom, go down with it, then up". Its really not that hard. Then there are those guys, who brag about their friends being so strong. "My friend Beryl is so strong, he picked it up with closed eyes". Other guy, "Oh no. You have never seen my cousin Yanky, what he can do with the Torah is a whole nother story".

The worst is when its Simchas Torah. All are looking for that lone sober guy to do the job. He cant just be sober, he has to have the muscle and skill, to twist the Torah around. Regardless of whether the guy has control or not, anyone near him will lunge forward, grab on to any part of the Torah to secure it.

Hagba isn't that hard, get over it, there is no Jewish practice that proves, that one is extremely strong. Hagba is not all that its cracked up to be, and you can't brag about it.

4 people gave their 2 cents:

Ookamikun said...

Don't forget about people shouting how many pages are open. Four! Five! Six!

Jack Steiner said...

Hagba is not all that its cracked up to be, and you can't brag about it.

I can and I will. At 6'10 not many people can open it wider than I can.

Anonymous said...

about the big scream yamod hamagbiah vehagolel thing you should know

your friend

Mikeinmidwood said...


I wont.


Only 6'10, not much to brag about there.


Everyone should.