Friday, September 5, 2008


You walk in to this shul. Its the one you mainly go to for a shabbos morning. You like it their since you know most of the people. Its a great place to chop a schmooze on either politics or baseball since the Rabbi cant really tell who is talking.

As you walk in you think to yourself this shul is great everyone gets along so well and the davening is smooth, maybe a little long. You sit down in your normal seat near your normal friends (at least you think their normal although you have had a bad taste in friends all your life). Of course you didn't make it on time, right when they started P'sukei Dzimrah, you came a good thirty minutes late and they were about to say Baruchu (pronounced Buh-ruch-oo).

After you settle down and Chazaras Hashatz (your main talking period besides for leining) has passed you say to yourself (out loud) I love this shul. You are wondering if the Rabbi will speak for a long time before K'riyas Hatorah (if you don't understand any of these terms please comment about it and I will translate). In the end the rabbi did speak for a long time and you used up all your bathroom breaks too early. Now you are thinking I should have took a nap like that guy over there (who cares if you snore).

It finally came the time to recite the holy torah portion of that week. You were hoping that you get invited to the kiddush club well sorry Mr. I have no good stories to tell. You tell yourself its okay there is a kiddush later. About this point in time the rabbi stops the leining for everyone to quiet down this makes you a little angry that the rabbi has the Chutzpah to tell you to be quiet. The next big thing to happen is there is a guy who gets an Aliyah to the holy torah and the one who calls him up, you know the guy who says Yamod So-and-so ben Whom ever Shvi'ee, forgets this guys first name.

This guy is no person to forget their first hebrew name. So now he gets offended and says how could you forget my name I have come to this shul for 2 whole years. So the gabbai who called him up says "Hey" in a whispered sort of tone "there are many people that come to this shul how can I remember all of their first Hebrew names". Well this guy ain't done and he makes a whole big commotion about remembering his name. Then comes two or more people defending the gabbai. And before you knew it the whole shul is one huge fight.

You decide to get in on the action and you say "You forgot my name when I was called up two weeks ago. Another guy says "yeh he forgot mine and I don't care you shouldn't either". Then the old men in the back get into it. The Rabbi just wants order and to finish up the davening but no one cares now. You are ready to throw your fist in someones face. Somehow a rather young guy (who seems to at the head of the gabbais campaign) is arguing with one of the oldies in the back. One of the Oldie's friends gets up and screams "You Nazi. He Vas in Da Var (war).

In some odd way davening ended. you are cursing out this once Beloved shul and all those who you opposed today. You say to yourself that shul never got along and everyone hated each other. How could you go to a shul like that. You then decide not to go to the kiddush which was sponsored by someone who was on the other side. You vow in anger never to go to a shul which cant remember your name. Also you are going to quit being a member of that shul.

In most shuls this doesn't happen (we can only hope) and will kiddush come next which you are waiting for so for kiddush read this.

15 people gave their 2 cents:

Originally From Brooklyn said...

Very funny dude. Had me rolling.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

Oysh, I sure hope this doesn't happen in Shuls.

If I was there I would get them all to be normal and stop fighting like 2 year olds.

Anonymous said...

HEY 'SUP $#@&%*^!!!!!!!!

Your Good Friend,
Big Dope

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

M in M: you sure didn't see that coming!

Ookamikun said...

The dude forgot my name too. And then he forgot his father-in-law's name and his father-in-law is the rabbi. A couple weeks of making fun on him about that insured him remembering my name.
Anyway, my name's easy to remember, Mussa ibn Ibrahim.

Jacob Da Jew said...

Haha. Cute. But do try to work on proper wording "You are wandering (wondering)if" etc. Makes it easier to read.

Mikeinmidwood said...


glad you like it


First try getting them to be normal. I hope Moshe just put it in as a joke and that guy isn't back. And yes I didn't see that coming


What happened to your name Moshe

Jacob Da Jew

thanks for the tip.

Ookamikun said...

Guy's back but I added his new IP to list.
What happened to my name?

Mikeinmidwood said...


You wrote Mussa ibn Ibrahim so what happened to moshe

Ookamikun said...

Oh. Mussa ibn Ibrahim is a lot easier to remember than Moshe ben Avraham because it's weird so this way he'll remember my name next time.

That's also my name on my cell. I love it when people who don't know me well call, hang up, call, hang up, then finally decide to leave a message. :-D

Lion of Zion said...

"Also you are going to quit being a member of that shul."

oh please. that's an empty threat. most people in flatbush are too cheap to actually join their shul as a member.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Lion O Zion

Very true.

MAK said...

I gotta agree with Babysitter, they sound like a bunch of two year olds. What is this world coming to?

Mikeinmidwood said...


I think I should have put a disclaimer that this is not a true story.

MAK said...

Ikind of figured that, but I've seen some "adults" act like that, so it's not that hard to believe.