Thursday, April 2, 2009


The crowd quiets down, the MC(master of ceremonies) comes up to the microphone, as the lights dim on the crowd. "Tonight" he says "we are going to have a guest speaker. He is known throughout all the world. He is extremely nosy, and takes everything very personally. He is known to make speeches all the time, on every little thing that the community has problems with. Tonight he is speaking on the shidduch crisis. Introducing Al Shadchan!" (spoof on Al Sharpton).

Al takes to the podium. "Ahem, many things wrong with this community, people aren't going on shidduch dates. By all means, we should be trying to do everything we can possible to put an end to this crisis.... or it will be an unstoppable crisis. I believe that everyone has to do their part. Everyone should be calling friends and family to make things progress. To defeat a crisis, we must act against the crisis, by all means necessary..........."

1 hour later, and Al is still going on. The crowd seems to be wary of his speech.

"I believe that many people are affected by outside forces, which are known as goyim too many of you. They get married at 25, and think its okay. Now Is not saying that they are wrong, only that they have no concept of what they should do. Many of you have been influenced by the scum Ive said before. You think that looks and dress are what makes a person, or the fact that they are "outside the box" makes them not acceptable enough to go out with. But I say you are wrong, be ashamed. I have a dream ( I know that's MLKJ's line, but did you notice that Sharpton copies him tremendously?) that Bochurim and fresh from seminary girls, will go out on a shidduch just because they are who they are, let the segregation end..... once they reach the parshah. Ive dealt with many who, as they say, aren't sure about things. I say to that, if they have asked all the questions to me and to your parents, and they have white (yes, Al shadchan is white) tablecloth, there is no reason not see the other side".

One more hour later and he is still going, the crowd seems to be hearing the same thing over and over. Some even think he said this same speech, just changed the subject, to Dov Israelish (the Jewish equivalent to Don Imus).

And last, I think that we should all stand together, and fight for our community when eva' a crisis hits. We are the chosen nation, we will come forth, B'ezras Hashem".

The crowd cheers at the end, because its the end. MC talking now "That will be it for tonight, as we would have had 3 more speakers (sigh), but due to the time we just cant. Thank you and good night".

2 people gave their 2 cents:

Talmudist said...

Ol' Sharpie is a *great* caricature of many a shadchan :)

Mikeinmidwood said...


Thanks, I knew I was on to something.