PRE PURIM WEEK

Have you ever wondered what Mike from Midwood is going to write this, or any, week? Well there is no need to worry anymore (some cheers), because this whole week is going to a Purim themed week, with only Purim related posts (duh). So if you don't like Purim, how I don't know; then, you can skip this weeks worth of reading here. If you are like many others who like Purim; then, stay tuned for the Pre Purim Post Prep (that "post" does not mean after), with tips on how to make your Purim slightly better and with less vomit (I feel it coming already! :) ).

Upcoming posts (in no specific order; although, I would like to keep to it).

Purim themes, Purim costumes, You on Purim, I already told the Breslovs not to come! ( a collectors worst nightmare), Hey! did I miss a word? (megillah problems), and Sick to my kishkes. All in one week! All on one blog! not to mention its FREE!

This offer is not included any where else, all proceeds go to my ego, oh and of course your enjoyment, for more info take out a crystal ball, fine print fine print and more fine print.

PESACH HAS COME BEFORE PURIM THIS YEAR

Purim is almost here, and Pesach is right behind, or is it? I look at the calendar and see; Rosh hashanah (head of the year), Yom kippur, Succoth, Chanukah, Tu Beshvat, Purim, and then Pesach (see Purim comes before). In fact not only does it just look like it goes in that order from the calendar, I actually celebrate it first too. So now I (emphasis on the I) know that Purim is first, but some people don't. Who you might ask, why its the Jewish press that doesn't know this.

Wait how could the Jewish press not know when Pesach is, don't they have a timeline column, of course they know that Purim is before Pesach. So I ask you, "Why have the Pesach ads been coming in since after Chanukkah, and the Purim ads starting two weeks ago?" obviously Pesach is before hand.

Did you know that there were 31 ads for Pesach in the Jewish presss last week; Hotels, Cruises (Kosherica), trips to Israel, while the Purim ads were less in number. Hey, this is all before Purim, after Purim there is going to more room for Pesach ads. I don't even understand how all these different ideas for Pesach are going to make money, the supply is way more than the demand, nu how many people go on a cruise for Pesach?

So in conclusion Purim is coming before Pesach, as usual, but for the consumer mind, it doesn't seem like it is.

I THOUGHT OUR COMMUNITY WAS ULTRA ORTHODOX?

I thought that our community was almost as Orthodox as it gets, then my bubble was burst when I saw this poster hung up everywhere.

A few weeks (months) ago, there was a major gathering of women in Israel. What they spoke about there was issues dealing with women, and the speaker they had was a man (rabbi). Why? well, the Rabbanim (men) felt that a women (rebbetzin) could not make a public speech, because it was immodest, even though it was in front of only women (you could argue that, but lets not and say we did). Now, when I saw this poster I thought, of course a man is going to deliver the speech (the rabbanim in Israel said so), right? . Well, I was wrong, in fact there is not one speaker who was a male; plus, no one said anything about that, and its the third week of this. Which leads me to think, "Are we that Orthodox?". Ill leave you to decide.

Although the Wolf is a professional photographer, I believe I did a great job, you could say I really captured the moment ;)

THEY AINT RACIST, RACIST

The cartoon that has created all the conflict, and many rallies. I am wondering why it cause so much anger from the black community. All I see is a monkey, representing our government and all its crazy ideas, dead on the pavement (and two cops who look exactly alike), that's what I see. What the black community sees is idiocy. Why are they so offended by this cartoon, I am not really sure. Even if it was making fun of Barack Obama, it doesn't mean that its making fun of all black people, just Barack the magic negro. Obviously they don't care, and think that once Barack gained power then all of them have power, leading to this where if you make fun of Obama you make fun of all the black people. Then there is the attention loving Al Sharpton. He cant go a few weeks without speaking for the black community; He spoke for 6 months about drugged up guy who was shot 50 times by the police, and how great he was. The police, of course, lost their badges due to Sharpton. What ever the case may be Al (coholic)Sharpton, must find himself in the news every few months, so as not to lose his publicity. This time he is speaking out against the writer of this cartoon, sure to have him hanged for it.

Like I said before, I don't see why the black people are offended, even Obama himself isn't offended. What do you think.

THE LAZY WAY OUT

There you are, no not there, oy, look to your left, yes there you are learning with your chavrusa. You have been learning with this chavrusa for a very long time, ever since you came to this place many moons ago (no I am not getting sci-fi on you). You both have learned through most of shas, tanach, and shulchan aruch, including most of the mephorshim. You and your chavrusah, are not like most people in the kollel, you actually learn something. You can say that you and your friend are living the kollel dream.

Everyday your schedule is exactly the same: Daven, learn, break, learn, learn, lunch, learn, mincha, learn, learn and learn some more, maariv at 9:00, go home. You basically are in the kollel pumping your way through the pages of Torah all the time. Your chavrusah has the same schedule as you.

Today is no different from your daily schedule. You start out to daven shachris and then go to learn, break, and learn, learn. At one point you are reading a posuk in chumash, in parshas yisro "sheshes yomim tavod". You look up at your chavrusah and say "I don't remember this being in the chumash" Your chavrusah says "no we have had it many times". You ask " Then I don't understand what it means", your learning partner answers "It means 6 days man should work, its simple to understand". You say "I knew what it meant, I don't understand how g-d can say that MAN should work? women work". Your chavrusah is perplexed and claims he never thought about it.

You then proceed to the head of the Rosh Kollel to ask this question, he answers that we men just don't work. This question still bothers you, If g-d said man should work, its a commandment and we have to work, why don't we. You decide that the kollel life is not the right life to live. You tell your chavrusah that you are leaving and that he should join you. He says maybe kollel is work. You quickly ask "isn't it a halacha that a man shall provide food for his wife?" You then say "I am leaving to do g-ds will, I am on a holy mission, call it jihad". Your friend says "If you leave then I wont learn with you". You say "You cant do that, we have been learning together for ages". Your friend then says "Why are you leaving anyway, when you live the kollel life everything becomes so easy for you, your wife does everything". You reply with "your right, why should I leave, it is easy, and if I do leave everyone will think I modern, or not Jewish at all, I am staying".

you end up continuing this system for the rest of your life, day in and day out. You still live with the question why we don't work, but you suppress it with how easy it is to take the lazy way out.

This story may not happen on such a large scale, but there are people out there who take the lazy/easy way out, and they go through life with this philosophy everyday. Basically, many stay in kollel just to get paid for doing nothing and being lazy.

BLACK HISTORY MONTH

February is national black history month, for those of you who do not know. So to accommodate that, today we are going to celebrate all that is black.

The history of black: The first time ever that black was seen was, when g-d said let their be dark, all the colors fought for which one will be dark, black won the title, and was then seen for the first time (second place was dark blue and 3rd dark brown). Adam did not see black right away, rather; he first saw all the other colors, that was all he knew. Then came night and he liked what he saw, black. But he wanted to enjoy the color black a little more, so g-d told him about fire. Adam the first made the fire, and with the illumination the fire emitted, he was able to enjoy the black by being able to see it better. That happened over 5700 years ago, today we enjoy black because it helps us sleep, and who doesn't like sleep?

Why is black such a great color? According to most frum sources, the color black is a form a modesty and blandness, even better than dark blue. "So what" you might say "Just because its bland and modest makes it such a great color?" To this we have to answer, " You are unworthy of our community and get out" or "black is an awesome color because then everything is the same and there are no social classes".

Okay, so now you know that black is a great color, but why wear it, its a bland color. I will answer that with a question "Why would the chosen nation wear black if there was a better color out there?" From this we see that black is the best color out there, and that is why the Jews (chosen nation) wear only black.

So next time you wear your black hat or black dress, remember that you are wearing the best color out there, and be proud of it. May black history month live on in all of us.

HOW DO YOU SAY AMEN?

Many people differ on how they pronounce Amen. Some people it comes from the background that they come from. Others it depends on their personality. There is the uh-mane, ooh- mine, ah-men, and even the christian Ay-men. Now its time to dissect this concept.

The slow Uh-mane: Common among the yeshivish crowds; the slow uh-mane is a stretch on the original amen. It usually comes as a lazy, real slow, no reason for it, uh-mane. This type of uh-mane is the one that can bore you to death. It seems as if its an attempt to slow down the chazan or kaddish reader, the slow Uh-mane type hate fast readers.

The quick uh-mane: A rare trait among some people is the quick uh-mane. This is for someone who doesn't get the reason for stretching an amen out for over a minute, and they say it real quick compared to the slow uh-mane. Side affects include mistaking baruch hu with a fast uh-mane.

The Yom tov musaf uuuuh-maaaane: This type of amen is a specifically long amen with sort of tune to it.

The Ooh- (its) mine: Found mainly among the chassidish sects, the ooh-mine is simply a misconstrued form of an amen. When ever I hear an ooh-mine, I realize that when I will be in middle of shemona esray, I will be pushed around by all chassidim, young and old, who don't have any manners at all. This ooh-mine is usually said in the tone similar to that of a cry for something (ooh its mine).

The silent amen: The silent amen is even simpler than the just moving lips way of saying amen. There is no need to worry on how to pronounce it, you simply don't say it; whether it be because you were talking, or out of sheer laziness.

The loud amen: This is said by a specific sect of hassidim know as stollen. They don't just say it, they scream it all together. If you are really frum and don't know what a heavy metal concert sounds like, no need to worry this is the heimish equivalent. I just wonder how embarrassing it would be if you were screaming and said something wrong by mistake.

The Ah-men: Found among the Sephardi sect of Judaism, the ah-men is said in many weird accents ranging from, through the nose to from the throat.

The Ay-man: The Ay-man is not a call for your friend, rather yo is the term preferably used to call your friend. The Ay-man is used in the christian society, usually in a black church after every few words the priest says (E.G. "The Lord Giveth" the cong. then says "Ay-Man" loud in unison). But even the christians say it different too, the white folk say a quiet ay-men.

I can only say this; the Ay-man is a complete knock off of our amen, but who can blame them when we don't say it normally either (uh-mane, ah-men,ooh-mine).