YOUR A BT GET LOST

I have read on Frum Skeptic's site that BT'S have second class citizen standard when it comes to shidduchim. Its as bad as a working guy. Its worse than the those who "learn" all day (which they arent and are really smoking and on their cellphones the whole time). Nothing more on this topic needs to be said besides why. 'this is not the main thing the real stuff is over at frum skeptics which I linked above.

SHUL POLITICS: THE CANDY MAN

I missed one important person who is a big part of every shul where children go. That man is THE CANDY MAN. He's every child's favorite person (of course he bribes them), giving them lollis, bazooka bubble gum, anything made by Leibers or Bloomie's and Laffy taffy. (of course there is much more, I'm just not gonna write it all out).

When I was younger I would go over to the candy man in the shul I went to, countless times always asking for more junk so my teeth can rot. I wasnt the only one who did this. So I am wondering how can a candy man daven and hand out to children countless items of tastiness. What happens in middle of Shmona Esray with tons of kids asking for candy and tugging at his pants? Maybe that's why he gives them the lollis so they keep it in their mouths and it acts as a passifier.

We interrupt this important post with breaking news: We are outside live in front of a famous shuls rabbis house. there seems to be a protest by many people who want a Kugel man in shul for all the older people. They appear to be reasoning they will keep quiet in shul if there plan goes through also the kugel will be sponsored by the new Kugel man. We now return to our interrupted post.

The candy man has one of the most "important" jobs in the whole shul (keeping the kid community in a none whiny state) and its one of the more favorite jobs. This wasn't in my shul but I have heard that every year there is (in certain shuls) an election for who gets to be the famed candy man. In some shuls they have a room designated for all the nosh kids like. Where I went it wasn't as high tech as I described a sentence before. It was this one guy who had some candy in his tails bag which he kept in shul.

Ill end this post with a question. What happens if there happens to be two candy men in one shul. As said by some famous blogger "Ill leave the rest to the comments".

HAVEIL HAVALIM #1

Finally A Formal Post

Babysitter: A blog on babysitting and handling children. Usually gets into the psychology of children or parents in different actions. And at this very moment the babysitter is on a streak of "rights".

A Frum Punk: Made his way too New York recently and writes about meeting up with Child Ish Behavior and going out for somethings he couldn't finish. On his blog he will remind you constantly that he ain't from the flatbush area and that things go differently near him.

Frum In South Florida: Writes about her love/obsession with cats and other animals including mythical.

Frum Female: Is talking about her experiences with a big problem for Jews.

Frum Skeptic: Is comparing the Jewish ghetto to that of the Communist Russia. Also writes about things that have weird reasons and aren't logical for example men wearing sunglasses.

Insanity Now Serenity Later: Is showing how animals act when drunk (funny video).

Its UnbeLipable: Writes about Lipa Shmeltzer. and the site is the ultimate fan base for Lipa.

Its The End Of The World......-Syndrome: Is a new blogger and has been writing about bloggers and commenter's mostly.

Jacob Da Jew: Likes to write a piece of his mind on almost all Jewish topics the latest being Techi'yas Hamaesim (revival of the dead).


Jewish Comedy: Is in Israel and Turkey speaking for Nefesh B'nefesh. Also he did a stand up ranting (which wasn't :,( filmed). As for what he usually does is write a lot of funny things in the Frum community.

Lion Of Zion: Is your source for the correct way to lein with all the ta'amim. He also puts up news from Israel.

Material Maidel: Talks about some controversial topics.

Mikeinmidwood: Is writing this post and is having a hard time putting in all the links. Also is hoping for a better review some time later with more blogs.

Not Just Typical: Is praising his shul on its diversity. As always is making us laugh (or at least me) with random funniness.

As for all the rest of you I missed maybe its because I just didnt find much about you or you have left the blogging seen for good (the posting part). I really shouldnt have made a whole post on blogs if I dont know that many. Anyone agree?

WHATS SO BAD ABOUT THE JEWISH PRESS

Really what is wrong with it. I have heard from people that its worse than the daily news. Maybe its those people all supporting the Hamodia and Mishpacha that dont like it. What could be so wrong. Is it the fact that the headlines arent good enough? The headlines arent that good because its always about Israel and there aint that much to write about Israel (OLMERT DOES SOMETHING STUPID AGAIN).

So the headlines arent good is that a reason to say its worse than the daily news. It has some nice articles including the Inquiring photographer which asks people unimportant questions. The Rebbetzin has an article which is talking about the stupidity of visiting day in camps. The funny thing about this article is the people who write in things proving or disaaproving thats its stupid or a stupid question. One guy writes why worry about camp visiting day when there are kassams falling in sderot and the economy is colappsing. To that guy youre an idiot. I'm very sure you fought with someone in shul about opening or closing a window and thats extremely important (sarcasm) . Then there was a Grandmother who was saying that many years ago she had the same problem. The she was complaining more that she had to support her children who were married than about camp visiting day (dont know how that came in).

Ok maybe the last few parts werent that good about the Jewish Press. Well Then there are those psychologist columns that talk about how to handle youre child and many times those are helpful. A lot of cooking columns too. Those two shidduch two articles that talk about some serious issues but are not helping anybody get married. Then theres that Baseball one which is maybe the reason all the yeshivish people dont like the JP. Arnold Fine has a whole page article which I like but read only once in a while.

So there nothing good about the JP but its still better than the Hamodia or Mishpacha.

SLURPEES FOR RACISM

Earlier this week me and my friend went to 7-11. We walk in get are cups and covers. Then fill them up with some Coke and Dr. pepper and head to the cashier.

I have been to that cashier before (different guy) and had some either racist or just really greedy guy behind the counter. As I remember I handed over a dollar by mistake that should have been put back into my friends wallet. So we realize my mistake and ask for it back, saying "I think thats our dollar" and the indian idiot says "I think its the stores dollar".

This guy this time was different. My friend went first and paid already. So instead of walking out side he waits for me inside. The guy behind the counter says to him for some random reason "I know you are waiting for youre PENNY". At first I didnt realize what he said but then I understood from my friends expression and fit the unclear words in. I was shocked too. We didnt say a word and just left. (I got my change before we left).

Is it just me or is it the normal thing that goes on. does anyone else get this from any stores?

ISRAELI DRIVERS ARE CRAZY

So this past July I went to Israel and I have heard of the crazy drivers there. At first upon hearing this I didn't believe it so much, being that I went to Israel before and did not see. People kept on telling me every little alleyway is a two way street, highway speed in Me'ah she'arim's narrow and short streets. Anything you could think of about driving (crazy) was said. I personally thought that New York driving was the worst. In New York I almost got hit many times and was hit once (not hard). I have heard Miami was bad too.

When I made it to Israel I needed some means of transportation for my luggage and me. I of course took a taxi (sheiroot i think its called or mony-oht). This was my first experience that I remember in an Israeli taxi. All the other times I was too young or just didn't notice.

I wasnt ever that scared in my life, for my life before that moment(s). I have been on roller coasters, but nothing like this. This crazy taxi driver was driving in and out of lanes (no turn signals of course), was bumper to bumper with these other vans and trucks. He was forcing this little car to drive as fast as it could or he would ram it out of the way, like you would do on video games and this car did not look like it had more than 4 cylinders. We made sharp turns around corners of mountains. It had me and my brother (the one who was up after the flight) praying for our lives.

That reminds me of a joke. Theirs a rabbi and a Israeli taxi driver that died and they meet in heaven. The rabbi asks the taxi driver who has this huge golden palace "what did you do to deserve this and me not"? so the Taxi driver answers "when you gave a speech everyone fell asleep when I drove they prayed".

Anyway we finally make it into Jerusalem in one peace (my praying payed off). So the taxi drivers sees a little rounded corner he needs to pass so he goes at top speed for some odd Israeli reason. As we are turning there is a garage and someone is pulling out. the driver pulling out makes a quick stop so as not to get crushed by this maniac but is in the street a little and now the taxi driver has to stop and turn out of the way. Instead of turning a little he comes to a screeching stop, rolls down his window and scream Idiota!! (meaning idiot) and drives off. That one had me and my brother rolling on the floor it was so funny.

Lucky for me I did not have any close stories to that, the rest of my stay. Although now if I hear a car coming in Israel I run out of the streets and find shelter, like they do in Sderot for kassams. What is scary to see is the #2 bus that drives through Me'ah She'arim there are people on the sides that are almost crushed against the buildings. Let me explain. Me'ah She'arim is got alleyways all through it. The bus hardly fits through them and there are people that walk on the sides. If that bus makes one wrong move they are permanently part of the bus or wall. Same goes for the old city.

I now have no fear of walking/driving in new york (not that I had to begin with). And all those thing I thought weren't true about Israel are now true. They definitely have the worst driving skills if they have any at all. I think its luck not skills.

P.S. If you see a blue toyota sienna beeping for no reason its my aunt, run!

SHUL POLITICS: THE KIDDUSH CLUB

If you wanted to know what a kiddush club is and/or never had one in your shul, you are in luck. Throughout this post you will learn all of what you didn't or did know about the the kiddush club.

The Kiddush club is in fact a club, like a chess club but different. It is made up of a group of people who decided to leave davening early and start kiddush before everyone else. From what I know they like to get drunk. Oh something very important. There are various different types kiddush clubs and it depends on what shul you go to that makes it what it is. Back to from what I know. They like politics (every kind), talking in shul is a big one. They also talk about the government. Either against the government trying to find ways to cheat it or they are some how connected to it and know all the FBI tricks (that maybe why they know how to cheat it). I shouldn't forget they like to stick there two cents into everything.

Like I said they like politics. They love it, cant go a shabbos without it. They also "love" the Rabbi (cant wait to go a shabbos without him), so they decide to mix them together. After they have done their little experiment, it ends up that the rabbi is the source of all political problems (even non political). As in the post before the Rabbi is blamed for just about everything..... by the kiddush club.

Talking in shul. I think that this is a big reason for hating the rabbi. The rabbi is usually in charge of making sure everyone keeps quiet and they don't like that. I guess you could say that one of the reasons for the kiddush club's roots, stems from here. They want to talk and they cant. They also want to leave shul but don't want to miss the great kiddush. It then grows from just a few people wanting it to a few people having it (the kiddush and leaving shul). So unlike the rest of us who stay and wait patiently for davening to be over they can't wait and have no patients. Hmmmm..... Patients, that's something they don't have. That explains a lot.

They also give advice for cheating the government. I wouldn't take any advice on how to cheat the government from a drunken person and they drink. They start some of the most random conversations like about parking meters. How the city checks up on them and each one has the same key if they are on the same block. They are always bragging about how they cheated those 25 cent meters. They could have bagged them with those black plastic bag or took a chainsaw and chopped them off, drove away before the cop gives them a ticket. Another thing they have besides some made up stories, is some sort of connection to the government. they could be the most useless person on earth, but they have a connection so respect them. Its usually an uncle, brother, friend, brother in law, cousin, friends friend, as long as its not a woman it counts (sorry they are also anti feminine).

How to get into a kiddush club? Well it depends what type of shul you are in. Many shul's don't have a kiddush club, in fact many shuls don't have a kiddush. Some shuls they have to nab some wine and herring from the kitchen which is for the real kiddush later on. Anyone is invited to these, as long as you have some stories, connections to the government (which you are against) or a complaint on the rabbi. Other shuls its more complicated then being invited. You actually have to pay a kiddush club fee. This means that someone is buying all those things you eat and drink and cant steal them from the shul.

This is the kiddush club and concludes Shul politics (unless I do one on the Chazzan and gabbai).
As you can see shul is no longer a place to pray and find the Jewish faith at its best.What once was a place of torah and tefilah has now become a place of politics and the blame game. It is now not a shul but rather a business.

SHUL POLITICS: THE RABBI

The Rabbi of a shul is one of the more important jobs there is. The rabbi heads the congregation, gives long boring (sometimes not) speeches, and tells the congregation in what order to say davening on those days like a fast or some weird type of holiday no one really knows of. The rabbi also is charged with bringing in more people to the congregation. This is only a way to blame the rabbi, which is usually done by the kiddush club and is not an actually job of the Rabbi.
Many times the Rabbi is a good Rabbi and he can give a good speech or he (not she) knows when to say the speech. That is actually a very important thing to know when to speak. Usually the rabbi gives some sort of halacha shiur before or after the torah leining that's the type of speech you say "when will it be over". Other speeches come when its over and you are in middle of the kiddush (that's only in one shul I daven in).

Now onto the blaming. The kiddush clubs favorite target is the rabbi. Maybe its the shhhhing in shul the rabbi gives them for talking or maybe for leaving the actual place of davening and running to make their own kiddush (The rabbi scorns this). So back to the topic. The rabbi is blamed for everything.Some of the complaints are, He isn't bringing in more people to the shul, He doesn't scream out what page we are on, I just don't like rabbi's, He should give shorter speeches, and many more stupid reasons. Someone else who clashes with the rabbi is the president, usually in a struggle for power.

The rabbi like the president is a figure head. Do all shuls need a rabbi? I think yes, so I guess in that sense he isn't like a president. In any case the rabbis job is a big one and should not be blamed for all these little things. COMING UP NEXT. THE KIDDUSH CLUB.