Mike In Midwood

Rating The Midwood Bakeries Again

2010-12-05T18:19:00.002-05:00

I came back to write this post since I assumed you all loved reading my adventures from bakery to bakery enjoy the post.

Yes once again I'm rating the bakeries of Midwood (see how I just rephrased the title). I pay the price so you don't get it wrong when it comes to your big event, and the only job you had to do was bring the Sufganiot (Israeli styled jelly doughnuts). This year has been a little tough on my taste buds with two place that Ive never tried both being disappointments.

Rose Bakery on kingshighway and east 7Th (not to be confused with the kingshighway bakery on kingshighway and east 4Th which is heavenly) was one of those disappointments. At a dollar a piece this sufgania had a bland tasting dough, with literally a teaspoon of jelly in the middle. The official rating from 1 out of 10 is a four (that's right my ratings are copyright).

The next failure was so bad that I couldn't bring myself to finish the sufgania. Now I have been from Boro Park to the deepest parts of Midwood and there hasn't been one place that I couldn't finish the jelly filled delicacy, but VENETIAN KOSHER SWEETS on the corner of N and Coney Island avenue, you took that away from me today. It was simply so bad that my whole family left it in disgust. The jelly tasted like some weird thick concoction and the dough itself was bland. At a dollar fifty a piece this place makes Rose Bakery look great. The official rating is 1 don't go near this, you've been warned.

Happy Hanuka to all, now I'm going to scrape the taste off my tongue with some home made latkes.

Its not Purim without my pressidor wafers

2010-02-24T23:21:00.004-05:00

I thought I didn't leave anything for me to write about Purim this year after last year with my full week of Purim posts, turns out you never really know. I'm linking to last years posts if you missed it or want to remember it, yes Ive been around long enough to link to old posts.

Well I wrote about Purim themes and and costumes all very nice, but the truth is I don't like themes at all, too much effort has to go into it and I'm more of a traditional shaloch manot giver. I hate it when my family makes themes, for example: orange and red was one theme and everyone thought it was fire, or the time we went all natural and people were really confused. That's really why I don't like themes bad experiences with them and my liking of traditional ways intertwined. My idea of Shaloch manot is just giving a big box of Pressidors wafers and a bottle of grape juice, actually I'm craving some of that right now.

Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate the time and effort that's put into a theme, one guy gave me a stimulus package last year with a money sign on the front of the bag really funny. The best theme Ive ever seen was Drunkin Donuts the guy made a box that looked like a real dunkin donuts box and I think it cost a lot to make, still pretty impressive, and I made sure to aprreciate it in my spare time. Ill stick to my tradition which I'm very happy with, and who doesn't want a box of pressidor wafers, you cant say no it just not purim without pressidor wafers.

WHAT THE MEDRASH DIDNT TELL YOU

2010-02-23T22:25:00.002-05:00

You think that you know it all, the whole Purim story, since you've been in kindergarten. You read the little medrash says when you were younger and you read let my nation live, but you really don't know anything. let me tell what really happened.

Lets start from once Esther became queen. Mordechai sat outside the kings palace. This is a shanda said all the rabbonim, how could a tzaddik sit outside the kings palace and not in a beis medrash learning, doesn't he know that outside the koislei beis medrash there is tons of pritzus, especially near the kings palace. Mordechai was banned from the community, but he was re accepted when he didn't bow down to wicked man Haman. The rabbonim of Persia also didn't like that a yiddishe maidel like Esther married a goy, and the shadchan really didn't know what to say about her children once they were ready get married.

Then Mordechai saved the kings life, a major uproar in the Persian Jewish community happened, how could Mordechai save a rasha. Countless bans went up on Persian yeshivah World News, and the comments written in cuneiform blasted Mordechai for such an act. When Haman put out his plan to exterminate the Jews the Kanoim of the generation blamed it on the lack of tznius in the persian empire, not the fact that the people strayed from the path, strict laws of wearing only black in the dessert countries were implemented by many of the Yihudim.

Then came the night the king couldn't fall asleep and Haman unexpectedly showed up to tell the king what should be done to the man the king wishes to honor. Turned out Mordechai, the one the Jews were blasting at the time, was going to pulled around by the wicked man Haman, thanks to Hamans suggestion, on the kings horse none the less, which is like pulling up in the modern day Cadillac Escalade. The Jews of Shushan decided to riot, they weren't going to let a parade of any kind, its a toeivah. As the horse was being drawn around town the Jews lit garbage's on fire and were pouring acid on anything not tznius.
at one point the Jews threw the flaming garbage on Haman, it got confused up with his daughter throwing it in the story through some gematria, don't know how that one goes.

From that point on the stories a blurr, but you can see all the points your little medrash forgot to tell you, so when you read the megillah try and remember that the world then wasn't so different from ours today, or there is no moral to this post and forget that last line.

The Shidduch Crisis

2010-02-08T23:13:00.001-05:00

This is an email forwarded to me, it may be a little over the top but enjoy.

Ich zug dir, I'm really suffering from the shidduch crisis. Finding one's
bashert in today's society is just SO hard! I make hundreds of phone calls
to shadchanim, begging everyone not to forget about me - but so many of them
tend to brush me off with silly excuses like they have no time for me, they
can't think of anyone for me, they're too busy with other things Even when
they do find a few free moments to 'red' me a shidduch, they just never come
up with anything decent! It's a shanda, I tell you.

No, don't be ridiculous - of course I'm not a 19-year-old girl!

I'm not a 24-year-old bochur, either.

I'm the MOTHER of a shidduch-age yingel - and he's the best boy in the
yeshiva!

Oy, I hate krechtzing in public, but the truth is, it's a shrekliche matziv
out there for us future mother in laws.

I asked my son a few months ago what kind of girl he's looking for. You know
what he answered me? He said, "Ma, I just want a good girl." Ha! What does
he know? So I'm making it my business to find him what I know he really
needs. In fact, a shadchan called me just last week:

"Hello, Mrs. Vichtigmacher? I have a great girl for your son."

"You do? Terrific. What size is she?"

"Huh?"

"I asked, what size is she? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone bigger
than a 2. A size nothing - an absolute 0 - would be perfect."

"Oh, well I don't know "

"And how tall is she?"

"Oh, she's average hei-"

"What do you mean by 'average?' My son doesn't want to go out with anyone
shorter than 5'3, but of course he won't consider anyone taller than 5'5.
She might make him look small and stumpy, especially if she wears heels. So
this girl needs to fall within a three-inch radius for her to be
acceptable."

"Ok. I just-"

"What does she look like?"

"What? Oh, she' a really nice looking girl."

"Nice looking? That's it? A new pair of shoes is 'nice looking.' A matching
pocketbook is 'nice looking.' A good haircut is 'nice looking.' The girl my
son is going to marry has to be more than just 'nice looking!'"

"This girl is pretty."

"Pretty - but not beautiful or stunning or gorgeous or extraordinary?"

"Yes, she's very-"

"How old is she? Anyone under age 19 is most likely too immature for my
Gemarakup. Marrying someone that young would almost be like cradle
snatching! 20 is just right. In my opinion - and I'm right about just about
everything - any girl over 21 is already too settled in her ways to make a
good spouse. My son won't be able to mould her personality anymore. He won't
be able to properly train her to have a five course supper ready on the
table by 5pm, or else. Or to iron and starch and fold his cashmere socks
into perfect little 4-inch squares. You understand?"

"No, I'm not sure I-"

"And how many years can this girl's parents support my boy in kollel? My son
doesn't want to go out with anyone who can't support him for at least the
first decade. I mean, after all, a boy who sits and shvitzes and hureves in
kollel deserves to get everything he wants, doesn't he? My son simply
refuses to go out with anyone who doesn't come along with a house. And he's
partial to BMW's."

"Oh. I didn't-"

"How many kids are in the family? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone
who's the oldest in a large family, because then the girl is already burned
out and overstressed by the time she gets married. The youngest in a large
family is usually way too spoiled, so forget about that. And a middle child,
nebach, a middle child is usually neglected. On the other hand, an ONLY
child never learns to share with others or build sibling relationships, so
my son would never consider that either. If this girl is, say, the third
child in a family of 12 - that would be perfect."

"Actually, she's-"

"Oh. Very important. What does her father do for a living? My son would
never go out with a girl whose father or grandfather, up to four generations
back, worked in a butcher shop or a fish store. Anyone who can stand to
witness the sight of that much blood obviously has no midas harachamim. And
we won't take any truck drivers or used car salesmen either."

"Mrs. Vichtigmacher, I think-"

"Now hold on, I know exactly what you're going to say."

"You do?"

"Uh huh. You're going to tell me that this girl is everything I could
possibly hope for in a girl. And that may be true. But I'm not finished
getting information from you yet. I forgot to ask: On Shabbos, does her
family eat on fine China or on paper plates?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Well, it's obvious. If they eat on fine China, they're probably
feinshmekkers. On the other hand, if they eat on paper plates, they're
probably practical people, down to earth, but they don't respect the kedusha
of Shabbos as much as they should."

"Well then, what should they eat on?"

"Good question. And there's something else I need to know. Is the girl
quiet, or is she loud?"

"She's not too quiet"

"Aha! She's not too quiet, you say! I know your shadchan euphemisms. That's
a very subtle way of saying she has no eidelkeit. She's brash, loud, and way
out of control, right? Her teachers probably couldn't handle her all
throughout her 12 years of school. Her parents are probably desperate to get
her married, just so she can settle down, right? Tell me the truth."

"No! The truth is that she's really pretty quiet, but-"

"She's quiet? You mean she's timid, shy, tzurikgeshtannen? Doesn't she have
any friends? What are you redding my son, a mouse?!"

"Of course not, she's-"

"What will she wear on her head?"

"Excuse me?"

"On her head. A snood, a pony sheitel, a fall, a custom, a hat, a shpitzel?
Which is it?"

"Um. I assume she'll just wear a regular-"

"Regular? There's no such thing as 'regular.' What a woman wears on her head
tells a lot about what's going on INSIDE her head. Is she 'modern,'
'yeshivish,' litvish,' 'chassidish' or 'Meah Shearimdig?' Is she a rebel or
a rebbetzin?"

"She's a frum, wonderful, tzniusdige young lady! A really great baalas
middos tovos, with a kind heart and derech eretz! Mrs. Vichtigmacher, she's
just a good gir-"

"Did she go to camp?"

"Huh? Yes. She went to camp for a few summers, and some summers she stayed
home."

"She stayed home? Why? Are her parents too poor to afford camp? Is she too
attached to her mommy to leave home for a couple of weeks? Does she have
some embarrassing problem that she doesn't want her bunkmates or counsellors
to know? Does she snore or drool in her sleep? My son will never go out with
a girl who hasn't been to camp."

"I told you. She went to camp. Just not every sum-"

"Did she go to seminary in Israel? You know, girls just don't come out right
these days unless they go to seminary in Israel. My son won't go out with
any girl who hasn't been to-"

"I get the point. You know what? I don't think this shidduch is going to
work out after all. I don't have the time for you, I can't think o f anyone
for you, and I'm too busy with other things. Good luck marrying off your
son."

Oy, it's a shanda, I tell you. Vey iz mir! How I suffer from the shidduch
crisis!

Frummie Love Story part IX: The cure is in the sickness

2010-02-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

The confusion settled in with Chana as to what Yitzchak would think of her. She felt to afraid to go out with someone who she herself didn't have an opinion of, or maybe it would help once she got to know him, this only added to the confusion. She was afraid to think one way more than the other for fear of herself plunging into the wrong direction, she needed a fresh look at things.

It just so happened to be that Chanas mother, Penina, had too much of her daughter waiting around for mashiach to come till she gets married, and instead made shidduch date for Chana herself. Penina was worried her daughter couldn't choose any boy, she wouldn't even take the nice boy from the Silberberg family down the street. After the last talk about it they had she needed to take action while her daughter was "hanging out" with friends and not caring (actually she was looking for a bochur using shadchan detective methods).

It was like getting married with a shotgun on your back, that's how Chana felt when she heard her mother set her up to go out with boy that night. A very forced feeling and very uneasy one; she was not coming out of it with a good feeling. She didn't know what to expect from who her mother set her up with, she just thought the worst. What was her mother doing behind her back anyway? Too many things and too little time to get ready.

The boy stopped in front of the house at about 8. She walked from the house to the yeshivish car alone, the boy didn't even open up the door for her to get in, it was already a lost case. They went to some place like On The Grill. The conversation was mild to none, Chana already made up her mind that this guy isn't for her, she reaches into her bag, maybe she'll be able to call this one off within an hour and a half. She checks to see what time it is while he tells her some gemara he just learnt, its only 8:53, and....... wait its Chanas Birthday too! "Awe shoot it!" is what came to mind "What a great way to start her 22nd year and embracing old age".

She dragged through the remainder of her date, only to come home to a mother waiting to hear how it went. She lied and said it went well and that she was happy her mother cared for her. Her head was clear after the date, it was like a cup of water thrown in her face. She realized that she might be closer to her mother if she kept up the good attitude, and that she needs to be more decisive when it comes to dates, it either works or doesn't that's what blind dates are for. Maybe the date with random bochur wasn't that bad after all. So Chana decided and a call to the "shadchan" tomorrow was on its way.

Its a large world out there

2010-02-01T22:51:00.004-05:00

You know that saying "its a small world after all" well its wrong. The world is a large place full of things to do and people to meet, and I don't need some guy I just met to tell me its a small world after hearing we know the same people, dude its a small frummie world not a small everyone world..

Yes its a large world, and I was living it for the past week and a half, finding no time to blog at all. A lot has happened since I left, Tu b'shvat came and went, I was planning on writing about how no one really celebrates it and it gets lost in the sphere of influence the next two holidays have. One fact about Tu b'shvat while were in the subject, more people opted to plant a tree in the game of farmville in honor of tu b'shvat this year then really planting a tree.

Also there was an earthquake in Haiti which I did briefly write about, but what I failed to mention is that some Frum Jewish people (not the ones that went to help) are showing signs of joining the JKK or Jew Klux Klan. Its outright disgusting that some people are Happy, that's right, happy about the destruction and death of non Jews who have not wronged them in anyway. I was ready to blow up at some of these people, but its a useless argument they're never gonna get it straight, years of distortion have got them were they are and one rant isn't gonna change it.

Well now that Ive lived life for a week or so its time to hibernate and blog again till some warmer weather comes along, maybe I'll pick up jogging in the morning to keep me going or that groundhog better show up soon..... or not show up, does anybody know which one makes spring come earlier and when is groundhog day?

Another Edition of Mike Tonight

2010-01-17T23:48:00.000-05:00

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In frum news, a new wave of people in Israel have been living by segulos for everything they need. They have been reported to "dial a Yeshua" for all their basic needs from the organization called Kupat Ha'ir, and have tried everything else to get help besides pray to g-d for it. As one "Segulaist" said, "Why pray when a rabbi can promise you anything, think of it as a genie with a beard".

Although not everybody is happy with this lack of faith in g-d. Many are disgusted that the more radical Segulaists don't even attend shul anymore. Others are more disgusted that people wont use shadchans anymore and rather rely on a segula to get married instead. One shadchan poured out her heart to us "(sob) its just.... its just that I love manipulating people into going out with each other (choke, sob) why wont they let me continue (sob) lets just ban segulos".

In a even more recent report, the Segulaists have pretty much broken off from mainstream orthodoxy, and even have cult like behaviors. Just this past motzei shabbos they had a gathering in the forest of Jerusalem behind yad v'shem. We had are very own David Spiegler there to report the story. David Spiegler: "Yes Mike, as you can see (no you cant this is bloggeradio) behind me there are havdalah candles lit all over and about 400 people dancing around making Indian noises and showering in the havdalah wine and some even going as far as to wash there clothing in it. To onlookers it seems like a cult ritual that includes immersing in wine, but we spoke to one of the group leaders who organized it and she had this to say".

Group leader Avigayil Sidorov (spoken with a heavy Israeli accent): "We are not a cult of any sort, although it might look like it due to the candles lit and the bathing in havdalah wine, but in actuality we are just performing the well known segula of taking the havdalah wine and putting it on your forehead. Its just that over time people put it on their eyes to purify them and in their pockets so they can get money for the coming week, so we decided to just dip our whole selves in it and we will cover everything, and we wash our clothing in it so we don't miss any pockets or any other segulos".

David Spiegler: Despite their intentions, Mike, it seems like a real cult. Back to you in Midwood I'm David Spiegler.

Me: Thank you David, in other frum news there was an earthquake in Haiti killing 200,000 and leaving many with out homes and others trapped under the rubble.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.
This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

Pizza Store Conversations

2010-01-13T23:48:00.000-05:00

Some people go to a Starbucks to drink coffee and get wifi so they can keep up with every ones lives on twitter or facebook. Others get the coffee and wonder about what everyone else is thinking. I'm telling you that if you really want to know what others are thinking and/or want to get the latest buzz on someones life then walk into a Brooklyn pizza store, its as simple as that.

It just so happens to be that this very concept was rudely thrust into my face when I went for pizza the other day with an acquaintance. I sat down behind a guy, probably in his late 20's early thirties, talking to his mother. I didn't even have to turn around to try and figure out what he was talking about or check his status to find out whats the big issue in his life, he simply told me. Okay not really told me, but he said it loud enough for anyone to hear, so its as if he told me.

Me and my acquaintance didn't feel like hearing about his whole life, but this is how it went. He was arguing with his mother over his fathers estate, although it didn't sound like his father was dead yet. He went on to explain how his father treats him like dirt and doesn't invite him to football games. His mother tried telling him that that's not true, but he knew the truth. At one point they were talking about someone else who they knew and did not have a father, and somehow loud mouth in a pizza shop didn't want to "share" his own father with someone else. His mother tried to convince him that this guy needs a father, to which he persistently said " I have a father why should I give up mine to help him out just because he doesn't have one, its not my fault". At this point me and my acquaintance were scratching our heads, didn't he just say that his father treats him like dirt? It went on and on, constantly arguing back and forth on every single subject about family and money to doctors, lawyers and psychologists, and that wasn't the mother boasting about of her sons accomplishments. My acquaintance was speculating about telling them to just shut up because no one wants to hear it, I said I would take a video if he did for proof, it didn't happen in the end and we just left. We did try to make our own little argument to hint to them that arguing in public is rude, and that didn't work too well.

Ahem, right, so getting back to the point if you really want to do what it is i wrote in the opening paragraph, then a Brooklyn pizza store is the place. Do you have any stories of weird conversations you might have been forced to listen to? do tell.

a proposed theory to the fish story.

2010-01-12T23:34:00.001-05:00

You were the happiest child around; your face was gleaming with pride. You were the luckiest something and 3 quarters year old there ever was. You just won your first ever goldfish at the local carnival in some dudes backyard. You drank that cup of punch faster than anyone else, making you the winner of the goldfish. It could have been a stupid prize, but you didn't care because it was your stupid prize pet with a 3 second memory.

You came home found the nearest bowl dumped Duggy (the name you gave it) in it and watched it float around for a while. You took breadcrumbs and fed it to Duggy, he was your best friend. You would run home to him after school everyday and then tell him about your problems. The only problem was that he gave you a blank stare back with almost no reaction.

One day you came to find that Duggy was pacing his bowl back and forth as if he was debating something. You ask "whatsa matter Duggy?". And then the unexpected happens, Duggy says back "Don't you get it, this whole world is only worth wherever I can travel and that isn't too far!". You look at the Goldfish and say "You can talk?" to which Duggy replies "Of course I could but I don't do it often because its hard to talk when you underwater", you nod your head in acknowledgement remembering the time you stuck your head underwater and tried to talk. You ask "But I didn't know fish could talk? wouldn't somebody have found out by now that fish could talk?", to which Duggy replies, "People have tried to tell others we talk but nobody believes them, who would, I wouldn't even believe it" you make a confused expression to duggy's statement. Just then your fish floats to the top and turns over. You promise yourself that one day people will know that fish talk, and that its just hard for them to do so, your story is going to be believed.

Sometime within that year the talking fish story came out and made headlines on every Jewish websites... soon after it even got its on tehillim group to pray that duggy's neshama gets an aliyah.

Warning: long post for those of you who only like short

2010-01-12T00:03:00.000-05:00

This past week I have been quite tough on my blog considering the usual. It just happened to be that I discovered that my mind went blank when I tried to think of a post. So I tried looking over old posts to maybe get a fresh look at something, but that didn't work. I read other peoples blogs for insight, but I only could think of a "Why be atheist" type post which didn't go well the first time I tried, so that didn't work. I tried thinking of the latest topic of the day and write whatever it is that comes to mind on it, but nothing new came up. I tried thinking of a theoretical post of what could possibly be with our community or with a certain company that we trust, but been there done that. Then after a week of thinking I realized I'm burnt out! there is nothing left to post about, at which point I looked at it again and said to myself "Wait I'm not burnt out yet, and there are current events to write about, like the dybbuk" which was staring in my face the whole week. And thus the blog was saved.

About that dybbuk. Did they finally get rid of it? I heard they tried skype and it didn't work, and then they had something last week in Israel were a real kabbalist came out to do his voodoo. I personally don't believe this dybbuk is real, its like the talking fish story everyone wants it to be real but the fish didnt talk. I think this guy being "posessed" is a great ventriloquist, or nuts. The only real way to tell is to get the guy drunk, if the dybbuk is really in then the dybbuk will talk, if not the drunk guys scheme will be unveiled because the "dybbuk" will have suddenly disappeared.

What I need to do is to find out about more about this. Maybe station myself in the nearest yeshiva coffee room and just listen, then ill get the latest "Hock" that's flying around, and probably all the nonsense too..

Just A Few Thoughts

2010-01-05T23:59:00.001-05:00

Don't you find it funny that there are all these little things in life that contradict each other, isn't it funnier when its the big things in life.

YU had a whole convention for the coming out of the closet gay frum Jews. Then every single chareidi rabbi condemns it and there are a bunch of words like abomination going around. YU is targeted and called a Toeivah institution, this causes more hate on it from the frummie community. Here's the funny part, Yeshiva University only had a conference about gay Jews, but yet when the Frum Community is faced with actual acts of sexual abuse they cover it up and hide it for fear that the yeshivos will close down or that chas v'shalom a family name should be ruined. It sickens me that there are people out there that can ruin a persons life mentally, completely destroying it and having the victims lose their sense of self, feeling isolated, and having to undergo years of therapy just to get back to normal, and yet the Jewish community hardly gives a damn. When it comes to a discussion on Toeivah they scream and riot and whatever. Tell me whats the real abomination here it doesnt take a genius.

Frummie Love Story Part VIII: The Making Of A Shadchan

2009-12-30T23:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, before I write the 8Th part to this wonderfully long story which has seen its fair share of emotions and Shadchan detectives, I have to wish a great big Mazel Tov to two bloggers who are now engaged to each other, Mak and Child Ish. You might go as far as to call it a real frummie love story in the making and may they build a bayis ne'aman b'yisroel. Aymen, or uhmane, or Ahmen, or even Ooomine if your chassidish.

Shabbos once again came and this time with the amazing feeling of unity that Chana was feeling within herself. She felt that Yitzchak Pomerantz was going to be part of her life, read her Jewish poetry and charm her, and it would be bliss. Just there was one little problem, she still had to go out with him and she didn't feel right asking him directly without a shadchan, and she couldn't use a shadchan because they don't treat Chana as shidduch material (see big problem).

This was all it came to, all her work was stuck at one little road block. She remembered reading somewhere that love conquers all, she thought about the line trying to give it a religious perspective so she would believe in it. Something like if you want something enough hashem will help you, came to her mind.So she had to make a plan that would work, like her somewhat successful plan to help her find out Yitzchoks name. She discussed it with Rifky. They thought about pickup lines, but saying "Wow your hat is just so shtark wanna talk about it over some chalav yisroel coffee" wouldn't work for two reasons. The first being that he would probably be scared off by it, and two its really not the greatest pickup line in the world, sorry to all the frum people who wanted to use it, I suggest not to it wont get you far.

Chana and Rifky decided to say tehillim and hopefully hashem will grant them the idea they need. After two hours and the whole tehillim, they came up with a brilliant plan. They will turn Rifky into a shadchan and she will set them up, thereby nullifying any sort of complication possible, including shidduch resumes with stupid questions.

At the end of the day Chana knew that she was on the right track. But different feelings of doubt arose, "Will he like me?" was her question, "Will he be a nut on dates like some of those freaky stories they sometimes have in the shidduch newspaper articles that's meant for only people in the parsha to read but are really read by everyone?" was another. These thoughts flashed through her mind, and there was a constant battle between what could possibly happen and what she wanted to happen with each side bringing different reasons and logic. For now we leave her in a state of confusion.

My New Years

2009-12-29T23:36:00.000-05:00

Material Maidel had a post here, on the topic of celebrating "New Years". I began to think, is it right or is it not. I came to the conclusion I personally wouldn't feel right celebrating "New Years". Going to watch the ball drop in times square, getting mad drunk, watching all the ESPN top ten highlights for every sport this past year, are all things that would make me feel weird if I did them (okay the one about sports I wouldn't feel weird doing).

That weird feeling I would have I can only describe as me missing out on something from what is My usual New Years. For example: The taste of an apple dipped in honey or chalah, humming dip the apple in the honey while dipping it in the honey, eating a fishes eyes, trying all the simanim that I would never eat all year round anyway, sitting in shul for hours and knowing my fate is being determined that day, and so on. I wouldn't feel right celebrating "New Years" without that. The most I would do for "New years", and not feel like I'm missing something, is saying the year 2010 over 90 times so I feel comfortable saying it, like people would with V'sane Tal U'matar, but thats where it ends.

P.S. last year I wrote how everything has been down like the ball dropping including gas prices which were 1.83, well that went up another dollar in the past year.

Merry Nittel Nacht

2009-12-24T12:14:00.002-05:00

Warning: very stereotypical, well the beginning at least.

Tonight is the night that people don't learn but cut up toilet paper, eat Chinese food and watch all the new movies before the Christians can. Its Nittel Nacht, and to go with it a story.

Once upon a time there was an old Jew with a very Jewish nose, reaching about four inches off his face. He was extremely ungenerous to all the Christians who would ask him for charity upon the coming of Nittel Nacht. When he wouldn't give them they would ask "Where is your Nittel Nacht spirit?" which he would answer "Bah, Hanukkah" in a grumpy old voice.

It twas the night of Nittel, and all were not touching the Talmud or any other source of Judaic learning, including the old Jew, Ben Ezra Gold, when came upon the door was Eliyahu Hanavi. The old Jew asked "Who is it that disrupts me while I chop up toilet paper, better not be those stupid carolers. Bah, Hanukkah". Eliyahu answered "It is I the prophet". Eliyahu came to the old Jew to tell him you will be visited by three malachim (angels) tonight. One would be the Malach of what already happened, the next would be the malach of Achshav (hebrew for now), and the next would be the Malach of what will be. The old Jew said to Eliyahu Hanavi "What have I done to deserve such holy treatment?" to which Eliyahu Hanavi answered "Well if you think its holy treatment then I guess they wouldn't be of help too you either way".

So Eliyahu the prophet left the old Jew Ben Ezra Gold, and called off the three malachim, and there never was a whole long journey where he finds out about himself and changes his ways like all the good Nittel Nacht Carols do. Life moved on and the old Jew ate the Chinese food in peace, and stayed grumpy to all the gentile children, and he knew how to keep Nittel Nacht well if any man alive possessed the knowledge to do so for all the years to come.

Kosher Innovations That Didnt Make It

2009-12-23T23:52:00.000-05:00

Over the years KI has made inventions that have astounded the Jewish world. The most famous being the kosher lamp and toilet paper. Some less famous ones include the mitzvah muzzle and lashon hara gag. But there were some ideas that were rejected or just never caught on.

Tznius leg warmers were one of the items that never made it. Being that regular leg warmers resemble pants they decided to make it a one piece that wrapped around both legs instead of two separate ones for two separate feet. It never caught on due to the inability to walk in them.

Purple Ketchup. Who remembers purple ketchup? Yes the KI institution of frumology came up with this one. We know that red is an immodest color. If you like being bleached then hop on over to meah she'arim wearing red, they will be more than happy to shower you in bleach. So instead of the usual immodest ketchup they turned it purple. The purple Ketchup hit its climax when it made its way into McDonald's happy meals. That's when Kosher Innovations decided their product is to kosher to make it to a non-kosher place, and they pulled it from the shelves never to be seen again.

The Umbrella Hat. The hat that could be used for davening and acts as an umbrella when you cant carry one on shabbos. This too never caught on for various reasons that included it looking ridiculous.

The Talis Kattan Bag. "We all know you have a Tallis bag. Introducing the Talis Kattan Bag. Store your tzitzis, in this useless item over night. Available with name tags (this is from last years post)". Well as much as they thought it would catch on like the talis bag, it didn't and they aborted this one too.

There are probably many more of inventions like these that I don't know of. They feel rejected and hurt because no one wants them. I'm just voicing them to others out there, because maybe they too will one day become like their role model inventions such as the Kosher Phone, Kosher lamp, Tefillin sweater and others.

Star Mangled BANner

2009-12-22T23:52:00.001-05:00

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard the news, I was appalled and shocked, suddenly I was to treif for myself. Everyone was in turmoil, in fact you should leave right now if haven't already and head to a kosher country, that's right get off the Internet and pack you kosher innovated items and get moving.

I just stood there watching as everyone got up and left every pizza store, Judaica store, bakery, and business, even including B & H closed down. It was like an apocalypse before 2012, everything was barren and desolate. No it wasn't the snow that made it happen, it was The Ban. Rumors of The Ban were going around for a few months now but we all thought it was just a rumor, turns out we were wrong come that fateful day (you know how every special day has a name like D-day or kristillnacht, and for some reason the named days I chose have to do with WWII, but either way they are named) The Ban was "signed" by chareidi rabbis. Then as The Ban went into affect we all packed out.

Your probably wondering what was The Ban I speak of, if you don't know you must be living under a rock but Ill tell you anyway. The Ban was made in Israel by a bunch of people who have great influence on various powerful rabbonim. They banned America, maybe it was college's or is it because all maps show the states of America in different colors not just black, most probably because it has many parking lots that aren't protested in, I'm not sure why but they did Ban living in America. They said, just like my great great great great grandfather did in 1880 Dos iz a treife land (this is a treif land), and they banned living in America, that includes Lakewood ir hakodesh. And because of this everyone got up and left.

Being that you are now informed about The Ban I should let you know that there is a resistance of a few brave souls who decided its wrong for them in Israel to tell us where to live. The Askanim who made the ban, or should I say puppet masters, have sent a troop of home grown me'ah shearim bochurim to the states to riot and burn the rest of Jewish America and its resistance force.

(and the post takes an unexpected twist)

I am part of this resistance, I don't know how much longer we will last, these crazy bochurim never stop on the attack, we've been on the run from them for one month now ever since they overtook Teaneck (yeah, the one in new jersey). They seem to run on grease and chulent never sleeping, showering or using deodorant. As of now are primary weapon is the anti-ban, it can hold them for a while allowing us to have won only a few battles in the past, but were getting the hang of their tactics. Give us a few more months and were are planning an invasion of Israel, aided by nefesh B'nefesh, as a drastic move hopefully getting the bochur troops to flee back to Israel in hopes to save it from us. Maybe one day we will get back Jewish America and rid ourselves of the tyranny I hope so, Hashem Yirachem

Rating The Midwood Bakeries: Part IV

2009-12-16T19:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to the ever so awesome Pita Sababa on kings highway and east 3rd, and just like last year I'm rating their sufganiot a complete ten. There wasn't a lack of jelly, a deep pocket full of it. The jelly wasn't clumped like some other places I went to last night, it was smooth and very tasty. The dough was also very well made. At 1.50 a piece its well worth it.

Pressers on M and east 17, The jelly was clumped, the dough was too chalk like of a texture, a normal amount of jelly considering its small size and only a dollar. I'm rating it a 6 in taste and over all also 6 being that their service was okay and the price of it was fair enough for its size.

Kaffs bakery on East 18 and ave. M. I actually had a nice conversation with the guy at the counter so he gets some points on customer service. It was self service so he gets heimish points too, but that's were it ended. The dough was actually worse then Pressers and the jelly was clumped and not a flowing so well, the pocket was deep enough for me, even if its a smaller sufgania its has to have more jelly, and it was 25 cents more than pressers so they only lose here. I rate it in taste a low five and overall a 6, remember they got extra points back there (well i cant say.

Porges on K and Coney island Avenue. It was self service so yes they also get heimish points, but it was a woman behind the counter so they are losing those points. The jelly was also clumpy, I dont get it, why did these last three places have clumpy jelly its just not good! The dough was average, also at a 1.25. The pocket of jelly was average too. This one gets a taste of 6 and over all a 6.

Im planning on going to a few more places soon, if your favorite bakery hasnt gotten an official rating by me and you wish it would, just click on # people gave their 2 cents below and drop a comment. Till then Wishing you all a Happy Hanuka

THE SUFGANIOT RATER IS IN

2009-12-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow marks the first day of Chanukah and I already jumped into the Hanukkah spirit (see that's 2 different spellings of the holiday, does it really matter how you spell it), with my first two Sufganiot. They were from Isaac's bake shop on Ave. J between east 14th and 15th, and it was much like last year, still a dollar fifty and still rated a 7 (out of ten) and the service was a little slow but friendly. The Sufgania had some good jelly a decent pocketful I might add, the dough was a little dry but for 1.50 it shouldn't have been. Over all its rated a six.

I originally didn't want to go there, I was heading for Ostrovitsky's on east 12th, but they were sold out! that's right sold out before the first night. Being that I liked them last year and wanted to check out their service which I never got to, and they were only a dollar 25 I assumed they would be my best bet. I was disappointed and instead I headed to Isaac's bake shop.

In front of Isaac's they had a sign "Home made donuts, sufganiot (in Hebrew), sold here". Two things wrong with that. One, sufganiot are correctly translated as Israeli styled jelly donuts not home made, and even according to most Sufganiot am ha'aratzim they call it jelly donuts nothing about home made. And two, how could it be home made if its in a bakery?! I got no answers to that.

Yes people just like last year I will test my stomach of steel, and to those who wish to come and join me on my trips to try all the bakeries, (ahem) G6 (cough) Sally hazel, just give me shout, Child ish you in for another round? As always if you have any specific suggestions for me do tell, because I'm here to pay the price so you get it right.

Frummie Love Story Part VII: Dumping the shadchan

2009-12-09T23:59:00.000-05:00

As the name came out of the Chaveirim guys mouth Chana felt an excitement with visions flashing before her eyes about all the different circumstances her and the bochur, Yitzchak Pomerantz, will encounter together. She had too many questions as to why he knew his license plate number to begin with, she was left in mystery and excitement, two emotions that when mixed lead to one curious energetic person.

The whole ride home in the repaired car Chana was trying to figure out the reason she found out in the most obscure way. After much thought and talking it out with Rifky, they decided it was hashgacha pratis in the making, it could only be the hand of g-d. This made Chana feel even closer to hashem, just the feeling of hashem guiding you in what you do is an amazing feeling. But of course this wasn't IT, IT was actually going on a romantic date with him and marrying while the sun is setting, then living the rest of their romantic lives together, that was IT and not just knowing he existed and his name.

Chana started to inquire about him without a shadchan, a big no no, what kind of girl would do this without a shadchan? surely one that's off the derech. Well our Chana was not off the D, but she was afraid that the shadchan would ruin her chances of marrying him because they want him for "better" girls. She was not considered the best girl out on the market, she was closing in her 22nd birthday, and being that she turned down other boys she was considered picky.

So she found herself in the lead role of detective. She found out which yeshiva he goes to, only by using her shadchan detective skills was she able to master this one, even she was surprised by how she found out. He went to a well known yeshiva located right in the heart of Midwood, one that actually had a good reputation for quality bochurim when it came to shalom bayis. Many other things were found out from constant spying on him and inquiring about him, including his amazing personality and how understanding he was of everyone.

All was perfect by the time the day of rest, shabbos, came about. Chana had fulfilled almost everything she needed to know about him before she could go on a date with him. As shabbos came with its sanctity and purity Chana felt as though her other part was coming into her to make her complete. A unity within herself, truly one of the best feelings out there.

MIDWOOD AS ONLY AN INTERNET NEWSITE CAN PORTRAY

2009-12-08T23:13:00.004-05:00

I found this on Vos iz neias, its a whole article on Midwood in Brooklyn. Read and then wonder why we have that brooklyn attitude.

Brooklyn, NY - Many blocks in Midwood, with its rows of orderly detached homes and private driveways, give the feeling of a carefully planned suburb - a serene surprise after turning off a thoroughfare like Coney Island Avenue or Ocean Parkway.

But closer inspection reveals that the landscape has, in fact, been altered: on virtually every block, at least one or two homes have been significantly expanded - built up, built out, even built down.

The larger homes blend in as best they can with their smaller neighbors, but their oversized shadows are hard to miss: they are evidence of the wealth and the larger families that a thriving Orthodox Jewish population has brought to Midwood in recent years.

"Midwood has always been Jewish, but it wasn't always Orthodox," said David Maryl, a broker at Jacob Gold Realty. "Now for every family that's moving out, it's an Orthodox family moving in."

Brooklyn's Community Board 14, which covers the eastern half of Midwood, fields several home expansion requests each month from the area, said Alvin M. Berk, the board's chairman.

He said the board first noted the steady trickle of requests about eight years ago and now handles about 30 a year. "This seems to be a fairly high rate of building expansion," he said. "But there's generally no opposition - maybe just some concerns about a proposed enlargement reducing a neighbor's light and air." But applicants often make concessions to ease those concerns, he added.

Rather than building a larger home, Bill and Diana Spiegel bought one. They've moved about a mile east. "We love the area," Mr. Spiegel said.

They walk more than a mile each way to attend the synagogue in their old area, because "we have a little separation anxiety," he said. But on their way, they probably pass more than a dozen synagogues; they will probably switch to one nearby once the weather turns cold. "It seems like there's a real sense of community here, and they welcome you," Mr. Spiegel said.

Brokers say that Orthodox families first moved into Midwood about 25 years ago as they were priced out of Borough Park, a better established Orthodox neighborhood to the west. Nowadays, Midwood is "very sought after, because people want to be near family and friends, a yeshiva or a synagogue affiliation," said Sora David, a broker with Eisberg Lenz Real Estate. Being within walking distance of a synagogue is critical for those who observe Orthodox Jewish laws forbidding driving and other activities on the Sabbath.

There are dozens of synagogues and many yeshivas scattered throughout Midwood. Some Hasidic synagogues, known as shtibls, are in single-family homes where the rabbi might live upstairs and the congregation might meet on the first floor.

Mr. Berk says synagogues are allowed as of right in any residential zone. But many of them have growing congregations that eventually require more space. He said that the community board had fielded and helped approve many applications for variances to turn houses into larger synagogues.

Midwood lies south of Flatbush and Brooklyn College, and north of Marine Park. Its eastern and western borders have expanded in recent years, pushing out to McDonald Avenue on the west and Flatbush Avenue on the east. "As people have moved in, they've expanded the boundaries," said Raizy Brisman, the owner of Brisman Realty.

Between Nostrand and Flatbush Avenues, younger Orthodox families first moved into the East 30s about five years ago; prices were lower there than in the East 20s and East 10s, she said. That area used to be considered part of Flatbush or East Flatbush, she said, "but it's all semantics. It's called Midwood now, because if you called it East Flatbush, the value for it would be less."

Most homes sit on 40-by-100-foot lots and were built in the early part of the 20th century. The vast majority are detached single-family homes, but there are some two-families, as well as some semiattached and attached houses. There are also some rental and co-op buildings along parts of Avenue K and Ocean Parkway.

Brokers refer to an exclusive pocket between East Seventh and East Ninth Streets, running from Avenue I to Avenue K, as Midwood Manor. Many of its homes are on larger lots, and "it's more manicured and very sought after," said Abraham Steinmetz, the owner of Steinmetz Real Estate. "But there's very little available there. You're lucky to see one or two houses available in a year."

The neighborhoods known as Midwood Park, West Midwood and South Midwood are all actually north of Midwood proper and were developed as parts of Victorian Flatbush.

During the recent building boom, developers tore down some single-family homes along Ocean Avenue and off Ocean Parkway and replaced them with six-unit condominiums. But brokers say that because the condos are primarily made up of one- and two-bedroom apartments, they do not appeal to large Orthodox families and have not sold well, although some units have sold to Russian immigrants.

The area is mostly residential, with a few commercial streets. Yeshivas and synagogues often blend right in - in unassuming converted office buildings or on strictly residential streets.

Brokers say that prices in Midwood have dropped 10 to 15 percent in the last year. Homes tend to sell by word of mouth, and at any given time, there are only about 40 homes on the market.

An attached home on a busy street can sell for $400,000 to $500,000, but detached homes start at $600,000 and run over $2 million, depending on its size. Most houses in the East 20s, considered the oldest part of Midwood, are detached, with three to five bedrooms and private driveways, and sell for over $1 million.

The larger homes in Midwood Manor start at about $2 million and run above $5 million.

Along Ocean Parkway, one-bedroom co-ops sell for less then $200,000, two-bedrooms for about $250,000. On Ocean Avenue, one-bedroom condos sell for about $275,000, two-bedrooms $400,000.

Most Orthodox children attend local yeshivas. The Yeshiva of Flatbush is perhaps the best known, with classes from preschool through high school.

Midwood's appeal is its quiet residential quality. On school days, yellow buses fill the streets, ferrying children to and from their different yeshivas. Traffic along the shopping strips on Avenues J and M can be downright dangerous, as drivers double-park to get their shopping done. But the streets grow quiet at sundown on Friday, with the start of the Sabbath, and most stores stay shuttered until Sunday.

Avenue J's commercial strip, between Coney Island Avenue and East 16th Street, is filled with kosher restaurants, delis and bakeries. Di Fara Pizza, at East 15th Street, harks back to Midwood's more Italian past. It's known for its $5 slice, handmade with imported ingredients by the pizzeria's septuagenarian founder, Domenico DeMarco. Avenue M's shops run from Ocean Avenue to Ocean Parkway. In addition to kosher pizzerias and kosher and Russian supermarkets, the street has discount stores and chains like Godiva.

Coney Island Avenue, a much wider thoroughfare, has a range from auto repair shops and carwashes to ladies' wig shops, Judaica stores and kosher restaurants. Among these are Schnitzi, a schnitzel bar; and Carlos and Gabby's, a Mexican grill. Food bloggers compare Pomegranate, a gleaming new kosher supermarket, to Whole Foods.

Hmmm it doesnt seem to end there but oh well.

THE DREIDEL WORLD TOUR

2009-12-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

After 2000 years from its invention, the dreidel is going worldwide in its first ever Dreidel World Tour. People from all around the world have fallen in love with the dreidel games, "Its so easy to win" said a random dreidel player. The dreidel game has been around for a while now, its a mystery why the dreidel has only now started to take the stage. We had a chance to talk to the man behind the WDT games, Gimpel Dreidelovitz. We asked him why he felt the need for the Jewish pastime to become such a popular game that it even has its own app on the IPhone? He answered "Ever since I was young the four cornered top amazed me with its history, I felt a connection towards it and wanted the world to have a share in it. So I went to the Polak Brothers, the makers of other household games such as Kollel-oply and Guess Jew, and here it is the fastest growing game in the world".

As of now there are over 40 casinos in America that have this game available, and many more in other countries around the world. People are supposed to pile into Israel this Chanukah for the World Dreidel Tour held in Jerusalem. Anyone can apply as long as you know how to spin a dreidel. Real ethnic Sufganiot will be available to those who attend the games. There are two types of Dreidel games played, the Israeli version with the P'oh and the chutz la'aretz version of Sham, they will be playing the first version though many find it hard to switch once they learned to play a certain way. People have become obsessed with the game, some wear sunglasses or baseball caps, some have have ear phones in their ears but nothings playing, and some dress up as Y'vanim or Maccabees, all to confuse another player. They have coined a term Dreidel Face, and then a shiksah singer made it a name of her song (Dreidel face knock off of poker face).One guy even put out a book on how to even the odds at dreidel, called eight rules to win eight nights.
The dreidel was once played by young kinderlach pretending to not be learning Torah, and now its played by people from all walks of life. I for one love to play dreidel, so I even got this little clip for you, enjoy.
World Dreidel Tour

HAVE SOME D'VA'AR TORAH

2009-12-04T15:11:00.000-05:00

Of course there is a world of Torah on this parsha but if you need a quick one, here are some.

Over at Geshmack Torah he has a great little piece on why Rashi has two interpretations as to what the word V'yavek means. A real great piece of Torah and insight, it is a must say at the shabbos table.

Not to be outdone Garnel Ironheart wrote a whole d'vaar Torah on why Yaakov said Garti and all its hidden meanings.

Frummie Love Story Part VI: A Name

2009-12-03T23:53:00.000-05:00

Shabbos had passed and the feelings Chana had were still strong. She saw her mothers face over shabbos, but it didn't matter to her what her mother thought anymore, she knew what was meant to be will happen.

During her sleep motzei shabbos she had a nightmare. She dreamt her mother saw her with the bochur and forbid Chana from marrying him, and was being dragged away from him only to see him get smaller and smaller in the distance. Chana woke up in a sweat at 4 in the morning, worrying that what she dreamt might happen caused her to have a sleepless night. She needed to remember/ relive what happened with her and the bochur in the dream before her mother saw because that was a great feeling, and when she did that, her mind would go into a state of black with images that could hardly be described or interpreted.

That Sunday morning she was tired, she gulped down some pure black coffee which she didn't like, and was off to find who that license plate number belonged to. She met up with her BFF Rifky, they planned to go to the nearest police station and have them check it out. When they got there they felt a little nervous. "Who goes to a police station to figure out license plate numbers", said Chana "I'm not liking this". "And wouldn't they ask us questions as to why we would want to know?" replied Rifky "I don't think we should do this". So they chickened out.

When they got back to the car the found out they had a flat tire, "Oh baruch hashem I knew I shouldn't have parked in the Ill slash your tires zone" said Rifky. They were stranded in front of a police station with no way to get back, what were they to do? (Join us next week when Frummy love Story continues.... Not!, no seriously join us next week anyway). They decided to call chaveirim.

Within moments the chaveirim were there ready to change the tires. While one of the guys was changing it they started some Jewish geography with him. Chana and Rifky looked at each other then nodded, they decided to ask him about the license plate number, maybe he know? When asked the helpful chaveirim guy looked at them in astonishment, he couldn't believe they knew the license plate of his wife's second cousins mechutans daughters 11Th grade teachers 1st cousin once removeds son!... ! Chana was ready to jump for joy but didn't want to jump in front of a man because that's not tznius. They asked for a name, Chana kept trying to guess what it will be in her mind before it came out of his mouth. Yitzchak Pomerantz the "mechanic" said.

NOT A REAL POST

2009-12-01T23:16:00.002-05:00

I wanted to finish my Frummie Love story in one month but it wasn't going to happen, I knew so from the start. Guess I'm gonna be finished by next year at the pace I'm going.

Fe Fi Fo Frum

2009-11-30T23:59:00.000-05:00

Imagine a world two thousand years ago, people running up to the beis hamikdash for the shalosh regalim, getting a glimpse of the holy of holies. Every single Jew is in Jerusalem for the holiday including friends and family. All the leading rabbonim are there and the big kahuna in his many garments too. Everyone is amazed at the beauty of the holy temple with its sea like look made out of different shades of marble. The amazing miracles that occur there everyday, you feel attached to g-d as if everything is right.

Wait, whats this? They are repainting the Holy temple Black! why? who? what is going on? The Beis hamikdash just got a frummie makeover! You run to the nearest figurehead and ask him why they painted such a beautiful building a dull color like black. He answers you "Recently the rabbonim figured out that colors are immodest and decided that this building either has to go or be painted, if you ask me we should stop wearing robes because women wear them on shabbos". You are in shock, but I loved the holy temple before it was painted, it inspired me you thought, whats next to go the kohen gadols fancy clothing? All of a sudden there is a big commotion going on. You run to find out whats going on. As you jump to get your head above the crowd you see that a small army is ushering out all the women who came to the temple mount, this is outrageous you say, they came to bask in g-ds glory why else do we have an ezras nashim? It seems that everything that went on in this place for the past hundred years is now against the Torah....

This would be the scenario of the shalosh regalim if it were to happen nowadays. I find it sad that such a beautiful time of year in those days would be considered a shandah if it happened today, not to mention the women who danced around on Tu b'av would also be.

OLD TIME RABBIS ON MODERN ORTHODOXY

2009-11-29T23:15:00.001-05:00

I met an old Rabbi recently, a nice guy who taught in a yeshiva somewhere (I don't remember where) very friendly. We talked for a little after Maariv. He seemed to have a world of wisdom in the form of stories for just about every topic, as only an old timer could.

Somewhere along the conversation we hit the topic of orthodoxy/yeshivas. He told me that there is a difference between a good boy in a "yeshivishe" yeshiva and one in a modern orthodox one. He went onto explain that in a yeshivishe yeshiva a good boy is one that learns at any given moment he has and has respect for his elders. I was wondering exactly what he was going to say for a good modern orthodox boy, but I had no idea he was going to say what he said. He said that in a modern orthodox yeshiva a good boy is (take a sip of a drink near you and hold) one who doesn't watch TV on shabbos (now spit the drink out real quickly) .

I was taken aback for a minute, like I said last paragraph I wasnt ready for this kind of answer. I didnt know what to say, do I tell him youre wrong? do I bring honestly frum over? he obviously has the wrong perception about modern orthodox. Modern Orthodoxy is far from watching TV on shabbos, I dont know where he could have came to think this. I figured he just doesnt know what modern orthodox is, he probably meant reform (which wouldnt fit into a good reform kid not watching TV on shabbos because the "good" think its okay to a lot of things, but either way).

I am just posing a question out there, do you think all old rabbis think this way or its just a mistake or a fluke in this one rabbi? Comment what you think or we will never know.

I GOT NOTHING DONE

2009-11-28T21:38:00.001-05:00

This past Friday was the infamous black Friday, I think it deserves its own holiday. The day were things are supposed to sell for pretty cheap and crazy sales that start at 5 in the morning. People line up for days before they open, camping in tents on frigid nights, all for a camera that's 75% off. The sales are amazing, one year they were selling flash drives for a dollar.

This year I really wanted to get in on the action, not just the pushing and shoving. I was trying to find a place were I don't have to wake up so early, and still get the sale. I thought about Best buy, then I heard they were sold out in 10 minutes or something like that, good thing I didn't waste my time there. I wanted to buy some good electronics and I couldn't find any place that would have any good sales by the time I got there. B and H in Manhattan wouldn't do, and staples was also a long shot by the time I would get there. I felt very disappointed that I walked away from black Friday with nothing new in my hands, I even put a post on facebook and I got no responses, saving the sales for yourself I guess.

But all is not lost, thank g-d for cyber Monday. Anybody got good sites I can buy from?

Frummie Love Story part V: Shadchan Detective

2009-11-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

The time Chana needed to get over her mothers harmful words had hardly passed. The pain was there, but she decided that it wasn worth it if she let that get in her way of meeting this bochur, she had to move on though it still hurt her. What if her mother was right and she would become a spinster ran across her mind, flashing every time the subject would come up. Nevertheless she stuffed that thought in the corner. She realized what she had to do find a way to get that bochur into her life.

She talked it out with her BFF Rifky, they came up with a plan that will enable them to find out where he at least lives and then a chance at getting a name. Chana prayed for it to work, she even gave some money to kupat ha'ir and read the whole tehillim. Everything she had wished and believed in were on this last attempt including proving her mother wrong in a sense. If this didn't work she might not be able to emotionally handle the consequences it would come with, so it had to go through.

That Friday Chana went back to the same overgrown mini market at the same time she did last week, everything had to be the same for this to work. Unlike last time where she was daydreaming through the aisles, this time she's keeping her eyes peeled, although she couldn't remember his face, she would know its him from the jolt of life she would get when she sees him. Her friend Rifky waited in a car for the text message from Chana and things would go into place.

Chana saw someone with a hat and jacket turning a corner, her heart skipped a beat she felt a step closer to "it". She quickly went around the other way dodging carts and old women with baskets, she realized she isn't the typical Bais Yaakov girl now. As she turned on the other side her balloon of excitement deflated it wasn't him, she made a 180 and was about to start moving when in front of her was THE BOCHUR.

She could have fainted if she wasn't so embarrassed to, she said her sorry though she felt like saying thank you. The bochur on the other hand had a sweet smile on his face and said "isn't this the second time? I beginning to enjoy these occurrences" as Chana blushed. Instantly a big smile jumped on her face, it was him, somehow they met again, and he didn't seem afraid of weird occurrences he was able to keep his cool. Chana was just ecstatic. She waited around till she saw he would leave, then she texted Rifky when he did. Rifky who was waiting in the car, saw him and followed him from there till he went into a car, she took down the license plate number and texted chana it was done. Soon they were going to find out who owned this car and with that a name and everything else that come with it.

That shabbos Chana had a new feeling besides that awesome one she had last week, she felt accomplishment, this would override the bad feeling her mother gave her, who Chana tried to avoid now. At this rate who knows maybe in a week she might actually go out on a date with him.

CELEBRATE OR I ALWAYS DO

2009-11-23T23:54:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is a holiday that everyone in America is proud to celebrate. They share it with family, with friends, it's a very joyous time of year and marks the beginning of the crazy shopping season. Movies and TV shows all depict this time of year as the one were we gather together.

Everything is perfect for anyone in America around this time of year, except for us frum folk. Nope, we have something against weird little poems about pilgrims coming across the pond and eating turkey with Indians. We have a problem with celebrating the giving of thanks on a special day for some reason, some of us say "Why should I make a holiday to give thanks when I give thanks all the time", believe me the ones saying this don't give thanks all the time. Others say that we shouldn't celebrate it because its a goyish holiday, which it isn't its American, and you are allowed to add holidays to the Jewish calendar for those of you who think we can't. Many of us decide that we don't want any of that warm family and friendly feeling on the last Thursday of November, we don't want to realize all that we have around us to be thankful for, that we live in a country were we are free to practice are religion, free to have Israeli day parades, to have protection for us on our high holidays (that's right cops do protect us) and all other littler reasons that pertain to each of us.

Last year I put out 10 things I am thankful for, maybe if frum Jews would write a list they would have more appreciation for thanksgiving, instead of just shrugging it off as another goyish holiday.

Frummie Love Story part IV: Mother Trouble

2009-11-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

Warning: if you are an older single be prepared to cry.

Chana could hardly believe that she couldn't find this bochur despite all the shadchanim she went through, even though she could hardly give a description. The odds were against her, he might not even be the one she was looking for, and yet she still hung on to the thinnest of threads just to make it happen, she had this women's intuition that told her to keep pushing for it. Chana decided that she is going to find this bochur and track him down, she will learn everything about him, from where he learns to how many hours of sleep he gets in a week, it will all be known.

Meanwhile, Chana's mother Penina was very worried, her daughters 22nd birthday was in a few weeks and she didn't see any new prospects for her daughter in the forecast. She decided to have a talk with her daughter, maybe she could convince her daughter, somehow, to find a match already. As Penina walked into Chana's room, she found Chana in serious thought, which she normally didn't see on her face. Penina wasn't the best at convincing anyone, so the conversation turned into more of a misunderstood one with her daughter.

Penina: "Chana I think that you... are..... waiting to long for you to settle down with someone, I mean you don't want to live all alone when you're older, right? you want to give me grandchildren, right?", Chana upon hearing this instantly was taken aback, why was her mother not supporting her and what is she thinking of me, went through her mind. She didn't want to say the truth that she was scouting out a boy, because no aidel maidel does that. So instead our Chana replied "I don't want to stay alone my whole life, I'm just.... (looking for something to say) different", she then regretted saying that because her mothers expression was not one thats desired to see. Penina was worried, what did her daughter mean by different? Penina answered back feeling even worse than before "Is that why the boys don't like you, you're different?" as Chana rolls her eyes "If that's the problem then our neighbors the Silberbergs have a wonderful boy who would be perfect for you (Chana never liked the Silberbergs boy, he was a little weird) he's nice, he's a torah observant Jew and he has much in common with-". Chana: "-stop stop", in a sudden outburst "you don't understand!......... just let me breathe right now!".

Penina walked out seeing she didn't really help. Chana was left there tear filled eyes and all. She knew her mother was right which was hard to swallow because she really didn't want her to be, she didn't want to be set up with this Silberberg boy, she just wanted her mother to either understand her or better yet, just leave her alone and not send her on this guilt trip and making obscure assumptions about her. Chana felt as miserable now as she felt joyous on the shabbos before, she felt that at this moment only time can heal the pain and time wasn't moving fast enough. All she could do for now is let her pillow soak up the tears streaming down her soft face.

Frummie Love Story part III: On The Move

2009-11-18T23:54:00.000-05:00

Chana came home after her erev shabbos shopping with the biggest smile ever, ear to ear. She was lost in the most amazing feeling you can think of. Not only did she think her dream of that special bochur could come true, but the fact that she met that potential one made her heart give this weird turned on its side sensation that could only be expressed with a smile. It was a smile that could not be broken no matter what happened, because one way or another she would find whatever it was to be good in some way, even when she burned her hand while making chulent she couldn't resist smiling.

That shabbos was to her what a shabbos should be, but as great as it was she knew it was missing exactly what was making her happy, this potential bochur she met that Friday. She had to do something to make it true, to make it happen. That Sunday she went to the shadchan searching for this boy, being that she didn't have anything to submit to the shadchan about him, i.e. name, yeshiva, where he lives. So she basically described to the shadchan what she thinks the boy's personality was, and how he looked, which was hard to do because she couldn't visualize his facial features all she could say is he had a hat and jacket, and since many boys have hats and jackets its hard to find one specific bochur.

All week attempt after attempt failed and she desperately wanted to get somewhere and maybe go out on a shidduch date to see if he was perfect. It looked like the conventional way wasn't gonna do it, detective shadchan is in the house.

MIKE TONIGHT (cross out tonight, insert..) VIN

2009-11-17T23:41:00.000-05:00

Recently I posted about Obama and the conspiracies that everyone had about him, and why its been a year since frummies have gone nuts and predicted Obama making another holocaust and how nothing has happened and there should be nothing to fear, remember?. Well when I wrote it I thought that it was just another post where I say whats in the minds of the people of our community, since I am from New York of course I don't mean the people "out of town" when I say community. What I didn't realize is that VIN, and other people, are examining my posts. Ill prove it.

Just today I found an article about how many people are afraid of Obama and have conspiracies about him, this is all over the country they say, little did they realize frum Jews live all around the country. Now I just said a paragraph before I wrote about this recently, now they copy my post and add the ADL (something I didn't do) to prove it true.

Second case. I wrote about making non Jewish books kosher, you know those books that don't were tzitzis on their four cornered plastic covers, yeah those non Jewish books. I had the idea to make a book called Chaim Snyder which would be the Jewish version of Harry Potter, with kabaalah and kishuf instead of magic and even the evil pope Vladimir. So later on I found out they were making a kosher version Sherlocke Holmes, someone obviously took my idea and used it.

(Paranoidly) Someone out there is observing my posts and putting it out there for real , its a conspiracy to get me...... and Obama.

Frummie Love Story part II: Obstacles to pass

2009-11-15T23:40:00.000-05:00

One day our Chana was strolling through the aisles at the local over grown mini market (think mountain fruit). She was doing some erev shabbos shopping through the crowded store. Unlike most people there on their bluetooths and cell phones trying to figure out what was on the list they forgot, Chana was in a sort of dream state as she randomly picked up items only to put them back after she noticed they weren't kosher enough. She was trotting through one aisle with her cart which had the one bad wheel, when there was a young man with another cart wearing a hat and jacket coming in the opposite direction. Chana instantly pops out of her fantasy and notices this handsome bochur. Being that the aisles are too small to fit two carts at once this then happens.

"Oh sorry about that, baruch hashem, I'll just try to move to the right, sorry" Chana said in a nervous tone. "No its okay, I shouldn't have come down this aisle if I saw you were there" said Bochur. It takes a few turns from one side to the other and the cracking of held back smiles till the episode passed.

Something about this boy struck a chord in Chana's head, she replayed the whole scenario over and over again in her head. When that wasn't enough she would imagine different conversations in different instances and how it would play out. She quickly texted her loyal friend Rivky about what had just occurred, the texts looked much like this. Omg no way, ahhhhhh! lol. Yes and it was amazing lol ahhhhh! omg omg. No way, could it be aaahhhh aaaahhhhhh aaaaaaaahhhh! it may come true (shriek). Hashem has baruch hashem answered my tefillos ahhhh!.

After awhile Chana realized that it was just one time, she may never see him again, and who said he was actually what she was looking for, she was determined to find out everything, sort of like a nosy shadchan who has to know everything, and a lot like a detective who doesn't just ask the person directly, she was her own personal detective shadchan. Thankfully Chana read all those Nachman Seltzer books, and when she was younger, the forbidden detective series gemarakup which had gemara in it so girls couldn't read it (The books Nachman seltzer wrote have to do with finding out how to stop the ninth reich, and his other books stopping the eighth, and the sixth reich from forming, the seventh was never written because it didn't have a good plot to it).

WORKING OUT

2009-11-11T23:45:00.000-05:00

People need to exercise its a known fact, it helps you move, lose weight, helps cardiovascular system, and does many other things to help maintain a healthy state. Many people exercise, including Frum and goyim alike.

The way to jog, goyim: Jogging is one such way is to exercise. You can see throughout the early hours people jogging just about anywhere. On street corners they will be bouncing around on their expensive sneakers waiting for the light to change and start moving somewhere again. They get out there sweat bands and sweat jackets with their Poland spring "to go bottles" to keep themselves fit.

The way to jog, frummie (woman): They don't actually jog because that's not tznius so they power walk. Unlike the jogger who goes alone, the frummie woman power walk in groups that take up the whole sidewalk while catching up on the latest gossip, or while setting up shidduchim. They don't have special clothes, no sweat bands, no sweaters, just tichel or turban with cheap white sneakers, its always done in the morning. Very common on ocean parkway.

Lifting weights, Goyim: Usually done by guys with massive muscles, either they bench press the weights or they lift it from the ground above their heads, simple.

Lifting weights, Frummie: Usually done by a guy in a talis who everyone thinks has to be really strong just to do hagba. That's right, Hagba is considered this great big thing almost impossible task and only Shimshon like people could possibly manage to lift a scroll into the air, and it gets worse on simchas torah with the whole flipping idea.
Then there is the lifting of people by weddings, bar mitzvahs don't count because the kid is too lightweight. Mainly done as a group workout, but occasionally done by one specific person who puts them on his shoulders.

This is the difference between Jews working out and goyim, some say its a great thing that we are distancing ourselves from the goyim, others don't believe half of this counts as workouts. If you have any ideas to put, we are open to hear them in the comments section, titled "# agave their 2 cents", which now has word verification to prove you are human due to spam comments.

MA'ARIV PAINS

2009-11-10T23:49:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to shul for ma'ariv. It started out slow and then kept dragging on and on. I normally don't want a long ma'ariv but I wont complain about it either, but that's usually, tonight was different. From the beginning of Ve'hu rachum till the end of Aleinu was pure agony.

I usually take a little bit longer than the chazan when it comes to saying shema as so with most of the prayers, I always wonder does the chazan say every word? or does he mumbles through it. Tonight, like I said, was different not only did I finish before the chazan but I was waiting for the chazan to say hashem aleikechem emes. I had this big urge to whistle real loud (the one with your fingers in your mouth, not that I can do it) and shout "get moving already", I held myself back. Oh I didn't tell you the chazan was finished and I had no clue what he was waiting for, the messiah? maybe. In the end I made it through and I was okay.

I find it interesting that there could be shuls which stress the slow ma'ariv, and yet in the morning they have what I call "speedy ganshachris (gonzalez) minyanim" or Matzah Minyans (because they have to end in 18 minutes). I like my shuls consistent, either they have long everything (not that i'd go to this shul) or fast everything, you have to choose.

IM STILL WAITING

2009-11-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

Its been over a year now since Obama was elected, and all is fine, well almost. The world is still running, there is no universal wars, I can still live a normal life with the liberty to practice my religion. Who could have thought that we could go a whole year since he was elected without having one of these things, oh wait I thought so, but there were those who didnt.

Flashback to a year ago. Remember people were holding tehillim rallies so he wont be elected, others were fasting hoping hashem will rip up the bad decree. I remember people telling me a lot of things, many weird things, they are going to leave the country and move to monsey, or kiryas yoel was just one of them. Others predicted 2012 to happen early with proofs from prophecies of the neviim, Zohar, Chumash, Gemorrah, or any other sort of Jewish work, and it was quite funny to see how they would try to prove it. They would tell me "If you take this letter from here and add it to this one here multiplied by that it equals Obama". At first I would be perplexed as to why they chose such a random order to prove something when I could do that with anything, they should have used a system that at least had a pattern. Then I would ask "Okay you proved it says Obama somehow, now how does that prove he is the cause of the end of the world?" a smart person wouldn't answer, dumb ones said things along the lines of "Hitler had that whole youth program and Obama is working on one" (oh so that's why Obama wanted to speak to kids in school (sarcasm sarcasm)).

And yet it has been a year, Obama is president and Mashiach isn't here, nor are people running to different countries like they promised, and I'm still waiting for the testimonies of some to come true, who wants to wait with me.

JUDAISMS NEXT TOP MAIDEL

2009-11-08T23:50:00.000-05:00

A new reality TV series on the all Jewish network Shidduch Central, has become all the rave among orthodox TV watchers, much like the hot game show Magen David. Judaisms Next Top Maidel is an intense show that features 12 Jewish girls who are competing to become Judaisms most talked about single. The girls go through a series of competitions that requires them to look their best in black and without any makeup. They are rated by a panel of rabbis who wont look at them, to determine who will be the next top maidel.

There are some who object to this show, too much gossip is emanating from it. Last week we left off with 5 contestants, when Batsheva was eliminated she had this to say "(Sobbing with tears coming down her eyes) I... I... I tried my hardest (sob) and I just didn't make the cut, I guess next time I need to have more bitachon in hashem. Baruch Hashem at least now I'll be able to see my family again (sob)." This lead to many blogs and the Jew S Weekly to promote gossip about her, saying that Batsheva had went into a serious depression and was now outside the box for potential shidduch matches, this only enraged those who dslike the show.

The show still seems to be a big hit among many despite the objection by some. It just seems to have everything, drama, like when Sarah got into a big fight with Esther because they both wore the same shade of black, and of course it has the private interviews with people getting really emotional for no reason. All this adds up to the most watched show on Shidduch Central.

Judaism Next Top Maidel airs Wednsdays at 8:00 O'clock eastern time right after the eveniing news with YWN.

WHERE WAS HE?

2009-11-04T23:37:00.001-05:00

Throughout the whole campaign for mayor I did not hear one good thing about Thompson. Whether I was listening to the radio, saw an ad in the Jewish press, or saw one on TV, I didn't hear anything for Thompson. All I knew of was from the Bloomberg for mayor ads, it told me Thompson wants to raise taxes, give money to people who are supporting him and something to do with contracts, but never did I hear something good about Thompson.

May be there was nothing good about him? maybe he really did all those bad things and would do them again so he felt too ashamed to even mention his name anywhere? But then why did Thompson even run if he didn't plan on getting the word out to me, or anyone else that he can do something with this state?

I just don't understand this Thompson dude, whether Obama would support him or not, like he did with Corzine in new jersey which corzine lost anyway, how would it have helped if he never said he could do anything for us! Did he really campaign and I just missed it somewhere or am I really right.

A frummie love story part 1: Waiting for something that couldnt be

2009-11-03T23:50:00.000-05:00

Oh shoots, its November 3rd and I haven't even started my novel for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). If you ask me I really don't expect to finish this novel in a month, but give me sometime and I might be able to get in by next years NaNoWriMo, you wont tell anybody I started a year earlier right? what you will!... fine be that way. Okay enough of that here it goes.

WAITING FOR SOMETHING THAT COULDN'T BE

Chana had been in shidduchim for a while, with little success. She had been through countless men who seemed to fit out on paper, Black hat, in yeshiva, will learn in kollel, but it never went passed date 2. She had been to many shadchanim of every type, but to no avail, something just made her turn them down. Chana's mother Penina, a very worrisome person like most Jewish mothers, had all sorts of suspicions as to why nothing was working out. Everything from looks and Ayin Har'a to maybe her daughter is an atheist went through her head. But in reality Chana knew the real reason why it wasn't working out.

It wasn't that Chana didn't like anyone she was setup with she was okay with everyone, but they were missing something she was looking for. Chana had a vision that wasn't from g-d, of the perfect bochurel for her. She had envisioned a man, a bochur in hat and shining (dimming) jacket who will come out of his Yeshivish car (off his horse) and read Shir hashiurim to her, or any other sort of Jewish poetry, while she was on her porch leaning over listening intently to the words to come out of his mouth. He would be the kindest boy out there, anyone who met him would become friends with him instantly, he'd be sweet and as romantic as frummies can get. To most this would be all but a dream, a fantasy that would never come true, but to Chana it was a reality something she hoped and longed for.

But this "reality" had a time limit, Chana was nearing the ripe old age of 22, a time were most girls were already celebrating their sons upsherin, Chana was feeling left behind and needed to do something fast. Shadchanim had told her that she sets the bar to high, that she had to lower her expectations from whatever it is she wanted, or she will never get married. This hurt Chana, having to deal with the fact that she might never have that angel of a chosson. Her FFB BFF (Frum From Birth Best friend 4ever) Rivky, the only one who knew about Chana's fantasy, was half heartedly supporting her dream. On one hand the dream was great, but on the other it was unrealistic and wont ever happen.

There were countless nights Chana went to sleep crying, hoping, praying and waiting, and every morning she would wake up with a wet pillow and a broken heart still yearning for that for her other half. Yet, somehow she would have this feeling of "its gonna happen soon don't worry", run through her, giving her an emotional boost, and she would function like a normal person for another day till the cycle repaeats itself.

Part 2: OBSTACLES TO PASS

NOACH WAS LAST WEEK

2009-11-01T20:25:00.002-05:00

So this Friday I walked into my house like any other day. I immediately hear a loud shriek, it did not come from my downstairs neighbors which I found out are Armenian and very noisy, it came from my sister. I then interpret the shrieks to mean there is a squirrel in our house. My sister ran into a room and hid there, one of my brothers didn't want to come out of the bathroom, it was quite funny.

I was left alone to chase the squirrel out of my house and back into the trash cans searching for leftover pizza, yes I was fearless. I took a broom and looked in every closet and room, and under every bed and chair, but I could not find it anywhere. We left the door opened so it can leave by itself, so I thought it was gone. Some were skeptic about it leaving and my sister kept shrieking at everything that moved. After a while it reappeared and everyone was running again except for me. After a many attempts at hitting it with my weapon of choice (my broom), it scurried out of my house and into the concrete jungle, everyone was relieved.

Later a bird flew into my window, the window was closed, and it got hurt, I felt bad. Now just to repeat my title, I think the animals thought my home was the teivah and that this past weeks parsha was Noach, why else would they come.

Studies on YWN and VIN commenters

2009-10-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

VIN and YWN have been the source of ridicule amongst the Jewish websites. It seems that if anyone is poking fun of any site its usually one of these two. It has come into question as to why people cant help but laugh at whats written in their comment sections, and post them up on blogs and Facebook profiles.

A recent study done by the National Committee for Spotting Stupidity (NCSS) came to prove the theory that the commentators on YWN and VIN are completely blind sighted when it comes to reading the news. Their lack of respect for fellow commentators has been shocking, at any given point in a day there is hate, and coffee, being spilled in their coffee rooms. Many have come to call other commentators such terms as, Shygetz, Anti-semite, Goy, Nazi, Mashiach stopper, and Shygetze mashiach stopping goy, and many more such terms. But the hate is not the only thing bringing people from all walks of Judaism to laugh at these sites, The NCSS has taken a poll that has shown that the average VIN commenter has a stupidity rating of 67% that is light years above the stupidity of the national commenting average which stands at 38%. But what is even more shocking about the NCSS's study is that the average YWN commenter is 12 points ahead in stupidity compared to a VIN commenter, YWN stands at a whopping 79% in stupidity, an earth shattering point.

After hearing these latest announcements from the NCSS a YWN commenter had this to say "What can we do? we Frum Jews are removed from society, its the non frum Jews who should have better morals" and when asked what happened to being a light onto nations he responded with "Its all because we done have a strict enough tznius level, if only we were to wear cardboard boxes we would be passed this nisayon, hashem yirachem. I better give two dollars to kupat ha'ir so this halachah can be passed and our yeshua can come".

With the mystery out of the way we can only look to the future to tell us if they will be stupid and keep to what they are doing, or they will find a more civilized and less foolish way to comment, being that they have such high stupidity rate their chances look bleak.

YANKEES

2009-10-26T00:07:00.002-04:00

I don't care if BOSD enjoyed the Yankees loss with her sister the other day, because today they washed that away with a win against the angels, moving them to the world series v.s. Philly, the defending world champs.

It was like watching the Yankees of old, approximately 10 years ago, you had Andy Petitte pitching, Derek Jeter, Posada with Mariano closing it out. When that last pitch came and you held your breath, waiting for the outcome which takes .5 seconds which in ended in a strikeout, a few thing ran through your head, "That's a strike, its a strikeout, its three outs, its game over, its series over, the Yankees are going back to the world series which they left in '03, its been so long", as tears stream down your eyes.

To begin the game Petitte pitched great but the angels scratched a run anyway, it looked like it might end in a one nothing win for the angels because the Yankees kept putting runners on and never actually scored them in. But that all changed when Damon hit a two run single, that set the tone for the game. There were many great defensive plays for the Yankees, one from the outfield to double up Guerrero on first, and Cano who made his way to the hole and threw to first for the out and held the runner on second base, but some of the most significant help came from the angels themselves, they forfitted the game on purpose..... I'm only kidding, the angels commited a few key errors which helped the yankee's enhance their lead.

When Mariano Rivera came out it was like the fat lady singing, you knew it was over, two strong innings of support and that propelled the Yankee's to extend their post season stay another few games, which I predict they win in 5.

If you are a fan then you understand why its a big deal, and if you're not then start figuring it out so you can party with the rest of us when the Yankees go for number 27.

NOBAMA

2009-10-20T00:47:00.000-04:00

Recently our beloved "left moderate" president was asked by a fourth grader "Why does everybody hate you?". A funny question you might ask a president, ain't it? I am wondering how the kid found the courage to ask him altogether. Of course Obama gave him a bogus answer along the lines of "People like me because I was voted in, but they blame the president because its a bad economy not that its his fault". Despite Obamas answer, the nation does seem to hate him, his approval ratings have been moving just like the stock market, down. From last weeks ratings he only has 52% of the country approving of what he's done, that's down from 67 percent on his inauguration day, it never went higher.

It happens to be that I have Obama's book, the biography, I don't know why he has a biography already if he isn't near old age, wouldn't you want to get his life into the book, its a biography, half his life isn't even over. I didn't want to read it from the start it looked boring, maybe he is boring too. His book may have been a bestseller but three anti-Obama books have also made it to the tops, just goes to show what the people really favor.

Recently my friend and I were in a library when we saw a movie about Obama, I asked my friend if he wanted to see it, to which he replied "No way man I don't want to waste my time" and could you believe my friend declined when we saw it was a two disc special! I couldn't believe he turned it down. I can only conclude that people don't care about Obama and they despise his presence in the white house. Besides that, you know how many racists there are out there that just don't like him because hes black? I know a few (I'm still waiting for the 7 pesukim in neviim that have obamas name in it to bring mashiach).

Although Obama does have a point, people did vote for him so some must like him. To this we can say, when people voted for him he was portrayed as a moderate left winger who had ideas about bringing two parties together and finding solutions that were a little lefty, and he said that Israel has a right to defend itself (then he went to the Arabs and said they should have Jerusalem), but that person wasn't voted into office, what made its way into office was a socialist who blamed America for everything and denied Israel its right to building in its own infrastructure, that is not who people voted for. Now you can say that people don't like Obama even though they voted for him, because he wasn't voted in for what he holds but for what we thought he holds.

Here's what should have been answered to the kid in fourth grade "yes you're right, people don't like me, I have done little to nothing to help our economy and my ideas are too socialist for this country. There are people out there that like me from other countries, but they like me only because I trashed America, our country. So the answer to your question boy is they don't like me because I don't fit with this special country, if I was leader for a different country they would love me because thats were I fit, But not here".

KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE

2009-10-18T23:02:00.000-04:00

Things here on M in M haven't been so stable, I'm on and I'm off, I'm hot and I'm cold, I'm in and I'm out, and I cant get that song out of my head. Anyway, I promised a few things and I didn't keep up with them, I promised to finish that experiencing Jerusalem post, which never really began if you ask me, and I said I was back and I wasn't, I said I'd update that Jewish Sherlocke Holmes thing and I didn't, what can I say....... ummmm nothing comes to mind on that what can I say, because usually people say after they use the what can I say phrase something like I'm lazy or you did a terrific job or i couldn't have done better myself, but I actually had nothing to say for it.

Anyway, again, I'm going to keep you up to date like the title says, so I am not going to continue the experiencing Jerusalem post because it was going nowhere, and instead I'm going to write a frum love story because that has to be funny. Also, I am going to stay blogging even if I am slowing down at times, and for that kosher Sherlocke Holmes book I googled it in a sec so I don't see why you cant, what can i say I'm lazy, see that time I had something to show for it.

Well I hope you like being kept up to date, I felt I owed it to you guys.

GET OUT YOUR DOLLARS BECAUSE THIS WORKS

2009-10-13T23:54:00.000-04:00

It was a just few weeks ago, you were coming out of a bakery with a pound of sugar and a danish, you stepped into your car only to find a cop writing you a ticket for parking by a meter without any minutes left. The cop was about to put it on your windshield, you began to worry, you desperately needed to somehow stop this treachery from happening, you quickly think, "if the ticket doesn't make it to the windshield it really isn't finalized and you don't have to pay for it". You decide to take action, you jump out of you car quickly and try to snatch the ticket from the cops hand, but nothing is the cops hand. You look under your wiper and the ticket is already there "dam" you think as an annoyed and shocked expression hits your face.

You walk over to the cop, who has already moved onto other cars, with the ticket gripped firmly in hand. You begin to protest, you cry that this ticket is not fair, you were just about to pull out, its chutzpah and then you reclaim its not fair. The cop begins to ask you to come down and tells you that you were wrong and they aren't going to take back the ticket. You begin to shout and stomp your feet like a little four year, you would have threatened that your tatty is a policeman and can shoot him but that would be kind of stupid saying it to a cop. You decide to kick the cop, big mistake because you are now on the ground with handcuffs behind your back. You continue ranting while the cop calls for backup.

Backup finally comes, they search you for weapons and all sorts of weird things. They then decide to check your car after you stupidly gave them the idea to. As they are looking through they find your danish, which they enjoy, and your pound of sugar which alarms them, they believe its drugs although it says pound of sugar, and off you are to the holding cell.

You have every right to remain silent and they actually tell you to shut up quite a few times but you know better. They told you all the things they are pressing charges for; assault of an officer, not paying a ticket, and for acquiring drugs. It dawns upon you that you aren't getting out of this with your smart mouth. You overheard them saying that they are going to test the pound of sugar to check if its drugs. You quickly decide that the only way to save yourself is to donate money to Kupat Ha'ir b'zechus Rab meir ba'a'l hannes in hopes that your sugar is sugar as opposed to drugs, and then you can write your story in and have them publish it in there next edition.

Soon after a cop comes over to you and says, "Were sorry that we thought your sugar was drugs, it most definitely is sugar, and we should have read the label". You begin to rejoice and sing, despite the fact that you are most definitely going to jail either way (you assaulted an officer) , because giving to kupat ha'ir really did help you and "all" your troubles.

And this is why you should get out your dollars because, you see, kupat ha'ir really does work no matter how many stories of it not working they don't publish. Come on people wave those dollars.

MIXED UP HOLIDAYS AND TASHLICH

2009-10-12T19:15:00.001-04:00

Due to the fact that I didn't write anything about my experience on the high holidays, or anything at all, I decided to fill you on it starting with yom kippur because I cant remember rosh hashanah.

This Yom Kippur went pretty well, I liked it, smooth, a little hungry, and I was not like most people who are trying to cry at the end of Neila, I was sort of happy at the end, then I felt stupid for not pleading more with g-d. Now I really don't want to bore you with my whole Yom Kippur experience because I really just summarized it pretty well and anything I write about it will be just an elaboration of what I just wrote, so forget it (although this year I noticed that a lot of people were nodding there heads during the rabbis speech, were they trying to tell the rabbi hes doing a good job?). If you want a Yom Kippur post from me then you can read my last years post, which wasn't much of a yom kippur post either.

In other entertainment for tonight I have Tashlich memories. I went to tashlich right before yom kippur this year, was it a smart idea right before yom ha'din and all its rush, I don't think so. Where I normally do (the) tashlich is known as Cesar's bay, others may know it as "near toy's R us", and others as "The tashlich place". As I was reading away my sins my family and I realized we had no bread to throw, as one of us said, "Thats like doing bi'ur chametz without chametz" . I look around and realized that on the little ledge between me and the shore 7 feet below there was tons of bread that didn't make it into the sea, I could have used it but I didnt have rubber gloves to touch it with. Anyway, it was just standing there waiting to either rot or be eaten by pigeons, now I don't have the best arm in the world here, I do tend to air ball in basketball, but even I could throw the bread just a little further and get it into the sea. The weird fact is that bread is the most unlikely thing to make it into the water there; kippot, shopping carts, soda cans, barrels filled with radioactive stuff, and a streimel have made it more times into the ocean then bread during the tashlich season (the guy who lost his streimel climbed onto a rock sticking out of the ocean and got his streimel back).

To top all the festivities off we had simchas torah and this year was a let down, it just wasn't as fun as last year, I did the hakafos and all but it was more enjoyable last year. Many people have told me the same thing about this year.It seems as if this year I'm messed up, I enjoyed Yom kippur, and Simchas Torah wasn't so great, what happened! I seriously need to reorganize myself.

THIS IS DIFFERENT

2009-09-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

This ad is ludicrous, its advertising a pretend tatty kit with talis and tefillin. Who...... what..... why....... how come..... I'm at a loss of words here. Ill just explain what they're trying to do and you can comment (hint hint) on how you feel about this. Basically its selling you 40 bucks worth of fake talis and tefillin so your child can play pretend tatty, includes embroidered talis and tefillin bag and tefillin boxes. I think its a nice way to scam people of their money because Ive never seen any boy playing house, girls yes boys no, so why would they want to play pretend tatty, does it include pretend tatty hat and jacket? I surely don't like this idea but tell me otherwise if you think so.

THE KOSHER BOOKS ARE ON THEIR WAY

2009-09-22T23:43:00.001-04:00

Remember when I made a kosher Harry potter, with kaballah and kishuf instead of magic called Chaim Snyder. I thought it was the most original idea I ever had, I even gave you a few reasons why they might make the new Chaim Snyder series, just for fun. Now I don't know if my post sparked someones imagination or they thought of it first, but they are coming out with a new Kosher Sherlocke Holmes book.

Now this is the truth, I'm not making this stuff up a kosher version of Sherlocke Holmes so Jewish boys can read it. I don't know anything about it, it could very well be that he uses gemaros to solve a mystery, or that he asks a wise rabbi and he gives him the answer through ruach hakodesh, or he goes for the old school style and uses a magnifying glass, I'm not sure what they'll do to make it kosher.

What bothers me is that they actually think there is something wrong with the Sherlocke Holmes of old, I didn't find anything wrong with any of his books besides for the fact that he smokes a pipe, talks to women not behind a mechitzah and has an assistant called doctor and not gabbai, okay maybe that is a reason to change the book.

As of now I cant find any links to this story, if I find I'll update.

HAVE A SWEET ROSH HASHANAH Y'ALL

2009-09-18T12:01:00.002-04:00

Have a happy and healthy new year.

AN UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE

2009-09-16T23:25:00.001-04:00

I hope everyone liked the superpower meme, it seems like everyone is enjoying it.... oh you did like it, well you're welcome or uhh... thank you.

Now to the post.

It was not too long ago that I stepped into the source of judaica (a judaica store) and I had a very unpleasant experience. I decided I needed a new pair of tzitzis and a new kippah in honor of rosh hashanah, being that I was going anyway I was asked to get some for by brother too. So I went to the nearest judaica store. As I was searching for a kippah that fit, trying many on to see if I want with a rim, no rim, 6 part, or 4 part, one of the guys from register came over to me and asked me, wait scratch that, told me "You're done, come and you'll pay for it". Now this wasn't at anytime near when they close so I have no clue why he was rushing me, but anyhow I looked at him and said, "Actually I'm not done, so I'm not going to pay yet" he seemed a little annoyed. Then I called my brother to ask what type of kippah he would like, the guy at the register (he walked back) was eyeing me for some stupid reason, maybe he thought I was going to pocket a kippah and not pay for it.

After I got my kippot, I went to look for some tzitzit, now this time as I was walking past him he said "okay lets pay for what you've got" and once again I said "Actually I'm still not done yet" and then he sighed, who in the world does that in front of a customer. I looked for some tzitzit, I tried some on and chose what I wanted, then I decided to take my sweet time getting to the register, just to annoy him.

Now this is some service that I didn't like, why was he rushing me? why was he giving the evil eye to me? why did he want to have me pay for things when I could buy more?

Now I am not someone to leave you with a bad story, so I would like to tell you that I walked into the 7-11, that has shown racism, the one on avenue M, and I actually came out with a smile this time all because of the service. So you see people, especially now that rosh hashanah is coming, you should give everybody a smile and treat them nicely because it can leave an impression on them, and if you don't then they might not go back to your store.

MY MEME

2009-09-15T23:55:00.002-04:00

I hate Meme's, I don't like to be tagged at all, it is annoying to have to pick up the 8Th book that comes to you, open up to any page and write from the 2nd sentence till the end of the page, there is no point to it. Also I believe no one likes writing 7 facts about themselves, like "I only drink hazelnut flavored coffee". So I decide to make my own meme, I happen to think people will enjoy this Meme a lot more than thy would other Meme's. Okay now to write the rules.

Rule number 1: Read the rules.

Rule number 2: Write one superpower you would like to have and what you would do with it.

Rule number 3: Write why you chose that super power over everything else.

Rule number 4: Tag and link 7 people, and write why you think they will have an interesting meme.

Rule number 5: fix your broken links.

If I were to choose any superpower it would be to transport myself anywhere at any given moment. Life would be great, I would never be late, I would never be stuck in traffic, I would never have to buy a plane ticket, I could visit absolutely anywhere I want in a matter of seconds with no limitations. Would I become some sort of superhero who fights crime in Midwood and dresses up as something you wear on Purim, I think not. Also, if I really want a good shwarma I can teleport myself to a place in Israel with the best, I can save Gilad shalit from the hands of the terrorists before anyone has a clue what happened, go skydiving without the help of an airplane or a parachute. just too mention a few possibilities. Now that I think about it, it would be so cool to go anywhere you want whenever, the things I can do with that power is endless.

There are many good, or more powerful powers out there that I can take, mind control, knowing the future, but who wants mind control? if every one is under your control its no fun, and knowing the future scares the heck out of me. Besides that I like the idea of teleportation, it can make the earth a little greener because I'm not driving anywhere (kidding). But really, I like the idea that sometimes when I need to get away from everyone, when I need peace and quiet, I can go to a place with a nice scenery and just relax for a while.

I'm tagging Child Ish Behavior because I believe he will come up with some sort of power based on psychology of human beings and their desires, and I would love to read it.

Moshe because I would love to hear if he uses it for evil, or to get rid of liberals.

Jewish Side of Babysitter because she usually writes Meme's and seems to love them, and I think she'll enjoy this one. Also because there are many people who others don't link that she usually does.

Guess who's coming to dinner because I figure that since it always looks like her blog is based on shabbos, I think she will have some sort of shabbos power, and I don't know any shabbos powers or at least any ones that don't violate shabbos.

Material Maidel, I have no clue what power she would pick, and that's what interests me.

Frum Single Female, if book reviewing and being a film critique is a superpower she's already got that.

And last but obviously not least A blob of something different, with so many perfect siblings I wonder if she picks a power to be just like them.

Hope you all like this meme, if you don't want to do it too bad.

KLAP TILL YOU DROP

2009-09-13T21:52:00.000-04:00

Slichos was one O'clock in the morning at you're local shul. You never liked slichos, "Why so late? why so early? why so hard to follow?" was what you were thinking. Well whether you liked it or not you made your way to the shul for the slichos.

You start out with ashrei, something you knew, and continue with many unfamiliar paragraphs of hebrew. The little slichos you were using could have easily been a breslov pamphlet, you really couldn't tell the difference, and you would have been day dreaming if it wasn't night. You were very tired and it seemed as if you would conk out, all of a (the) sudden you hit the ashamnu part (the part were you klap your chest). Right then and there you hit yourself, and you get that stroke of genius that has been plaguing you ever since I started writing you posts (you posts are posts where I put you as the main character, like this post).

You realize that the slichos are special, that they shouldn't be taken lightly; you take that literally and proceed to klap you chest as unlightly as possible. The massive whacks that your chest endured was incomprehensible, it was a sight to see, it was amazing you didn't break a rib. But you did feel a pain on your chest, it was a black and blue mark, and every time you hit it it got worse, but you didn't care you knew what that hashem could punish you worse if you didn't try to do teshuvah.

As your are whacking yourself into the book of life, you realize no one else has this much enthusiasm. You wonder "Maybe they have bigger black and blue marks? or maybe they don't have to hit as hard to get one?". You turn towards the person next to you and ask "Do you have a black and blue mark from klapping your chest?" the man says, "Actually, I don't want one". You couldn't believe what you just heard, "He doesn't want a black and blue mark? what does he think? his fist is something to be feared even more so than hashem". This irked you, so you decided that if he wont do it himself you'll have to do it for him.

You go over to him and forcefully klap his chest, he looks at you and then shoves you away, you scream back "Do you wanna live this year or not?!", he turns away from you. This doesn't deter you, you run over to him and take his hand and try to klap him while yelling at him, "I'm trying to help you, let me help!" while fighting with you he says, "you're a nut, get off, I don't need a black and blue mark so just leave me alone" you ask for him to prove you don't, he retaliates with walking away.

You decide that you are going to, from now on, uphold your newly found minhag, and soon make it a halacha so then you can kill someone if they don't listen because its okay to kill over a halachic debate.

You come home from slichos more religious then ever, you even tell yourself, "Everyone knows a holy war is the way to go, even the most extreme religious Muslims agree with you and Islam stems from Judaism, it must be the right Jewish thing". So this rosh hashanah if they don't make it into the book of life your way, you'll be sure they wont make it in any other way.

THE RIOTS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND DONT PROMOTE IT

2009-09-08T21:12:00.001-04:00

Once again the chareidim in Israel protested the use of the parking lot on shabbos, and once again the police came and shot them with rubber bullets, this has been the scene in me'ah shea'arim for the past few months.

There are many bloggers out there condemning this act of violence and rightfully so, its a chilul hashem to burn garbage's and throw rocks at the people using the parking lot, just because you want them to keep shabbos in your city. Yes, people don't find anything sanctifying about burning things and throwing rocks at others, it's a disgrace to g-d's name. Not only is it a disgrace to the shabbos, but in this effort to keep shabbos and chase away the evildoers, they are breaking shabbos, by A) burning and B) throwing rocks in a reshus harabim, since they are melachos which the torah prohibits on shabbos.

In India when they were protesting against the British government they didn't riot, for the most part they did things peacefully, and that's what Mohandas Gandhi preached (one time the Indians did do some violence and he spoke out against that act) . Why aren't any of the Rabbonim doing anything to stop this violence, all I hear are rabbis promoting it, like what I heard recently.

I was in a shul before ma'ariv and a rabbi got up to speak to us for a minute or two. The rabbi said that anyone who thinks what they are doing in Israel is a chilul hashem is wrong and that the protests are the right thing to do. He said that there was one reporter who was filming the violence, the chareidim couldn't hit her because she was a woman, so instead they all spit on her, he justified the act by saying that the camera was like a gun and everyone will do something to save themselves from a gun. There were just too many things wrong with what he said, and his parable was off by a lot. I wanted to go over to the rabbi after davening and ask "How come you don't see Rav Elyashiv at the protests, or why is that they don't call down the chief rabbi of Jerusalem for an inspiring speech before they riot, maybe you don't because its not the right thing to do!", but I didn't want to provoke any rioting in the shul so I kept my mouth shut.

The protests must come to an end, find a better, more peaceful and holy way to get them to stop using the parking lots, violence is not the answer, and Rabbis should stop promoting it.

TO GET INTO THE SPIRIT OF YOM KIPPUR....

2009-09-02T19:41:00.001-04:00

Here is a link to a movie in preparation for yom kippur, Material Maidel has also posted it. Set around the days of Yom Kippur, Tickling Leo is a contemporary drama that follows three generations of one Jewish family whose secrets threaten to wipe away its future. When he loses touch with his estranged father, Zak Pikler (Daniel Sauli) and his pregnant girlfriend Delphina (Annie Parisse) travel to an abandoned Catskills lake where the eccentric poet Warren Yitzchak Pikler (Lawrence Pressman) is living in solitude and declining health. As Zak copes with his father's dementia, Delphina inadvertently uncovers a secret the Piklers have been hiding since World War II: an impossible sacrifice they made in order to join Rudolph Kasztner’s controversial train out of Hungary .

TICKLING LEO opens in New York on Friday, September 4 and will also be available day and date on DVD and Amazon VOD. Get out there and watch it!

DONT FORGET THIS ONE, HE'S MY NOMINEE!

2009-09-01T14:57:00.000-04:00

People have forgotten where true talent has come from. Some people think shidduch blogs are all the fun, others think blogs solely about our community have it (yeah that's me), but you all forgot about our friend Frum Punk in Britain who really deserves to be nominated. That's why I've decided to nominate him to fly to Israel for the second international Jewish bloggers convention, and I think he will do a great job on recapping it for us, especially since he gave us a great description on his last visit to Israel (I wonder if he wants to go back).

So everyone out there help nominate Frum Punk for a free flight to Israel, the more votes the more of a chance. If you want to nominate any of your fellow bloggers you can use this link, and send a friend to the holy land.

DOOF SQUARE

2009-08-31T13:58:00.001-04:00

Doesn't it seem a bit ridiculous that the famous Jewish company New Square (I guess that's what we will call it for now) decided to rename their milk product My Skware, but not their other products (?). Are there a bunch of tuna beigels running the company that think its kool to misspell words (probably learnt it from texting on their blackberrys)? and thought that kids will drink it if its misspelled (or do they really not know how to spell?) In any case they spelled it kind of weird and there was no reason to call it My Skware when New Square was just fine.

But just when you thought it was all over and the shenanigans were all solved, they decided to rename their milk "Best Square" (and their other products still haven't changed from New Square). I only have more and more questions, why cant they choose a name (for all their products) and stick to it, it really doesn't matter what the name is just keep to one so I can buy milk without going "uhhhhh..... hmmmmm........ ummmm..... Huh? (tilts head)".

If they need a name so badly then I got one for them "Doof Square", it describes them perfectly.

INTERESTING NEWS

2009-08-24T19:34:00.000-04:00

Good evening I am your host Mike In Midwood. In tonight's news the global chain store Gap has sold one of its top and most expensive branches, Banana Republic, to a Jewish organization made up of rabbis know as Agudath Yisroel. The offer was made by the rabbis after they noticed that there were many orthodox Jews who shopped there often, one anonymous rabbi was reported saying "Its ah shandah dat dey buy frum dis Banana Republic, bananas are meant for monkeys and dats for de shvartzes you see on de street". The new frum chain store, Rabbinical Republic, will sell only expensive black clothing (the picture shows the manikins). The designer of the new chain store told us in an exclusive interview, ".... There will be so many different styles of black it will blow your mind...". The new Frum store will be opening up worldwide next z'man.

In other news (straightens stack of papers), Kosher Innovations has made your commute to the city just a little more kosher. The idea came up as coworkers, at the KI main building on 13th ave. in Boro Park, were brainstorming as to what to do for all the people who don't drive to work, and therefore don't use a kosher GPS to guide them, how will they get to work kosherly? One of the coworkers told us how it went down, "We just couldn't figure out what other useless item we can innovate, then someone mentioned Kosher subway cars, and we all jumped over the idea". The new Kosher subway cars, much like the kosher GPS, will feature a male voice, instead of a woman's and a mashgiach to make sure the car stays kosher. The male voice will be used to tell you which stop is next and to stay clear of the closing doors (please). The idea is being tossed around the MTA as of now, and is said that if the new subway cars come in the fare will be hiked up another 25 cents.

That's all for tonight, tune in next time for another edition of Mike Tonight, same station same time, every night.

This is another edition of Mike Tonight dunt dunt dunt dunt dununununt (background music).

NO ONE CUTS AND NO ONE TAKES

2009-08-16T22:33:00.001-04:00

Have you ever been to a wedding/bar\bat mitzvah/vort/shalom zachor/bris/or anything else you can think of that invites a lot of people to say mazel tov? If yes than you can honestly say that nobody likes cutting into the cakes. It can be the most delicious cake ever and nobody will touch it, then it all goes to waste because nobody wanted it, as my mother used to say, "They worked so hard to get it to where it is, the coco beans from Venezuela and this from here and yadda yadda yadda.... and you still wont eat it!". And the reason for nobody eating it is pretty simple, they don't want to make the first cut, and I don't understand why. Its not because its a beautiful cake, its just because nobody wants to be the first one to cut a slice for themselves. Why dont they make a preset cut, like they do to cheese, that way everyone wont feel guilty when they take a piece.

Also; if you have been to a either a wedding/bar\bat mitzvah/vort/shalom zachor/bris/ or anything else you can think of that invites a lot of people to say mazel tov, then what you will notice is that there are always the assortments of mint chocolate that no one really like to touch. Some of them are; the jelly ring covered in mint chocolate, the mint chocolate with a disgusting filling, next to that is, the mint chocolate (sort of like a chocolate chip) with the sprinkles on it; no one likes these at all, don't know why everyone buys them either.

Despite this people buy the cakes and assortments of mint chocolate, hoping that someone will finish it off, I dont understand why you would want to ruin your simchah with the fact that you have to throw good food out.

NOT A WASTE OF TIME

2009-08-12T23:14:00.001-04:00

I recommend that everyone see the movie Defiance. It was by far the best movie Ive seen all year. If you didn't know, the movie is about 4 brothers, by the name of Bielski, who lead a group of Jews escaping from the Nazis. They create a whole community in the forest for refugees, and make a small army to protect themselves (by the way this is based on a true story). The movie was just amazing in every single way, and No! its not a waste of your time to see it.

THE BRESLOV WAY

2009-08-11T17:46:00.000-04:00

Just the other day I was "attacked" by a Breslover "demanding" money from me. I gave the guy a dollar so he would go away, and he ended up giving me a Breslov pamphlet. Now in the past I would have thrown it right back, but the name of the book caught my eye, especially in these economic times.

The name of the book was called Easy Money. I almost jumped for joy, but I remembered I had some dignity, or I just didn't want to look like a fool. I gazed at the book and thought for a moment, "With this I wont ever have to work really hard, all I probably have to do is; say a few perakim of tehillim, hop on the next flight to uman and visit rav nachmans grave site, and then forty days later I'll be rich". I wondered if it was possible, and if it would be true I could change every ones lives.

So I decided to open it up and read its glory. I turned to any random page and started reading the first paragraph. The words read "Poverty is a state of mind". As I read those words my whole dream shattered, like a hard hit baseball punching its way through a stained glass window. I realized that the book was a scam to get the dollar out of me, and that I wont become rich saying a few pices of tehillim, But I also realized I can just sue Breslov for false advertising and then Ill accomplish the books title "Easy Money" anyway.

YAY ANOTHER MEME

2009-08-02T22:17:00.000-04:00

Two people decided to tag me for this one, its called 7 things I like, where I get to tell you about 7 things I like. I'm just warning you before you read this, its not going to be that great. Better turn back now I am about to start. Ok this is your last chance......... fine ill start but youll regret it.

1) I like Mike. I personally like him for the fact that he gives into every will I want, you can say Mike is spoiling me.

2) I like not getting tagged to do meme's. I'd also like to know how to pronounce meme.

3) I like coming up with an awesome post that is so funny even I laugh while writing it.

4) I like reading the new series Chaim Snyder, did you know that he has a scar where he puts is tefilin shel rosh on, just like me?

5) I like smirking, and not giving a complete smile.

6) I like dunkin donuts coffee coolata, I dont like the fact that they upped the price more than a dollar.

7) Finally I'd like to never be tagged to do a meme ever again.

I will not tag anyone new so they wont have to suffer, but I'll retag the ones who tagged me because they made me do this, ha now you two have to make another. Babysitter and Frum single female.

Things that pissed me off last week.

2009-07-29T20:50:00.000-04:00

You may not know it but there were a few things that pissed me off last week, and probably you too. I'm not talking about simple things like, why I cant find a parking spot within a one block radius, or why you cut me off, or even why my thumb cant fit into a normal sized bowling ball, I'm talking about bigger things that haven't only affected me.

I got pissed off last week when I heard that a bunch of Jews decided to do some stealing and tax evasion. Ive been saying it for a long time, the last thing we need is a chilul hashem and yet there they go. "But wait you're allowed to steal to support Torah, right? so they did nothing wrong" said a commenter of yeshiva world news, but the answer is no you are not allowed to steal for torah, its a mitzvah that came through an aveirah (which is an aveirah if you didn't know). And you know what I think? I think that they should all go to jail and serve their sentence because they deserve it, and I wont be like another commenter that said they should have their trial in the month of adar and not av, because av is a bad month for Jews and having the trial now will cause them to lose the trial. So why did it piss me off? it didn't affect me? Ill answer that with a question, "did you get pissed of at madoff and his scandal?" the answer is yes, same here.

Another thing that pissed me off this week was a letter printed in the mishpachah magazine. It was condemning Reb Elyashiv for praying for gilad shalit. I know this is hard to hear for all of you that joined groups on Facebook and twitter in support of gilad but the person writing it said that he thinks it's wrong to pray for him to be released, because Israel will give up many captured terrorists in exchange for him. For the person who decided to write that letter to mishpachah I have two things to say; one is, if you were gilad you wouldn't be thinking that way, and two is that one Jewish life is priceless and it doesn't matter how many terrorists you give up (although we try to lessen the amount).

Yeah those were the things that pissed me off last week, cant see who it wouldn't. On a side note have an easy and meaningful fast.

CHAIM SNYDER

2009-07-21T23:19:00.000-04:00

Ever since the creation of Harry Potter, the Jewish world has gone into a frenzy. This has happened for many reasons; some say that the book is inappropriate for Jewish minds, others say its because a non Jew wrote it, and some rabbis say that people might come to say accio TV remote, which would then be practicing kishuf (black magic), but the majority of rabbis agree that its because if you read the book you will then want to see the movie, and movies are assur. But what ever the reason is all, rabbis are against it and there seems like there is nothing they can do to stop the potter frenzy. That is until they decided to come out with their own book, or shall I say sefer, called Chaim Snyder.

The new series is about a boy by the name of Chaim Snyder, who was kidnapped by a bunch of christian priests and brought up christian (the priests killed his parents). When he becomes 13 years old he gets a visit from a rabbi, who was sent to find him before his bar mitzvah and tell him he was Jewish. Chaim then embraces Judaism and is sent to a top yeshivah in Israel where he is supposed to learn. Over there in Israel he makes new friends who are very into kabalah. He becomes very "good" (what ever that means) at kabalah and can perform unnatural things, or nisim. Just as he is having a great time in Israel, there rises a new pope who has the power of kishuf, the pope is also making a visit to Israel very soon. Chaim and his friends decide to stop this pope. On their way they have to fight through phony fortune tellers, and Israeli taxi drivers to stop the pope..... sorry I cant give the whole story away, but the new pope was the one who killed Chaims parents in the beginning.

This is the new sefer the rabbis hope is going to combat the awful harry potter series, also the rabbis wont allow it to be made into a movie. In my opinion the new book is only going to be a hit for those who didn't read harry potter, because it was assur.

I CANT TAKE SEVEN ELEVEN 7-11

2009-07-13T00:37:00.000-04:00

I was one of those people that rushed after motzei shabbos to the nearest 7-11 to get my hard earned free Slurpee. The first place I went to I was looking around for the seven point 11 ounce cups, but they were nowhere to be found. I decided to go to the front counter and then I remembered I was Jewish. I was thinking how would it look if a Jewish person walks up and says "Hey you got any free Slurpee's?", but then I did it so I didn't have to think about what would happen if I did. The cashier register/ guy at the counter said "nuh..... uh uh" as he tried forcing the half words out of his mouth. I took the impression he was lying, but I didn't want to argue with him for two reasons, 1 because he just said nu..... uh uh which means no and two because what if he really wasn't lying and I argued how cheap would I look, so I left.

I headed to another one close by, which did have free ones, and you had to get them at the counter. I felt weird asking again, because well I'm Jewish and I don't like being categorized as cheap, in fact I go so far not to be called cheap that when ever they give me back change I always tell them to keep the pennies or I put most of the change in the tip box. I asked anyway, and the guy said "who told you that?" and then he laughed and handed me one (he didn't laugh because hes a racist, it wasn't offensive).

Now if there's anything that can ruin getting free Slurpee's its this. I hate having to go up there and ask, why cant they just put it out like all the other cups and everyone will take it and not feel cheap, or have a massive sign outside that says "FREE SLURPEE DAY, GET YOUR 7.11 OUNCE CUPS HERE!!!" that way I don't feel cheap. I have had many occasions in 7-11 where I ran into the cheap Jew stereotype, written about here and here, and that is why I officially hate 7-11 employees and their management. Any questions?

HE REALLY WASNT LIKED BY THAT MANY

2009-07-06T22:54:00.000-04:00

When I saw the news of Mike Jackson's death I was shocked, and in fact I was just like the rest of the world that decided to stop hating him and mourn the worlds new loss. NO! I'm sorry but if I were to write that it would be a lie, I for one will not fall into the traps of the media, which is trying to portray him as some sort of G-d or king (on a side note, one left wing reporter literally said "Obama is g-d", and like any other left wing reporter, hes nuts). A handful of people on this world hated him and accused him of many wrongdoings, but once he died it was like he went to church, confessed, and all his sins magically evaporated and then condensed into the tears everyone now sheds over him ( yeah, that was the water cycle used in a simile with a priest).

I don't care where I was when I found out about it, or what I was doing at the time, my emotions did not change one bit when I heard about his "tragic" death. I may feel bad for the people who bought tickets to his upcoming concerts, but you can all go buy a ticket to his funeral if you'd really like (now that's one crazy idea). Very few cared about him in this world, other hated him, and now they are together in unison, forgetting what he did to some and remembering that he introduced the moonwalk to us.

But who cares anymore about what he recently has done, every newspaper had to have him on the front cover, I bet you if they cut of his hair and sell it, it would sell for 500 times as much as it would if he did himself when he was alive. The world just doesnt get it, he was a bad man stop crying!

Now I know some of you are big time fans of his, how youy still are I do not know, but the least you can do is not start a facebook club to say kaddish for him, he isn't worth it, for what hes done no kaddish is moving him to heaven.

Whew (wipes sweat off forehead) what a rant, I'm done for tonight.

THE FOURTH OF JULY

2009-07-05T00:46:00.003-04:00

I really wish that Americas independence day came on Sunday this year and not shabbos, all the things I normally do on a 4Th of July could be done without having to break shabbos...... actually if I think about it there is nothing I do special on independence day. I don't invite my whole family and make a BBQ, I don't sing the national anthem or go to a Nathans hot dog contest, I really don't celebrate the biggest day in our nations history. I guess I have the frummie mentality of "we don't celebrate goyish holidays and yom ha'atzmut".

But im not lost yet there is one thing I did that I have always liked, the fireworks shows. I used to go near the toys R us spot, where most people do tashlich, less commonly known as Caesar's bay, but they stopped showing it there. Then I heard that the boardwalk at coney island had some, but they too stopped, the last place around is the Macy's fireworks show, and that's on the east river too far for me on a motzei shabbos.

If anybody does know a place where they celebrate our country by blowing a piece of it up, please tell me, or I wont be doing anything special for our country.

EXPERIENCING JERUSALEM PART 1

2009-06-29T20:17:00.003-04:00

You have finally made it to the Holy land, years of saving enough money have lead you here. You got off the plane and are looking for a sheirut (an israeli style taxi, not to be confused with sheirutim which means bathroom, you stupid American [did that joke come on too harsh?]) heading to Jerusalem. You aren't carrying as much luggage as you started with from America, due to a fight with another guy over who the suitcase belongs to, and you lost.

You tell the driver of the sheirut he must drive as quickly as possible, because you have no time to lose in your busy life. You then retract your statement because you notice, you don't want to lose your busy life. You are now shivering in your pants because the taxi driver was an authentic Israeli, and says he "knows" how to drive fast...... in bumper to bumper traffic. You finally make it out of the roller coaster, and truly believe the well known joke between a rabbi and taxi driver in heaven, whose punchline is: all Israeli taxi drivers go to heaven, because they make people pray to g-d.

You find hotel a to stop at and to unpack. You decide that since there is enough time in the day you will go to the Kotel and daven mincha. You take a #2 bus up to the WW (western wall) and you immediately rip your shirt upon seeing the holy site, you get looks from everyone around you, then you remember its not your minhag to rip your clothing when you see it; also, you ripped off all your buttons so your shirt doesn't close, exposing you tzitzis (Huh!), you feel stupid now. You pray your mincha, and are now heading back to the hotel while holding your shirt together with one clenched fist. Someone sticks out their hand, filled with some new Israeli shekalim, you look at your tattered shirt and then say to him "ani lo oni" (I am not poor) in your heavy American accent. The guy laughs at you and really wants you to take it from him, you walk on.

You get back on the #2 bus heading to the hotel. As you are about to sit down you are given a look from some guy in a black hat.... then a few people turn around. You wonder whats going on, while people begin to point at you, "Is it because I come from a country of cheesburgers and Im not fat?" you ponder, "or is it the ripped shirt?" as you begin to feel the affects of jet lag on yourself. You doze off and your shirt opens up once again, exposing your holy tzitzis. A Haredi Jew is heading towards you, loud whispers can be heard throughout the bus. Then he hits you squarely on the cheek, waking you up. As you are in a state of shock, he throws you from your seat. He screams at you in hebrew, "Why were you sleeping with your shirt opened, what chutzpah you have", then he says, "and you were sitting next to a women". You get up quickly, so as to not provoke any riots for these riot hungry people, and tell the guy who hit you "slichah" as any good American would do.

You decide on not continuing the ride, for fear that your kippah srugah wont protect you too much longer here. You look to your right and see white buildings built in stone, you look to your left and see the same thing, then you look up a street and then down one and its the same thing everywhere, all white buildings made out of stone, it occurs to you that YOUR LOST! You go trekking all over Jerusalem (little did you know you were doing some peoples favorite hobby, getting a good look at Jerusalem), and have no clue where you are or where to go , the idea that you could have just followed the bus #2 route and found your way flew right over you kippah srugah. You begin to use your half broken Hebrew and hand gestures to find your way, but to no avail.

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Hey fellow bloggers or blogneighbors, this is an ongoing story I hope to write and finish. This is only part one part, two will come in due time.

TREKKING UP TO THE MOUNTAINS

2009-06-26T12:22:00.000-04:00

Almost everybody on the block rented a u-haul, stuffed it up, and then traveled to the mountains this week. It was a site to see, parents calling out kids names to see if they left anything behind, trying to figure out how to squish in another suitcase and sheitel, O' it was a blast. Don't think that was the only reason I liked this week. In addition to watching them pack up I also saw them pack out of Brooklyn, which means MORE PARKING!!! spaces! LESS CROWDED SUPERMARKETS!!!

Why am I celebrating so hard? well have you ever tried looking for parking for 45 minutes? or was pissed off that someone took up two spots instead of one? or have someone blocking your driveway for a "minute"? Do you like the double parking on Coney Island ave.? my answer is no, and that is why I am so happy.

Have you ever walked into Moishe's discount supermarket with a pushcart, and tried to maneuver yourself out of one jam only to move into another, its just too crowded there (that's why I like Pomegranate better, but I don't go there often, its expensive). And forget about Thursday nights, its complete havoc in there. What I hate most are the spaced out bluetooth wearers, they just yap away about whatever and it can take a while before they realize they are in your way. Ooh and some are so stuck up, looking to see which is a better tomato sauce, pick one already and stop blocking the aisle.

But that is all over, those extra crowded supermarkets are gonna be upstate where I ain't, and parking will be a breeze, thank g-d for this wonderful idea of a summer retreat.

A NEW BREED ARISES (evolution?)

2009-06-25T01:50:00.001-04:00

The creature named Shul Shusher (or in Latin Synagogue Shushisis) is a staple in every shul, from big ones in Manhattan to the small basement shtiebel in Monsey. The shusher doesn't always accomplish their self imposed job, hence they keep on shushing. The life of a shusher is not a fun one, everyone hates you till you let them talk, even the kids hate you (just let them run in the halls will you), plus you seem to spit to often. But in some shuls there is a new type of shusher arising.

This new type of shusher, a more rowdy type, one that is more inclined throw a punch or two just to get you to shut up, is what we are dealing with. They are called the SHHHH I'm Trying To Talk To Someone Shusher, or SITTTTSS for short (the Latin name hasn't come in yet). These creatures love talking so much they make others quiet down so they can hear who they are talking to, just goes to show what kind of shuls they live in.

I myself have abandoned a few shuls due to the infestation, animal control isnt helping and Peta wont let me call the exterminator. But there is hope, they are searching for a species that will counteract the new breed and contain it.

Most experts believe the evolution of this once simple shushing creature is due to a mass of talkers concentrated in one area of a shul, thus drowning out any other noise and sometimes their own. This then irritates the talkers causing them to become more violent and turning them into SITTTTSS's. Others argue and claim they are of a totally different breed. A more recent study done by the "professors" at VIN teamed up with "scientists" from YWN , have attributed this new breed to the lack of tznius in the communities. Although there is no evidence to support their claims, VIN and YWN hold to it strongly.

Whatever the cause maybe, I really don't like being threatened by shushers and rather have them just say SHHHHH and spit on themselves while doing it.

YAY HE CAME BACK!! AND NOT JUST TO GET HIS BAGS

2009-06-23T23:07:00.004-04:00

I know that many bloggers, after going on vacation, decide to slack off and not write anything else, and then their blogs have a virtual death, but this blogger ain't gonna let that happen! lets all give a big hand to M in M!!!...... anybody?.....anybody? okay fine forget it.... sheesh. I now will be on top of schedule, and I will be visiting your blogs again.

My vacation was great, did you see the place I picked every vacationers dream, total relaxation. I really went on one because I felt burnt out, everything I was writing felt like I had used that style too many times. I also needed more posting material, the bad news is I only thought of 4 posts including this one.

Well its good to be back, and on a side note: two people found my face book account, which I myself forgot existed, I don't like the fact that it keeps telling me I only have two friends so friend me, and I wont feel so pointless.

BLOGCATION

2009-06-16T22:30:00.001-04:00

I think I need a blogcation. Like a vacation, a blogcation is a time to relax and harness a lot more posting material. So I'm off (to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of blog, because because because because.......) on my blogcation. Enjoy my archives, and I'll hopefully be back in a week, till then this is what ill be doing.
Yeah, just picture me in there.

GOOSEBUMPS: MY BAR MITZVAH IN PRISON

2009-06-14T22:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, we all remember the hit book series I never read, Goosebumps. Goosebumps was a supposed to be a very scary book, but it basically was freaky stories about weird washing machine monsters and changing bodies with a killer santa (okay I read 2). Why do I bring this old book into topic? because it must be a nightmare for the kid whose Bar mitzvah was in a prison, just like the book would write it out. Imagine what the kid is going to remember, a Bar mitzvah in jail with a bunch of convicts waiting next door, all because his father was arrested (who knows why he was arrested), and then your bar mitzvah is published about in the New York times, oh! and Yakkov shwekey famous Jewish singer sang for you (not the bad part). That's a horrible Bar mitzvah ain't it? unless you wanted it to be memorable.

Now there are hilachic issues that come with making a bar mitzvah in jail, and they don't only pertain to chilul hashem. One is the halachah of bringing a Sefer Torah to people in jail, you aren't allowed to even for Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, the reason being that its a disgrace for the Torah to come to you and you not go to it. This can be applied to a Bar mitzvah, the Bar mitzvah shouldn't be brought to someone in jail along with 60 other people, its not respectful. And if that ain't enough, than at the bar mitzvah the one who is being honored (bar mitzvah boy) usually says a D'var Torah which should not be brought to the jail for one person but; rather, the one person should be brought to it. And if for some reason you don't agree with this past paragraph, that I put so much effort into writing (shame on you), then you can always resort to chilul hashem, and it will still be deemed halachicly wrong. This seems like a good question for the rabbi who allowed this, why did you allow it?

Theres your lesson people, don't make a bar mitzvah in jail or you will bashed for every reason possible. People will be calling it despicable, and posts will line every blog about why you aren't you ashamed. And what a nightmare it will be for your son, like straight out of a goosebumps book.

ON PATROL

2009-06-11T23:18:00.001-04:00

Today me and my friend took a stroll through boro(ugh) park. We were schmoozing it up, having tons of fun, laughing at chassidish women with 10 children following behind them and over stuffed strollers. Watching chassidim hitch rides across boro(ugh) park. Guessing how many hatzoloh and shomrim members we can identify. Then we looked for a new game, one that was fun an easy to play. We made up a new game called "name the chossid". Basically, whenever you see a chassid, you have to correctly call them "Tuna beigel" or "Yoeli", then you can argue whether they fit the category of tuna beigel or yoeli. Its very easy to identify a TB, if they have a cigarette, or they aren't wearing any black clothing, or they have a ring of useless keys with 400 keys or so, or they came out of a Cadillac Escalade or Chevy Tahoe or even a Lexus. Some where in between both categories and hard to tell what side they leaned towards.

I had a lot of fun and would do it again, it beats any day watching baseball.

DANCING MOVES

2009-06-09T23:10:00.000-04:00

You re at a wedding, or some other festive simchah, and you all get up to do the walk-around-in-a-circle-with-hands-together-and-stomping-your-feet-dance. There are always times when the person you are next to is; going too fast for you, is trying to go fast and ends up being wild, or the person put their hands out in a hard way to grab and it make your wrists hurt, so the best idea ever is to put you hands on their shoulders (if they are in front of you), your wrists cant get hurt.
The put your hand on their shoulder move can always work, you can even do the yawn trick and put the hands over the shoulder if you feel weird doing it normally. Its fool proof. What I really like about the shoulder move, is that it comes in handy when a guy has really sweaty hands, say goodbye to slimy and smelly hands thanks to the new move.

My favorite move for if someone is holding my hand from the back like an idiot is, to just let go and keep my hand free, it also protects from sweat and smell.

What are your favorite dancing moves?

P.S. The jumping up and down parts are a real help when your hand is on another guys shoulder, push yourself up from him to get a higher jump.

TWO STATE PLAN

2009-06-08T23:10:00.000-04:00

Ever since Clinton there has been the "need" for a two state plan. They invented the road map to make it happen, if you don't know what that is its basically an idea to cut Israels small self in half, to make way for another Muslim nation. Ever since that, Israel is called for talks on how to compensate people who want to kill it, Israel gave in sometimes. The problem is that now that the Palestinians have Gaza, and for quite a while, they still cant run it economically, no matter how much money America sends; and yet they are asking for more territory. (Don't think Israel made them take dessert land and fix it up themselves, Israel left them irrigation and green houses to make the dessert flourish, and they threw that all out).

Now Obama is in charge and is pressing Israel to stop settlements, even the ones that are already in place he wont let grow, so that Israel will give it up to the Palestinians. He is really trying to make this two state plan happen, saying that if there are two different paths that two groups want to take, then they should split and divide, and not one conquer the other. The thing is that America itself didn't do that; during the civil war the north didn't let the south secede from the union, it fought until the south gave in (with comparisons like these I can write for the Jewish press).

Israel shouldn't listen to a country that's being hypocritical? Israel shouldn't give up its own land, just because a terrorist country that cant control itself economically said so? And the worst thing is, Israel is listening anyway.

INNOVATING USELESS KOSHERNESS

2009-06-04T20:00:00.002-04:00

We here at Kosher Innovations are working hard for you at every given moment, and are looking to make your kosher life easier. So we introduce to you THE KOSHER LAMP, LIGHT SWITCH COVER tm. This new invention allows to you to feel safe when around your kosher lamp, so you wont come to turn it off. See how we make your life easier.

Also for shabbos, we have a new alarm clock. You have the regular alarms for shachris 1, and shacharis 2, then mincha and ma'ariv; but now we have one new alarm for the musaf service too, to make sure you don't over sleep musaf.

Have you ever felt the need to calculate how much money you owe to your child's yeshiva? Well we are in the middle of mass producing a never before seen pocket computer system, that will be able to instantly calculate how much you owe to the yeshiva. All you have to do is punch in a few numbers from your bill, and how much you paid so far, and it will magically tell you what you owe. All those years of not taking math class, will finally pay off. And if you order right now, then when we start to sell the product, we will give you an extra one, free!, so you can keep track of your other child's tuition bill too!

Kosher Innovations is truly working hard for you.

To donate to this non-profit organization call 1800-Ino-vate, or e-mail us at Kosherinnovaters613@yahoo.com (you cant e-mail us from optimum or dial up, only koshernet will work)

YOU ARE JUDGED BY HOW YOU LOOK, GUEST POST BY CHILD ISH

2009-06-04T00:14:00.002-04:00

This is a guest post by Child Ish Behavior. Child Ish is known throughout the Jblogosphere for his astounding work on Social psychology. If you want, you can check out my guest post on his site, where I tackle a topic on social psychology.

If you walk around long enough in the real world you will learn to discriminate. You will learn to make off the cuff impressions of people without even hearing one word out of their mouths. Most of the time, you will be right. The first impression you get from a person is usually the one that rings the truest. It takes a lot to change a first impression; it is way easier to keep the good impression once earned. People are much more likely to overlook the small faults, so long as the original impression of the person is positive in their mind.

The other day I was in the city taking care of business and I noticed how each person dressed a different way. Men, Women, Children- I don’t think I saw one person dressed the same way. It truly astounded me. Each person got up in the morning and decided to put on something unique.

As I continued to observe I noticed that not only were people’s cloths unique for each individual, their facial expressions were unique as well. Each person displayed expressions that were all of their own. While there were some similarities between people, there was the working expression of concentration, the shopping expression of exhilaration, and the bored expression of the commuter nation, in general though, each person exhibited something unique about themselves.

Just by walking down the street, looking at the facial expressions and clothing that the people were wearing, I was able to make on the spot first impressions of all the people I passed. Lazy, zealous, kind, stupid, ambitious, flirty, happy, sad, confident, modest, careless, curious… The list goes on. I was even able to construct little stories about all the people that went by; where they came from, why they came to the city, where they were going- all just from one glance, all from that one first impression.

I don’t know if the story I constructed was the truth, but it remains true in my mind until I know otherwise. Since, I am not likely to pass the same person again, that impression remains with me. I will forever view the people in my mind’s eye based on that one glance.. It is for this reason that people who care about what others think of them pay attention to their outward appearance. While you may not think it is important, and while you may think that it’s what’s inside that counts, people don’t see your inside. All people see is the view you display to the public, and while you may not be able to control what all people think, you can put your best foot forward when it comes to your outward appearance. I cannot tell you how to dress, but I can tell you that you are judged by how you do.

This post is sort of an answer to my post on being judged by others.

DO YOU 613?

2009-06-01T23:27:00.001-04:00

Me: "...whats you email address"
Them: "blahblahblah613@yahoo.com"

Why is it that frummies always put in a 613, representing all the commandments, into their email address or IM account? I'm sure you know someone with a 613 at the end of their address. It could be the most random things stuck together with a 613, for example; doughnuts613@gmail.com or a name, Jack613@yahoo.com, or a personality, aidel613 (for an IM account), or even a JewsforJesus613@yahoo.com. I don't know why people pick 613 out of all the special numbers that there are, why not 7 for shabbos, or 8 for a bris, or 3 and 4 for the matriarchs and patriarchs, (yes, I got all the special numbers from the famous passover song).

Do they do it as a heter to be on the Internet? As long as they are reminded of the 613 mitzvos then they can be on the Internet all they want, and the Rabbonim will be so proud of them. Or is it for potential shidduchim? "Hey Chaim, scroll down a little, look a something@613, she has to be in your shidduch range".

Its gotten so far that you can find it in Jewish children's books, where a girl went off the "D" and now has a Gmail account with a 613 at the end (just goes to show you how off the "D" she really was), and then she gets some kiruv from her friends and everyone lives heimishly ever after.

I myself am thinking about changing my email address to mikeinmidwood613@yahoo.com, anyone else want to join?

A FRUM GUIDE TO CHULENT EATING

2009-05-31T23:16:00.001-04:00

Do you want to be a more heimishe yid? Well to do that you must know that, heimish means self service, dim lighting and a badly kept beard. But there is one more way to become heimish if you don't grow a beard and own a store in boro park, that secret is CHULENT.

There are five times a week a heimishe yid eats chulent (write this down); Thursday night, Friday day, Friday night, shabbos and Sunday. Thursday is a big night for chulent. In Monsey they have something called "Chulent stations", every chassid goes to the gas station and eats chulent there. Why do they sell chulent at a gas station? In Brooklyn we have Deli 52 with their chulent special, Lipa hangs out there. There are many other places that line 13 to 18 avenue that sell chulent, and the opened a Chulent station somewhere in boro park, all this on Thursday.

On Friday a heimishe yid eats chulent while going to the mikvah before shabbos, just a bunch of people sitting around with a bowl of chulent, no wonder you women have a more sanitary mikvohs. On Friday night its shabbos already, so chulent is a given. On a shabbos day a real yid can have chulent up to 3 times and more; once for kiddush after shul, another for the meal, and once again after waking up from his shabbos nap. Then comes the last time during the week, Sunday, where you eat all the leftovers of shabbos.

So if you want to be heimish, go ahead, stuff your face, eat till your sick, add all the kishkeh you can, chulent is your answer; unless you rather buy a store in Borough park and go for the self service and dim lighting.

DID YOU FINISH YOUR DIET

2009-05-28T13:57:00.000-04:00

Pesach was a long time ago, giving you enough time to diet. Back when I was in kindergarten they made us make charts, with 49 day on it and every 7 days was a different color, I can only think that it was a healthy chart, or a diet one, where every color reprsented a fruit. The end of the chart was on top of a mountain, of which i can only think represented success, and there was a figure that had two sides and a round top on it, that must have been the award for losing the weight.

Recently it has become a new phenomenon, everybody is counting these 49 days, every day losing another pound. There are a few people I know who got out and didn't count anymore, obviously they couldn't take the 49 day diet. I can see why people would go on a diet; its after pesach where you ate tons of matzoh, you have some healthy foods at the seder (maror, karpas), but the rest is loaded with calories , so you go on a diet for 49 days. That's besides the fact its right before the summer.

After you finish the diet you can relax and enjoy yourself, with some mouth watering cheesecake, that with every bite you take into it you can feel your blood clotting and your stomach widen, and you can put cherries or any other type of sugary filling on it so you don't feel guilty eating it. Enjoy your Shavous.

POP GOES THE FRUMMIE

2009-05-27T23:59:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or did most frum girls decide to place a bump in their hair? I don't get it why would someone want to place a bump in their hair? I can see wanting to make your hair long, curly, straight, short, tie it up in a knot, use a clip, shave your head bald, but a bump is just weird. Besides the fact that it doesn't look good to begin with, what made frum girls decide to bump up their hair. Is there a ban on hair longer than 2 feet and they just bunch it up instead? or (chas v'shalom) its a real style? Can someone please explain.

DID THE TABLES TURN OR DID I JUST SWITCH SIDES?

2009-05-26T23:39:00.000-04:00

For a little over a year strawberries have been banned, due to infestation. I have always liked strawberries, but now I have to eat their cousins the kiwi, who is not as good. The strawberry saw itself drop from the markets, no more shmorgs with the strawberry salads, no more weddings with strawberries going untouched, the strawberry era had died.

That was until recently, when an unlocal Israeli rabbi supposedly lifted the ban. I was shocked, "are the tables turning" I thought to myself "could it be that after 7 years of chumros, will come the 7 years of heterim?" I dreamt. Then VIN interpreted the Rabbis words. The Rabbi meant that, if there were worms that were invisible to the naked eye then you can eat the strawberry (then yosef was appointed to viceroy). Who in the world makes a mistake between visible worms and invisible worms! and if the worms are visible youre still not allowed to eat them, no matter what the rabbi says. Im not getting how someone can make such a mistake.

So when I thought the tables had turned, they didn't, and I was only fooled that they did, it was an optical illusion (or they turned invisible who really knows?). Well, now I cant wait for the next chumrah (Yaakov please come and end this 5 years early).

BIBI HAS A WAY WITH WORDS

2009-05-24T22:54:00.000-04:00

One thing I like about Israels political system is that, in one government you can have two sides of the spectrum representing one side, kinda fun. It works in politics like a wonder, for example: Israel went to talk to Obama on the peace process. Israeli defense minister, Barak, said Israel is on the road to the road map, because he is more towards the left he wants to give away land. But in reality, the Prime minister is Bibi Netanyahu who is from a different side of the spectrum, he gave Obama a whole different story, how he handled it was, from my point of view, amazing (more on that later).

This is why it works wonders; with Ehud barak and the labor party, Israel gives off the sense that they are willing to comply, which in turn makes every lefty happy. Then comes the real side, the one that works the system, Bibi and the likud party, and it does the opposite of what was said is going to happen by the labor party. In the end Israel is still the same, and the world thinks we just need more talks.

But how did Bibi manage to avoid doing what his government said he would do? The answer to that is strategic talking. No, this strategy doesn't take the greatest minds to think of, or weeks of training to use it at the right times in a conversation. What Bibi did was, he made a fall back, when ever Obama or someone would ask about how Israel is going to make the road map, he simply made a statement that his country is being threatened by Iran, and that there are bigger issues at hand. In the end Bibi made no commitment to Obama on a time he will withdraw, or a withdrawal at all, and Obama made a time that he will have to take big action on Iran. Bibi then flattered Obama saying that, Obama you are great leader, and that I am speaking on behalf of all of Israel. Truly a great and simple strategy to win the war of words, dontch ya think?

This is why I love the Israeli political spectrum, tons of talk and a good stiff neck to go with it.

IF YOU COME TO VISIT

2009-05-21T23:49:00.000-04:00

If you come to visit this web page, please use anything but Internet explorer browser. It has been causing major problems all over blogger, so I suggest either Mozilla fire fox, or the new chrome from google. Chrome seems to be working for me.

The sign that comes up says my web page is "aborted". Why use the term aborted, I certainly don't like abortions (republican here), and if its done, its the woman's choice. Here I am a man, and my precious site, which I have taken care of for almost a year, just got aborted against my will, where is my choice? Then I visited The Jewish side of babysitter, and her site got aborted too (I feel so sorry for you babysitter, I know how it feels).

I think its a virus running around blogger, kinda like the swine flu, and it will get you soon, so you better prepare. I am afraid it might mutate, because right now its only affecting Internet explorer, who knows what it could do later. It could be a conspiracy by the yeshivish velt, who's trying to wipe out the Jews of the blogsphere, in an attempt to get all Jews to stop using the Internet.

Whatever it may be, use an Internet that is safe, so the site you are visiting doesn't get aborted.

ECONOMY OR OBAMA

2009-05-20T23:36:00.000-04:00

We all have remember paying 4$ a gallon for gas, unless you have Alzheimer's, that was last year. This year the prices dropped to 1.79, which I thought was amazing, our lowest prices in 7 years. Then it started going up around January, and since then has jumped 70 cents. Are we on our way up again? maybe even passed the 4 dollar mark? I hope not.

What is the reason for the price going up recently, well before that, we really need to know why it went down in the first place. Bush was still president, and he threatened to find an alternative energy, so all the oil companies had to lower their prices so we wouldn't mind buying oil (the week after Bush's speech, the prices started being lowered). Another reason may have to do with our economy; when the economy went down, the price for gas did too.

So why is it going up? Is it that Obama doesn't even mention anything about trying to find a new source of energy, or is it a sign our economy is on its way up? And in the comments please don't give me a "Obama is trying to help the Arabs, through buying overpriced barrels of oil".

KOLLEL-OPOLY

2009-05-18T23:59:00.002-04:00

From the makers of the hit game Jewish Geography, comes the new game of Kollel-opoly. PB (Pollack Brothers) have come out with numerous games that represent the Jewish lifestyle, the game of life being one of them (includes the shidduch crisis and all). The Pollack Brothers were thought to have made a knock off of the original game monopoly, but they specifically said kollel-opoly had nothing to do with it.

How to play: There are up to 8 players, and 8 pieces; A black hat, a jacket, a no lace shoe, a white shirt, a yeshivishe car, one female (modestly dressed) and other such characters. Each player starts off at NU MOVE IT ALREADY (GO), where each player, as they go around the board, will collect their 200$ kollel paycheck for the month. Each player spins the dice, and whatever number it says on the dice, that's how many spaces you move. Don't worry, there is a mechitzah that lines the board to accommodate the one female player, so as to coincide with halachah.

Buying Yeshivos: To buy Yeshivos, for example: the highest priced yeshivah is Beis Medrash Gevoah or BMG (the equivalent to boardwalk) is priced at 400$. If you have a set of yeshivos in one area you can make the tuition higher for the yeshivos, just simply buy coffee rooms (houses), if you have bought 5 coffee rooms, you exchange it for a Dormitory (hotel), this increases the price of tuition in your yeshivos.

Kollel, Free parking, and go to kollel: Kollel (equivalent to Jail) you can make transactions through kollel (remember you have bluetooth and a blackberry). To get out of Kollel (chas v'shalom) you must pay a minimum fee of 50$ kinas, you may then leave next turn, you can stay in kollel up to three turns (you have to go home to your wife sometime, although not recommended). Free parking; lucky you, you don't live in Brooklyn, you cheap Jew always looking to find free parking. Go to Kollel; when you land on this space you must go directly to kollel and do not collect 200$ monthly kollel paycheck.

Children's tuition (equivalent to income tax): When you land on this space, you can either pay 200$ or you can pay 10% of your money to the yeshiva (of course you cant pay all the tuition, you're in kollel)

Wife Expenses (equivalent to luxury tax): When landing on this space you pay 75$ automatic to the bank.

Mazal and communities chest (that's right, take all the community funds for your kollel lifestyle): If you land on one of these spaces you pick up a card. Some may tell you "the community put pressure on you to learn and not work, go directly to kollel do not collect 200$ kollel paycheck" or "shvigger dies you inherit 100$" or "section 8 govt fund didn't come this month, pay for each yeshiva 100$ (remember yeshivos are in basements)" or "Rav gives you brachah you had children, pay 100$ hospital fee" or "tzedakah collector comes by and gives you sob story, pay 15$ (poor tax)".

Coffee works, Electric company, and Cities (equivalent to railroads): The cities are Kiryas yoel, Williamsburg, Lakewood and Bnei brak. The cities combine to make a big impact when together, same for coffee works ( to run your coffee rooms, obviously) and electric company (you aint paying the bill).

The object of the game is to live in a kollel lifestyle, and yet still manage to own the whole board. Have fun playing.

If you have any questions, any suggestions for a future game, or in need of more information visit us at PBJews.com

DO YOU HAVE SHEMA OCD?

2009-05-17T22:46:00.000-04:00

There I was in a shul, ma'ariv had approached and we had started shema. I said it as any normal person would say it. The guy a few seats next to me was a different story; he was going at the shema for approximately 10 minutes, as the books title, he was praying with fire. I was in middle of ending my shemonah esray, when this guy finished his shema. I didn't need to be a doctor to diagnose this guy, he has Shema OCD. He didn't just need to say every word once, but 7 or 8 times. I don't understand why one would have such a behavior? Does this guy know some sort of kabbalistic segulah, or something, that says to repeat every word of shema till you've had enough? Do you have any clue what it is, or is it just the symptoms of Shema OCD? I know I have been going on and on about OCD and Jews, but maybe its really true.

TAKE A GUESS

2009-05-14T23:36:00.000-04:00

Today is another day that goes by. Everything just seems to fit into place, but yet its all run from above. No this is not a some mussar post so hold your horses. We walk in we walk out, everything is always happening. A cloud comes into a clear blue sky and it always brings more. I hope you get the point by now.

The whole world expects something to change, but yet it doesn't. Everything takes time, as they say. The only thing that can change things quickly is when there are fights, when people make drastic moves, that's when things begin to pick up the pace. If Israel would attack Iran today, and won a war instantly, the whole world would take Iran's oil, and then go after Israel and somehow change the shape of it as we know it, to something smaller, all because things happen quickly when there is a war. This would have happened in a few decades rather than months which is what I was referring to.

Also for some odd reason my mind runs quickly when I have absolutely nothing to post about, so take a guess why I wrote what I did, because even I didn't know what I was going to write a few seconds before it was on the screen.

THE CUSTODIAN

2009-05-13T23:40:00.000-04:00

Every Yeshiva has one of these guys, okay a few of them. They do back breaking labor and get paid worse than the rebbeim, which, by the way, is almost nothing. The kids in the Yeshiva cant really relate to them, because the rebbeim are constantly saying, "If you don't learn you'll end up like the shvartza janitors here", or, "So lets say shmerel had a cow, then Steve the guyishe janitor stole it.....", so the kids think of them as low lives. Some of them may be on crack all day long, but others just really cant get a better job. Every Yeshiva runs on these guys, and they are neglected.

In a Public school, life is probably better. The kids can relate to them. They can play their music, unlike in a yeshiva which forbids all outside music (for the record lipa is outside). No teachers are degrading them. They are treated like humans who have a life, rather than something who is just needed to mop the floors.

The children speak to them normally, not like in many yeshvos where the kids speak to them as if they are retarded, for example: Custodian: "Are you done here?" Yeshiva Kid: "Now no. We done here in few minutes, okay". A normal public school kid would have said "in five minutes".

Being a yeshiva custodian is one of the worst jobs ever, I wouldn't be surprised if in the news you hear a story of a janitor massacring a bunch in a yeshiva .

AN ALMOST TRUE NEWS REPORT

2009-05-12T11:44:00.000-04:00

Shalom, and welcome to another edition of Mike Tonight, I am your host Mike in M. as always thank you for tuning in.

In recent news such sites like Vos iz neias and Yeshivah world, have been banned by local authorities. Until recently, reports were unclear as to why the sites were closed down, due to the fact that we get our news from these sites. But in an exclusive interview with an anonymous rabbi, we made the unclear, clear. "To have a yiddishe owned site is a chilul hashem, what will the goyim say if they found out we were using their Internet? nu? and all de machloikesim these sites create is anti yiddishkeit. They are constantly coming up with new halchos in their coffee rooms. I don't even understand how you can have a coffee room in the Internet? who supplies it?" said the anonymous rabbi.

Our very own David Spiegler, is out in the streets giving us live feed from everyday people. David: "Yes Mike, as you can tell this was a big shock to the local Jewish community. It seems to me that we have some very mixed opinions about this recent event. Everyday person: "Its about time they shut down some treife sites like these, anything we do to pure ourselves of sites like these is hashems will". "While another person, Mike, had some other ideas". Other person: "Why would the rabbonim ban such a site? I was commenting on YWN and preaching how we should listen to the rabbonim with no questions asked, but why did they close the site? it was kuloi toirah". (David asking other person) "Do you think that YWN created machloikisim between yidden?". Other person: "Of course it did, who did you think I was yelling at in the coffee room? only the non believers who believe its okay to be commenting on the Internet". David Spiegler: "As you can see some of the views of the people are confusing, as seen with the last one interviewed".

Thank you David. There is yet to be a comment made by the creaters of the sites There are a minority of Rabbis who suggest that they allow the sites to remain open, because they are afraid of the other places the people will get their news from.

I am Mike in M. and good night. dunt dunt dunt dunt dunnunununt (background music).

I WAS THINKING

2009-05-10T22:30:00.002-04:00

Yes, occasionally I do that. What would happen in four years from now? and I don't mean flying cars and living on the moon, or a planet with no oil and no trees. I mean what kind of an election will take place? Obama running verse who? Giuliani? Who will everyone vote for Obama or the republican candidate. Will Obama make another million promises he cant keep and claim change from himself, or will he lose because he already made all the promises and didn't change at all. So I was thinking, what will happen?

THEY WERE RIGHT

2009-05-08T00:21:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to visit the infamous coffee room of YWN, for the very first time. I knew I would find something interesting. The commenter Pashuteh Yid is highlighted in red.

"Slits being a problem has no basis in halacha. The requirement is that the knees and above be covered at all times. Most people feel that you need an extra few inches so that the knees are covered when sitting, as well. So any slit that ends 3 inches below the knees is totally fine, as the entire skirt could end there. Anyting you do below the 3 inch line is OK. You can have a slit, you can have elaborate cutouts, you can eliminate everything, you can cover down to your toes, you can embroider a picture of your dog, whatever you do is fine, as long as everything is covered above the 3 inch point.
We have enough halachas, why invent new ones? "

I do like his last sentence, pretty smart. The next commenter, Why do I even bother (his name), is highlighted in maroon.

"Pashuteh Yid, I will let the others jump down your throat, but I do have to say that your comment is one of the dumbest, narrow minded comments I have read. Most people at least say that "My rav told me this" or "In my community this is acceptable". You just went and paskened your (wrong) opinion..."

I love what this guy wrote, he actually wrote one of the dumbest, most narrow minded comments Ive ever read. He actually cares how a person presents his case; rather, than on the facts he states, and he called him wrong, and poshiter yid was clearly right. But not to worry, another comment was made in the coffee room, one that was seen coming for miles, highlighted in orange and written by chuck schwabb (not the company).

"The total lack of tznius today is a terrible machla on us. We need to do a lot to alleviate this tznius crisis. Anything towards that goal, is highly commendable. "

Ahhh.... that was refreshing, I was just itching to hear something like that (what I actually guessed someone would say is "Untznius people are causing the swine flu epidemic, yidden listen to your father in heavens message").

I was told, countless times, that if I checked it out I would find something, turns out they were right. I will now coin a new phrase "Never underestimate the stupidity of a YWN commenter". Good Night.

FRUM APIKORSIM

2009-05-06T23:56:00.000-04:00

Another short post ;)

It just so happens to be that a real machmir rabbi, who is lubavitch, wrote in his new sefer, "Anyone who believes the Rebbe is mashiach is an apikoris (apikoris comes from the name Epicurus, who was a Greek philosopher who believed to do as the heart desires, which goes against the Jewish religions philosophy)". This poses a great problem for many lubbies, do they risk being called an apikoris, or do they give up the messianic crap. I assume that most of them will give it up easily, because who wants to be a Frum apikoris, its better to be an apikoris who gets all the benefits of this world, so they will stay Frum. Then there are the guys that call up the Jewish radio stations, and tell hosts like Zev Brenner, that 770 is the new beis hamikdash, they wont give up so easily.

What I really like about this is that, it came right in time for lag Ba'omer, when all the Lubavs who promote the messianic claims are out recruiting. Now instead of just telling them they're crazy, I can tell them they're apikorsim. Thank you Rabbi, being machmir cant always hurt.

In what ways will this new ruling help you? Help you shut up lubby messianic missionaries? or steal aliyos from them because apikorsim aren't allowed to have one? or even maybe allow yourself to finally detach from this way of life. What ever it may be, tell.

YOU-TOPIA

2009-05-05T23:59:00.000-04:00

Many times people come up with philosophies of what they think the world should be like. They use all their methods of persuasion just to get people to agree with them, if they go really far they try implementing their ideas into society. Some people want equalness to its fullest, with people not judging one another based on how they look, but whats on the inside, and there will be no crimes committed, and everyone will be understanding of one another. Others want a world where the stupid are enslaved, or another race is enslaved (that's called racism). Religious people want a world where everyone serves G-d, for the sake of g-d, and for some the opposite (not believing in g-d).

People are just trying to change the world to be, what they consider, a perfect place in their minds (for example: Karl Marx). Now its great that you want a perfect world, but think, will you be able to live in your utopia? You have problems; you get angry, you're not always understanding, you don't always judge people favorably, you're stupid at times, you're not always religious at times, you might push someone out of the way just because you want to, because of this you wont even be able to live in your perfect society you dreamed of. Having a utopia is impossible if you live in it (and everyone else is perfect), you do one thing wrong and you're teaching others to act the same way, thereby disrupting the utopia.

A utopia can never be succeeded, because for a world to exist it needs flexibility and some breaking of the rules, due to us and are not so consistent lifestyles.

YOUR COUNTING ON IT

2009-05-04T23:59:00.001-04:00

It was the second night of Pesach when you decided to embark on this mission. You thought to yourself, "This year is going to be the one, I'm going to make it all the way, I am going to count sefirah all 49 days". So the first night you are as pumped as people are for megillah leining. You make that brachah loud and clear so that everyone, within a 3 mile radius, should hear. You felt so great that you counted with such a geshmak that night, you wished you can count every night.

From then on you made sure to keep with every halachah and minhug that their was. You made sure that if someone asked what day it was, you can answer with "last night was this and this". Every time they told you to daven for the amud, you jumped at the chance for everyone to hear your brachah. You would go with a fire, and scream "Baruch....... Hayom yom..... Ba'omer!!!!", you didn't care whether anyone was shouting at you that you said Ba'omer and not La'omer, or that the brachah took 12 minutes altogether, you went on.

But it came the closing days of sefirah, and you were wondering what would happen if you said it everyday, with a brachah. You asked your local rabbi about what would happen. He told you that you just were mikaim a mitzvah, and then its over. That night you were thinking about it "I am counting for something, right? then the counting must end, soon. The rabbi is right it will be over. No more counting till next year!?!". But you loved counting so much, you could have been hired by sesame street to be the count, that this hurt you. Instant fear gripped your mind. You run out of shul screaming in the street "yidden yidden!!! you cant count sefirah in a few days, these are precious times don't waste them!!!". You go over to one fellow and say "Tonight is the 46th night, don't forget that and don't stop counting!!!". You leave the fellow thinking your crazy, then you realize you just said sefirah one night without a brachah (saying tonight is whatever, is considered counting and you cant make the brachah that night).

If you thought you lost it before, now you really did, you missed a night with a brachah!!!! Your heart begins to pound, you start sweating, as if someone is about to kill you. Your panicking, what will you do? "All is lost" you think to yourself "All those nights I kept up with it and now I missed it, everything sucks!". You pass out from all the tension you have caused yourself.

You find yourself days later in a hospital, hooked up to an IV. You ask the first Jewish person you see what day it is, they tell two days after Shavous. "AFTER SHAVOUS" you say, "But that means I completely missed 3 whole days of counting!!". You take a few short breaths, the pressure of not counting now plus missing counting before, creates the flat line sound of your cardiac monitor (in other words, your'e dead).

FINDING LIFE

2009-05-03T23:15:00.001-04:00

I find this story truly amazing, about a Jamaican man who converted to Judaism, His name is Yoesf Robinson. At the beginning of his life he was like any other black Jamaican kid, he was raised by his grandmother until he was able to come to America, to live with his parents. Eventually life led him down the wrong path, and he got into drug dealing, and other such "businesses". At one point he was a hip hopper in Hollywood. Later he found Judaism, and converted. He is now an orthodox Jew living in Brooklyn. I found some videos about him, and how he grew up Here, Here, and Here.

I find his story to be very inspiring.

MUM

2009-05-02T23:41:00.000-04:00

After realizing that there wasn't enough labels for people, they decided to come up with a new one, Modern Unorthodox Machmir. These people are not like the modern orthodox machmir, like anyone really knows what that is to begin with, or like regular unorthodox. They are a group of people that decided that they are unorthodox, but are machmir in some cases, making them the new, or modern, unorthodox and machmir.

Well not anyone can just be Modern Unorthodox Machmir, you have to keep to a set of rules from that are derabanan and ignore the rest of which are deoraisah. For example; they will drive to shul on shabbos, they only eat the shmurah matzoh, but dip their McDonalds french fries in saltwater, they eat only chulent that was heated on the blech, but yet turn on and off lights on shabbos.

But they aren't just machmir on the derabanans like saying sefirah, they are also machmir on environmental issues as well. They are warned about the 11th commandment "though shall not have a massive carbon footprint". Weekly sermons from Rabbi Rebecca, and her husband Reverend Davis, at the local shul, are constantly reminding the kehillah about the need to keep the planet clean, and are putting bans on new products that falsely claim to save the environment, every day. Therefore the community of MUM's will only have one child, use recycled paper and strap themselves to trees all over the world.

The life of an MUM is a tough one, only the most Machmir of Jews are zocheh to enter their sect of Judaism.

BUT ITS KOSHER

2009-04-28T23:55:00.000-04:00

We all know to keep ourselves clean, and to protect ourselves from catching this virus called the swine flu. Even though this is a major problem and concern for everyone, a member of the knesset, who was chareidi, decided to first let you know that you shouldn't call it "swine flu" because swine means pig and pigs aren't kosher, before he said what we should do to protect ourselves; and instead let everyone know he decided to call it the Mexico flu, because that's so much better.

This so called problem of naming something after something that's not kosher, is just too weird, so its not kosher, but its not like we are eating the non kosher item by calling it that name, nor will we be tempted to eat non-kosher just because it has the same name. This problem does not only exist in this case, there has been times where I heard people complaining about animal crackers. Yes, animal crackers that are shaped as horses, or rabbits, maybe a lion and a bear, were scrutinized for being non kosher animals, even though the product was kosher. These people were afraid that we are teaching kids to eat non kosher animals, I think Peta has a better claim than them, teaching kids to kill animals through biting off their limbs, there is more of a chance of that than eating real non-kosher animals.

Ill end this with one question for those people out there who are afraid to name things after non kosher items, "Weren't the shivatim compared to lions, wolves, snakes, donkeys, and those aren't kosher animals?". I seem to think the question answers are problem, and there is no need to be afraid, for whatever reason. So instead, get up there and tell us how to protect ourselves, not how to be more stringent.

SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE, I CANT SOLVE THAT PHRASE

2009-04-27T23:59:00.000-04:00

We are warned about the shidduch crisis, and all it creates, everyday; whether it be from the yated or mishpachah, the Jewish press, or even our very own Frum Single Female. How many people think they have an answer to it? raise you hands (or press shift on your keyboard 5 times). Well if you are raising your hand or pressed shift 5 times, you made a big mistake (raising your hand is stupid because no one can see through your computer screen, and pressing you shift key that many times will show a sign on your monitor asking you if you want sticky keys).

Reason number one why you made a mistake: The shidduch crisis is based on people. People are human if you didn't know, and humans make mistakes. People make mistakes thinking that, someone who thinks slightly different then them is completely out of the question, and not even worth checking out to see if its a potential marriage. Of course this, as any other human perspective, evolved, it grew from the fact that shadchanim exist. Shadchanim are simply people who tried to fit everyone in a box, if you don't fit into the box you are outside the box, and not worthy enough to be set up with people on the inside of it, simple enough. But the idea expanded, not only did they just make a box, they made it really hard to get into, the slightest of "deficiencies" is going to get you kicked out; if you were once a yeshivah rebel, or you wear blue shirts, or maybe you work, or you have plastic at the shabbos table, if you're a girl you may be to smart, whatever the case maybe your out. Then the idea grew so big it became a crisis within itself, like an epidemic that started out as a flu vaccination, it wasn't originally meant to harm, now everyone is judging who's in this box and in one of three other boxes with every glance, its not just shadchanim. How do you stop an evolving crisis that cant be killed from its source a.k.a. the shadchan, I don't know.

Answer number 2 why you made a mistake: who wants sticky keys anyway? I like mine nice and clean. You shouldnt have pressed shift 5 times just because I said so, I wouldnt have known if you did either way, but if you really think you do have an answer you can leave a comment with your idea.

So the answer is, SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE is not possible, its to complicated and is therefore unsolvable, because if it were to be solved it wouldnt be unsolvable.